EP# 219 What happened to saying no and it being okay.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How are you doing, Tina?

Tina (: 00:07

I am doing well Rob. Just got done with my last event for the baskets that I was selling and life could get a little more chill. Isn't Christmas in just a couple weeks? So now it's Blitz to get that done. Yeah!

Robb (: 00:09

Alright.

Yes. Yeah, I put up my tree yesterday. It's still. It still needs stuff though. It's just the tree and lights and all I have for it is balls.

Tina (: 00:31

my cousin bought a new one, so we have not put it up yet.

Robb (: 00:42

So So I'm not sure what I'm gonna do Like I've seen some of my friends trees Man, and it makes me just not want to put one up because like they're bitching like they got garland all over them and fucking they're nine feet tall and No, she put up this tree Tina and like

Tina (: 00:53

Why?

Tina (: 01:01

Okay, but let me ask you, how neurotic are these people that have that freaking Christmas tree?

Robb (: 01:09

40 minutes, all of it. It was absurd. But you could tell she had done it a bunch of times, like, but like it was bitchin', it was fucking huge, it was nine feet tall. It was just super cool. So like, and, but I will tell you that she's not neurotic, but I have seen Beavils Houses that are the most neurotic, nutty, Christmassy, my old boss.

Tina (: 01:16

Of course.

Robb (: 01:39

And I bless her heart. I love her to death. My old boss, we would go to her house and do work. if she needed something done, she was the alarm business. She used her texts to do her stuff at home. You know, she needed something done. We went over there and did it. That's just, I ran pipe underground outside. I did all kinds of crazy shit that was not in my job description, needless to say. She had...

Tina (: 01:42

you

Tina (: 02:02

What?

Robb (: 02:09

two giant Christmas trees that were real. They got a giant Christmas tree, two of them every single year. And I mean big, like 12, 13 feet. Because she loved Christmas. She had two full-sized nutcrackers when you walk through the door. And I mean full-size, like six, seven feet tall. Yeah, it was bananas. like the Christmas tree I'm talking about is like...

Tina (: 02:20

Why?

Tina (: 02:27

You

What?

Robb (: 02:37

It's just really pretty and it's tall and has garland and like I said, she did it in like 40 minutes. Like it was just crazy. But so I finally did it. I have some balls that I'm going to put on mine. I think I'm going to go over to like the like Dollar Tree or one of those like places like that. I mean, that's really all we have here. But I think there's a new place over by my house called Savers.

Tina (: 03:07

never heard of it.

Robb (: 03:07

Yeah, me either. I heard they're from out of state, so I'm gonna roll in there. I'm gonna see if there's like some garland or something I can throw around it and kind of spruce it up. I'm just glad that my dog doesn't try to eat it. That's like the best part. What's he said?

Tina (: 03:20

Yeah, we-

We've never had a tree since we've gotten our cat. We actually, I gotta say, we haven't had any decorations up for Christmas since my mom passed and it's been 14 years. So we're, doing it this year and I'm concerned because my cat or actually dad's cat is into everything. And so I'm like, how is she going to do? We may not have any decorations on the tree when she's done with it, but we're starting off with a small tree and

Robb (: 03:33

yeah. That's your cat, right?

Tina (: 03:57

but she doesn't know this. She thinks she's mine. She follows me everywhere. As a matter of fact, she was scratching on the door for like 10 minutes because I shut her out so that I could do the podcast. She was not having it. So I had to open the door, let her in, and she's laying next to me sleeping.

Robb (: 03:58

Yeah, I, when I came to turn everything on the my dog was sleeping on my son's bed.

And then I had passed out like watching TV and then I was like, shit, I better get up because I have to go do it. And then I had to remember that I defeat him. So as soon as I fed him, I started getting ready in here and he just came and laid down on the floor. He's sleeping as well. So yeah, I think it was just everyone who needed a little nap. know, so and it's kind of going to go into what we talk about today, because, you know, I

Tina (: 04:40

Nice.

Robb (: 04:55

I was thinking, and again, I don't know where I come up with these subjects. I watch a bunch of other stuff on YouTube and I kind of write stuff down. But this one is going to be today is whatever happened to saying no and being in it being okay. And here we are, we said no to our animals and they're both sitting in the room sleeping.

Tina (: 05:20

We need to start working on this a little bit,

Robb (: 05:23

Right, I think that there is something to that, right? And for me, and probably for you too, but you know, she's gone and moved out. like my kid, it's really hard to say no to him, even though I'm getting better at it. Because like sometimes he'll say something or he knows that if I go to get lunch, he'll I'll generally buy him stuff and

I'm trying to do my best to kind of not do that every time so he has some kind of responsibility. that being said, I just think that it is super duper difficult to say no to people or generally. And it's getting worse, right?

We were talking before we came on here, I don't want to disparage people, but I know people really close to me that just have a problem saying no. And that means to family, to friends, to bosses, where, you know, I remember her kids.

Tina (: 06:32

Mmm.

Robb (: 06:49

Would just drop off their children out of nowhere No, and and I think that it you know it wore on her like over and over and over and and and like I know that it was bothering her because she would tell me and And this has nothing to do with her not wanting to see her grandkids that had nothing to do with it she loved to see her grandkids and and You know

Tina (: 06:55

Yeah, that's not cool.

Robb (: 07:19

But I think it was more of the, I'm gonna use this word kind of harshly, but I don't know if it's the only one I can think of, the disrespect of not calling before or not asking if she had something to do. Because I think, and I guess from what she had told me, there were things that she had already had plans for. Yeah, and now she, on some of the things, she had to shut her down. Because it was like,

Tina (: 07:29

Right.

Tina (: 07:40

What?

Robb (: 07:47

a company Christmas party or, you know, was like, I've made plans to do this. I can't get out of it, but I will say that she did say yes a lot just because that's who she is. Right. Which look, I, there is something to that. Like there's a good quality of that. Like she's a good friend and a good neighbor and a, you know, a good mom. And so there's

Tina (: 08:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:17

I don't want to say that saying no is a bad thing or a good thing. But I think in today's modern society, we have a problem with saying no. And that goes for to our own parents, To our mate.

to our friends because I think we think that there's repercussions to it.

Robb (: 08:57

I think mostly with relationship surgery percussions to it because if you say no to something they take it so personally and it's hard right?

Tina (: 09:20

I think it's hard. It depends though because there are certain times you just have to say no. Like you just don't want to be put in a situation that they're...

Tina (: 09:33

That you do say no like why would you put yourself in a situation? It's not gonna cut it for you, but Practice what you preach Tina because I've been in that situation so many times. I don't you know I don't even want to talk about

Robb (: 09:46

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 09:53

Yeah, I-

Tina (: 09:53

I don't know.

Go ahead.

Robb (: 09:56

I think that when you say no to your mate, there's, how do I want to say it and be nice about it? I just think that those type of things add up and are brought up later. So,

You end up with With You know tallies against you You know so and and look if it's habitual There's a problem. Anyway, if you're saying no every time to something like you want to go to dinner with my parents if you want, you know you know shouldn't be the general answer because if then you shouldn't be with your mate if

Tina (: 10:33

Yeah.

Robb (: 10:54

If that's boy. Look. I think that there is. Yes, you can say no to sex, but I think that it has to be talked about. Like why? And if it's habitual, there's a bigger problem.

Tina (: 10:55

How about notice sex? You think that that should be, yeah, the sea? Let's talk about that.

Tina (: 11:22

Yeah.

Robb (: 11:26

Because then it becomes a part where it's like, you know, why if you're if you're not attracted to them anymore, then then there's I can understand why. Right. But then you just need to get out of the relationship like and I'm in like if it's a marriage thing, that's a whole other problem. But I also think that.

You have to be if you're with a mate who has a incredibly high sex drive And i'm talking like incredibly high like once at every day every single day Do you should you have an out? Absolutely Like you you should be able to be like no i'm just not in the movie

Tina (: 12:18

Yes, however, if you know that you're if your person's sex drive is that high, you should work at working with that too.

Robb (: 12:22

I agree. So let's say, let's say you've been going seven days a week for a month and you want a day off and you just don't want to have sex today. I think that's fair. That's not like it.

Tina (: 12:44

Well, yeah. But I think the bigger problem is that from what I see, seems like men especially, they want sex because that's how they find connection. That's how they they find their intimacy. I believe that it's I believe that in a relationship

Robb (: 12:54

Hmm.

Tina (: 13:10

You should be able to give that to them daily. But the thing is is if you can't have sex with them every day, you got to find a way to make them feel close and wanted so that if they're not getting the sex, they're still OK. But it seems like women are like, God, you just want sex. All you want is sex from me. And then they push them away and they don't try to bridge the gap. And I think that that's so I see that so often right now. And men are.

Robb (: 13:33

I agree. Like I said, think that there's, there's a.

Tina (: 13:38

It's not fair to them because they want to be close and that's how they know to connect and they're not getting that connection and it's building walls. It's funny that it's coming up now because I'm seeing it often these days.

Robb (: 14:00

There's a point for both sides, okay? You should have a healthy sexual relationship. Okay? Whatever that is. That's one time a week is for some people and four times a week is healthy for other people. I think there's a lot to be said to that. I also think that you're correct. There is a certain kind of intimacy.

Tina (: 14:02

Yeah.

Tina (: 14:09

Absolutely.

Robb (: 14:30

that both sides need. If you're a dude and you like to cuddle, you better be with somebody who likes to cuddle. Like you, these are things that are, think that should be coming out in the, know, early, early dating stages, right? Because if you're saying no to cuddling, you're done.

Tina (: 14:41

Yeah.

Robb (: 14:58

That should be the simplest thing. If you're saying no to holding hands. You're done like these are certain things that. I think there should be no, there should be no no to like. You know these are the simplest of things of or like. Again, I think that there's a time and place for everything. It's it's kind of like messing around in the kitchen.

You know, if you walk by and you smack your girl's butt, like there's a time and place for it. If, she's got hot food in her hand, you probably shouldn't do it. But yes, I think, but I think that there is a, you know, that's healthy. That's still wanting to touch your mate. That's if you walk by and you put your hands on her hips, just to put your hands on her hips. These are, these are intimate moments that, make up for the lack of that sexual drive that you may or may not have.

Tina (: 15:55

Yes.

Robb (: 15:58

So, yes, you can say no to sex. It shouldn't be habitual. And I think that you as adults should be able to talk to your mate and say, hey, this is what I'm looking for. This is what I think healthy is. What do you think healthy is? And meet in the middle, right? These are things that keep healthy relationships alive. But I think that if it's something

And then I'll give you the bad side of it where a guy let's say a guy has this Crazy sex drive. He wants it every day. It's like look Do do you just lay there and then feel like? You know, it's it's a chore Where it should feel more? Like it's a together thing. I think that this is where the the yes and no's come into thing and

It's no different than it becoming out of hand, the no part. Because here's the thing, I have heard, yes, like male friends of mine who said, it's like breaking into Fort Knox to have sex with their wife. No, that's a huge problem.

Tina (: 17:18

Yeah, that's not good.

Robb (: 17:23

So the no and yes things, yes, there's a problem.

Tina (: 17:28

I think that what happens is men and women when they're together for long period of time, they go their own way and they don't have the connection. They don't reconnect. They don't try to connect. They don't have that time for just the two of them between the two of them. And that causes kind of a rift that just keeps...

pulling further and further apart. And when there's not the intimacy, when people forget that they're supposed to be friends on top of lovers, like that this is my best friend, and they quit thinking that way, then it seems like the sex drive is the first thing to go.

Robb (: 18:00

You

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:12

Correct. I absolutely believe what you just said. Like the basis of anything should be friendship. Period. If you're not friends first, because it's like I always tell people it's like this and we can all argue until we're blue in the face. But at some point the sex is going to stop. Whatever by, let's say it's age or whatever it is.

Tina (: 18:17

Yeah.

Robb (: 18:40

You know, you want a mate that you can walk around on the beach with holding hands and still feel that there's intimacy.

Tina (: 18:50

that that's your person.

Robb (: 18:52

Yeah, so, but part of that is the growing part before it. So yes, if you, if all I hear is no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm going to want to leave. I'm not going to want to be part of that. I'm not going to want to at all be with that person.

But I also don't want to be, I also don't want to feel like I'm being, I'm just a sex doll. Assuming, you know, like coming from the female side. It's like you can't.

Tina (: 19:25

You know, there's a couple people I wouldn't have mind just being a sex doll.

Robb (: 19:30

I get, look, I think when you're younger, it's a lot of fun. But here's the thing. If, if there's no relationship outside of the bedroom, then inside the bedroom is a horrible experience. So I think that that's kind of where I'm saying that there's a problem where if that's all the relationship is, is sex for one person.

Tina (: 19:46

Yeah, it is. Totally is.

Robb (: 19:58

and then outside of the bedroom it's just fucking cats and dogs and arguing and horrible times, then your relationship cannot be based around sex. So saying no I think is okay. But I also think it's okay to say no in a casual relationship. I just think that it can't be every single day. It's kind of like loaning money to people, right? Like at some point,

Tina (: 20:09

Thank

Robb (: 20:28

how many times can you go to the well, even if they pay you back, right? It's to the point where you just have to go, can't do it right now. And it's not that they're not gonna pay you back because they paid you back the 10 times before. It's saying no for the thing of you gotta get your shit together. Like I can't be, I'm not the bank. And I think that that happens a lot with

People who have Narcotic issues, right? You know, they're always gonna come to you asking for some kind of money. They're like, do have this? I need this, I need this. And where does the, where does it end? So you have to say no at some point because you know where it's going and then you're not helping them on the other side of it.

It's like sure I can give you a hundred bucks, but you're just gonna go get high and then I'm not helping that situation either. It's kind of like the homeless people, when they're begging for change on the outside, you know they're just gonna go get high with it. So I say no 99 % of the time. But I do say, hey, you want a burger? I'll give you some food.

Tina (: 21:46

Right?

Robb (: 21:52

I'd rather feed people because I know they're going to eat it because they need that, you know, then they're not going to rush out and go grab a 40 across the street. Which is kind of funny because just on a side note, we had to teach my son's girlfriend what a eight ball of beer was. Because she didn't know what it was, you know, like a 40 of eight ball, like old English 800.

Tina (: 22:04

That's true.

Tina (: 22:14

What's an eight ball of beer?

Robb (: 22:21

She didn't know what it was. Yeah, so we had to, no, no, no, no. We just had to explain to her what it was. was kind of, because like my boy knows from like old NWA songs and like old hip hop what it is. So was kind of Yeah. So for me, I think part of that, of saying no and being okay with it is to use that at the right times.

Tina (: 22:21

I didn't know that either. Did she drink it?

Tina (: 22:35

yeah? Huh.

Robb (: 22:50

Where and look saying no can cause a earthquake riff in the world, right? If you say no, it's a wrong. It's like, you know, I'll give you the married example. You know, the the parents are coming in from out of town and everyone's going to go to dinner, but you don't feel like going. So you say no, that's probably not a good idea. Right?

Tina (: 23:17

Yeah, you gotta be there for family stuff. You're in it together.

Robb (: 23:20

Right. Right, exactly. Now there's also the hit and miss on like you and your mate have ate dinner and then an old friend calls you and says, hey, we're in town, come out to dinner with us. And it's like, okay, and then we're going to go to a restaurant. It happened to me and...

I was like, she's like, Hey, let's go out and go to the restaurant. And I'm like, yeah, but we just ate. It's like, I don't want to go there and sit in a restaurant, not ordering anything. I it just, I felt weird. I'd rather go to a bar and get drinks because that, that at least is more, you know, I just felt weird and you know, looking back on it, it, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but

You know, should you say no? I don't know. It's a new relationship. Do I want to say no to it? Probably not. Because, you you want to keep the peace with any relationship. Sure. Yeah.

Tina (: 24:23

Yeah, but you know what I found even more so is I don't want people to go if they don't want to be there because I don't want them to screw up my time So somebody's really not feeling it. I'll be like let me not push you to come with me. I I'm see you later

Robb (: 24:39

And like I said, I think that there's, there is a time limit on that, right? How many times can you do that? You can't. Correct. Absolutely. And I think that it's kind of like saying no to.

Tina (: 24:49

Well, you shouldn't want to do it too many times. If it's your mate, you should want to be with your mate. You should want to encourage them to have a life and encourage their life too.

Robb (: 25:10

You're older children. Let's say you're like older children. It's, I do my best to do things or go and I'll give you an example. The other day I'm, I'm off. It's Friday. Kind of tired. My son comes in the room. It's like, dude, this movie's out. You want to go with me today?

Deep down inside, I didn't want to go. I was like, no, not really. I'm fucking tired. I really don't want to go. He's like, come on, let's go, let's go. And then I ended up going and had a good time. But what comes with that too is the other part of it. Like I know I got to leave early. We got to go get food. Like all these things kind of roll together. But I...

Tina (: 25:46

you

Tina (: 26:02

Right.

Robb (: 26:04

I think that in my previous relationships, I probably said no too much. Oh yeah, absolutely. Mostly in my marriage. It's like you can. It's like, I don't want to do that shit. And I think that that probably hurt me more. You know, in my relationship long run, just because it got too easy to say no all the time. And

Tina (: 26:12

really?

Tina (: 26:33

Yep.

Robb (: 26:33

it shouldn't be that easy to say no. You should want to go do things and and I think even with with relationships that aren't you know if if you're in a new relationship and you're already looking for a way out there's probably a problem. You know what mean?

Tina (: 26:53

Yeah. But I, so, okay, so let me ask you this. Do you think that parents should tell their kids no? Yes, a lot. A lot.

Robb (: 27:03

Absolutely. I think kids should definitely... you should say no to your kids for a lot of reasons. For one, the world is going to say no to you all the fucking time. That's just reality. I know people hate to hear that shit, but it's the truth. You know, at some point, yes, the world is going to say no to you. And you might as well get used to it now.

Tina (: 27:20

Yep, there you go.

Robb (: 27:34

But, you know, mean, look, like I said, I think there's a time and place for everything. I definitely think that you should, you should say no to them when you know that no is the right thing to do. It's like, you know, sending your kid out,

Tina (: 27:34

I agree.

Robb (: 28:06

to a party when they're young and you're like, hey, don't fuck around. Don't do nothing stupid. Don't do this, don't do that. And you have a bad feeling about it for whatever reason. Say no. The world is going to keep turning long run. Do you know what I mean? It's just going to be okay.

But I think that look, I've already seen it with my son and how they handle being told no by a job. And they just don't know how to comprehend it. It's amazing to watch their brain spark as they don't understand why they can't go do something. They're like, that's dumb. It's like, okay, yeah.

I've had to giggle at him. He was like, that's stupid. What do you want me to tell you? Like, yeah, it's pretty, that's pretty stupid. And we just got to keep on going. That's just the reality of the world. And that's, I think the harder part is them understanding that they're, they're just

Tina (: 29:04

Hmm.

Robb (: 29:26

Life is never going to be easy. So get them used to it now. No, it's not. But what I'm trying to say is that it's just not. So you have to start thinking about it now. So yeah, I say no to them, it. But again, I think you have to say no to a lot of things.

Tina (: 29:30

It's not meant to be easy.

Tina (: 29:46

Yeah.

Robb (: 29:55

Like I think as I got older, like I say no to work all the time. Like if I'm, and again, I work for somebody or I work for a company where like if I don't wanna do overtime, I say no, like no, I'm good. And it's funny to watch even their brains fucking tweak out. They're like, what do mean? I am.

I work by the hour, bro. I've already put in my aid. I don't have to work. You have to ask me if I want to do overtime. If I say no, you have to stay. That's just welcome to the reality. Now, and look, I do my best as an employee. I just think that you have to, you have to decide what life is about.

I guess maybe it's because I'm older now. I'm just like time with people is way more important. Like, I don't care that I'm not rich or I don't need to make a shit ton of money. I want to be happy. And I think that sometimes you have to say no to people to be happy.

Tina (: 31:14

Absolutely.

Robb (: 31:15

So, you know, that's just reality. you know, I started doing it a little bit early in life. I think maybe with my mom, because my mom was, she was a Spitfire. I think I've told the story on here before, but I came home one time from work and she had redone my whole living room. Like everything, just moved everything. All the furniture, TV, everything. Just fucking moved it. And she's like, yeah, I thought it looked better like this. And I went, no.

put it back and she lost her shit. It was like, what do mean? Put it back. I don't like it like this. I had it that way for a reason. Secondly, I'm not 10. Like you don't get to go in my room and change it. Like I wanted this the way it was. And the next day it was back to normal. But I think that was the first time that she kind of realized like I'm a grown man. And when I say no, I mean no.

Tina (: 31:48

Mmm.

Robb (: 32:18

So I think as people and again, I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. It should never be easy. You know, but you should be able to say no. That means to your parents, your kid, your mate, your job. Whoever. Person on the street comes up to you and says, hey, can you help me with this? No. If you don't want to, don't do it.

Because I think those are the things that will plague you long run. But if it's a kid or a parent or a mate, you have to be able to back up that up. You can't say no for no reason. You can, but like I said, how many times can you do that? You know what I mean?

Tina (: 33:04

Well, you just say I'm not feeling it. Like, that should be enough.

Tina (: 33:14

Yeah Well, how many times should you want to though? Let's be honest like if it's your mate and and you love them and stuff like you shouldn't be Saying you shouldn't want to be saying no like that. It's just I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so

Robb (: 33:15

to where it becomes like, wait a second. Mm-hmm. No, I think you're 100 % correct. You're 100 % correct. You should not be wanting to say no. There's a larger problem long run.

Tina (: 33:38

And if you're saying, there's a problem.

Tina (: 33:44

Right? I just, I don't know. I look back at my marriage even and when we were going through stuff there was a lot of no going on. But it didn't help our marriage. It didn't help bridge the gap. It didn't help our relationship. It didn't help anything. We should have not said no to any of that and worked on that.

Robb (: 33:44

Correct. You

Tina (: 34:11

instead of anything else. And then I think that life would have been 10 times better in the relationship. But we didn't.

Robb (: 34:12

Right. I will say the same thing. think I just think that like I was already becoming unhappy probably. And I said no, just to say no. And and I and at that point things were like very up in the air. So

Tina (: 34:31

Yeah.

Robb (: 34:40

But I also, like I said, I think communication is key, you know, for all of everything we've just talked about, like the sex thing, communicate, and you have to be able to communicate. Like there's a huge problem if you cannot. Because everyone needs to know what's going on.

Right. Yeah.

Tina (: 35:01

Well, everybody needs to know if they're in a relationship that they've got somebody having their back and it's not going to be all rejection and keeping them from having something that they want. You know, I had a friend that said, that said I had to leave. left my wife because not only does she want to have sex with me, but she didn't want anybody else to either. And I was like, well, that could be a problem. You know, I see it now.

Yeah, I just think that if you're not into it, you shouldn't be mad when somebody else gets into it either.

Robb (: 35:42

Yeah, like I said, think that there's, if, you know, we can talk about that on a bazillion different shows, I think, you know, you've said things to me that like, I was very shocked about how many, how many men have complained to you about,

Tina (: 35:51

you

Robb (: 36:00

their sex life and the lack thereof. Or, and how many people you've said where women are just like, I can't believe that's all he wants. Like, okay, you know, there's...

Tina (: 36:03

Oof.

Tina (: 36:11

I always say, don't you want to find somebody that wants you like that? Like, why would you not want to be with somebody that wants to be close with you, that wants to show you that every day? I think that that's great when a man and you're married wants to be close to you like that every day. Is it realistic? No. But don't you want somebody to want you like that?

Robb (: 36:39

Yeah, like I said, healthy. Things have to be healthy. And like I said, I think that's up to the people who are in the relationship. What is healthy? Because you don't, again, you also don't want sex.

Tina (: 36:45

Yes, very much so.

Tina (: 36:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:59

to become a chore. Well, that's what I mean though. You can't get it to that point where, know, and I think that that's the both sides of what we're talking about where, like if you're talking about a woman who's just like, I can't believe he wants to have sex all the time and you're not having sex at all,

Tina (: 37:01

And it shouldn't.

Robb (: 37:27

Well, we know who the problem is. You know what I mean? Then all of sudden it comes, you know, it's not very difficult to understand what the problem is. So, I think a lot goes into that, right? Where you have to, if you're not having sex at all, there's a problem. So I have talked to several people about like what they think a healthy, you know, sexual relationship is.

Tina (: 37:29

Yep.

Robb (: 37:57

And it's funny because they, you know, some will say healthy is at least twice a week. Okay, cool. And I think that. Yeah, I think that's a little absurd, but that's myself. I think every day is absurd. That's that's just not realistic at all.

Tina (: 38:07

I hear from men more so than anything they would say healthy is every day. Now men and women definitely think differently on those numbers,

Robb (: 38:27

Like no one has, mean, well again, age. Age has a lot to do with it. If you're a young couple and you're in your 20s, yeah, why not? You should be fucking like rabbits. Because your stamina and your design, there's a lot of things that have changed. I think, well, I've said before, I think healthy is between three and four times a week.

For someone in Correct Yeah, and look and again, I think quickies are great like there's a there's a place there's a place for quickies There's a total place for quickies. So yeah, so I think that it's finding those

Tina (: 38:56

I would say that that's pretty healthy as long as you're having a really good time together. Not like, you know, I'll give it to you three times a week, but two of those times is going to be like a quickie and that's it.

Damn.

there is a place for quickies.

Robb (: 39:24

those mates where you can actually have that conversation though. Because some people don't want to have that conversation at all. And it's like, well, we gotta.

Tina (: 39:39

I agree with that. I have a hard time saying no. I say yes too much. even at work I've noticed that the last few times they couldn't get somebody to work on a person or several people for an event and I say no because

Whatever I'm doing and nobody else will do it. So I say I have to say yes to it now I'd rather not because if I would have if I could have or if I was in the mood I would have said yes from the get but

Robb (: 40:01

Mm-hmm. you

Tina (: 40:11

because nobody else did it, it forced me to do it. We had a wedding to go to do and there was eight girls and three of us were working on these eight girls for the wedding. And I guess the aunt was getting her hair done with another hairdresser and pissed the hairdresser off so bad she wouldn't do any other people.

So that left each of us with like seven people we had to do. I said I had time for two, barely had time for two. I ended up doing, I did four of them out of the eight. And then I had to fix another one. So I technically did five. And it...

Robb (: 40:40

Mm hmm. Holy shit.

Tina (: 40:55

It was annoying because I was like, I already said no. And everybody's like, oh, but if I do this and you do that and this, then everybody should have came to the table and with what they had done, whatever, whatever the aunt did to piss the hairdresser off, like you're the professional handle it. Like I sat her down, I did her hair and I said, well, I think you have the wrong expectations for the type of hair that you have. And everybody was silent like, cause

Robb (: 41:11

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 41:22

There you know when somebody's having a hard time with a with a with a client everybody knows about it instantly I don't know how that works, but it happens And I and so when I said that I'm like well I think you have the wrong expectations for your hair and everybody went silent But then the lady said well, what would you do? Which I was shocked because I thought she was gonna be way nasty for me saying and I was prepared for that

Robb (: 41:30

Right. you

Robb (: 41:50

Right. Sure. Right. Yeah. No one. No one should.

Tina (: 41:50

Because when you tell somebody, no, you have to be prepared for that, right? But I ended up doing her hair and she's like, I love it. And I was like, thank God. Because I was stressed out the whole time. I knew what she did to the other hairdresser. She made the other hairdresser quit. Who does that? Like, come on. No, but you know what? I just said what I needed to say and it worked out for me that day. But you know, I have.

Robb (: 42:08

You You

Tina (: 42:17

You know, it's funny because I do things that I often I think why, why do I do these? Like one of my friends was going away and he asked me if I would take him to the airport, which meant I had to be at his house by five in the morning and he lives about an hour from me. And so I had to be up at three to be out of the house by four to get there by five. And I'm thinking to myself, damn, how did I get this job? You know,

Not that it was hard. It was a horrible thing. It was great to see him before he left. It was a great time. I didn't hit any traffic. There was no problems, but I was thinking how many people would get up at four o'clock in the morning and do this for somebody. And then I thought, that's why you got called Tina, because you don't say no. And I'm okay to not say no. I, like I said, it was, was a fun experience and I don't, I don't miss.

Robb (: 43:06

Yep. Right. And and look like I think I kind of ran into the same airport issue with my kid. He he wanted to go to Texas.

Tina (: 43:14

anything by doing it, but it was one of those things where everybody goes, how the hell, tell them to leave it a decent hour. Tell them. And I, I don't do that.

Robb (: 43:35

He booked a flight but never told me which airport. He just called me and said, hey, I need you to take me to the airport. And I was like, I go, okay, whatever. Like, we'll make it work. Like, what time? And when he called me at first, it was like early. It was like four in the morning. And I was like, all right, whatever. Like, I can make it work.

because I thought it was the airport close to me, but it wasn't. It was LAX.

Tina (: 44:09

that's just a horrible place to go.

Robb (: 44:11

And I was like, fuck it. Okay. So he ended up changing it and it still went out of LAX, but it was a different time. and look, you know, I've been off because of my shoulder. like, I tried not to complain too much. And I, and I took him and I picked him up and I did it all. But, you know, I was like, you have to understand dude, like what you're doing. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like going.

Tina (: 44:38

Yeah.

Robb (: 44:41

to the airport that's close to us. It's just not. So you have to look at things that way. And he's like, yeah, yeah, but I was trying to get this flight quickly. cool. I understand why you did it. I'm not complaining about that. I get it. What I'm more upset about is that you didn't come from the, you didn't tell me right away, like, hey, this is the only flight I could get. and.

Tina (: 45:11

I, yeah.

Robb (: 45:11

And I said, you have to learn from this, like come out of it right from the beginning, like, hey, can you take me LAX? Because that means something. Like, it's just different.

Tina (: 45:23

That hits different, for sure.

Robb (: 45:25

It does hit different. Absolutely hits different. Because we live in LA and we understand what a drive to LAX could be.

Cause it could be, it could be really shitty. You know, or it could be.

Tina (: 45:43

You could be sitting in traffic the whole time.

Robb (: 45:48

Yeah, and thankfully, it ended up being okay. When I had to pick him up sucked because it was a, he ended up flying back in and landed at like 10 at night. And I hadn't been to LAX in quite a while. my goodness.

Tina (: 46:09

It's a shit show right now. Well, they're always doing construction, but it seems like the construction's really a pain in the ass right now.

Robb (: 46:11

I

Robb (: 46:15

Yeah, it literally I and I'm not figuratively like I was so. Stressed out over it just being down there. I was like, I gotta get out of this shit and I even told him I I ended up he didn't get out of the out of the terminal quick enough, so I didn't stop. I just I went back around, which is fine. I think that's because look, they'll those people come and knock on your window and tell you to leave if you're there too long, whatever.

Tina (: 46:28

Yeah.

Tina (: 46:34

you had to go around again.

Robb (: 46:45

So I come back around and he calls me and I go, look dude, you better be outside. Like, and I mean, when you see me, I'm gonna hit the brakes, but not for long. So he was like, he boogied in and he only took a backpack, which was great. So like he got in, threw it in real quick and like we were off and running and got home at a decent hour considering. But I just told him like, you know, have to look at the bigger scheme of things because

This is why people say no. This, this, so, so when people, can't get mad at folks when you say no and you don't tell them the whole story. Cause those are the bigger things. And I think that that is along the whole thing. Like everything we're talking about is, is being able to give them the whole story. If it's, if it's a relationship, talk to people.

Tina (: 47:16

Yep.

Robb (: 47:44

It's, it's not very difficult. And I know people have problems talking and no one wants to hurt anyone's feelings. And I totally understand that it it's difficult. But if you're in, if you're in a relationship with somebody and you want to know, sometimes you got to corner them. You just do. And it's for the best of everybody and the best for your relationship. You come out of it way better with better context about things.

And if you're looking for more love and maybe you're going to get it because you've had, you can go to your wife or your girlfriend and say, look, I, you know, you turn me on. I want, I don't want to go outside the relationship because I know, I know a close friend of mine who has a problem and he, he's told me several times that he's just, his wife just does not want to have sex and it's a problem.

and it's been a long, long time.

Tina (: 48:44

Yeah, problem is they don't have a relationship that should be titled man and wife. There's something that I'm so tired of seeing because men will stick in these relationships with women that won't have sex, that won't give them the comfort that they need to. Like men need to be coddled just like women do, just like kids do. Everybody needs it. But they don't get it.

When you're not getting it for a certain amount of time, you need to look at that marriage and say, it's not a marriage and we need to do, what we need to do because it's not working. It's just not working. Like I don't, I don't know why anybody would choose to stay in that, but men especially do. I see it all the time. They would rather have a side piece or no piece at all. Just not get laid, be miserable forever. And that's it.

Robb (: 49:25

Yeah.

Tina (: 49:43

And I don't understand why somebody would want to live like that because that's not cool either.

Robb (: 49:49

I think a lot of it has to do with they

You know, they enjoy their mate. you know, like I said, if I can't be around you, why would I want to be there? Like, I have to be with somebody that I actually.

Tina (: 49:59

Yeah.

Robb (: 50:09

like to be around. And when I'm around that person, I dig it. I think it's the greatest thing in the world when you can be around somebody where it's just a good time, you know, and again, I'm going to say 90 % of the time because we all know the reality of, you know, it's the 90 rule. That's my how I generally look at life these days. Everything's 90%. You're going to have 10 % shitty day. That's that's just life.

So during those, 10 % where you're having issues is where the talking part comes and making sure that your relationship is steady and still good and still want to be there. But, you know, better than saying no, like that's to me, that is just the craziest thing in the world. Like I don't, I never want to be in a relationship where it's, I feel like I have to wonder.

You know if I and and to be fair with the the sex thing and I think that there's a lot to both sides of this. If you're a woman and you want to have sex say it. Don't don't always wait. you

Tina (: 51:22

Why? I don't think there needs to be any talking. For me, that was more that I think that bothered me in some ways. Like if you want to have sex, grab me. If you want to have sex, take me. If you want to have sex, don't I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to know about it. Catch me off guard. Push me up against a counter. Pull my pants down. Do what you do what you want to do with me. Like, do we have to talk about this? Because I don't want to talk about it. I just want you to act like you want me.

Robb (: 51:37

Right, right. No, but I think I totally agree with that statement. But what I think happens is both sides of that equation will wait it out and be like, well,

I don't want to if I hit on her and she's gonna get mad and then that's gonna do this and and instead of just going like Because I think most women and again, I'm gonna use the bell curve most women Wait for their man to hit on them Instead of just being like hey, I would really like to do this

Because I think that's okay as well. There's not I don't think there's anything wrong with if you're Because you know, like nobody's a fucking mind reader. That's the other thing. No one's a mind reader So, you know and instead of thinking each other are gonna say no You know if you're a woman hit on him and if you're a man hit on her Stop stop waiting for either sex

To be the the one who does it because they're supposed to Like we're all supposed to We're all supposed to if that's your thing be supposed to and do it. There's nothing wrong with it Just say you want it and off you go Because I think a lot of people Just wait too long and and you end up in a place where you're like

God, if we would have just, if she would have just hit on me, we'd be, you know, better. Because some guys don't, they've been told no so many times that they stop. And then, mm-hmm.

Tina (: 53:42

You know what? I don't think they get told so many times though. think what happens is the way they get told because even a couple times could completely turn them against wanting to make any sort of pass. And you know that it makes it hard for them. And I get that. But it's the same way that men are with women because men...

Robb (: 53:58

Sure. Agree.

Tina (: 54:08

Men don't see how they're rejecting women either. And it's a whole different game. It's a whole different and I don't want to say game is that it's people playing games. It's just women will feel neglected or pushed away in totally different in a totally different manner. So it's like they're trying to compare apples to oranges. But what we need to do is bridge the gap and like say, well, this is what makes me feel.

Robb (: 54:25

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 54:36

neglected or this is what I need. And, when you hear that from your mate, you should definitely do whatever it is you need to do to fix it because you don't want to have those type of problems going on for years and years. That's never going to fix anything. So

Robb (: 54:45

Mm hmm. Yeah, 100%.

Tina (: 54:58

You know, it's one of those things that you just got to.

Robb (: 54:59

Yeah.

Tina (: 55:04

You I don't know, communication is such a hard thing for people and yet it's the most important thing for people to be able to coexist together. And it, there's so many things that I did when I was married that I didn't realize were huge for my ex. Like, cause he didn't say what it was. He didn't tell me how he was feeling. didn't.

Robb (: 55:12

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 55:31

He shut down, you I didn't think like him, so he just wasn't gonna say a word and man was that hard. I had to learn how to speak his language too and that still didn't help. You know, it's so important to communicate and try to bridge any and all gaps so that everybody's understanding each other and everybody's okay at the end of the day.

Robb (: 55:45

Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree. think that and look, I've in my past, I had issues with relationships kind of going sideways. And then I ended up

having a chance to talk to that person later on and just be like, you know, what happened and, you know, or, or I did this and I shouldn't have, and this is why. you know, you're right. Communication's key. I think you have to be, you have to be the bigger person sometimes and be able to say like, hey,

I want this, I need this. Where did we go wrong? Whatever that means. But on the flip side, also don't be afraid to say no. But don't make it a habitual habit with anyone, because I think if you make it a habitual habit with anyone, you're just going to have bigger issues.

It's a fine line. think don't be, don't be disrespected. You know, like the case of with people hitting you up on the fly or kids being dropped off or whatever that means, you know, that kind of situation. That's when you have to stand up for yourself and say, no, I can't do this today. Or I can't help you today. Or, or it's like the, and look, and I understand like some things are going to happen, but

Don't call me on the day you're moving and ask me to help you move. Tell me a week before. no, mean, right. mean, yeah, I've done it with so many friends that I'm to a point now where like I get it and I'll help, generally help people. Although I probably won't be for quite a while with my.

Tina (: 57:41

Don't tell me at all. I don't like to help people move. That's right. You say no. I'll be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I got to work out of the country. I will.

Robb (: 58:04

bicep and shoulder the way it is. But my thing is you're less likely to be told no if you're giving people the right amount of space and that's with everything. And again, communicate, I think, from the man-woman thing. You gotta tell people your needs. Your wants and needs are everything. So.

Tina (: 58:30

And you definitely don't want to push somebody's feelings aside because you don't want to deal with something. your mate or your partner or your friend is telling you that they really need something from you, hear them and work with it. Or you gotta just decide that you're not gonna be a part of their lives because you can't be a part of what they do. And...

And be honest because there's no reason to lie about it. You know, you'll see it. You'll see the byproduct right in your face every time. So that's what I say about that.

Robb (: 59:01

Correct. Right. I'm a big proponent of what you just said. You need to be able to just talk to people. And if you are, you're going to have such a great relationship. It's just being honest, so then no one ends up getting hurt in the end. And it's easy to hurt your wife.

Tina (: 59:30

and your husband.

Robb (: 59:32

Yeah, it's it just is and it's sucky and no one wants to be in that situation where that's happening. So I think as long as you're you're a person who's honest with everyone, everything's going to be fine. All right. Check us out every Wednesdays. We're on every damn podcasting thing.

Tina (: 59:49

Yep.

Robb (: 59:57

I've been kind of slipping on the social medias, but I'm gonna try to get back on it. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina, I'm Rob and we'll see you in a week. Bye.

Tina (: 01:00:08

See ya.