EP # 243 The One That Got Away: Lessons in Love and Life

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show, Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co host as always, Tina. How you doing?

Tina (: 00:06

I'm hanging in there, Rob, how you doing? How ye doing?

Robb (: 00:09

not too shabby. There you know. and for the people who are listening to this the day after, sorry we're a day late, but we also had the holiday, so we kind of we enjoyed yeah, we enjoyed the three day weekend for Memorial Day and and all that fun stuff because four days, that's even better.

Tina (: 00:22

We took a day. We needed a day.

Tina (: 00:29

I had a four day week and it was fantastic. And now

Robb (: 00:35

Four day. I I would have, but someone already took the day off at my work, so I couldn't. Yeah. Bastards. It's okay. So Yeah, it's okay. It's alright. It's a three day weekend. We get fr we get that Friday off. So yeah, not too. You know, I haven't seen fireworks in like person in so long. Yeah.

Tina (: 00:39

Bastards.

Tina (: 00:48

Doe.

Tina (: 00:54

Nice. You had to come out here for the barbecue we have.

Tina (: 01:02

Yeah, you should come over. The whole valley lights up.

Robb (: 01:05

Yeah, I know. The valley over there is I mean to tell you the truth where I live, if if you drive up the hill by me, well you can see the whole valley here. And it's and they're everywhere. Yeah. And they're super illegal where I'm at. Like. No, but there's signs. There's signs here that tell you how much they're gonna find you. Yeah, there's like on the street it says

Tina (: 01:14

Yeah. Nice. Everywhere, yeah.

Tina (: 01:23

totally. They're super illegal everywhere.

Tina (: 01:30

Yeah.

Robb (: 01:34

If fireworks here are illegal, you will be fined this amount of money. I was like, wow. Yeah. But I live in an apartment, so it's great. Like where I'm at, if you just kind of walk down the street, you can see them all over here. Pretty cool. So since we took a day off, well, we were

Tina (: 01:48

Nice.

Robb (: 01:57

Scathing through our crazy nonsense of what we were gonna talk about today. And and I thought that you had some pretty good ideas, but we're gonna talk about those on another day. just yeah. See, we gotta leave people hanging either. They're like, what were they gonna talk about? but we have one from I'm assuming a long time ago. I I write these things down and

I don't know when, and I'm gonna start dating them because I think it's kind of interesting because I don't know what was going on through my head or what I heard. But this one is the one that got away, or did they? Because I think a lot of us we we think that we missed out on a human being because we either

Tina (: 02:37

Mm.

Robb (: 02:51

didn't have a relationship with them, or we did, and they ended up going somewhere else. And we always think that, man, they were the one that got away. And then we find out something about them later, and you realize, hmm, you probably won. Or, man, I am glad I didn't go down that road. I dodged a bullet, yes. Because for me,

Tina (: 03:13

It dodged a bullet.

Yeah.

Robb (: 03:22

I I will tell you that I have done that many times in my life where I was like, man, like this is the one that got away and like it sucks. And then and then you realize or you hear something about them and you're like, holy shit, I am really glad I didn't go down that road because they're crazy, or they, you know, they did this or they did that.

And it it's it's a wild thing when you think about, you know, mostly if it's years that go by. Or maybe you have been in contact with them and for whatever reason it didn't work out, and then you hear that they did something and you're like, what?

In the blue hell were they thinking? You know what? I and and I I'm gonna leave that very wide open because we both have people that I know for a fact we can put that little pin in, right? Because you think you know somebody.

Tina (: 04:20

All right.

Tina (: 04:37

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 04:41

Well, you do it the time you're with them but and then you hear l later on down the line they're a different person.

Robb (: 04:47

Yeah, or but like let's say that they're still in your life-ish, right? Like in and out of your life. Like, you know, you talk to them for a little while and they kind of disappear. Yes, but you thought, right, but you thought like, God, this would have been the perfect person to be with.

Tina (: 04:52

Mm.

Tina (: 04:57

You mean they're just dumb? Yes.

Robb (: 05:07

And then they they're still in your life, whether they're friends or they're part-time lovers or they're whatever. We we can you know we can kind of throw that around because I I don't know other people's lives, right? Because I think some people keep people in their lives as

Tina (: 05:24

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:29

Fuck buddies or whatever you want to call them. You know, they're because feelings are weird. So, you know, you might have feelings for somebody, but you can't end up closing a deal for whatever reason, or you realize that you've tried and it didn't work, or whatever, but you can't get off that horse. And then they do something and you go, Holy shit, you're not the person I thought you were.

Tina (: 05:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:00

And that's kind of what I mean by are they the one that got away or are they? Because maybe they're not. And you realize when you can sit back for a second and look with without the rose colored glasses on. Because we all wear those, right?

Tina (: 06:25

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:30

At some point. And don't get me wrong, I think rose-colored glasses are fucking amazing. Because when they're on and everything is so hunky-dory, it's the greatest thing in the world. You know?

Tina (: 06:30

Absolutely.

Tina (: 06:41

Mm hmm. I've seen you like that, it cracks me up. Yes, yes.

Robb (: 06:47

Right. f totally. You're just like blah blah blah blah blah blah and y you you know, like everything is cloud nine and and look, I think human beings

Tina (: 06:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:05

We love to believe that cloud nine is going to be around forever.

Robb (: 07:14

Because deep down inside we want it to be around forever. And then some kind of reality hits. Whether it's

Tina (: 07:18

Right.

Robb (: 07:31

l the lack of being able to have the time to be with them now for whatever reason, right? You're your the reality hits of life. Because sometimes you're you have all the time in the world and you're building this cool relationship. And then that dissipates for you know whatever it is.

And and then it becomes harder to see them. And I think that's when these things start happening of you see people for what they really are. And and don't get me wrong, I'm probably that part of it as well for somebody. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sure.

Tina (: 08:06

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 08:15

I was thinking h I wonder how many people I am for that. Like in that way.

Robb (: 08:19

I I'm sure I'm that for a few people. And and I mean that with the utmost respect of for me. Like, 'cause I can be a little loony or

Tina (: 08:23

Hmm.

Robb (: 08:34

What was the word that they used?

I can't remember. And I should because they said it to me a lot. She was like, you know, you're like this a lot. And I was like, I I I don't think I am. I guess I'm I'm a little much, I guess is the best way of putting it. And I and and now looking back on said relationship, friendship thing.

I I can be a tad much. And I think that that's just because I had all the time in the world and they didn't. Which is a recipe for disaster. I I think. You know, you both have to have a life.

Tina (: 09:12

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 09:21

Yes.

Robb (: 09:22

And and when one doesn't, it it becomes

Tina (: 09:29

Codependent.

Robb (: 09:30

It it just becomes a lot because you feel like, why don't you want to spend time with me? And and it's not that they don't, they just can't. You know, it's not I I don't think that it's like this this like they're thinking about it. They're not like, you know, you're you know, they d that's not the reality of the situation, I don't think, in most cases.

Tina (: 09:36

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 09:41

Right.

Robb (: 09:59

I I just think that you're not seeing their life for what it really is. And it's probably a lot because life can get in the way. I'm lucky. My son is older now. So I don't and I'm sure when I when he was much younger, I had no time. I didn't have I couldn't just drop things and go because that's not the way the world worked for me.

Tina (: 10:18

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 10:27

Yeah, you had a kid waiting at home for ya.

Robb (: 10:30

He was just everything. That was the, you know, I mean, and he should have been, obviously. so for me, I I think as I got older and I didn't have that responsibility, I was just like, why don't you want to do things? Like it's it's that. Now

Tina (: 10:33

Mm.

Robb (: 10:55

looking back on a lot of these different things, I'm sure I was the one that got away until they heard about something I did. And they were like, you I dodged a fucking bullet with that guy 'cause he's he's a little loony. So I think a lot of people as we get older you step back a little bit and and start

Tina (: 11:09

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:26

Realizing like it it's very easy to fall for people.

But but then reality kicks in. I had told somebody many, many, many years ago. Now

Tina (: 11:34

I agree.

Robb (: 11:47

I I can I remember it like it was yesterday actually because I just remember we had a really good friendship and we were taking that we were going to try to see if it was something else.

And I remember looking her in the face and saying, Whatever you do, don't fall in love with me.

Tina (: 12:15

that's the dumbest thing you could say to somebody if you mean it.

Robb (: 12:19

Well, and no here's the funniest thing. The the thing that boomeranged back w at me, she said, don't fall in love with me. And I was like, okay. And you know, feelings arised on both sides, but definitely with them a little more. A and in the end, obviously.

it didn't work out because of, you know, where we're at. But I was trying to circumvent things, not saying don't do it ever, just don't do it so quickly. Because I think it's just very easy to fall into something, right? Because we all want that, you know,

Tina (: 13:01

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 13:16

We all want something to work and want it to work quickly. And then at some point, again, we all realize that shit, like maybe w we're good for each other and at certain things, but not everything.

Tina (: 13:33

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 13:35

and then I think there are the ones that got away, right? At least until you hear something. Right. Some people you never talk to again. And and I think that that's to me it's health, it's healthy. It it is. It's some at for some people it has to be healthy. You can't be friends with everyone.

Tina (: 13:52

The right thing to do. Yeah.

Tina (: 14:02

No. And you shouldn't.

Robb (: 14:04

Yeah, so I I was sitting down eating the other day with my son, and he said something to me that I thought was pretty grown up, but also you could tell that he just hasn't lived yet. Cause he told me, he goes, yeah, when I break up with girls, I never talk to them ever again.

Tina (: 14:22

Mm.

Tina (: 14:31

Smart.

Robb (: 14:31

I I mean, yeah, to a degree, I think that there is something to that. I I th I thought it was a little harsh, but I also think that I I have a lot of friends that were ex-exes. And I don't mean friends like I talk to them every day, but like people that I would still communicate with.

Tina (: 14:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 14:58

And have no problem with it. Like, yeah, like, yeah, we dated five years ago. Yeah. She still cuts my hair. To this day. And she's about to get married. And I I just think that I'm and maybe I just feel that I'm grown up now. Like just because I I don't I know that then she wasn't for me, like after everything was said and done.

Tina (: 15:07

Hmm.

Tina (: 15:11

Ready?

Robb (: 15:27

so I think that I don't feel like there's anything there. And maybe that's why I can talk to him. but he was like very, very brutal. He was like, yeah, once she says that that she's not interested in me, I just won't talk to her ever again. I was like, wow. okay. And and I kind of was like, Okay, like that's what you gotta do, you gotta do.

Tina (: 15:34

Mm.

Robb (: 15:59

but I was a little shocked.

Tina (: 16:03

I don't know, I think that's kind of a good way to be. You know we're like, how many times have you gone back and made the same mistake twice?

Robb (: 16:13

Yeah. A lot. Yeah. Yeah.

Tina (: 16:14

A lot. A lot. You know, he's kind of smart in that respect that he could cut that off.

Robb (: 16:24

I kind of agree. Yeah. And and look, I I don't know if he's been able to actually do that yet. You know what I mean? Like I I know he has with like younger thing. He's young. Like he's only twenty-three. So I don't think he's had any like super duper duper serious relationships. He's had ones at like high school and they went for months and then they broke up and he never talked to him again. Like and he's okay with that.

Tina (: 16:39

Right.

Robb (: 16:51

I know some of them have came back into his life, but he's very like he's very much the yeah, we don't need to talk or and he's very like if he's dating somebody, that's like the first shit he tells people. He's like, Yeah, I'm seeing somebody. Like, we don't, just so you know, like don't.

Tina (: 17:06

Cutter cut and dry, huh?

Robb (: 17:20

Don't step to this like thinking that there's gonna be anything. I and I was like, okay. And I think that that's a great idea. Like that's perfect. Cause then you don't end up with kind of what we're talking about. You don't end up you never end up with any one that got away because you cut that shit off and it's you know, pretty quick. So I I I I think I get it. I think he's I

Tina (: 17:45

Right.

Robb (: 17:49

I he's smarter than he's smarter than me, for sure. Cause I, you know, I hold on to shit and then I I ruminate and then I f wonder why and then I think it's me. And there's a lot of things that go through my noggin that are probably not very healthy.

Tina (: 18:09

Yeah. Yeah.

Robb (: 18:11

But in the end, I think I think there's something to this one that got away. I I think that there are. There's definitely people that years and years later you go, man, I I wish I would have I wish I would have done something differently.

Right. A and look, ones that got away are are people that you probably never talk to again. So you don't know. And you might not hear what happened.

Tina (: 18:46

Mm.

Robb (: 18:47

You know. So th there's a lot to be said to that.

I I definitely try to now live with the I don't want to wonder. You know, jump in jump in full force and full feet first. And if it doesn't work, then boogie. Then you don't have to worry about if they're the one that got away. You know.

Tina (: 19:16

Don't you know anyway though? Like you know from the get if if there if there's someone you you just acted like an ass with and you blew it or if it you know, the missed opportunity, or if you went through it and you had a whole relationship with them, you know if they're the one that got away or not. You know.

Robb (: 19:38

Yeah, I mean, I think if you had a a long relationship with somebody and it ends, you know right away. I think the ones that got away, at least for me, are something that you felt that either you never gave a try to because of whatever reason, or you self-sabotage the thing yourself anyway. And here's the thing: I think that if you self-sabotage, it you probably deep down inside.

Tina (: 19:59

Mm

Robb (: 20:07

kind of know it. Like you know that it probably wasn't for you anyway. But, you know, the our our brains work so fucked up wise, right? Cause you start thinking at least from other things or other people that I've heard from. You know, it's very easy to to

Tina (: 20:13

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 20:34

start questioning things, right? When things get too good, people start going, Man, this is really good like

Tina (: 20:41

Yeah, I don't understand that. I just like to ride the wave. Like to be happy.

Robb (: 20:44

That you Tina, you you're per that's actually perfect. You're doing it the right way. Because a lot of I think a lot of people start questioning things like, man, this is worth this sure is going well. You know, it's going good. You know, maybe I should slow this shit down because it's going too good. And and it's quite common that, you know, I've watched a lot of these videos on YouTube and they talk about like

Tina (: 20:51

Yeah.

Tina (: 20:58

Mm.

Robb (: 21:14

Self-sabotaging is such a big thing with people because of past relationships.

Tina (: 21:17

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 21:23

And and look, we're not spring chickens, so I think it's much easier to self sabotage shit. You're like, Man, this is going good. I wonder why.

Tina (: 21:36

Yeah, I I yeah. I I learned a long time ago that if you don't take the opportunity when it's there, you'll lose it. And then you'll be like, I missed it. Like I didn't I didn't see that. And so I I tend to be one that will just ride the wave and go with it and try to make whatever it is work that I need to make work. Probably I probably try to overachieve on that. And

Robb (: 21:46

Right.

Robb (: 22:02

I think you got it going good though. What you're doing is probably the smartest thing. Just ride the wave. And if it works, cool. And if it doesn't. Because then there what you the way you're doing it, there's no questioning things ever.

Tina (: 22:07

What's that? Yeah.

Tina (: 22:19

Mm mm. No, I really do have I have a lot of faith that things are gonna be a certain way and I really don't question it. 'Cause I find that i we were talking about this earlier about just you have I don't wanna even get into that.

y if you have faith and you just live in the moment and you just go through the motions, whatever they are, then you had that moment. Whether it's gone you know, it's fleeting or it's or it's sticking, you know, it's you already you you had the moment, so there's n there's a lot less to regret when you just go with it. Now I'm not saying that that's the right thing to do because Lord knows I have done some stupid shit in my day

And continue to. I think that's just fun and that's where I wanna be and well. So I yeah, you I like to say, Well, this is how I'm doing it. I'm throwing my hands up in a roller coaster and we are taking a spin. Like I I do that I d I did that when I bought the bike. You buy the bike and you don't even know how to turn the damn bike on. How dumb is that? Why would you do something like that? Well

If you were me you would completely understand it, but it is two hands up in a r in a roller coaster every time. You know what I mean? It's it's you know me, Rob, you know how I work. It's to to me it's just like, well, let's see what happens next. And I say that all the time too. And sometimes you crash and burn and sometimes things are great and other times you're like, Did you see what the fuck I just did? Like that was amazing. And that

With that reckless abandon, you have opportunity, you have growth, you have burnouts, you have you have all of it. And the trick is to not, you know, judge yourself and say, Okay, I gave it everything I had. Yeah, I fucked it up. But that's you know, but but did you see that? Like I did that. I I won't have I won't be having that regret on my deathbed because I could say, Wow, that was really stupid and I really messed things up or I could say

Robb (: 24:32

Right.

Tina (: 24:42

Did you see how that turned out? It was amazing. And especially with love, like I I married my ex and I remember my best friend was so pissed at me at the time because she was like, He's not your type, it's not right, I don't think you should be with him. What are you thinking? She was like really aggravated with me to the point where she didn't even talk to me for a long time after that. And I and I'm like, why?

You didn't you didn't marry somebody that I think was good for you. And instead of putting her feet up and grabbing the popcorn and watching what I did with it, she chose to miss out. And I think to myself, Come on, you more than anybody knew me the best. you ever see me like skip on a challenge? Like come on, if there's some is there a crazy if there's a crazy way to do something, I'm in.

I'm doing it. I'll be like I'll prove you that I could do this watch. And why would you get frustrated with that? That's just who I am.

Robb (: 25:48

Right. A and look, I I think it it's easy. there's a quote I'm trying to look up, but I I'm gonna paraphrase it, but I I'm pretty sure this is what it was. You know, you can overthink yourself out of a good thing. And you know, the more that you overthink, the more you'll find

Tina (: 26:03

Totally.

Robb (: 26:15

Chips and the armor, right? And you're gonna go, well, you know, if I do this, this is gonna happen and this is gonna happen. Or, you know, if I date this person, they're not gonna, you know, these other people aren't gonna like them. And it's like, okay. But you won't know until you get there. I I'm kind of like you now, where I'm starting to think, you know, the bigger reality is if you don't try something.

Then don't bitch later on.

Tina (: 26:48

Right. Exactly.

Robb (: 26:49

Because let me tell you, you know, it it's very easy to look at somebody and then go, well, you know, it's like dating me. Like, let's say someone wanted to date me. The whole thing is that someone might go, you're, you know, your kid's not gonna like me. How do you know?

You don't know until you get there. Or I've had somebody actually say that to me. Someone was like, your son doesn't like me. It's like, no, you think they don't like you because of inside your own brain, you're thinking that. Instead of really just kind of going, you know, I you know, I guess we'll find out. Because you have to find out. Yeah, it you know

Tina (: 27:14

No, you don't. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 27:32

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 27:39

Yeah.

Robb (: 27:43

It's it's very, very easy to to armchair quarterback of your life. You can always you can always go like, this is gonna go bad, and this is gonna go bad, and if I do this, this is gonna go bad. Instead of going, I'm just gonna throw that shit against the wall and see what happens.

Tina (: 28:02

Well, and it can go bad. I mean, you really need to assess like what what what are the consequences? What are you gonna have to deal with? I that's how I do things. I'm like, is anybody gonna die? Am I gonna end up in in jail? Those are my two rules. Like, nobody gets to die, not on my watch, and and nobody gets arrested. So after that that just leaves you room to have a good time and to to just go with it. You know, I've

I've been into in some really fun situations because I just said, Well, let's just do this, you know? And it and you should. Again, with love without love, whether it it's a bike, whether it's a person, whether it's a this, it's that. Like if you if you wanna do it, you should. You should really give it a shot. You shouldn't wait. You shouldn't you shouldn't stop to make somebody else happy. You know, I think

I w I wanted a a motorcycle in my twenties and my mom sit over my dead body. Now I may be dead today if I had gotten one, but damn, what did I miss because she stopped me from doing it? I think about that. Like you stopped me from doing something I really, really wanted. And I d I won't get that back, but I'm sure as hell making up for it now. Almost drove to San Francisco on a whim on the bike with a friend just to say we did it.

Robb (: 29:28

That's cool. Right.

Tina (: 29:30

But we we got too cold. We were we were going for it though. We were we just didn't have enough clothes. So we came back. But but just the thought like yeah, I am that person that'll get on the bike and do that. Like I can. You know, I I have I have the money to do it. I have the capability of doing it, I have the time to do it. So why not? And I think that that's that's how it should be with with dating.

Y you don't know until you try. You know, and and you have you have boundaries, set them. Set them and then you know, whatever happens after that it's just what's gonna be. So let it be and and go. Do it. Live. Like I don't I say that all the time. I tell everybody that and and I truly believe it. Like if don't wait for anything. Like they tell you, go see your dad because who knows how long it'll be.

you know, till the next time, if ever. Like, if you're not doing what it is that's in your heart to do, then you're failing yourself.

Robb (: 30:38

Yeah, and and at the end of the day, for all of us, you know, you you only get one shot here. I would rather try something and fail going forward than not try it at all. No I mean, obviously, I think we all want to get it right.

Tina (: 30:47

Yeah.

Tina (: 30:54

I'd rather try it than get it right though. If you that's what I wanna do

Robb (: 31:02

I mean, nobody wants to fail. I mean, let's be honest. You don't get up in the morning and going, Hey, I'm gonna go do this. I hope it doesn't work. I mean, no nobody in their right mind would generally do that. It just it it doesn't it doesn't work well, right?

But most of us wanna get up in the morning and go, man, this w you know, we're gonna kill this today and and this is gonna happen, and this is gonna work, and it's gonna be awesome. Because we all want that. And but I think that you have to have the mentality now of going, this can work. Like this could actually work and and and I think again as I get older, because I didn't

You know, my ex-wife wanted to move out of state or move to different places and I was always too comfortable. And then as soon as I got divorced, I moved to Vegas and then I came back and I didn't go to the valley. I moved to Camarillo and I was there for eight years. And then one day I woke up and was like, Hey, I'm gonna move out to this other new place and I moved here. And and now I'm in I'm also thinking like, hey, I should move again.

Tina (: 32:05

Yeah.

Robb (: 32:14

So, you know, it

Tina (: 32:17

Now see that I've not done. I still live two miles from where I was born, two miles from where I work.

Robb (: 32:21

Yeah. No, but you did I mean, but you didn't move. I mean, you got married and moved out and and had a place. You you just stayed in the valley. Which is not look, there's nothing wrong with that. I I just you know I'm at a point now where I'm like, you know, let's let's try something new. And now I'm thinking I even told my kid the other day, I was like, Maybe we should just move to Texas and

Tina (: 32:27

yeah.

Tina (: 32:30

In the valley, yeah.

Tina (: 32:49

Everybody's moving to Texas.

Robb (: 32:51

And and just say, let's say screw it and let's just go do it. And and at the end of the day, you know, we'll see what happens. And he was like, That's my that's you know, 'cause he's thinking of doing it anyway. And I'm like, well, cool, like, I'll I'll go there, you'll go there.

Tina (: 33:05

Yeah.

Robb (: 33:10

We'll get a b you know, we'll rent a house or something and and you know, you can pay half and I'll pay half and we'll be roommates and and you know, and go from there. And he's like, we should start thinking about it. So look, you never know. I might just wake up one day and go, Texas it is. Or Arizona. You know, Arizona's nice. My cousin lives in Arizona. That's you know, I want to stay in a place where it's somewhat warm, but

Tina (: 33:30

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 33:37

Yeah.

Robb (: 33:38

But for me, I'm also thinking, God, it would be nice to go have seasons. You know, like Tennessee has all four seasons. It gets chilly and it's fall and it gets orange and like all these things where like you can just kind of enjoy. So it you know, the the one that got away sometimes might not even be a person.

Tina (: 33:55

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 34:03

Yeah. Any situation

Robb (: 34:04

The one that right the the a situation might be the one that got away. And fucking how many of those did we actually do? Bazillions. You know, like I I I think that there's a couple of people that I might put in that category, like the one that got away. but situations, tons.

Tina (: 34:09

Are you hearing?

Tina (: 34:15

Bazillions Bazillions

Tina (: 34:26

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 34:33

Like there's so many things that I just, you know, should have done, but I was at the time probably very scared just because I was I liked being comfortable. And now I look back on it and kind of go, man, like, I wish I would have wish I would have done this.

Tina (: 34:45

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 34:54

Yeah. I think about that too with with careers. Like I look back thirty five years of doing hair and I I don't this was what what I started with was I'm gonna go and do hair so I could, you know, make some money and then I'll go back to school and I didn't go back to school. I continued to do hair and I often wonder like what would I have done if I just went back to school or and then I gave it a shot going to school and I did I did really well when I was it and then was in it and then

Robb (: 35:17

Right.

Tina (: 35:24

You know, just life and different things happened and and I stopped again. I think again you stopped. Why are you stopping yourself? Finish it up. Do something do something that would kinda shock you. You know, so I'm still mulling that around. I mean, do you want do you really want to go back to school at fifty five? I mean, come on. I don't think I do. But do do I n I don't know, what do you do if you don't try other things or do other things? I did really well when I was in school. Why'd I stop?

Robb (: 35:43

Right. Right.

Robb (: 35:52

Yeah.

Tina (: 35:55

I don't know.

Robb (: 35:56

I you know, I have a friend who's the same way. She's in the medical industry and she makes a good living. I mean, it's not horrible, but she w said the same thing to me. She was like, you know, if I just go to school I can make more money, but

Tina (: 36:05

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:14

She's like, I'd have to front the money for school, you know, and then am I gonna pay it back? And how long is it gonna take me? And even with a raise, yeah, you talk yourself out of it. And and look, I get it too. Like she's fifty. She's also in that same place of like, do I really wanna be go do I wanna go to school or do I wanna be like enjoying other things?

Tina (: 36:21

And she talks herself out of it.

Tina (: 36:28

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:38

And truly, I kind of agree with her. Like, there is that part of it. Like, do I really want to be doing this all the time and or do I want to enjoy my grandkids? Or, you know, whatever it is that you have. It's there is things like that. So I I I see both of them. I I just

Tina (: 36:59

Well, I think that no matter what is going on in your life, you should enjoy it. And you should I mean, whether you have grandkids, you don't have grandkids, whether you have kids, whether you don't, whether you have a a significant ones someone or something, you have to like it our time to enjoy our life is right now, no matter what's going on. You may not see

You know, you may not see your kids, your grandkids, you may not see your parents, you may not see your whatever. But no matter what you're doing, if you're not living it, it's kinda sad.

Robb (: 37:34

Right. I I totally agree and I think that this is the time.

Tina (: 37:40

Absolutely.

Robb (: 37:42

a and and this is kind of, you know, before I would tell you

Look, my my son's a gamer and he loves playing video games. And and in my head, I just think that that's like it's such a waste of time. But then I started thinking about it from the standpoint of you do what makes you happy. Because we're already in a place where, you know, i you might you might, you know, drop dead tomorrow.

Tina (: 37:53

Yeah.

Tina (: 38:17

Yeah.

Robb (: 38:18

I it it does happen and and I think a lot of that you have to look at the reality of that. Not that I feel like I'm gonna drop dead tomorrow, but you could. And so do whatever it is you enjoy. Whatever it is. You know, as long as it's not hurting anyone,

Tina (: 38:34

Yeah.

Robb (: 38:40

Do whatever it is. And and I've kind of put myself into that position again with like, you know, I kind of not that I gave up photography because I don't think I ever like gave it up, gave it up. But I kind of put it on the back burner. Cause where I lived, I didn't know a lot of people and blah, blah, blah. And and then I shot some pictures of a friend of mine. And that kind of got me like, man, that was great. And it was fun. And I kind of

Tina (: 38:54

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 39:08

you know, got the fire lit under me. And then I went and shot pictures not too many like maybe, I don't know, two, three weeks ago. And it really kinda got me grooving again.

And now I'm like, cool. I'm starting to talk to people again and and set things up and and now I'm thinking like, hey, I can I've done like high school pictures before, you know, for friends of mine. And now I'm like, I can shoot that. That's easy stuff. Like all these things. So in my head, I'm like, I

Tina (: 39:38

Mm.

Robb (: 39:41

Maybe I should try to turn this into a business again. Like, cause I've had other people go, you should be charging money for that. I'm like, it's a hobby. It's fun. Blah, blah, blah. And now I'm like, no, I I think I'm gonna at least throw it against the wall.

Tina (: 39:55

Yeah. hobbies can make money. I mean, look at me, I did that with the baskets. Who knew that was gonna make me money? It was a hobby. You know, all the things that I've made over the years I give away and I'm like, this one just went a different route. It did Yeah, you ha you have to give it a shot.

Robb (: 39:59

Yeah, you'll get yours. Yeah.

Robb (: 40:13

And and many, many moons from now, you'll be able to say that that business wasn't one thing that got away. Like you actually decided to do it. And and that's kind of where I'm at. And I was talking to a photographer friend of mine, and we we hang out a lot with each other, and we like rent studios together and all these things. I was kind of telling him the same thing. I go.

Tina (: 40:22

No, it was not.

Yeah.

Robb (: 40:38

You know, we do this because we like it and and I love taking pictures of people. There's nothing better than watching their eyes light up when they see pretty pictures of or families when they see that, because I've done family stuff. I and he and he's like, Yeah, it's great. And I was like, Yeah, but you know, we should be at least making something from it.

Like, you don't have to charge an arm and a leg, and if you feel like, you know, whatever your time's worth, you should charge that. And he's like, and I said, That's what we're gonna start doing. He was like, Okay. So, you know, I d I want to make sure that that's not something that got away from me, 'cause you know, I'm I'm pretty good at it and

Tina (: 41:08

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:21

Yeah, I I don't want to do that. And that's kinda like how I saw your basket thing. 'Cause I remember like you were like, I'm doing this basket thing, and then you sent me a picture and I was like, I want one and you're like, no, not yet. But we're we'll work on that. We'll work on that. 'cause I'll 'cause you know, I have a a big thing in my living room that has like statues and

Tina (: 41:30

Mm-hmm. Did you ever get one?

Hmm.

Robb (: 41:46

bunch of other shit and I I told y'all I got a little spot that I can I can throw one so I can always go, yeah it's Tina's and then I can take it with me wherever I go and you'll always be like right there. So so all in all the the way I look at you know this whole pod that we're talking about is look, some things are better that they get away.

Tina (: 42:13

I think so I agree with that. Like I look at my marriage. I I I was out with him. We went to lunch today 'cause he was gone for a while and he got back into town so we were catching up and I and I was thinking, you know, we really kind of got stagnant in in our relationship and we stopped each other from growing more than what we should have been and

you know, now he's growing and he's catching me up with things, I'm catching him up with things. We're having these conversations that we never would have had had we stayed together. You know, had we had we just not just threw everything to the wall like you say and and do something different. And how sad that would be for both of us 'cause he's doing something that he'd really he really always talked about doing but didn't have the time and

I'm doing all sorts of shit that I that I'd I didn't even think I'd be doing, you know, or or I knew I wanted to do and didn't do it for whatever reason. But now that we're in a place where we could do it, like life is good and and we took chances and we blew up our marriage and you know, we did a l he and it and it stung. We were ch we were talking about that today, like

You know, like how d how do you he said that I we should do a podcast on how it feels to get divorced and I'm like Well shit, like that's a lot, you know, there's a lot of emotions, there's a lot of things and I started going into, you know, all of this and and he he got a little teary dyed and I said, I'm so sorry that you're gett you know, let me back up. I'm sorry I'm making you bummed out And he goes, No, he goes just it was just a a a twitch of something

And I said, but look at what we're doing now that we'd never be doing if we were still together. And he's like, no, you're absolutely right. So it as much as sometimes it sucks to do something, the outcome outweighs what you have to do to get there. Like you have to think of that. But you it should never stop you. Fear, if you're fearing something, that's the perfect reason to do it. Because you're fearing it.

Robb (: 44:14

Right.

Robb (: 44:37

Right. Yeah, I agree.

Tina (: 44:38

And and whether it be with, you know, like the one that got away, do I think he got away? Yeah, he was a really good guy, but he needed to get away. I needed to get away. We both needed to get away. So it's sometimes it's just for the best and sometimes it hurts like a lot. Sometimes it just plain sucks. Like it does. But when you look at

life, you know, I've made mistakes. I could have been in in really worse situations than I than I was. I've got I got to learn what unconditional love is and and still lose it. I got to I got to be loved in in tremendous ways and then you know and then it was over.

And then I had to let go and

I think that we just when love is around or when it could be around, just hold on to it tight. And don't don't worry about what anybody thinks about it or feels about it or if you should or if it's right. Like if it's there, explore it. What do you got to lose? Time? Time. Who what but what nothing would it doesn't it does just because you don't do it doesn't guarantee that something better will be in that place. Like

You're not guaranteed anything, so just roll with it, have fun with it, enjoy your life.

Robb (: 46:14

Agree. I I think that what what you know once you have a a chance to step back and look hard at certain things in your life, whatever that was, it you can you can find flaws or good things all day long because that's what you're looking for.

Things happen for a reason, whatever they are. and I think that once you realize you can throw things into the wind and worry about the consequences later sometimes is the best thing possible. I watched somebody go from a shitty relationship to a shittier relationship and out of nowhere.

in less than a year get married and from what I understand is very, very happy. Good for you. Because y you only live once and if and if that doesn't work out, at least you gave it a whirl.

Tina (: 47:27

Yeah. I mean, you're gonna get a lesson out of it no matter what it is.

Robb (: 47:28

Because

Robb (: 47:32

Right. You're either gonna get the greatest lesson in the world that it love is real and it worked and everything is awesome, or you're gonna get blasted again, but at least you're gonna say, okay, what did I learn from this?

Tina (: 47:43

Hmm. You learned you don't want to do that again. But that doesn't mean that you won't either.

Robb (: 47:48

Yeah. Yeah, look, my mom was married many times. Many. Not not once, not twice, not three times. So look, so you know, and and I think after the fourth one, she was like, Okay, I this I'm not made for this. But but look, I mean she gave it four tries. That's why not, you know what I mean? Like

Tina (: 47:54

Mm-hmm. I love your mom.

Tina (: 48:08

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 48:13

Why not?

Robb (: 48:17

So for me, I I I look at things like that, 'cause my mom was, you know, crazier and shit sometimes. that you you gotta give things a whirl and and if they don't work, you know, you're gonna be judged whether they work or they don't. So

Tina (: 48:36

Mm-hmm. But you know what you know about your mom is she lived. She lived. She took chances. She loved. She she she had faith that things would end up all right, no matter what what the all right was, what that was the that was the what she had to go through to find out. But she she lived.

Robb (: 48:42

A hundred percent.

Robb (: 48:50

Yeah.

Robb (: 48:59

And gave absolutely zero fucks what people thought. And and I remember not too long before she passed away, you know, talking about certain things. And and she the o there's a few things that she cared about that that kind of at the end when she was sick, she kind of said,

Tina (: 49:03

Hell yeah.

Robb (: 49:27

But there was there were things that I would have thought would have been a lot more weighed down on her that she was like, nah, I don't care. I was like, shit. okay. Like, so for me, it like live, yeah. There's there are gonna be the ones that got away. And hopefully you'll never know it because you don't know what happened in their life. And to you.

Tina (: 49:37

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 49:56

you know, you they are the way they are. And then there's going to be ones that you're going to find out later on that you're just like, thank goodness I dodged that fucking bullet. Because I was meant to be here with this person doing this thing. And this is where I was supposed to be. Sometimes it just takes many, many, many years to realize that.

Tina (: 50:19

Sometimes it's just something that that didn't come to fruition and you wish it had and you're always gonna wish it had. You know, there's there's so many outcomes to all of it. But that's why you give life your best shot and you show up and you you do whatever it is that that brings you some some happiness. Obviously you take care of your your responsibilities, but outside of that, like

Robb (: 50:27

A hundred percent.

Tina (: 50:48

Go for it.

Robb (: 50:48

Yeah. Well and you know, it's it's so funny because look and I'm not gonna tell people to live in debt because I I don't think that that's responsible to do. But that being said, with the exception of you know, some small things, live in debt, who gives a fuck? They can't what are they gonna do? Take it from you when you're dead? Okay.

Tina (: 51:01

Mm mm.

Robb (: 51:18

Come get it. But live with it now. It's it's like I said, I I you know, I don't want anyone to be responsible for that debt. So I guess if I was married, it'd be different. But like who's gonna take that debt on my kid? He's not going to. He's gonna he's gonna write notes to credit people and go, he's dead. I don't live with him. I don't know what he's I don't I'm not getting any money from him. I don't know what to tell you. I

Tina (: 51:19

Yeah.

Tina (: 51:39

Yeah.

Tina (: 51:46

Right.

Robb (: 51:46

I keep telling myself, whatever I have, my accounts, my bank accounts, I'm going to add my son's name to it. So at the end, he can just go there and take the money out. He's not going to have to wait for anything. So he'll be on the account, he'll go and he'll get money and he'll tell creditors to, you know, eat a dick, and that'll be the end. I said, just take care of my body, toast me.

Tina (: 51:58

Yeah.

Mm mm.

Tina (: 52:11

Yeah.

Robb (: 52:15

Make me into something cool, because I told him he needs to make me into some glassware. And then, you know, move on. But, you know, I'm not gonna sit there and go, man, I wish I had this. I'm just gonna go get it. And I'll worry about I'll worry about the outcome later. I life's too short. Yeah, I'm not gonna go out and you know, go crazy. Yeah. Right.

Tina (: 52:17

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Tina (: 52:33

Yeah, within reason. I mean

But then you're talking to somebody that bought a Harley she didn't need, so fuck a reason if you need to.

Robb (: 52:43

Yeah, I I wanted some new lights to take pictures with, so I went and bought them. Now, it you know, I have a way of paying things off that I can do if I really wanted to anyway, but I'm not gonna be in like a I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna do this anymore. Fuck that. You know, worry about that shit later.

Tina (: 52:46

There you go. That's right.

Tina (: 53:00

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Robb (: 53:05

So what do you what do you say here on the are the the last words on this, you know, ones that got away or or maybe they didn't.

Tina (: 53:14

I think they all make you who you are, so just be grateful for the experience. If they stay they stay. If they don't they don't and life moves on.

Robb (: 53:29

I was gonna say something, but I don't have to now. That was perfect. Yeah, that's a hundred percent true. You you you gotta live and you'll live with the you'll live with the pain, you'll live with the the best part of it and you know off we go.

Tina (: 53:30

Ha ha ha.

Tina (: 53:43

But when it comes to love, isn't it kinda all worth it? I think so too.

Robb (: 53:46

Yep. A hundred percent. I a hundred percent. The the pain is worth it if you get the some good from it. Just what it is.

Tina (: 53:56

Well, there's so many there's also so many things to love. It's not just it's not just a mate, you know, your kids, your your animals, your you know, everything. So just just enjoy it.

Robb (: 54:06

Everything.

I I agree. I saw something I I'm on a Facebook page for dogs like mine. And someone posted yesterday that their dog passed away and they showed a picture of them that they died, and they were like and they were like eleven or twelve years old. You know, it was an older dog. And I and after that I just looked at my dog and I was like, I only have like, if I'm lucky, eight years with you. I was like, Wow, like

Tina (: 54:22

Mm.

Tina (: 54:27

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 54:35

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 54:39

So yeah, yeah, enjoy every moment with people, pets, things, whatever it is. 'Cause yeah, we don't we we we don't have a lot of years on this planet, so enjoy so you know, we we put these things out on Wednesdays usually. We're sorry that it was Thursday, but cut

Tina (: 54:46

Yeah.

Tina (: 54:52

Yeah, absolutely.

Tina (: 54:59

No we're not. We needed a day.

Robb (: 55:00

Keep coming but yeah, we're not. Yeah it's a hundred percent. We I agree. I totally agree. so but keep keep coming back on Wednesdays. We appreciate you guys listening. Keep sharing because people are sharing because I I see I see in some states that

Th there's other people that I know that aren't my friends that are in these states that are listening. So that's kind of a cool thing. Lots of new countries. We appreciate it. you can listen to us on every platform. I mean, it's the the people who listen to this show listen on everything. So I it's pretty neat. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob, that's Tina, and we will see you in a week later.

Tina (: 55:45

See ya.