EP #124 Finding your happy place, when things are crap.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:07

I'm good. Welcome to December. It's freezing.

Robb (: 00:09

Yes. Yeah, it was it was cold this morning. I went and walked my dog this morning. It was 47 degrees at the park today. Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:14

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:18

Jeez, that's very rare for this, you know, for where we live.

Robb (: 00:25

Not where I live. Come winter time, it gets cold here. Like there's mornings I've walked him and it was like 32 degrees, 33 degrees. And he doesn't care. So like I took my dog to the dog park today and he ran for two hours and 45 minutes. He, cause he's got a good coat. He doesn't care. He doesn't think it's cold. So I had beanie and gloves and a hot coffee. That's the only way I survived. But.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:26

No?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:33

Oh no.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:46

That's good though.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:50

Right? That's funny.

Robb (: 00:54

Oh, and I had sweats on because, you know, I wear shorts everywhere.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:58

Mm-hmm. Getcha.

Robb (: 01:00

So for everyone out there, just so you know, you can also listen to us now on Apple Music. We're on Apple Music, Spotify, obviously, you know, the regular Apple, but YouTube, oh, and YouTube Music. So you can catch us on there as well. Excuse me, you can check out our social medias on Facebook, Instagram.

and YouTube. So if you go to YouTube and you want to listen to us on YouTube for some weird reason with no video, we're on there. And hopefully soon we'll be doing some videos so you can see how wide of an angle Tina's camera is. Because right now she's in like super wide.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:47

I don't even know how I did that.

Robb (: 01:49

I don't either, but it's like a lot, because usually you're very close up on the screen. So, I don't know. And so yeah, check out our socials, check out anywhere you can listen to podcasts. And like I said, YouTube music and YouTube, you can just go there and listen to our show with a logo on it, so if you care to. So this morning we were chatting about certain things we wanted to talk about, and...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:53

Yeah, I don't know.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:09

There you go.

Robb (: 02:17

First we were gonna talk about superstitions, and then you came up with another good one, so we'll talk about superstitions later, because I found a website that has crazy shit on it. I had no clue that you couldn't do certain things because they're superstitious. But you were talking about, that you were talking with a relative, correct? And, mm-hmm, okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:26

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:31

Nice.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:37

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was talking with a cousin and she is going through a lot and she called me because she said, I realized that you got divorced during covid. I realized that you lost your job. You left your home, your animals, your everything. And you went and lived with your dad and nobody in the family really heard you bitching.

And I was wondering how were you able to do that? Because she's going through some things as well. I don't think they're as big as what I was going through at the time, but definitely stuff that she's struggling to keep a positive outlook on. And so she reached out to me and...

I didn't realize what people see being on the outside looking in. I just don't say too much. When I'm struggling with something, I like to suffer in silence. I like to go through what I need to go through. I have my core people that I'll ask for advice, but I didn't realize what she thought she was seeing with me. She thought that I was really happy with getting a divorce. She thought that I...

was happy with losing everything. I'm like, how could you possibly like think that was, that made me happy? She goes, I don't know, I kind of thought you cracked. And I said, no, I just had to wake up every day and say, this is still a day worth of living. And.

Robb (: 03:54

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:09

I'm going to make the most of it because I do have my freedom. I do have a moment to kick back. I don't have to be to work today. I don't, I don't have to be anywhere. Like for years, I think a lot of us have wished for that. Like, can I just get a fucking break? Well, we all got a break. We got a big break. Well, yeah, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't have to lose your job or anything. You worked through it the whole way, but a huge break in, in.

Robb (: 04:25

Yes. Well, some of us did. I didn't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:37

a lot of things like we didn't have to see our family at the holidays. We didn't have to, nobody even put on clothes for like the first six months, you know? What else? Everybody got animals and had like something to pet in their lap. Like, you know, it really stopped the life that we lead now or led then, but it was very...

Robb (: 04:45

Ah.

Robb (: 04:49

It's very true.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 05:06

It was very hard on me. And I was trying to think, what did I do? And there were so many things that I did to try to stay happy. And I kind of told her, so I thought, maybe we should talk about those things.

Robb (: 05:20

Yeah, I think that we do suffer in silence, a lot of people do. We have a core group of people maybe that will tell certain things to, but generally we wear a mask because that's society, right? We don't wanna project our ill feelings or rough times on other people.

which is a bad thing. I think that, I think more people should try to project a little bit, mostly if you're not doing well. But getting through that is never easy, no matter the situation. Divorce obviously is a horrible thing. Breakups, death, these are these core things that we all do, right? We all go through these things. It's just a matter of...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 05:56

Mm-mm.

Robb (: 06:13

telling yourself or finding a way to get through it.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:18

Mm-hmm. And you have to know yourself. I've always struggled with a low level of depression, believe it or not. So I really had to work on my attitude. My attitude is everything when it comes to depression.

I really had to stop in and kind of evaluate what was going on and how bad it was. And I created a scale, you know, and death is the 10, you know, like when you're, when you're, you've lost somebody close to you. Like that's like the, I always say like nobody died. If nobody died, everything, you know, anything could change, anything could be fixed. You could see somebody again. You could, you could go through, you know, next week you could be going through something with this person as long as they're here.

But death for me was kind of the 10, because it, you know, you can't fix that. There's no fixing that. It's just done and accepting it.

Robb (: 07:07

Mm hmm. For sure.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 07:13

But I, so I rate everything and divorce was about an eight. Like there was a lot of loss there, you know, a lot from the family and the house and whatever. So what I did was try to find ways to push through that stuff. And one of the things that I used to do was play music, 24 seven.

Like music had to be on, you know, it had to, I didn't care what it was, but I didn't need to be alone. And music helped me to not feel like I was alone all the time. The, you know, I'll turn on the radio too. So I'm listening to the DJs, the commercials, everything just to have the interaction. So that was one thing that I did that was very helpful. And I feel like most people could relate to some sort of music that kind of will change

Robb (: 07:51

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:05

make their feelings kind of evolve from what they're hearing or how it's forcing their body to feel different or Just in dancing like dancing around when the music was really good. I did that You know kind of looked a little crazy at times, but it that also changes your moods. You know exercising moving around did a lot of that and Yeah

Robb (: 08:24

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:29

I totally agree with you about music. I'm a music buff and when I'm down, I definitely listen to music in all kinds, kind of across the board. I know a lot of people hate to hear it, but misery loves company. So sometimes I'll listen to stuff that's not upbeat or happy or it's sad or depressing. And then I'll listen right after that,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:50

Mm-hmm

Robb (: 08:59

I'll listen to something that's insanely fast and super metal and screaming. So there's releasing that kind of pop in your brain that you're like, yeah, anger, er. And then I'll go right back to like something classical where it's just relaxing spa music. Really? Oh, see, I don't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:19

I can't shift gears that fast with music. I'll stick to a certain genre, yeah. And I'll ride that bitch out. You'll hear me on the same radio station for a month and a half, the same shit. And they play the same thing every four hours. It's like you're on rotation. And I'll wear it out. And then I'll go to the next, I'll hit, my latest craze is Yacht Rock on Sirius.

Robb (: 09:33

Wow, right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:47

And it's not because of the music, although I do like the music too, but it's because the DJ goes, "'Yacht rock' and it makes me laugh. I don't know why I think that Thurston Powell's type of voice makes me laugh, but it does. So that's my, it's like, oh, what are they saying? When your second vehicle is a boat, listen to yacht rock.

Robb (: 09:56

That's funny.

Robb (: 10:03

Hello everyone, hello.

Robb (: 10:14

The alter-ock, yes. You have to do that. That's your rich voice with your teeth together. Yes, everyone. Yes, listen. Listen to me.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:16

You aren't wrong. Yes, yes. My, I think my cousin that lives with me is kind of tired of hearing, you aren't wrong, because every time they say it, I have to say it too, so. But it makes me happy. It, that part cracks me up.

Robb (: 10:27

Yacht Rock. That's funny.

Robb (: 10:34

Yeah, because I think that look, we all find certain things in music, right? That you can piece certain things together. There are songs that make you feel better. It's a fact and it releases.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:39

Mm-hmm

Robb (: 10:49

oxytotin in your body, right? We have these chemicals that when your brain hears something, it releases that. It's like getting a kiss. You know, when you get a kiss, your body releases a hormone that makes you feel good. That's why we all do these things, right? And no different than music. Music does the exact same thing. And I think that those are bridges to getting better or bridges to feeling a certain way

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:52

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:01

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:18

bad time. And we all have to do that. And I think we probably do it more than we think, you know, trick ourselves into being okay, during a time period where things are caving in on you. It's an avalanche. Divorce, divorce is an avalanche. Any kind of breakup is an avalanche, regardless of how people want to

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:20

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:45

Think about it. Even though you're going through a time where you know you gotta get out, it's bad, right? Your brain is telling you that, you know, you've been in this relationship a certain amount of time. Don't give up. Even though you know inside your head, it's done, it's over because you're fighting with emotions.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 12:13

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 12:14

So how do you get past that? Well, you visit friends, you listen to music, you try to look at what's coming ahead, right? Are things going to be better? Yes, they're gonna be better. How do I get to this point? We all need to think about what it is the future holds.

So in divorce, that's what I tried to do. Where am I going to find this place? Where am I gonna go? Who am I gonna see? In my case, when I went for my divorce, it was children, my kid, how am I gonna keep him positive? I don't want him to see me down. So for me, I wore a mask a lot during that time.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:04

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Robb (: 13:05

because it was the only way that I could get through it and make sure that he thought everything was gonna be okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:12

Yeah, I didn't realize though that being like that, my father was definitely worried. His friends who were like second moms to me were really freaking nervous. Like everybody was waiting for me to crack. And I did crack. I just didn't crack like the way they expected. Like I just kind of let go.

I let go of everything, like, okay, so I don't have a job, and I don't have a husband, and I don't have this, and I don't have that, like, okay, now what? You know, I'm like, well, you gotta make money, so what are you gonna do? You know, started doing kitchen hair, okay, so everybody gets cut in the kitchen, what are we gonna do now? You know, you just...

Robb (: 13:54

Exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:56

you kind of look at life a little bit different. You have to reevaluate what your expectations are. You have to believe and have faith. My faith got me through so much. And I don't think that we talk about faith enough. I think that it's kind of overrated for people, but it really isn't. If you believe that you're gonna have a good day, your chances of having a good day are way better.

than they are if you believe you're gonna have a shitty day. I went to, everybody told me how bad jury duty was. So I'm like, oh fuck, okay, let's go to jury duty. I got called in, I can't extend it anymore. I literally pushed it, probably wasted a whole year worrying about it, like literally, because I pushed it that far. And then I went, and when I went, I ran into one of my former teachers.

Robb (: 14:27

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 14:53

and she had all this work that needed to be graded. So she and I sat together for like four days because they didn't call us. We just had to sit there and graded all of our papers and talked and had the nicest stories. And it was the best four days. I had my t-shirt all to myself. You know how cool that was? I don't...

Robb (: 15:12

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 15:13

I don't know why I thought that was cool, but that was cool. I needed to talk and she needed to, she needed help grading papers and she wanted to know what had happened with me and I kind of caught her up and, but another thing I realized was, you know, laughing and having a good sense of humor. Even though I was telling her all the things that I was going through, I found a way to do it.

and make it funny. Like not funny but like not be a downer. You know if we could make your life not be a downer that's pretty freaking good. You're still on the right side of things. You know you could explain a story and explain how hard it was and not leave a person feeling empty as well. And uh

Robb (: 15:44

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:00

That was another thing that I did, but I do that because I do have a strong faith, even though I don't really speak religion much with anybody. I don't let people know when I pray, like my cousin, I said it to her. I'm like, I prayed today and she goes, I knew it all along. I just never caught you. You don't put any of that out there.

Robb (: 16:09

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:23

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:25

Having faith and believing that things are going to be okay and knowing that somebody is going to have your back Whether you know it or not is just a really strong foundation to have and I'm grateful that I have that So that was a big one too is having faith that you didn't have to have all the answers and by the way three years Like later, I don't have any of the answers that I wanted to have or should have had three years ago. So

You gotta have patience too.

Robb (: 16:57

Yeah, for sure. Look, I think a lot of what you just said is a core belief system for a lot of people. You have to have, for one, you have to have faith. If you're religious, you should have faith in God. You should also have faith in yourself, right? Even if you are religious, if you're doing your daily praying, you should be able to look at yourself and go, I'm going to be okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:04

Mm-hmm

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:12

Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Robb (: 17:25

There's always light at the end of the tunnel. I always try to tell people, you're gonna be okay because you have to be. You just have to. And I think you're right. You have to find the people to lean on that are going to be there for you. Whether it's literally there for you or a text message away, a phone call away, you have to have people that believe in you to...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:34

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 17:54

make you believe in yourself.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:56

and also that it'll check in on you.

because I really did go ghost when all that went down. I didn't talk to anybody. I was afraid of a lot of things. Like everything was changing. I was afraid. And so I didn't reach out. And I'm so grateful to the friends that still reached out, even though we, at that point, you know, everybody's opinions of everything was so different. And everybody, I think, kind of struggled with their friends because if you didn't talk about a certain president, right,

talk about gun control correctly or if you could fight about anything during that time. There was a lot of fighting with everybody. Family quit talking, friends quit talking. You know, so I was grateful for the friends that I had and I truly believe that they all kept me afloat and that I helped keep them afloat. Even you, like we hadn't talked in a while and then we're like, God, we got to get out. Let's go and look at three years later or two years later, we're doing a podcast.

Robb (: 18:33

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Robb (: 18:56

Yeah, you went through it like during such a shitty time. Like, you know, COVID alone was just absolute dog shit. And whether you believe in anything or whatever is up to you. Like I think shutting the country down was the dumbest thing we've ever done. It put people in holes that they still aren't out of.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:01

It was a hard time.

Robb (: 19:24

Lots of people took their own lives. And it separated us as people. Then to go through a divorce on top of that is a whole other issue. I was lucky, and again, I don't think divorce is ever a lucky thing, but I went through it, you know.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:27

Yeah.

Robb (: 19:44

10 years before that. But I was lucky because at that time, I was kind of going through my own roller coaster and you know we had a high school reunion.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:55

Yeah. Ha ha ha.

Robb (: 19:55

and you dragged me out of the house even though I did not want to go. I was like, I was mad at the world as well. Like I was just like, fuck this. Why do I want to go anywhere? And I'm glad I went because at least it got me out and it showed me that everything was going to be all right. I was just going through a shitty time. And I think that people need to realize that

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:02

You were. You were.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:16

Yeah.

Robb (: 20:21

Look, there's, life's a roller coaster, regardless if you wanna believe that or not. And if you wanna believe that things are against you, believe in it for a second. No, but they are. Look, the world is against you, but it's also for you. You just have to understand that some days are shitty and some days are great. And...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:33

They're gonna be against you.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:44

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 20:45

You have to get through the shitty ones the best you can, and you have to enjoy the good ones the best you can. And be okay with that. Look, no one's perfect in this world. And...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:53

Yes.

Robb (: 21:00

I think that too many family members and friends hold you to that regard. Like you have to be perfect. Your mom, your dad, your, you know, your sister, your brother. It's like, no, I'm a person that goes to the same shit you do. And, and don't get me wrong. Some people like to be leaned on. They just do. And they're there for a lot of different people all the time.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 21:17

Oh yeah.

Robb (: 21:29

but it doesn't mean that you don't go through shitty days too. So, I mean, I have friends who, that are moms that, look, they're mom, and that's great, and your kids should depend on you, and I have no problem with that, regardless of age. They should depend on you. But look, you're allowed to have a bad day, and you're allowed to not do things right. And...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 21:39

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 21:53

Oh, God, yes. When you're a parent, that doesn't just say, okay, you're gonna be perfect now. When you become a parent, this is the reality you get. You are really fucked up and now you're responsible for a child. That's the reality of what it is. And all of what you're fucked up with is gonna be front and center. So good luck with that. You know?

Robb (: 21:59

Exactly.

Robb (: 22:10

Yeah.

Robb (: 22:15

Mm-hmm. Yeah. But there's nothing to be ashamed of. Like, look, I was a single dad, and I knew that I had to take care of my kid, but I realized that I also have to have a life.

So I tried my best to have my own life during that. And I don't think I suffered that bad. And now he's older, like my kid will be 21 this month. But I still think like, okay, he lives in the house with me. I'm still responsible for certain things in life with him. But I'm also responsible for my own.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 22:47

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 22:51

and I have to be able to enjoy what's left of mine and make sure that my son doesn't, you know, put a fork in the light socket. You know what I mean? Yeah, but do you know what I mean? Like I still look at him that way and I go, hey, don't do that dumb shit. But I also am very hands off of him. He's a grown man. Like when he leaves the house, I ask him, hey, where are you going?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:02

Well that would be best.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:15

Yeah.

Robb (: 23:20

And he'll tell me, I go, okay, go have a good time. Be safe. I don't, you know, and if I go out somewhere, I tell him, hey, I'm gonna go down the street and hang out with a friend, just so he knows. But, you know, it's my responsibility to find my own happiness. And I think that we all need to do that. And, you know, you look at your cousin and go, look, I'm not okay all the time, and I'm not. To this day, I'm not.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:30

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:37

Oh yeah.

Robb (: 23:47

but I do my best every day to go, okay, how am I gonna have a decent day today? That's it. Because if we all have a decent day, we're doing all right. You know, nothing's gonna be perfect.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:57

Yeah, exactly. You know, nothing is perfect. It's your perception of what perfect is that is what's going to make it or break it with things. And my, you know, I also, and I don't talk about this much, I smoked a lot of marijuana.

Robb (: 24:06

Mm. Totally.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:17

I did. There was nothing to do. And all my friends were drinkers and they were all drinking. And I was sitting by myself and I smoked weed. And that was very, very helpful in changing my reality as far as like how bad it was. Because when you smoke marijuana and you get a little high, you feel good. So it can't be that bad if you feel good. Like, so.

Robb (: 24:21

Right?

Robb (: 24:43

Yeah, it's a good point. No, that's true.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:47

So I found a way to feel better, because I lived with my ex for, I want to say, almost six months.

until I was ready to move into my dad's place. And man, talk, okay, so I was lonely in the marriage, which was a big problem. And then we get divorced and I have to live with them. That's freaking lonely. That was, that was great. Would you like something to eat for breakfast? No, I'm fine. That was what I got or no, thank you. Or so.

Robb (: 25:14

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Robb (: 25:24

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I did that for 30 days and it was rough. Yeah, it was hard.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:29

It's miserable, isn't it? Like, it's miserable, yeah. So I just tried to stay out of the way, make sure there was food, did everything I did as a wife already, because I didn't have anything better to do. Like, had nothing to do, and just kind of made the most of that too. Like, what can I try making today? Or, you know, what?

Robb (: 25:42

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:52

I don't know, is there something I could do that's gonna make this a little bit easier since I got nothing but time? Try to fix it, like work on it, smoke some more!

Robb (: 25:58

Right.

Robb (: 26:01

Right. Well, it's, you know, you're living in some kind of turmoil and you're trying to do your best to get through it. And again, regardless of what that is, I'm trying to put this out in the scheme of things. You're, you're pushing to get through a day and try not to be miserable. You know, when you're going through a breakup and the person that's in the house can't leave yet for whatever reason. And

Like in my case, I only had to do it for 30 days. I slept in the same bed as my ex-wife. I re I refused to, I was like, I don't care. But I know people well, just because like I wasn't going to. And I know this sounds a little selfish, like mess up my sleep pattern because I saw to go to work every day. Like I was going through a divorce and going to work every day and then having to deal with the mental strain of trying to save a relationship.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 26:34

Yeah, I did too. Me too.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 26:47

Right? Yeah.

Robb (: 26:57

that could not have been saved in hindsight. I know people who have separated to different rooms, right? I had a friend in Vegas who she was going through a divorce and I mean months he slept down the hall, months. And it had to be, well, I mean, their relationship was, I mean,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:00

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:17

Yeah, fuck. I was sleeping in my bed regardless.

Robb (: 27:27

Caput. It was just a matter of him finding a place to live and, you know, putting pieces in place. Like there was no fixing their relationship. It was done, done. And to, you know, to have someone in the house where it's miserable to be around each other, that corping at each other for dumb shit, you know, and then having kids.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:52

Ugh.

Robb (: 27:53

I think that the oldest one was like a way older, like 19 or 20. And then the youngest one was, I think, 17 or 18. So, you know, they're chiming in and he's saying, oh, this about the kids. And then she's trying to do this. And, you know, they're throwing things at each other instead of parenting. Like, like our relationships in the shitter, but we still have to make sure that our kids are okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:17

Yeah.

Robb (: 28:23

And then, you know, heaven forbid you're in a relationship where it's just you two in the house. And now one is in a separate room and you're living as nothing but roommates. Then you start treating each other like your roommates. And that also turns into an issue because now you're both throwing hand grenades at each other when you should not be in the same household.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:40

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:49

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:51

then what do you do? You have to leave for work in the morning, and now your work is a place of solitude. I don't have to be at fucking home. I don't have to deal with this crazy woman down the hall or this fucking asshole in the other bedroom. And you're just hoping. Then you go home and what do you, the first thing you do is lock yourself in your own room.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 29:14

Yeah, see, I didn't even, we couldn't even do that. We, we, we weren't big on fighting. We were when we were first together and we had the kid. But after that, like it, I just looked like an asshole when I would fight with him because he was so nice that.

I just quit doing it. We quit fighting. We had to learn to talk to each other and communicate. But we didn't even do that. Like we did sleep in the same beds, never even came close to touching somebody. It was almost like there was a brick wall barrier in between us and neither of us even tried to push the wall, like not even tap on it. We wanted anything to do. It was over. It was over. And then, uh, and then

Robb (: 29:47

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 29:51

Right. No, because it's already over. Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:00

being with somebody that you just want to tell them is a fucking asshole and you gotta be nice. Would you like breakfast this morning? Oh my God, was that hard for me. And I felt almost like I was living a different person's life than my own because outwardly I had to make everything look perfect and just be okay and inside I'm like, why won't you fight with me? Why don't you want to fight with me? Why, you know, like.

Nothing, nothing, we're not, okay. Okay, so I shut it down. I still have never really dealt with the fact that I went through that, like in, in like.

a resolving anything manner. It just didn't happen. We couldn't make it work and be done with it. And I am, but there was no like, no emotion. I wonder like, were we ever supposed to be together if there's no emotion? I'm sure he had it. I'm sure I had it, just not around each other. We didn't. So that six months was really freaking hard.

Robb (: 31:07

Yeah. Well, and then you start questioning a lot of other things. Then you start questioning like, again, like why were we together? That, you know, what was this from the very beginning? You know, did I ever love you? There's so many questions that go through you. That you're then again, you're trying to piece yourself together to be okay in front of friends and family or whatever. Um,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:10

Oh yeah, for sure.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:15

Yes.

Robb (: 31:36

I also believe that breaking down is a good thing. You have to show emotion. No, but maybe not in front of people, maybe by yourself. I didn't do it in front of a lot of people when I was going through that, but I did alone. Just because I was like, I had a lot of time together.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:39

Yeah, I'm not good at that, but I'm sure it's a good thing.

Robb (: 31:56

alone because my kid was only like six or seven so he went to bed early. So I had hours after he went to bed to just sit by myself. And, you know, an idle mind is the devil's playground. So I found myself, you know, think overthinking everything.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:00

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:10

Right.

Robb (: 32:16

Again, hindsight is 20-20 with this because I know way more, you know, years later. So I wish I would have known earlier that I was fighting for nothing. It would have made things, it would have hurt harder, but made things easier. And I think that the more, I think people need to realize that in life, right?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:28

Yeah, I get that.

Robb (: 32:41

Once you know, it's better to know that you're that you don't need to fight so you can move forward And and that's with everything if you're in a shitty job Don't fight for a shitty job move forward Relationships are I think the biggest thing if you know, it's done get out. It's okay. Like nothing's

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:47

Yeah.

Robb (: 33:03

I don't look at relationships as a failure though, and maybe that's just me. It's like, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and that's just life, and you move forward. Everything can't be a win, and if you look at your life, we've been with a bunch of people, right? Well, I mean...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:23

No. Not me.

Robb (: 33:27

And I mean like dating, like even if you've dated a lot of people, like everything's not, isn't going to be perfect. And if you find that awesome, put a rope around it, put fucking chains, put a lock on it and lock it in and good for you. And I think that there's something to that. Look, you have to find a way to be happy. We all do. Whatever that happiness is.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:34

Of course, it's not with anybody.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:45

But, lock that down.

Robb (: 33:56

If like we've talked about it before, nothing's going to be spot on. If I can find 90% of what I'm looking for, I feel pretty damn good. And if I can feel good 90% of the time, I'm doing good. There's going to be 10% shit, and that's just life. And you have to step back from that, I think and go, okay, life isn't good right now.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:07

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 34:25

it's gonna get better and I'm going to project the best I can to get through it. And I think that's what you're trying to say to your cousin. Like, I was going through shit. Like, it wasn't good, but I did my best to get through the day every day. And we have to.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:31

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:36

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:41

I think I did more than that. I wanted, I realize, because my mom died at 59, and so my thing in my head is like, fuck, I could be dead in like seven years. You know, I could go down the same path that my uncles and my mom did at the same age. And so that's, that one, my mom died was really stuck in my head. Like, okay, you only got 19 years. And then you're where your mom was when she died, and we're coming up on.

You know, there's what, seven years now left. And, and I really did take that to heart and say, I am going to make every day better than, than I would if I didn't give it a try. So every day I'm going to do whatever I can to laugh more, to, uh,

to bridge gaps, you know, fix things with people that I want to be close to, to keep things good with people I want to be close to, to be the best person I could be, whatever that is. I mean, because, you know, you gotta live with yourself and you gotta figure out what is best for you. And one of the things I had to figure out was that what was best for me was not best for most people. They wanted me to be something that I wasn't gonna be, and I had to just say no thanks.

Robb (: 35:47

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 35:59

I'm not. And so you gotta like put the expectations on you where you want them, not where somebody else wants them.

Robb (: 36:00

Yeah.

Robb (: 36:09

Yeah, look, you can't always wear the cape and be the hero. Like you can't. And you're right, expectations to everybody. It's okay. It's okay to set some ground rules and to say, look, I wanna be in your life, but, or I'm gonna help you, but, or I need to have my own life and I want you in it. There's...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:21

Yeah.

Robb (: 36:39

It's okay to be like that, but the expectation to be happy is yours and you should be. You have a very small time on this planet and we all should try to enjoy it the best we can with, with the people that make us happy. And you shouldn't be afraid to project that either.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:41

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:46

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:56

Absolutely.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:00

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 37:08

It's not other people's jobs to understand who you are. They need to go, okay, that's who they are and I love them the way they are. That's it.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:20

Right, right. With my friends, I always say, I don't need you to be perfect, but just be consistent. Like, whatever, whatever you're doing, whoever you are, just be consistent with me, you know, I could handle, you know, if we only talk once a month, I won't be worrying about hearing from you until the month is up, or, you know, if you need to call in the middle of the night, I'm gonna know that you're gonna be calling in the middle of the night, so make sure I'm.

Robb (: 37:40

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:49

you know, available to that, or not, depending on what the thing is. But with, with me and my friends always say, I'm going to be honest. And honest is not going to be the most popular thing you're going to ever hear. Honest is going to be that thing that you're like, fucking Tina, why'd she have to say that? And, and true to form, you know, I, I'm not trying to hurt anybody, but I will be honest. I will keep it.

Robb (: 37:53

Right.

Robb (: 38:00

Yes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:18

as honest with a person as I can. And my friends have told me, I don't like that. Like, can you just not say something? I'm like, do me a favor. Don't ask the question. If you don't ask the question, I'm not gonna say anything. But if you want to know the truth, I got you. And my friends know there are days, I had a friend say to me, I wanted to call and tell you what was going on. But I was trying to figure out how could I call you.

Robb (: 38:28

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 38:32

Yeah.

Robb (: 38:36

Yep.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:48

and say, I don't want to hear the truth today. I want you to just take my side. And I said, why didn't you just say that? She goes, it took me a week to figure it out and then I didn't need you. So, I was like, I can't, if you don't want me to be honest with you, just say, I don't want to know what the truth is. I just want you to commiserate with me. I'm good at commiserating. You want to be miserable. Like, let's do that, you know? But don't ask me.

Robb (: 39:00

There you go.

Robb (: 39:11

Right. Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:18

to tell you or don't ask my opinion and then expect to hear bullshit. It's not going to happen.

Robb (: 39:23

Right. Well, and I think that's the whole thing too is like, we all need to be ourselves. And I think that's the best way to get through things. Just be you. Look, like you were saying, some people just are not going to be able to handle who you are. And that's okay. But that's okay to me. It's like, I'm...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:29

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:44

Oh yeah, there's a lot of people.

Robb (: 39:50

most of the time people either really like me or really don't like me. And I'm okay with that. Because the people who do like you are the people that you need to be around. And that's okay. Like I say the F word a lot. And I tell people like, I'm pretty brash. And if you don't like that, I'm probably not the person to be around.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:03

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:08

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:18

Hehehehe

Robb (: 40:18

And I also am very witty. So people will throw something at me and I throw it back harder generally and they don't like that either. Like you can't live in a glass house around me because I will throw rocks. But I live in one, so throw away. Like I like that kind of thing. I heard something from somebody who said something in front of...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:28

Mm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:32

Yeah.

Robb (: 40:47

the person they were dating and he didn't like it. He was like, I can't believe you said that. And she told me what she said and I thought it was really funny. Like I just found it funny. And she was like, yeah, I don't know. And I was like, look, that's just who you are. And if people can't handle that shit, then that's on them.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:11

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:11

Like they know it. If you're gonna go around dropping the word pussy all the time or, you know, whatever it is the word, that's gonna happen. People are gonna get a little testy. Yeah, and I get it, like, but then don't be with that person because you're just gonna wreck yourself.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:16

Hehehehe

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:22

They're gonna have an opinion, yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:30

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 41:33

And that person is who they are. And that's kind of how I start looking at life now. Like I am who I am and I'm going to ruffle feathers and be, you know, I also know where not to say that kind of thing. And that was kind of, this was, she said it at home.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:48

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:53

in a humorous kind of way. This wasn't like at a dinner party. She didn't go dropping, you know, the word pussy in front of everybody. She just said it in front of family and he didn't think it was funny. So look, that the way to find your way through happy through bad times is to find the happiness.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:57

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:06

Nah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:13

Oh, I got a good story. I think I've told you before. My mom died. My brother and I are walking up to the casket and we're looking at her and she was a really she had a really bad problem with opioids at the end of her life. And she was bedding over to light her cigarettes on the stove with her.

with her hairspray that normally would catch on fire, singe, whatever, if she got close enough. And there were times where she really burnt the shit out of her hair. And she passed away, and my brother and I are looking at her over her casket. And I said, ooh, mom would be pissed right now. Look at this. If.

if uh if she saw that her how they did her bangs she would kill us and my brother and I started laughing hysterically but we had to keep it in because we were at the funeral we were over mom's body and the whole place thought we were crying and here we are laughing at her because of the way that they did her bangs and they were atrocious i'm not even gonna lie i'm like you should have let me

Robb (: 43:12

Ha ha ha!

Tina Marie Garcia (: 43:20

did her hair and makeup because this is wrong. She's gonna be pissed at this. But all we could do is laugh at it. There was nothing we could do but laugh at it. And...

Robb (: 43:30

Yeah, and you have to.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 43:32

And we did. My brother and I got this sixth sense of humor from that woman that was laying in that casket. You know what I mean? She taught us how to have a sense of humor in the darkest of times. And those are kind of the funnest times to have a sense of humor too, because they are so dark and you do kind of wonder about yourself. I'm like, am I okay if I'm laughing at this? But in reality, you are. If you could find humor in things, you are okay.

Robb (: 43:37

Exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 44:00

And that left me to the final thing, because we're getting close to the end, of things that helped me to not go crazy. And it really has helped my life, because my life is going okay, despite the fact that it's not going okay. I'm doing all right. Like mentally, emotionally, I'm doing okay. And that is being grateful, like being in gratitude. I heard on, I don't know,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 44:29

be sad while you're being grateful for things that you have or something that happened to you or whatever it is. So when my friends and I are talking and they're really down, I will quickly say, give me three things you're grateful for.

and they have to answer because I've, they do that to me now because there's been days I've needed them to kick me in the ass. And, and just being grateful for the things that were good, it does help change the perspective of your day. You know, you could choose to wake up and be pissed off and unhappy every day, or you could choose to be like, Hey,

Robb (: 44:56

Great.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:14

There's light outside, you know, what are we going to do with it? There's a lot of possibilities here. Let's try to find something that, that wows us. And, and when you have, when you're grateful and you wake up grateful and you wake up happy and you're looking for the next adventure, you tend to find that over the misery of sitting in and suffering.

Robb (: 45:35

Yeah, that's a great way of putting it. I mean, look at, there's a lot to be grateful for. I think a lot of people miss out on that as well. You know, it's easy to get down. It really is. It's harder to pull yourself out of a hole, but I guess if you start looking for the things that you're grateful for, it's a good way. Yeah, it's a good start for sure. So, you know.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:41

There is. Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:48

Oh yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:58

You're already out of it. Yeah.

Robb (: 46:04

I think there's a lot to be said and that you can find a way to be happy. I think baby steps and I know that that's a horrible way of trying to put it and a lot of people say it, but it's very much the truth. You have to.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:14

Absolutely.

Robb (: 46:23

You don't always have to jump in feet first. Some of us do. I'm trying to do my best now to not do that and take a little step here and take a little step there. And I think you'll find the things at the end of that road to be the ones that you were supposed to be at, so.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:27

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:42

you condition yourself.

whether you like it or not. You could condition yourself to be pissed off and miserable and fighting on the freeway every day, or you could throw on some music, call a friend that's an idiot and sit and laugh with them, or do whatever it is that you need to do to just be okay. And there's nothing wrong with just being okay. There's nothing wrong with fighting your way through life to just be happy. I don't wake up anymore like I used to being pissed off or like, fuck, I gotta do this.

Robb (: 46:58

Yes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:14

I gotta do that. Now it's like I wake up and go, okay, I don't wanna go and do this, but if I get this done real quick, then I could go and do something else. And I noticed that my perspective has changed and so my reality has changed and life really isn't that bad.

Robb (: 47:22

I agree.

Robb (: 47:30

Yeah, I agree. I think that you have to find the bright things in life and make them bigger, and then you need to find the shitty things in life and get through them as fast as you can.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:44

And if they're really truly that shitty, work on getting them out of your life. Whether it be a freaking relationship, you're not happy and your needs aren't being met and you're not feeling like you could be your true self, that's not a relationship you should be in. And it's better to not be in a relationship than to be in situations like that. Or if you don't like your job, there are so many jobs, everybody goes, nobody's hiring, nobody's hiring, but they are.

Robb (: 48:01

Correct.

Robb (: 48:12

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:12

If you're meant for a job, that job will, you'll find it. You'll get it. You'll be there, because you're meant to be in that situation. So no excuses. Like try to find a way to not be so damn miserable.

Robb (: 48:16

Correct.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Robb (: 48:25

Yep, smile at the sun. I've been doing that as much as I can. When I see the sunrise in the morning, I just go, all right, it's time for the next, it's time for a new day. And you have to find the positives, and that's what I'm trying to do these days. I'm trying to find as many positives as I can and project those onto other people. The people I know that are not good.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:47

Yeah. And, and you could find the positives, but you could also project the positive. You could also find possibilities. And that's what I, that's what I started doing. I don't know who told me that. I don't know that anybody really did, but I just knew that like every day there was a possibility for something that I didn't even see coming to happen. So let's see where it goes.

Robb (: 48:56

Correct.

Robb (: 49:12

That's the perfect way to end this. Possibilities. That's a good one. And so this is an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. And you can find us on all these social medias now, YouTube, YouTube Music, Instagram, Facebook, and then you can check us out on Apple.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:16

possibilities.

Robb (: 49:35

Spotify, YouTube Music, Google for right now, and pretty much anywhere you can hear podcasts. Make sure you share this with a friend and share it. And go on there and leave a review because that helps us as well. Anything else for this week, Miss Tina?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:52

Work on having a good week. Work on it.

Robb (: 49:54

All right, me too. Enjoy the rest of your day. And yeah, thanks. We'll see you later on. Bye, Teeners.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 50:01

See ya!