EP #83 Has porn killed intimacy?

robb (: 00:01

and welcome to another show i don't get this twisted i am rob along with my co host as always tina hyoudontina

garcia (: 00:08

i'm good rob how are you

robb (: 00:09

absolutely pleasant for another sunny sunday i think it's sunny i haven't looked out i haven't looked outside yet it's sunny say bitgen

garcia (: 00:14

it's funny

it's sunny but it's cold

robb (: 00:19

that's yes exactly got to left california so before we get too deep into this interesting episode because that was a little foreshadowing make sure check out our social medias the facebook and the instagram and the twitter and then go find us on apple and google amazon spotify hi heart radio and several several others i found us on some weird one the other day while i was at work looking up podcasting and we were on some one

weird one so we're on lots of them you can find us pretty much anywhere uh teaners you sent me and well we were looking for ideas as always because we like to have our fans give us some feed back and i said hey we need another show for this lovely february one since we were doing love and sex and all that crazy stuff and since you came on last week and spilled your beans we thought we'd have somebody else on to spill a little four more beans so uh let's say how this happened

garcia (: 00:53

nice

richard (: 00:55

yeah

garcia (: 01:03

m hm

garcia (: 01:13

m m

robb (: 01:18

what actually happened with our fan

garcia (: 01:22

so i know somebody that listens to the show and we have pretty good communication so we were talking and i asked him if he had any ideas so my friend richie came on the show today and we're going to talk about how sex is changing and how there's a loss of intimacy happening due to corn and other things so how you doing rich

richard (: 01:47

pretty good how you guys doing this morning

robb (: 01:54

not too shabby

garcia (: 01:54

we're doing well so yeah

richard (: 01:57

good

garcia (: 02:00

we we were talking about before the show started about corn and how different states are into different things rob you should go over that a little bit with us because that was kind of fun

robb (: 02:11

yes it's a quite interesting thing because like here's the thing like we were kind of talking off the beforehand to kind of get this show on the right foot on track going to what we were going to talk about and obviously i think intimacy from when we were younger rich kind of said something off the that was kind of true you know as we went forward in our sexual adventures we learned from the people that we were with um i would

garcia (: 02:22

on track yeah

robb (: 02:40

lucky the first girl i was with was quite a few years older than i was so i had my hand held because i was thirteen at the time when she was seventeen so she had already had sexual adventures so for me it was great i my very first time was great experience but as you go you learn and i think that these days with pornography being so prevalent

garcia (: 03:05

hm

robb (: 03:11

that the youth are probably learning more from that and probably when they are getting into real relationships they realize that sex isn't really like that all the time

garcia (: 03:26

right i agree with that

robb (: 03:28

so i think that it's kind of an interesting thing that rich came um to you and said things like that because i definitely think that that is something that's going to be lacking even in relationships in people of our age because i think that for an actually said it's been around since a long time right and and i think that even when i was younger it was prevalent but still hidden like you couldn't he

no phone right so you had to find the pons dash or or find the tape in the dresser drawer and be like hey what's this and my neighbor his dad had some so that's where we that's where we got it but yeah

garcia (: 04:12

we had a we had a group of kids and it seemed like everybody everybody had something and there was there was always there was like one family where i guess a lot of it came from but it seemed like it went around the whole group of friends in abundance like it was non stop

robb (: 04:28

m hm

richard (: 04:28

i

robb (: 04:33

so rich obviously you you came to us to discuss this crazy matter because i think i think you're right the intimacy is definitely a there's a lack thereof and and definitely prevalent probably more in the less than forty range but definitely i think even in ours and i don't know how old you are i know you you grew up in the same hood so

do you think

richard (: 05:05

well i'm forty six you know but

richard (: 05:10

oh senor thinking about what you're saying right there

richard (: 05:16

i think it comes back to parent i think it starts right there at the root because i don't know if many parents are having those talks with kids any more because of what technology is you know the they'll just say either pass it on because you know the topic is uncomfortable for parents to talk to their kids about you know even back back in our day but today it just seems like just google and this is what it says you know and if a paent was to ask their kid today what sex to you they would say it's you know whatever they read on their phone you know

richard (: 05:46

it's different today i think as a society as a whole is fucking come into a demise from from technology and just how easy things are that aren't true they may interpret it in a way that that their young minds just don't know how to handle yet you know

my girls were raised pretty good so april always had to talk with them and made sure that they they knew how everything worked you know especially when when they came into puberty and all that and so april was really good with that with the girls but i know there's a lot of parents out there that you know just they rely on their kids to find out on the internet you know or they just away all together

richard (: 06:41

i think that that today

richard (: 06:48

pornography really is gonna you know there's so much confusion in the world today with everything that's going on

uh i'm trying to find words i don't offend too many people and there's

robb (: 07:08

oh no offend a way

garcia (: 07:08

say whatever you want and offend we're good with that but i think for when we were growing up

richard (: 07:11

i can't say whatever i want no i don't know i can't

richard (: 07:18

go ahead

garcia (: 07:19

yeah you can but when we were growing up it seemed like all of them

richard (: 07:21

yeah i know i know words carefully here

garcia (: 07:29

all the all the magazines and stuff went around i remember being eighteen and my brother would say hey go and get the next got the forum so i'd walk down to the corner and grab like a piece of beef jerky and a dr pepper and the next for um go back to the house and then all of us would read through the for him and if i was reading something that was good i'd even say hey guys listen to this and i would read it to everybody so everybody of the kids in the house kind of heard you know what what i was

reading and then they all read you know they all took their turns and read the different magazines because magazines went there was a bunch that went around i know my dad used to get um um

i don't remember what he had playboy magazine and then other parents got other ones and seemed like all the boys would come over and they had their little stash and and it went around the group but there was also a lot of conversation there wasn't like it was one person sitting in a place by themselves going through it and there was no conversation we all talked about stupid ship like that and nd like like ridge said we learned from each other but um it was

more of an innocent thing it wasn't where you get on a pornsite and you could watch whatever corn you want and there's absolutely no even on the point that doesn't look like there's any um connection it just looks like it's straight having sex

richard (: 09:03

you know pornography i'm sorry to cut you off there just came in my head but you know when we sat around and looked at all that ship you know pictures are pictures they're not videos and the videos that wore the pornography back in the day you know it was it was funny it was kind of hilarious you know we're on jermy or you know all the peaches you know it was just it was funny it was it was you know comical but today like you said it's just emotion of you know the doing the deed and

garcia (: 09:21

m m

richard (: 09:33

yeah it's totally totally different and

yeah that's at i say about that before i say something stupid

garcia (: 09:43

and they're missing the good stuff basically

richard (: 09:50

yes

robb (: 09:52

yeah for sure look at the end of the day at least and i'll give you my point of iew you're right i think parenting is it's kind of a weird thing now um so many people rely on the schools to do their job um and i think that it's a it's a balance right i'm okay with the school at least giving their two cents and then you should be able to um you know take your child on it

adventure of the reality of the world i remember way back when i had stepdaughters who are much older now and i remember one time my oldest asked me like why do guys watch porn and to think of the answer i was like well it's because of this or it's because of this and she didn't understand it and i was like well it's because you haven't lived yet and that's okay you're going to understand that as you go but look

corn is a fantasy and it's a short ended fantasy right it's that really quick um with no emotion it's that's all it is and people who live within that and think that that's a reality is far far off

but you're right with phones in everyone's hands it's so easy to find and so easy to do it's it's hurting every i think every form of life whether it's because there's people who are addicted to pouring in their fifties

richard (: 11:31

yeah

garcia (: 11:32

i don't i don't get the whole being addicted to porn like be addicted to doing it i know orn

robb (: 11:42

well yeah but people are addicted everything

garcia (: 11:45

that's true

that is very true i think especially as we grow as a society to not be connected not be as close people moving away families not sticking together there's not multi generations around to um kind of influence the younger generations i think it's getting worse because when when there's not the connection um it's not expected to have a connection i think our generation we expect

have connections with everybody because we did and that's not the case anymore

robb (: 12:29

i think

richard (: 12:29

yes yeah yeah

robb (: 12:31

you're you're probably right on on some some level i just think it's a lot to do with m technology has made us closer and pushed us farther away you know like my favorite thing is like facebook facebook is the greatest worst thing ever and the worst greatest thing ever

garcia (: 12:49

hm

robb (: 12:56

it's it's got us

garcia (: 12:56

i get that because we could be tied into people that we went to school that we wouldn't have been otherwise or family that's out of state that our parents may not have talked to we could we could find anybody that we want to talk to but on the other hand we're not having close connection that way

robb (: 13:15

h or you're you're having a connection that can get you in a lot of trouble

garcia (: 13:20

there's that too

robb (: 13:22

you know i mean how many people do you think of had affairs you know off a facebook

garcia (: 13:30

no i never thought about it that's a good question but rich you're i'm sure rich your single what's your take on how like what are you experiencing with with intimacy and and all that do tell

robb (: 13:34

it's definitely out there

richard (: 13:49

okay well for me being single it's it's communication when you when you approach someone you know and

richard (: 14:01

i'm pretty picky you know i just don't go out for the only you know first person that i see out there and you know some one can be attractive but you know they as soon as they open their mouths they're like the ugliest person in the world it just depends on the individual and and you know i guess would say what their vie is and you know how they how they present themselves but once it comes down to the into to having you know engaging in sex you know communication is

you know you have to have that otherwise you know you're just guessing and fumbling you know just fumbling around you got to know what the other person likes and what they don't like and that conversation needs to have prior and you know i don't get me wrong there's been some drunken drunken expeditions there and and things just get out of hand but you know those kind of people just don't stick around you know as far as relationship material

richard (: 15:02

i'm not so much to the one night stands no more and that that's just because i'm older now and mature because i'm scared as funks what's out in the world these days you know you can't trust a person and so being single and dating these days it's a lot i'm a little more chooser than what i used to just because it's just just scared of about what's out there in the world when it comes to other people but communication you know my last relationship i was in

garcia (: 15:16

hm

richard (: 15:32

for two years and it was good but you know we just grew apart which you know happens but you know communication you know it needs to be there because you're the biggest sex working you have is your brain and once you can stimulate you know what's going on the grave matter i mean it's going to be great after that no matter what that's my experience anyway so

yeah i would say he would be communication

garcia (: 16:03

so do you think it's harder to do that now than it was when you were younger or

richard (: 16:09

ah no no i find it easier today i think i was a little more uh shy or you know i'd have to have a little liquid courage in me in order to to approach someone but nowadays you know but it's different it's just you know maturity and and knowing what you want and then i found that women really like that

richard (: 16:37

that's just me though that's just me

garcia (: 16:41

i get it

garcia (: 16:45

for me that the closer you could be in the mind the closer your bodies could be i definitely do believe that if you're not connecting mentally you're not going to connect as well physically it's just to give it but i don't believe that i think the younger generations don't see it the same way they don't believe that they're not practicing being that close it's all about getting

together having sex and then moving on or just getting together when they need to do that and i've noticed since i've been single i hear a lot of people saying that too that the that the younger generation isn't about getting to know each other and that's kind of sad because getting to know someone is it's kind of the fun stuff you know it's not it's not supposed to be work or a burden and

it seems like that's what that's the feedback i'm getting from the younger generation is that it is a burden and that they don't have time for that and i was like why would you not make time for that that doesn't even make sense to me but when when i asked other people that's definitely what i heard from the younger crowd like the thirty crew and it talked to anybody in their twenties i try to not do that so it's just me

robb (: 18:09

yeah

garcia (: 18:15

hm

i asked a lot of people to and the younger group just it's not that big of a deal

richard (: 18:30

i think for this dan age relationships are de yeah no go ahead go ahead

robb (: 18:31

i definitely agree though i think being op

robb (: 18:37

go i'm sorry there's a small delay

richard (: 18:39

there is i noticed that yeah there's like a three second delay there

robb (: 18:42

yeah there's a little delay though

so go

richard (: 18:47

oh okay relationships are a lot different i mean

people are stuck on their phones you know i remember back in the day we used to have sunday night dinner you know we'd all get together and and hang out with the family i don't see that happening anymore will not where on back in west virginia you know the only time these suckers get around is you know drinking out in the garage or when it's honey season you know that's about it when they all come together is the family and you know the dynamics of family and family values these days have changed

garcia (: 19:18

oh

richard (: 19:25

much that

richard (: 19:30

people go off what they see and we'll bring back now pornography again how easy and accessible it is and you know and my only fans and just hook ups and you know craig's list and back page and all these crazy places that you know this is what people think you know the young young people think is okay you know they lose

as tina said you know they lose finding out who each other is you know one another actually spending time with someone people are so are so self absorbed and just about themselves they don't want to get to know anyone else because they have now they don't want to and i'm not saying that's everyone but that that seems to be uh from what i see around here and and just the guys that i work with i mean it's it's it's pretty deplored

when when you start thinking about it and see how these people have you know how their their attitudes are towards relationships and intimacy it's just you know we get into some pretty pretty deep conversations at work about about this topic and you know just how it's changed over the years and how their kids and you now interacting you know

you know with their own family dynamics and it's just changed

richard (: 20:52

golly uh relationships take work you know people get married and divorced these days within just a few years you know twenty thirty years ago you know people stood together at least for you know at least half their their mature lives but it

i think the phone and technology like i said it's a good thing it's a great tool but just as any tool you know it gets abused and people get de sensitized uh and don't want to put in the effort because they'd rather look at a mean or go on facebook or whatever and just you know so taking that time to get into note someone they you know they'd rather look at a phone and scroll through swipe right or left or whatever it is

what do you getting guys what do you think

robb (: 21:48

um like i think we live in a hook up culture um no matter what age um if you've ever tried to use a dating app i think that that's still you know quite um prevalent that people are in a hook up culture and i think that there's a lot of issues along the board um for younger people look that they live on line so like i have a twenty year old he lives online

so like the girl that he's dating lives six hours north of us so and she she'll come down and visit so when you meet somebody online you're you're in a it could be anywhere first of all secondly then if you are dating someone you're living on your phone so people don't want to talk they'd rather text each other instead of talking which is a lost art i think um i would rather meet somebody

garcia (: 22:25

wow

robb (: 22:48

with them and learned but i'm i like to be mentally stimulated and i think like you said the gray matter is what matters um sex comes with with um knowing someone and being around them more and learning what it is about them so i think there's a lot to that as well the culture is just a different place now i think with you know not just sit on feminism but modern

feminism guys the statistics are out there people are running away from relationships you know women don't need men so men now are saying fuck off e'relikealright don't so the man culture now is just go out and bang them and leave them because they don't need a man so where we're hurting ourselves on both sides women don't need men so men are now like screw them so even if a woman does want that

garcia (: 23:39

hm hm

robb (: 23:48

the the bigger picture is i don't need a man so he's going to go all right he's going to bang you out and then leave you and go on to the next thing instead of really learning who people are and getting deep and i want to know people i want to know everything about someone and again i am older so that we come from a different generation where we didn't have phones we had to scape board down the street to meet your girl friend so we're in it

different place but i would rather still scape board down the street and see the girl now even though i have a car i'd rather drive down the street and see her and learn who she is on the most intimate level because things come with that you know you can go meet and have sex and it's great or meet and have sex and it's bad but learning who someone is you may learn more about them sexually then

by talking to them on an intimate level and finding out what they want in life then just meeting up somewhere so and dating at suck they're horrible and we've had several shows on them and you know look it's a wild place and and who wants a do you want bar culture i don't know if i want to go out and just hang out in a bar and meet somebody because you never know who you're goin to meet you know you may meet the fucking psychopath or you may meet or you may meet

garcia (: 25:13

m

robb (: 25:18

your significant other i don't want to sit on it either but it's definitely i think it's better than online dating at least you're going to meet someone in a setting where you're actually talking across a table to him it's lost it's a lost art

garcia (: 25:30

and chemistry means something like you don't get chemistry from from texting it's just not the same thing you don't get that that i don't know spiritual interaction i guess

robb (: 25:38

correct

robb (: 25:43

you don't get that butterfly reaction

garcia (: 25:46

hm

robb (: 25:48

chemistry is real and when you meet somebody that knocks your fucking socks off and you can look into their eyes and see it and they see it there's nothing better than that and that it's like a punch in the nuts

garcia (: 26:05

even the build up you know like before sex even happens and you know you're interested and you talk about it and you're there but yet you you haven't done it that's a level of of excitement that you don't get if you're not if you don't know the person that you're talking to like that it's just not the same

robb (: 26:23

hm

a kiss can be almost better the build up to that kiss or or that when a kiss means something when you're looking at each other and it means that and you know what it means because you're both looking at each other and the feelings there there's nothing better than that and wherever it goes and that could be in public and get the same thing or in your house and get the same thing it's it's

garcia (: 26:31

oh of course

garcia (: 26:48

hm

robb (: 26:55

that it's intimacy that's rich hit it on the head that's true intimacy that can turn to wild sex but unless you have that i know i agree but what i'm saying is if you don't to me if you don't have that level going that other because you can you can have wild sex with anyone but you can't have intimacy with just anyone

garcia (: 27:07

and it should turn to wine sex

richard (: 27:26

no doubt yeah i concur

robb (: 27:26

rich

robb (: 27:35

and i think it's it's hard for us and being men

richard (: 27:43

it is harder for men than i

garcia (: 27:45

i think it's way hard for men these days because

robb (: 27:54

go delay

richard (: 28:00

you want me to go oh it's harder for men you know in this day and age uh just because everyone you know

robb (: 28:05

yes

richard (: 28:14

how do i explain that it's always been harder for men you know to approach someone or vice versa you know men or women i'm trying to put this from my perspective but when you when you think about it you know just

richard (: 28:34

maybe the person that you want to approach isn't feeling the same way that you are so we were afraid for reject rejection i mean that's that's going on since since time you know from a man's point of view i think it's harder because a woman approaches you the dude's going to be like yeah you know but if if a man goes up to a woman and and and makes the initiate the initiative you know approach to someone i think a man will most likely be you know shot down compared to it a woman

up to a man you know guy is gonna be like he yeah you're nested in me you know i think there's a and that's why i say it's harder for men you know when it comes to that right there you know we do not want to be no one wants to be rejected first off but you know a woman you know

richard (: 29:23

i'm going to say has and i'm gonna say easier time i'm gjusangit's a woman aint goin a get as rejected more times than men i guess that's my take on is it harder for men now on this day and you you brought up datyapp

garcia (: 29:40

i think your status is men though

richard (: 29:44

go ahead

garcia (: 29:50

i think the states are higher for men that would ask out women as opposed to women that would ask out men so i think the failure rate is going to be higher because men do most of the chasing and they should that's who they are genetically but the rejection i get that because i've been hit on several times lately and my friends have pointed it out and i didn't even realize that that was happening i just thought people were being nice or or the guy

we're being nice and i was nice back and then i left not not thinking a word about it and then you get in the car and my friends were like that guy was hitting on you should have given your number i'm like i just thought he was being nice i didn't i didn't see it coming

garcia (: 30:48

go rich go

richard (: 30:50

oh

richard (: 30:58

i

richard (: 31:03

it's different today than what it was you know i got to be with rob there you know the whole butterfly thing and looking in someone's eyes i mean that that's it the whole online thing i never got into i try the dating site aft but it's just like how do you even know that's the person there and that's just me you know you know

people are so fake online you don't know what's trilling what is it and so i never really got into that and plus i really didn't want to pay for a fucking for a website you know i just every time i fell out though whatever and then it came down to put my critic car information on like why would i do that when i can go outside and meet someone i just i just never i just never got me or maybe i'm just a cheap basset that way i don't know but you know i just after i came down to it and i just sat back going am i really going to do that

garcia (: 31:47

hm

garcia (: 31:53

m m

richard (: 31:54

am i really gonna go online to try to find someone to day when i can just go outside and meet someone what i've been doing for the last up teen years you know but i know it's something new you know i think the picking and choosing online you just don't know what you're going to get you meet someone in person you know you know exactly who they are and what you how you feel about it and you know they say you know lightning hitch it sometimes with the grocery store you know you never now we you're going a eet your soul made at

you know be pumping gas or or somewhere you know it just depends on you know who you look in the eye and feel i think that's a lot start these days

garcia (: 32:38

i get that because women because i do here so women will ask me like well where do you think you should meet men and i'm like you need to if you're religious go to church go to home deepo go to go to a driving range go to a bar that's like a sport spar like there's a lot of places you could go that have a high number of single men around you just got to like be creative end and go from there

robb (: 33:10

yeah it's for sure home depot is like the newest thing i read on line it is they said if you want to find single men home depot is probably one of the best places to look right now so women are going on saturdays and sundays and looking for men

garcia (: 33:14

is it

richard (: 33:19

uh yeah

garcia (: 33:28

that's hilarious and here i'm sitting here on a sunday i should be at home depot right now

richard (: 33:28

that's funny that's a good one

richard (: 33:33

yeah

robb (: 33:35

well i mean i think look it also you have to ask yourself what you're looking for you know what i mean so

garcia (: 33:44

somebody with a house that's that's a good start you know yeah

robb (: 33:47

well someone someone who can build like i have a friend who's who's very old school she's very old school when it comes to relationships um very much the dynamic of you know the women have a job and men have a job and that you know like i kind of agree like provider protector you know those are things that should be built into men

i think um and probably are in our generation because our parents you know pass that down and i'm trying to with my son like look this is your job this is what you should do and and look partners are partners i think there should be partners if you're in a relationship you should be a partner right everyone should have their job but you should all pitch in and which i think is an amazing thing but i think there's like i said the lack thereof of so

garcia (: 34:37

absolutely

richard (: 34:40

yet

robb (: 34:45

many women now saying i don't need a man so now men are are giving them that and it's going to be the downfall

garcia (: 34:55

you know i think that's that is like the wrong way to think about it too because yes nobody needs anybody like we could all you know if we're physically capable we could do this on our own that but it's just not meant to be that way we is we as society aren't meant to be alone otherwise we wouldn't live in communities we wouldn't live in towns and cities and and and be around people you know populated areas where

put on this earth to work together to have like more of a tribal situation where everybody has their role and plays their part and to say that we don't need men that's such bullshit because kids need deads uh women need brothers women need women need people in their lives we need we need the strength we need the guidance the protection like there's always times where that

it's appropriate and and to ship on it and say that we don't need it is it's ridiculous because that's not how that's not how life is supposed to be and i think we've done it to service to every generation below us by by saying that we don't need somebody it tells little boys that they're not important it tells men that they don't need to be accountable why why would we do that it doesn't make sense to me

robb (: 36:22

totally agree that that's so true

garcia (: 36:24

and and and me growing up i grew up where rob you were one of my best friends in high school we were together all the time ridge was always in my house like he grew up there and the group of boys that that he was around there was like ten of them twelve of them i don't even know and they were always around and the interaction that i got to have with each and every one of them made me who i am but i think it also made me not hate men because i had i had good healthy relationship

ips that were there were in my house they weren't on a computer screen they weren't in another state they were there and i appreciate the fact that i had each and every one of them because i learned i learned from all of them still and i kind of i appreciate the fact that that i have those relationships and that they have grown to be what they are today it took a lot of time it took a lot of patients it took

robb (: 37:01

hm

garcia (: 37:24

to growth but i don't i don't feel for one minute of one day that men aren't important in my life that's never been what i've thought

robb (: 37:36

i mean i would say the same thing about women though for me like it's never been it's never been like that but we also didn't have like the bad bitch cendrum either where now you know people want to say that ship

garcia (: 37:40

hm

garcia (: 37:53

the bad bitchsyndrum

robb (: 37:54

have you that that's and again these are things that are thrown at me and again i think it's a younger thing you don't

garcia (: 38:00

there's a lot of things that you say and i'm like god where have i been that i haven't heard this stuff

robb (: 38:05

yeah that women are like i'm a bad bitch now so like i don't need this and and again

richard (: 38:05

ah yes

garcia (: 38:11

i think that people back in the day would have said i'm a bad bitch but i didn't put it out there and i didn't treat men horribly so

robb (: 38:19

like you know who andrew tate is

garcia (: 38:22

no

robb (: 38:23

andrew tates this online guy and he's most people would say he's border line misogynist and he does he says a lot of crazy ship but i saw an interview with him where he said he was talking to these women they're like oh i don't need a man i don't need a man and he goes but you do when you need to fix your car or you need to build a house or you need to do this or you need to do that and he shot all these women up because he was right like women don't

need men until they need a man

and and that is going to end up being a problem and i think it's the same um for men like you know you can say you don't need a woman until you need a woman because women do certain things and men do certain things were just that's why we work together as a an ang

garcia (: 39:14

right

robb (: 39:17

it's one of those things were like

it's kind of like me i've been single a long time so what i'm looking for in a relationship might be way different than someone else like i don't i don't need someone to do my laundry i don't need someone to clean my house i don't need somebody to cook dinner for me i do all that ship already

garcia (: 39:37

but isn't it nice when somebody does

robb (: 39:40

again where yes of course it is but it's not it's not a need i need something else fulfilled i need mental stimulation i need someone i can come home and talk to someone that i can lean on i need a different part that's why i want a partner i don't just want a woman anyone can get a woman i want a partner i want someone who's going to be there and i'm going to to do the same thing so they can lean on me and i can lean on them and

i like i can do dishes done for fucking years so it's it's not like that's a woman's job that's crazy talk so it's look look hard for the relationship and an intimacy should be part of that because those are intimate moments that are so important in a relationship that you know coming home and be able on talking to your spouse or your or your

garcia (: 40:38

i will

robb (: 40:41

significant other about what is going on in life for real is way more important than porn sex

garcia (: 40:51

yeah for sure for sure but if you have that you throw in some portant sags have yourself a good time absolutely

robb (: 41:00

exactly but but you can't you can't lean on that is the only thing and i think and again i'm not talking about our generation

garcia (: 41:06

no no

robb (: 41:12

i'm talking about probably the next generation where it's just stagnant that they don't look for they don't look for that

garcia (: 41:21

they don't know what intimacy is how many kids do you see their parents aren't interacting with them i see it all the time in the shop they they are sitting in a in a stroller the mom hands them her phone two hours later the kids sitting there i'm hungry i'm this i'm that she's totally ignored the kid talking to me getting their hair done and i'm the one talking to the kid like how are children going to be intimate if they're not even

close with their parents that are raising them

robb (: 41:53

so how do we fix it

garcia (: 41:56

get rid of their fucking phones for one and their tablets and the computers and take them outside play a game with them like kids grew up in my house i played hours upon hours of games with them every day even the kids in the the neighborhood there was interaction i was the oldest and yet there was interaction would say rich was one of the younger ones wasn't their interaction every time you walked into the house like

there was we need to start interacting

richard (: 42:26

we had no choice i mean you got we were only there to get you to get teddy and you know you was like i got to do my charge and clean the house first you know and we were headed outside you know it's totally different dynamic that's going on these days uh yeah some people just shouldn't be parents but then again you know but you see that it's like damn dude you know

garcia (: 42:38

oh

yeah

richard (: 42:56

take responsibility for your kid maybe i don't want to say anything else about that very everyone different strokes are different folks but i think the phones should be limited to you know until you're of age to where you can

have respect and properly use it instead of just you know as a as a baby sitter or distraction from the parents i think pornography should be band i don't think it should be should be main stream the way it is you know i think it's death mental death met death tremental to our society as a whole i mean yeah we're smart but we're getting dumber you know as a day goes by you know with but just a

the useless time wasted you know time that is just just fucking wasted you know i do it myself you know but i'm trying to to to step away from that in trying to read more books instead of just reading with online you know trying to do a little more outside instead of just vedging and being a couch potato and it's really easy to get caught in that trap but you know i was looking at these countries that were where pornography is abandoned up right now

garcia (: 43:49

m hm

richard (: 44:13

ah most o them are in the middle east and i was like wow china and north career well he don't got to internet anyways north career but still you know these are really religious areas and

i think i'm doing too bad i mean you know

it's just weird man you know how how things have changed very much so very much so

garcia (: 44:35

and they have more of a family culture

richard (: 44:44

but technology you know it should be i hate to say the word regulation but you know in this great country you live in we have freedom to do what we want but just having the ability to do what you want doesn't mean you should do it you know people's people should be more responsible with what what their kids do and and have more of a you know access to what they're looking at i don't know i don't know my my kids are ava

now you know my daughter is nineteen and and hope you you know twenty three so there there they're of age and they do their own thing now and i can't really do anything about it but when they were you know well we didn't let them go online you know they had to read books you know it wasn't the tablet thing or the tender or the what you call it the book tablets you now april you know that's hat's good every now and then for school but i hope she doesn't use that all the time and april always made sure that you know technology was kept

a minimum in the house you know think gone hey lived in the country an they were able to go out and have horses and have certain amenities like that you know not that most kids don't but you know it just depends you i think it's on the parents and i think it comes back to the parent in i think it's all comes back to that

that's my take guys

garcia (: 46:12

i don't disagree with that

robb (: 46:15

how would you fix us you know how would you fix modern relationships i mean that with like our age you know early forties to us that there's issues there i mean there's definitely issues there um with with phones and technology as well i mean it's it's ruined our generation as well like i said it's a good thing

garcia (: 46:37

hm

robb (: 46:45

i've i've been able to find people that i knew years ago and get closer to them through a phone so i can't ship on it totally but you know how do we do it as a generation to fix intimacy

garcia (: 47:09

i think you could just put the phone down at a certain time every night and take the extra time that you have that you're not on your phone and spend it with your mate spend it with your kids spend it with your dog do some exercise read you know try to turn on some music do you you realize nobody really listens to music any more and i wonder like what is going on in these houses where music isn't played because that to me was always big memory moment

was when my parents had the music on and we were just clean in house so i think that interacting and also when you go out to dinner or you go out to lunch with my friends we we minimize the amount of time is on the phone we all put our phone down we all look a little uncomfortable for a first couple minutes it seems because you know what you know you're getting the chimes or whatever but then we get in a grove and we enjoy each other and i believe that we the technology is to get us to

richard (: 47:49

m

richard (: 48:02

m

garcia (: 48:09

get together but it's not how we stay together if we don't do the interacting if we don't do the loving if we don't play games with our kids if we don't interact with people if we don't take time with our elders we're going to end up with an empty heart and it's not going to fix anything in this society that's my take on

robb (: 48:33

about you rich how do you fix intimacy

richard (: 48:40

yeah it takes time you know music that that's a very important one you know today's music is trash you know look at what what the words are said and it's fucking junk and trash compared to where we grew up i can't i came from a family that we had parties and dance you know

richard (: 49:04

i

i think tina hit it right there you know music is something that really put the smile on your face you know i like to say it came from a big dancing family but but people don't dance like that you know it's all bumping grind and and you know just dry humping you know for the for the younger generation as i mean you look at

richard (: 49:32

music these days has changed so much and just the way it's expressed you know how they how people are

are talked about and and and women are so you know they're just they don't mean nothing they just bitches and hoes and and you know they're just that's what music is you know you know about these these these studio crooks you know that they're just bunch of want to be and some of them may be real but you know they're just trying to make a record just trying to trying to earn a dollar and it's and that right there is a part of our societies to change the music

you know

richard (: 50:18

but intimacy it's people got to put work on it we've had i mean we have to work at it

garcia (: 50:20

well you have you ever looked at

richard (: 50:25

you know since the beginning of time you know whenever anyone you know good or bad you know it always takes time to figure you know to you got to put work into it and and you need to put down the technology and close you know and turn the radio on and make effort into into relationship we all know that but we're all goin a do something different

how do we fix it put more time and effort into it you know if you want something you got to work at it you know anything worth having you know it's never never easy you got to work at that ship and i think people just you know they just they don't put in the time and effort like they used to that man i'm not speaking for everyone you know but you wif you want something you gotta you work for it got to got to

garcia (: 51:11

they got to work at it and make it fun

richard (: 51:18

that's my take on it

garcia (: 51:20

but it shouldn't just be work it should be fun getting to know somebody should be fun it shouldn't be it shouldn't feel like work

richard (: 51:23

you know yes

richard (: 51:31

yes yes they did yeah yeah

i don't know what term to use on that but yes yes that is right you got to make it interesting and fun you know

garcia (: 51:43

yeah

robb (: 51:48

yeah i said last week i made a post

richard (: 51:48

it's work it's work you know it's work honestly because some ship is just not easy it just isn't you know there's uncomfortable things that need to be talked about and said and and those are the parts that bring people together i think you know it's to get through the uncomfortable ship too you know it's not all it's not all rainbows and cup cakes you know to have a relationship and intimacy you got to have to go through some bad ship too you know

robb (: 52:16

cakes

richard (: 52:18

it's all so so in the mix man

robb (: 52:21

that's for sure

robb (: 52:27

i think you know there's several things that i did put a mem up last week and i talked about it with tina you know dancing in the kitchen things like that and one of my favorite movies is the crow and it's funny that it's it really is the small things the small things is what makes into intimacy real and fun it's those small things yes put your phone down put on some music dance in the house but also

realize that that sometimes you have to leave things at the front door when you come in um look we we all want to talk about how bad work is and how chitty this is and the kids had a bad day or whatever and yes you should you should take your time to talk about that but don't make it everything there should be that time where you talk about the ship and then there's a time to put that phone down

and say look it's time for us to be us sit down listen to music watch your television show do whatever but make sure that there's that quality time that's that's taken if you have a fire pit in the back yard go make a fire sit around have a drink talk um if you have a hot tub pool whatever whatever it is your thing is make sure that you're doing that and and and leaving some things at the bedroom door so when you

go into that bedroom at night you leave the ship on the outside and take something else inside and you have to know how to do that and if you if you as a couple you you say we're putting the phone fucking down and this is our time to have whatever it is if you want to just sit and talk and talk about whatever or you know hug each other or do whatever and if it turns the sex great but

be intimate the intimacy of being with somebody and and being able to spill your heart out or just touch people have lost the the

robb (: 54:44

i'm not desire the ability to just touch without it being overly sexual it's okay to hold someone's hands still that's a lost art how many people how many couples do you see outside that are just walking with each other people don't hold hands anymore fucking bizarre to me

richard (: 55:03

yeah

robb (: 55:04

so to me that's how you fix intimacy you leave certain ship at certain doors and then if you can do that and do it without being mean to each other it's like so we do this

garcia (: 55:16

yeah you have to be open you have to be open to to being touched you have to be open to a slap on the ass you have to be open to tom holding hands or wrestling or you know just hugging you know i've noticed like our family is big on hugging and kissing they always have been and we've always ben til we were kind of weird for that but that's always been our family but even hugging is is become awkward with people like

it's a hug everybody's dress nothing crazy is going on like embrace somebody put your arms and i'll tell people hug me like put both your arms around me and hug me i don't like go until i force that on them and i know that that's not how you know a hug is supposed to go but it has to start somewhere like people need to know first of all it's okay for them to hug me but also that they should like it's okay to be close it's okay to be friends

richard (: 56:06

oh

garcia (: 56:16

it doesn't mean that i want to screw the person that's hugging me i just have an affinity for them i have a bond with them and and it's okay to embrace it's we need to start teaching that again my cousin my cousin my niece and nephew i always laugh because they give me their head like they'll put their head to my my stomach my my chest whatever but they don't put their arms around me they just bump their head into me and that's supposed

be okay and i'm like what the hell are you doing to make them hug you so i do i force a lot of ship on these kids and and and i don't think that i should because i'm not their parent but somebody needs to take the awkwardness out of that and and try to make it more common it's okay to it's okay to love your people it's it's okay to love them without wanting to fuck everybody it's okay

robb (: 57:13

yeah hugging is a form of communication we learned that in high school

garcia (: 57:17

hm hm it is

i don't know i force i force my friends and family to do way too many things i forced them to hug me i forced them to talk to me i forced them to tell me things they don't want to say but you know i think i have really good relationships because i encourage that

robb (: 57:42

all right well we're coming up on an hour let's do last words what's the last word there miss tina

garcia (: 57:53

don't forget that when you're not intimate with a person when you don't open yourself up to be close you're missing the good stuff

robb (: 58:04

already rich last words m guest

garcia (: 58:06

m

richard (: 58:13

if you i you want it that bad you gotta put the effort into it anything worth while is never comes easy you got to keep working at it

that's it

garcia (: 58:32

what about you rob

robb (: 58:32

oh my last word is this intimacy takes time and takes chances to find that one that you're willing to be super intimate with and and move forward is as a big step communicate keep doing it they're out there everything is there you just got to put your hand out enough to

give it a shot and i think as a society we need to give these shots

you know teach your kids and your right hug it's a big thing that's a lack that's going on in this society two years of not being intimate with each other has fucked this planet up

garcia (: 59:23

absolutely

robb (: 59:26

so yes intimately let's do it let's start doing it and make sure that you're the people in your life know that you care because i think that's another thing people aren't saying that any more and if you do care about people on any level whether it's friendship or love tell them it's important there's too much ship going on in the world right now

ople are at a wits end about

getting up in the morning so let's let's tell them be intimate with your mates and your friends and on that this is an opinion show so don't get it twisted keep coming back listen every wednesday check out our socials on that facebook and instagram twitter and listen to us on apple spotify google amazon high heart radio and anywhere that you can hear

this crazy fucking show all right until next wednesday we'll see tina rich stay on all right thanks guys

richard (: 01:00:44

later

garcia (: 01:00:44

bye