Episode 51
EP #51 Marriage, Would you do it a second time?
Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted
Robb and Tina talk about marriage and if its a good idea a second time? Our opinions and thoughts on the matter.
Explicit
DGTTwisted@gmail.com
Copyright 2024 Dont get this Twisted
This podcast and website represent the opinions of Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia and their guests to the show and website. The content here should not be interpreted as medical advice or any other type of advice from any other type of licensed professional. The content here is for informational purposes only, and because each person is so unique, please consult your healthcare or other applicable licensed professional with any medical or other related questions. Views and opinions expressed in the podcast and website are our own and do not represent that of our places of work. While we make every effort to ensure that the information, we are sharing is accurate, we welcome any comments, suggestions, or correction of errors. Privacy is of the utmost importance to us. All people, places, and scenarios mentioned in the podcast have been changed to protect confidentiality. This website or podcast should not be used in any legal capacity whatsoever, including but not limited to establishing “standard of care” in a legal sense or as a basis for expert witness testimony related to the medical profession or any other licensed profession. No guarantee is given regarding the accuracy of any statements or opinions made on the podcast or website. In no way does listening, reading, emailing, or interacting on social media with our content establish a doctor-patient relationship or relationship with any other type of licensed professional. Robb Courtney and Tina Garcia do not receive any money from any pharmaceutical industry for topics covered pertaining to medicine or medical in nature. If you find any errors in any of the content of this podcast, website, or blogs, please send a message through the “contact” page or email DGTTwisted@gmail.com. This podcast is owned by "Don’t Get This Twisted,” Robb Courtney.
Transcript
m m
]:and welcome to another show of don't get this twisted i am rob along
garcia]:oh
]:with my co host as always tina
garcia]:yeah
]:how are you
garcia]:m
]:doing today tina
garcia]:i'm good rob how are you
]:oh
garcia]:oh
]:i'm not too shabby i'm getting by and it wasn't absurdly hot today
garcia]:yeah we've been having a little bit of a cool trend going on i'm kind
garcia]:of excited
]:yeah
garcia]:about that is supposed to get over a hundred this week and i'm not looking
garcia]:forward to that
]:awesome uh yes
garcia]:yeah
]:you're that is correct it's supposed to be pretty warm so
garcia]:yes
]:ah so we better enjoy
garcia]:i
]:it supposedly it's supposed to be
garcia]:oh
]:sixty one tonight where i am which is probably about the same for you
garcia]:interesting you
]:not
garcia]:know i've been
]:too
garcia]:in the
]:bad
garcia]:pool every day for the last like six days and the weather for it has
garcia]:been perfect is the pool couldn't be nicer right now
]:i'm sure
garcia]:so
]:it's
garcia]:yeah
]:probably nice and cool
garcia]:yeah so i've definitely
]:oh
garcia]:worked on the pink panda you know from wearing the one piece but actually
]:oh nice
garcia]:i got some new bathing suits so now i'm not looking like a panda is
garcia]:kind of cool
]:that's
garcia]:not
]:good
garcia]:that anybody cares but you know
]:well you know yeah no
garcia]:you know
]:it's if you care that's what really matters
garcia]:well you know when you're naked and you kind of look like a panda because
garcia]:of where your bathing suit was like
]:yeah that's very
garcia]:it's
]:interesting
garcia]:not it's not all that sexy so i'm glad i got some different bathing suits
garcia]:and the lines
]:yeah
garcia]:are starting change
]:i'm thinking maybe i'll get one so i can look like a panda as well
]:yeah
garcia]:i would love that we should
]:wouldn't
garcia]:start
]:that be
garcia]:a trend
]:awesome yes so
garcia]:m
]:everyone looks like a panda
garcia]:right and i say pink
]:so
garcia]:pan
]:to
garcia]:because i really never get sun tan so
]:which is kind of wild because you know you are a native
garcia]:i am
]:you
garcia]:have gotten a little bit of color but not much
]:but your mom was a ginger
garcia]:mamma was a ginger
]:so
garcia]:yep
]:so does that make you a native with no soul
garcia]:yeah
]:m
garcia]:i don't know but
]:m
garcia]:i don't have any sense of direction so maybe
]:yeah because you know
garcia]:uh
]:ginger's have no ginger's
garcia]:yeah
]:have no soul so
garcia]:i've told her that a thing couple of times in my life
]:i'm i'm sure you did
garcia]:yeah he
]:um
garcia]:one time she hit me it was funny but she threw something at me
]:h h the good old days you know when parents could beat you and it
]:would it was
garcia]:oh
]:more than
garcia]:oh
]:okay
garcia]:it was disciplined m m
]:well you know i guess my son got a little bit of that so i'm
]:okay um so today we're going to talk the fun subject of marriage
garcia]:m
]:and mostly if we would do it again
garcia]:okay
]:because well you know you're going through that and i've already done it so for
]:you know i've been divorced quite a while so
garcia]:hm
]:i think you know you have to start thinking about you know if you're willing
]:to do it again or not um you know
garcia]:oh
]:you're so now you're kind of
garcia]:m
]:now you're
garcia]:oh
]:still somewhat in that department so but you know i think there's always
garcia]:you mean i'm
]:the
garcia]:still
]:what
garcia]:attached
]:ifs
garcia]:right
]:you're legally
garcia]:m
]:you're legally married so
garcia]:right
]:but obviously when you start looking at the reality of what were you know your
]:future obviously is yeah
garcia]:m
]:i mean for you it's it's very wide open and for me it's a twelve
]:lane highway so
garcia]:m
]:it's more of you know you know again for you it's kind of weird because
]:don't know if i want to it's hard for me to throw the hey do
]:you think you would ever do it again but hey
garcia]:yeah
]:do you think you'd ever do it again
garcia]:you know i don't really see myself doing it again for a number of reasons
garcia]:one i didn't like feeling like i had to be somewhere where i didn't feel
garcia]:loved or i wasn't happy and that definitely is something that i didn't i didn't
garcia]:like when i was married you know just didn't feel like i was where i
garcia]:needed to be at the time so now that i'm getting divorced i get spousal
garcia]:support so if i mary i wouldn't get the spouse of support so that was
garcia]:something that i would look at as i
]:sure i mean
garcia]:yeah
]:i think that there has to be everything is checks and balances or you have
]:to weigh
garcia]:hm
]:things out for for me it's more of the wood i because of how i
]:see the world now or how i see um this the institution of marriage like
]:yes right you know obviously not too long after i was divorced i was i
]:just would say i would never ever ever ever do it ever
garcia]:m
]:and then i would say within the last five years i was super open to
]:it
garcia]:oh
]:like yeah i think i would do it again i think
garcia]:oh
]:it would definitely have to be i hate to say this the perfect storm but
]:it would really kind of have to be this things would have to fall into
]:place where i felt comfortable with the person for a lot of other reasons i
]:probably
garcia]:yeah
]:would have before um so and i mean now five years later or six years
]:later over all these things i think i'm a little jaded and i don't know
]:if i would do it or not just
garcia]:i definitely get the jaded part for sure because you know when you're when you're
garcia]:leaving a marriage all you're concentrating on is all the crappy things that are going
garcia]:on and you know that that will tend to leave a little skid mark on
garcia]:your on your your reality you know so i get i get that i don't
garcia]:know though for me you know i always say never say never because every time
garcia]:i've done that i've been kicked in the ass and had to go back and
garcia]:do it again and
]:yep totally
garcia]:and and that is so my life too with karma and everything else so i
garcia]:don't i i think that if i were to get married again it would have
garcia]:to be someone who was equally or um m significant it was significantly better at
garcia]:being who they are then what i was with before because i really did have
garcia]:a good relationship with my x and he was definitely a strong like solid person
garcia]:in my life so i don't
]:hm
garcia]:think that i would ever get with somebody that wasn't at least that if i
garcia]:was going to do it again um
]:right
garcia]:m it would
]:i think
garcia]:have to be
]:it's
garcia]:somebody phenomenal though let's face it it would have to be somebody where i'm i'm
garcia]:thinking stupid and i'll do whatever in the you know whatever the hell
]:uh
garcia]:he wants i think that's what would have
]:uh
garcia]:to happen for me in order for that to happen
]:okay i think for me it would just be more like they're going to have
]:to fit it's going to be more of a puzzle piece whoever i end up
]:marrying is going to have to fit and to certain things for me and and
]:a lot less than what it would have been before like i need a friend
]:i need someone who i can
garcia]:yes
]:literally see every day and not strangle them to death
garcia]:and you
]:that's
garcia]:still
]:just being
garcia]:want to
]:honest
garcia]:strangle them let's let's
]:ah
garcia]:let's be real there's
]:exactly
garcia]:not one person in this world you wouldn't want to struggle at one point in
garcia]:time or another just because
]:exactly
garcia]:no one is perfect
]:so it has to be the
garcia]:m
]:one that i want to strangle less
garcia]:i get
]:oh
garcia]:you
]:i also think that that
garcia]:oh
]:that the i know who i am i'm definitely a
]:that's the best way of putting it i'm an odd character i wear all my
]:emotions on my sleeve but i am also i have no filter so like i'll
garcia]:m
]:say ship
garcia]:m
]:and then after that real lies that i said something stupid
garcia]:i get that but you know what i don't i don't think that i'd care
garcia]:to have somebody that has a filter it would have to be somebody if they
garcia]:have a filter it that that would be fine too but i would kind of
garcia]:just like them to be raw and who they are like if in order to
garcia]:really love somebody you have to love everything about that person and filter no filter
garcia]:i mean if they had one great and if they could keep you know if
garcia]:they could mind their p's and q's and make it easy for me that's great
garcia]:but i don't know filters ye i don't know
]:i mean i think i think filters are dangerous though because two people hold back
]:ship now and then it just builds and builds
garcia]:m
]:then the next
garcia]:oh
]:thing you know you're blowing up for absolutely no reason
garcia]:yeah yeah
]:or so you think it's no reason and then you realize that it's five months
]:of holding
garcia]:oh
]:things in so that's why i think that no filter is better because you end
]:up like just saying fuck it and i'm going to tell you or i'm going
]:to say this and if it offends you it does
garcia]:oh yeah
]:know what i mean
garcia]:yeah well you
]:ah
garcia]:should be able to hear anything that your mate has to say offended again do
garcia]:we really need to go that far i may not like something that somebody says
garcia]:i may not like something you say but it's not like it's going to it's
garcia]:not going to derail our relationship you know what i mean
]:oh
garcia]:because i could take it you
]:ah
garcia]:could take it we just worked together
]:yeah
garcia]:i don't
]:totally
garcia]:know oh
]:i agree with that but like i'm
garcia]:ye
]:i guess it all matters too that look i might say something that it's a
]:little not p c so when i do some people will take that heart like
]:or i'll make an off colored joke that people are just like oh my god
]:i can't believe you said that i'm like it's funny like regardless so
garcia]:but why
]:yeah
garcia]:would you want to be with somebody that's going to get but hurt every time
garcia]:you say something
]:i agree
garcia]:i'm not
]:i agree
garcia]:i love saying stupid ship that people are going to be like did you just
garcia]:say that i m going
]:m
garcia]:to be like yeah and i actually believe it but you know you
]:yes
garcia]:don't have to you don't have to hate me for it
]:yeah
garcia]:and if you do there's the door
]:exactly
garcia]:i wouldn't
]:and i because look at the end of the day and we're all going to
]:get a little twisted right every
garcia]:mhm
]:blue moon because someone's going to say something or like politically the problem too is
]:like everyone says oh you have to be with someone who politically alligns with you
]:i don't think that that's necessarily true
garcia]:i've never been with somebody that politically aline with me ever and i've had long
garcia]:term relationships with everybody and that was not even part of why we broke up
]:that's good because like i think well and i think now i think the political
]:climate is so
]:it's just so in the forefront of everything know what i mean like you can't
]:get away with out someone saying something about mostly our ex president i mean it's
]:the guy is not even in office anymore and all you hear is
garcia]:right
]:trump this and trump that and like wow like okay um and again i i
]:say i'm more of a centres than i lean right um i think that that's
]:the crazy part i've seen mostly on dating profiles i've seen people that are like
]:yeah if you voted for trump swipe left like wow like you're you're limiting everything
]:you know because maybe maybe you don't get along politically and but if that's the
]:one thing that's going to i guess put
garcia]:be the deal breaker
]:yeah put a wedge
garcia]:oh
]:in everything it's like obviously you weren't going to get
garcia]:m
]:along anyway no matter
garcia]:hm
]:even if you have you could have fifteen great dates or you could know somebody
]:for twenty years and that you say this one kind of weird thing and the
]:next thing you know it's it's plunging things into the ocean it's like wow i
]:thought like i thought it was better than that or i thought it was it
]:was stronger the net
garcia]:but if you're going to get married to somebody shouldn't that be something that doesn't
]:ah
garcia]:bother you so much because you are in love and you you are supposed to
garcia]:accept the person like unconditionally not
]:sure
garcia]:not like oh i can't be with you because you voted for trump or you
garcia]:voted for bit or whoever the freak you voted for like
]:right
garcia]:should that really be a part of whether or not you're with someone
]:i mean i don't think so but i'm i'm very i'm very
garcia]:yeah
]:i'm just okay with that kind of stuff because it's like look we are who
]:we are and if you get along on ninety five percent of the things
garcia]:m
]:five per cent shouldn't be the deal breaker to me but you know i mean
]:again
garcia]:oh
]:everyone's personalities
garcia]:m
]:are different
garcia]:m
]:and
garcia]:oh
]:hopefully you you weed out that kind of thing way
garcia]:oh
]:before you decide to get married i mean
garcia]:hm
]:it would be a very bizarre thing that if it happened like after you're married
]:because
garcia]:m
]:you get that far and then you you say something crazy next to you know
garcia]:yah
]:it's turmoil i don't know like it's just weird to me i just think that
]:like you know it's even you know relationships friendships that turn into this really wild
]:ride after you say something that you or you just never realize what it is
garcia]:you know what i have a problem with is people that are in relationships tend
garcia]:to throw the other person away completely like they don't
]:hm
garcia]:work on their things they don't try to come to it ah amicable ending even
garcia]:i think that as people because we don't want to deal with somebody that thinks
garcia]:differently that we tend to throw people away and i'm having a hard time with
garcia]:that because i'm still friends with all of my x is like there's not one
garcia]:that couldn't call me right now and say hey teen i need you and that
garcia]:i wouldn't get up and be there for as a not you know not as
garcia]:anything else but just if i love them enough to to be in a
]:yeah
garcia]:relationship with them
]:yeah
garcia]:then i should be able to love them enough to continue to be a part
garcia]:of their life and whatever capacity we choose it to be i don't know i
garcia]:think i think that getting married kind of isn't a cool thing to do anymore
garcia]:because people don't know how to deal with somebody and their differences you know i'm
garcia]:struggling to find people that are okay with everybody being different and that's the type
garcia]:of people i like to be around so
]:i mean me too but no i just think that it's it's just
garcia]:m
]:difficult um
garcia]:difficult
]:because
garcia]:what's difficult
]:yeah when
garcia]:m
]:well again i think it all comes out of communication
garcia]:oh
]:because you ended up finding you know that the one thing that throws a wedge
]:to things is something
garcia]:oh
]:that's so minute that you're right you end up never talking about it and you
]:go on like and this is things that have happened to me like throughout all
]:of my relationships these
garcia]:mhm
]:small things i don't know it's you or you find out way later like oh
]:this is why it happened it's like
garcia]:m
]:wait a second you know why didn't you tell me then
garcia]:yeah i don't know i'm i'm kind of one of those people that if something
garcia]:is bothering me you could see it all over my face you could you could
garcia]:see it in my body language you're going to ask me the problem is and
garcia]:i work really hard to come at a person and tell them what the problem
garcia]:is without like throwing any blame or calling them names or anything just trying to
garcia]:get my point across so to me it's like just being honest is the way
garcia]:it has to be and i should
]:i
garcia]:be
]:agree
garcia]:able to be honest and still be loved by the person that's supposedly loving
]:yeah
garcia]:me
]:right or be able to say hey this really really really bothered me
garcia]:mhm
]:now is it going to affect things going forward and then at least you have
]:these things before you get knee deep in to you know before marriage because i
]:i think that's what scares me off marriage more than anything is it like obviously
]:most people when they date or someone different or you're on your best
garcia]:m
]:behavior
garcia]:m
]:or and again i'm going to say this from the male perspective i think a
]:lot of guys do that a lot
garcia]:okay
]:of guys do their best to their best foot forward and and are probably not
]:as yeah i don't want to say open but just not who they are they
]:suppress
garcia]:hm
]:something my problem is i and i don't
garcia]:m yeah
]:i don't at all and i think that that also can come back to bite
]:you where you know you end up you end up being so overly forward that
]:it either scares people off or or can damage a relationship without even ever really
]:knowing it
]:oh we can't hear you
garcia]:oh my gosh
]:hey
garcia]:i'm so sorry
]:there
garcia]:i
]:you
garcia]:was
]:are
garcia]:coffin so i put myself on mute and here
]:you're
garcia]:i am talking
]:back i was
garcia]:sorry
]:like there's nothing coming out of your mouth
garcia]:sorry
]:i was like
garcia]:i had
]:what
garcia]:a cough
]:the hell
garcia]:no
]:yeah uh
garcia]:i
]:uh
garcia]:i like to know people's sick and twisted i like to know where their their
garcia]:lines are where you know they there there this way to a certain degree and
garcia]:then it's going to flip like
]:hm
garcia]:i like knowing people on that level and i truly do appreciate knowing the little
]:oh
garcia]:ideo secrecies of people's personalities and what they got going on and and what not
]:hm
garcia]:so to me that's the stuff i want to know first and
]:yeah
garcia]:i don't use it against person i haven't used it against a person like i
garcia]:know things about everybody that if i wanted to judge somebody i could judge myself
garcia]:right out of their life but
]:oh me too
garcia]:right
]:oh yeah
garcia]:but here's the deal like why not just why not just know them that they're
garcia]:flowed and that that's still okay and
]:yeah
garcia]:that you could still love them and be okay like
]:hm
garcia]:i don't i don't see the problem with that i love the first things like
garcia]:when when you start dating and people tell you all their like stuff that they're
garcia]:like oh i really shouldn't say anything because you're probably not like me those are
garcia]:my favorite conversations
]:yeah
garcia]:always
]:well because there there's no front
garcia]:m
]:there's no mask
garcia]:yeah they're real
]:now
garcia]:they're just real
]:you know like i've told you a hundred times and i think i've said it
]:on the show probably a bunch of times that if you really knew everything about
]:your friends they wouldn't be your friends because look even the best of friends hold
]:something back because everyone knows that like
garcia]:yeah
]:this one
garcia]:yeah
]:might be a bit too
garcia]:yeah
]:much
garcia]:i don't know i don't know
]:i think so i think most
garcia]:oh
]:people do and again it might be something that wouldn't bother you or wouldn't but
]:i think we look at society still and go if i say this someone is
]:going to get mad um and and i do that as well not as much
]:i think that i'm very e m up front open i'll say crazy ship and
]:i worry
garcia]:yeah
]:about it on the back end because this
garcia]:m
]:is who i am it's you know take me or leave me but and if
]:you don't like if you don't want me at least say it say say it
]:and say why and you know let's going on to the next adventure because that's
garcia]:yeah why
]:that's
garcia]:even
]:the hard
garcia]:listen to why though because people come up with so much bullshit as to why
garcia]:they don't want to be with somebody or what what they think the problem is
garcia]:it's like are you really even telling the truth with yourself
]:maybe not
garcia]:hi
]:i mean i think that's that could be the other thing for sure i think
]:that those are the things that that you are there you know one big scale
]:right and you you always
garcia]:hm
]:put some stuff on this side and some stuff on the other and you have
]:to balance it out to see
garcia]:ah
]:no what's the worst thing that you're going to have with this person and if
]:you can handle that you should jump in with both feet okay like
garcia]:but why
]:my
garcia]:do
]:thing
garcia]:you
]:is i'm not afraid
garcia]:why do
]:to
garcia]:you
]:get
garcia]:have
]:hurt
garcia]:to though why do you
]:yeah
garcia]:have to jump in with both feet why do you have to get married like
garcia]:for me
]:no no no
garcia]:i think
]:i'm not saying that you have to
garcia]:ye
]:i'm saying that if you are open to it
garcia]:right
]:i don't
garcia]:okay
]:think you have to get married not
garcia]:yeah
]:any more i think that mostly for for i think marriage is her dominantly
garcia]:hm
]:for children
garcia]:oh yeah
]:that you get married to have children and to raise a family um predominantly i
]:think that's what it's
garcia]:oh
]:for i think it's okay to get married if you if you think that's what
]:you want even if you don't want to have kids if that's your thing if
]:you
garcia]:m
]:if you want that commitment and you want it mostly from a religious standpoint where
garcia]:hm
]:you know if
garcia]:m
]:you want to get married in front of god i'm okay with that if you
]:want to get married just because you like the idea of a permanent um relationship
garcia]:m
]:and you know something
garcia]:m
]:that's set in stone and that you're you are building a relationship and you're willing
]:to put it to paper and change your last name blah blah blah you know
]:however
garcia]:m
]:you want to look at it that way
garcia]:mhm
]:um i think that's the way i look at it look you don't have to
]:get married anymore i think that you could be with somebody um for like
garcia]:but would you have said that before your son was born like would you have
garcia]:thought the same
]:oh
garcia]:way because i was kind of thought i always kind of thought that marriage was
garcia]:an end it was something that you aspire to to do and to have a
garcia]:mate like that and to stand up in front of everybody and say this is
garcia]:my person when i was younger i was raised to aspire to be like that
garcia]:and
]:hm
garcia]:now that now that everybody's gone and nobody is trying to raise me i'm going
garcia]:why was that what i was supposed to be aspiring to have in my life
garcia]:like really did it did it did it benefit me i guess it did it
garcia]:did but would that have been the only way that it would have benefited my
garcia]:life absolutely not the person that i was with every day was what benefits life
garcia]:right the person that you're with so really do we need a piece of paper
garcia]:because i believe if if we didn't have that paper i think things would have
garcia]:just maybe not been so serious that it got to the point where we couldn't
garcia]:do it any more you know what i mean don't
]:yeah no
garcia]:yeah
]:you're right i think there's pitfalls with being
garcia]:yeah
]:married
garcia]:yeah
]:sure i because i think that you hold yourself to a level when you're married
garcia]:right
]:you know what i mean like i don't i don't want to get out of
]:this because whatever reason family you know what's the family going to think what are
]:the kids going to think if you're getting a divorce what is you know this
]:that and the
garcia]:oh
]:other thing and then you look at the financial burden of getting a divorce and
]:we have to start over everyone's going their separate ways it's going to be
garcia]:hm
]:hard starting over and and i went through all that you know i went through
]:all that and i took my kid so i had my son so here i
]:am a single dad starting from scratch there's a lot of things i didn't have
]:a car at the time there were things like i was behind the eight ball
]:because of financial situations that i didn't get myself into um
garcia]:hm
]:m but yeah you're right i probably wouldn't have said that before my son but
]:once you have a kid i think you see marriage differently i think going into
]:it now you're getting married for a reason there should be for me there's two
]:you said i think that it's a commitment to the person that you think you
]:want to die with
garcia]:hm
]:and if you're that serious with that person obviously you probably want to have children
]:or procreate one of the two
garcia]:hm
]:like or the combination of both but yeah i think that you are looked at
]:you know differently when you're doing that marriage thing and look at what marriage is
]:differently that's why i think
garcia]:m oh
]:once you go through it and get a divorce
garcia]:m
]:you're you're super jaded first and you're like i'll never do this again screw that
]:i don't want to don't want to hurt again i don't want to get hurt
]:i don't want to do this i don't want to do that then you do
]:get to a certain point where you're like i would probably do it if i
]:found that one no and
garcia]:ah
]:then you may maybe think you found that one and that kind of fades out
]:or fades away and you're like do i really want to try to do this
]:again i see i'm at that point in my life and i'm just like i
]:don't know i mean i love the idea of a
garcia]:m
]:mate and someone to be around all the time do i really have to get
]:married probably not
garcia]:right
]:i think the other reason to get married and let's say you're with somebody in
]:the twilight years so we're let's say sixty let's just say
garcia]:sixty
]:six
garcia]:is twilight years
]:no
garcia]:fuck off
]:but i'm
garcia]:rob
]:saying
garcia]:fuckolright
]:no no but well what
garcia]:around
]:exactly
garcia]:the corner
]:but what this is kind of what i'm going to say though because i think
]:at sixty
garcia]:yeah
]:you you start looking at your life differently so let's say now you start looking
]:that death isn't death can happen at any time and it can happen now at
]:any time but obviously once you get you know mid sixties late sixties into your
]:seventies you know you might want to make sure that the person you're with let's
]:say you're with him seven eight years you might get married just to make sure
]:that they're financially
garcia]:m
]:taken care of their insurance has taken care of this this this this and i
]:know that you can you can do a lot of that now with out being
]:married
garcia]:hm
]:but like decisions like if you're not married and i don't know if you can
]:make life decisions like if you're in the hospital on a respirator no i don't
]:know i
garcia]:well
]:don't
garcia]:whoever
]:know the
garcia]:is
]:legalities
garcia]:on your whoever is on your advance directive would be the one that gets to
garcia]:make the decisions
]:oh yeah
garcia]:as
]:but can
garcia]:my
]:you do
garcia]:x and
]:somebody
garcia]:i
]:who's not married
garcia]:yea because my x and i have done it even though we're still technically married
garcia]:but
]:right
garcia]:the divorce is going to be final sooner than later and because we put each
garcia]:other's names on there that's who gets it like who's holding that
]:no
garcia]:paper wins you know what i mean so
]:okay
garcia]:we still are going to do that for each other
]:i don't know if i want to do that if i was if i was
]:paying someone's spouse support
garcia]:you
]:they
garcia]:know i
]:end
garcia]:got
]:up
garcia]:a
]:in a bed i might
garcia]:so
]:be like she wants to die she told me that long
garcia]:yes
]:time ago on pluggher yeah
garcia]:i had
]:i don't
garcia]:to
]:know
garcia]:have
]:about
garcia]:a
]:that
garcia]:i had to have a procedure and the doctor forced like you have to have
garcia]:this done before you have the procedure that was advanced directive and it was like
garcia]:closer to the beginning we first decided to get divorced and he's my you know
garcia]:he was my husband so it didn't matter anyway he would have been
]:right
garcia]:the one to make the decision and i had to look
]:hm
garcia]:at him and say hey will this be when you get even with me or
garcia]:can you be an adult enough to handle this and you looked at me like
garcia]:of course i'll be an adult to handle this and i'm like okay but i
garcia]:was kind of nervous like
]:yeah
garcia]:like you don't
]:yeah
garcia]:know next week i know i'm waking up and i'm like
]:yeah
garcia]:or ventilator and all the stuff i said i didn't want so
]:or
garcia]:that
]:if he
garcia]:was
]:has to
garcia]:that
]:make
garcia]:was
]:the
garcia]:hard
]:decision of you know she may be brain dead she may be in a coma
]:for three years what do you want to do on pluggher i'm trepan no more
garcia]:yeah we'll see in that it too and and in all honesty please don't plug
garcia]:me like i don't want to be
]:yeah i mean
garcia]:i don't want
]:i say
garcia]:to be
]:that
garcia]:a
]:in
garcia]:vegetable
]:joking
garcia]:for three years funk that oh if this isn't out in o let me get
garcia]:out like it's okay
]:yeah i say that jokingly
garcia]:yeah
]:and i know him so like i say
garcia]:oh
]:that just in case he comes across this episode i'm saying
garcia]:yeah
]:that humorously
garcia]:yeah
]:because
garcia]:he's
]:you know
garcia]:he's a good guy he's going to do he will always do right for me
garcia]:because that's the type of person he is and that's also what he expects out
garcia]:of me is to do the right thing
]:sure
garcia]:i try to be you know an we do work on that so if he
garcia]:wants to pull the damn plug let him pull the plug
]:well yeah and and if he's in
garcia]:yeah
]:a bed you're not going to pull the plug because you're going to keep getting
]:paid
garcia]:no i would pull the plug like
]:you're
garcia]:who
]:like no keep his ass on the ventilator for fucking
garcia]:no
]:five years as long
garcia]:no
]:as that check keeps coming in
garcia]:so so are our neighbors
]:oh
garcia]:when we were living together
]:h h
garcia]:that the husband was was terminally ill and his wife kept
]:uh
garcia]:him alive because
]:uh
garcia]:that's what he wanted and i had such a hard time like i felt so
]:yeah
garcia]:bad like to watch him deteriorate the he did and know that that was no
garcia]:life and to know that he was in so much pain and still she was
garcia]:you know she was fighting for him god bless her that she and he believed
garcia]:the way they did because that's not how i believe and i tell people please
garcia]:don't ask me to do this for you because i'm a i'm a plug puller
garcia]:i don't want you know i don't want
]:m
garcia]:you to live on this earth not living that to me that's
]:i agree
garcia]:horrible
]:i don't want to that's that's a ship way to exit
garcia]:yeah
]:this
garcia]:yeah
]:place i know on
garcia]:i'm grateful for the fact that she did everything that she could for him to
garcia]:keep him alive like she gave it every freak in thing and then some to
garcia]:the point where i was like please please show him mercy and i know i
garcia]:sound like an asshole for that but i'm not i just it hurt me you
garcia]:know even
]:sure
garcia]:hearing her talk about what was going on it made me or run away like
garcia]:that made me want to run away more than the divorce did
]:well i mean and i think that that's marriage right that that's that's a commitment
]:and to make that commitment is is big and i think that that's just circle
]:back that's that is it like
garcia]:hm
]:and am i willing to make that commitment again i i'm up and down with
]:it i think again the perfect storm the and i don't even mean the perfect
]:person because no one's perfect
garcia]:right
]:i just think the perfect situation you know someone that i can laugh with someone
]:that i can be with and talk to about anything even when i'm i'm in
]:a shifty mood or you know whatever more someone to lean on again everyone wants
]:a best friend but i think that i'm that it has to be that way
]:so whoever i meet needs you know
garcia]:oh
]:if i meet somebody or
garcia]:yeah
]:whoever whoever it ends up being it has to be that person that i feel
]:that they're more my friend than anything else first
garcia]:yeah it has to be somebody you want to be with regardless of how they
garcia]:act or what they do or what's going on in their world it's got to
garcia]:be somebody that you just can't imagine not being around
]:that
garcia]:and if you could if you find that then go ahead get married like knock
garcia]:yourself out
]:hm
garcia]:but know that that person doesn't stay the same because as we get older we
garcia]:grow and we change and we evolve and
]:hm
garcia]:we have different needs so
]:sure
garcia]:you can't i always say you know i'll give you a solid ten let's do
garcia]:it this way everybody gets married for ten years and then they're immediately dissolved at
garcia]:the ten year mark they have to
]:you
garcia]:stay
]:can
garcia]:single
]:and then you can
garcia]:for
]:read
garcia]:a year
]:up
garcia]:yeah they could do that they could re up
]:i
garcia]:but
]:think
garcia]:they
]:i
garcia]:have
]:just re
garcia]:to stay
]:up
garcia]:single for a year they could still be with the person but not be married
garcia]:so that everybody is there because they want to be there not because they have
]:sure
garcia]:to be there after that
]:hm
garcia]:your if you're still dying to get married get married again we'll throw a big
]:yeah
garcia]:party we'll have a good time let's you know let's
]:i
garcia]:fix
]:can
garcia]:the economy by having more marriages i don't care but
]:actually i think i think i love your idea this let's say we do a
]:solid ten
garcia]:yeah
]:then then you stay single for a year with an automatic re up if you
]:don't dissolve it so like it's up to you guys to make sure that you
]:have like whatever the date is your marriage date to ten years
garcia]:ay
]:on that day you have one
garcia]:oh
]:year to dissolve it if neither of you do you automatically get reaped because here's
]:the thing
garcia]:okay
]:if you're if you're that
garcia]:oh
]:in love and you're that everything
garcia]:ah
]:is going
garcia]:oh
]:good you don't give a shit if it reaps but if
garcia]:no
]:you're unhappy you will make damn sure that you go dissolve that ship
garcia]:hm
]:so i like that idea and i think that that uh uh with it small
]:exceptions after that ten years you should walk away clean
garcia]:yes that's that was part of it like it's just a rap there's no hard
garcia]:feeling there's no it's this is the law
]:oh
garcia]:let's just make it the
]:yeah
garcia]:law because if you think
]:and
garcia]:about it in my in my twenties i was you know taking taking care of
garcia]:my family and
]:oh
garcia]:and trying to have kids and finding a person and then in my thirties i
garcia]:had a kid and i was the the patriarch of the family and i was
]:hm
garcia]:taking care of everythin and and i now i was running that but then in
garcia]:my forties things changed you know and and you know with having the history the
garcia]:partial historic to me and my mom dying and my daughter running away and all
garcia]:the crap that went on like i was a totally different person at fort because
garcia]:i didn't have any obligations that they all ran away so then
]:hm
garcia]:you know now i'm looking at my fifties going holy crap i don't have to
garcia]:take care of anybody and i'm not going to be married and i don't know
garcia]:where i'm gonna be living and i don't know how i'm going to do this
garcia]:you know so it's like i think that every ten years you grow in such
garcia]:a way that you how do you how do you pick somebody to love for
garcia]:a lifetime if you're growing i know people do it but how
]:hm
garcia]:do you how do you how do you love somebody through thirty years of change
]:yeah
garcia]:it's a big one
]:well i think the only way that that happens is that you continue to change
]:with them
garcia]:together but how
]:know what i mean
garcia]:often does that happen because women and men are so different they don't change
]:hm
garcia]:the same you know that it's not
]:no but i think that one of the
garcia]:oh
]:one or the other more sin to the person they're with because they like
garcia]:yeah
]:they like that ninety five percent like i talked about earlier that that ninety five
]:percent is so driven that you go i'll just more fit in that five percent
]:and i'll be fine and that's how people i think stay together mostly from the
]:generations before us people together sixty years
garcia]:hm
]:now and again i think you know as you get older like if you got
]:married at twenty by thirty everyone's marriage would be dissolved you know what i mean
]:like and again
garcia]:yeah
]:you know if we go with the thing if you just walk away like no
]:child support no no alimony
garcia]:well see that's
]:no nothing
garcia]:that's the thing there still need to be some there's still a need to be
garcia]:some like child sport
]:yeah
garcia]:somehow there's
]:sah
garcia]:a little bit of a problem with that for me because i do eve that
garcia]:the kids still need to be taken care of parents
]:yeah
garcia]:still need to be there we talked about fatherless homes
]:i agree i just say there's no legal obligation to it so with the exception
garcia]:oh
]:of saying okay look you do this and
garcia]:m
]:i do this you make sure or you both put the exact same amount
garcia]:oh
]:into a fund to take care of the child because look men get screwed i
]:took my kid and i got zero child support zero not a dime i didn't
garcia]:you
]:ask
garcia]:fight
]:her for
garcia]:for it
]:it
garcia]:though you see that's
]:nope
garcia]:the thing you didn't ask
]:no
garcia]:oh
]:because part of this deal was why are we going to screw each other's lives
]:up
garcia]:oh
]:just take care of your kid when you have him and i'll and i'll take
]:care of him when i have him i just happened to have him all the
]:time because i didn't want to be without it so
garcia]:okay
]:i knew what i was doing and you know i'll sound morbid and i don't
]:mean it this way i just looked at it like she was dead i wasn't
]:getting any child support anymore man up take care of my kid when he's with
]:you make sure you take care of him you feed him you buy him clothes
]:get him shoes for school she didn't not help i just didn't
garcia]:oh
]:have now i'm going to get five hundred dollars every month because
garcia]:mhm
]:i didn't want to do that to her either that because it crushes people's souls
]:when you do that you're just like i'm so screwed how am i going to
]:pay my rent how
garcia]:oh
]:am i going to eat this month take care of your kid if you both
]:do it the right way your kid will be fine to me i just think
]:that it's because i did it and i know it can be done you don't
]:have to have child support you just have
garcia]:yeah
]:to nut up
garcia]:i get that
]:and and
garcia]:and and i'm so grateful that i don't have a kid that i have to
garcia]:worry about while
]:hm
garcia]:getting divorced because i think i would have sucked it up and stayed and that's
garcia]:not a reason to stay anyway
]:no i'll tell you it's the worst decision to stay
garcia]:yeah
]:staying for a child is not going to help anyone they're going to understand it
]:they're going to know it kids aren't stupid mostly when they get to a certain
]:age you're in a relationship that everyone sees you're unhappy in but you keep staying
]:you're just
garcia]:ah
]:teaching your kids to stay in an unhappy relationship
garcia]:oh absolutely absolutely
]:so
garcia]:and to take more than what you should
]:for sure i totally agree so i don't know i'm up for your ten year
]:deal though i think that would
garcia]:oh
]:be an interesting
garcia]:yah
]:because i also think that you would work really hard
garcia]:yah
]:knowing that
garcia]:oh yeah
]:only have two years left and if it's not feeling right and and you really
]:feel like it should go somewhere you're going to fight for that two years so
garcia]:absolutely
]:yeah
garcia]:and not only that but for for ten years man you're you should be growing
garcia]:and evolving and working together and making something together i mean i'm not saying that
garcia]:you shouldn't stay with the person that know what i'm saying i'm just
]:yeah
garcia]:saying like if somebody can't do it at the ten year mark there should be
garcia]:a way to say okay i'm tapping no hard
]:yeah
garcia]:feelings levy mean it but
]:yeah
garcia]:you know let's move forward not that there isn't going to be hard feelings because
garcia]:there is but
]:s but there's
garcia]:if we set it up that that it's okay and nobody's going to look at
garcia]:anybody harshly and
]:oh
garcia]:this is just what everybody signed up for i just don't think it would be
garcia]:so freak and difficult yeah
]:i agree i totally agree i think it would be an interesting way of doing
]:it and i know that
garcia]:hm
]:people would make it sound like it's it's you
garcia]:m
]:know a contract but already kind of in one you just don't realize it so
garcia]:yeah
]:you know and you're right and if you build something in ten years you'll you'll
]:be so much more apt to the day that your ten years is up you'd
]:be getting remarried be re upping because if you've already built this thing and you
]:know you're with the right person why not you know go okay it's another ten
]:let's do another ten
garcia]:right
]:and then if it doesn't work out inside that ten and you do get a
]:divorce it's fifty fifty
garcia]:hm
]:you go with this i go with this good luck you know and then of
]:course like i said paying to the kids pay in to you know whatever you
]:have to do as people then
garcia]:h
]:you go from there and then your kid doesn't suffer i also think that if
]:you're going to do fifty fifty split it's fifty fifty with the kids no matter
]:what there's no you only get him on the weekends no
garcia]:m
]:that's not how it works
garcia]:m
]:it's
garcia]:yeah
]:fifty
garcia]:but that
]:fifty
garcia]:kind of that kind of puts a ship hold on the kid though too because
garcia]:the kid's going to be going in between two
]:ye
garcia]:houses for the rest of his childhood years
]:sure but that's
garcia]:so i don't
]:that's
garcia]:know it's
]:the
garcia]:not a full proof that ten year thing is not a full proof plan but
]:but i just think that fifty fifty works because look if you don't want dead
]:beat dads stop only giving them four days a month
garcia]:i agree with that
]:it doesn't work you're building you're building ship if you do that if you
garcia]:hm
]:if you go week one with mom week two with dad and then not only
]:that it makes
garcia]:m
]:the father be a father you got to get up at six thirty in the
]:morning get your kid ready you have to drive him to school you have to
]:make sure you make it to work you got to make sure that the after
]:school program is done you know at the same school they know dad's picking them
]:up for this week it just makes better parents and then when you're dropping off
]:in between or doing whatever maybe you're building a better french p with your x
]:that you know when it's time to do things with your kid ith your new
]:mates or whatever nobody's shifty to each other understand it didn't work after ten years
]:your kids being taken care of they have a father they have a mother and
]:you're off to the next relationship don't know i just think that there's there's a
]:lot that comes with marriage but that ten year thing is we gotta we got
]:to get that taken care of tin and we need to throw that in and
]:and
garcia]:m
]:make it work i think
garcia]:m
]:it would be an interesting in for a lot
garcia]:oh
]:of people
garcia]:listen i always say just just remember don't ever say never because you'll find yourself
garcia]:in a situation like
]:uh
garcia]:if you honestly
]:huh
garcia]:ask me now i don't ever want to get married i could love somebody i
garcia]:could
]:hm
garcia]:live with somebody i could take care of somebody i could be that person to
garcia]:somebody i don't need the piece of paper for it and i definitely don't think
garcia]:i wanted any more because i don't want to feel trapped i want to know
garcia]:that i'm there because i want to be there not because i have to take
garcia]:care of somebody
]:hm i agree and i think that never saying never is your rights the best
]:thing you can do because i will tell you in my mid twenties i would
]:i said i would never get married
garcia]:and what a karmic bitch slap
]:uh
garcia]:you got huh
]:i know married and a kid so what does that tell you
garcia]:yeah
]:never say never so i won't
garcia]:i
]:say never but
garcia]:i never
]:you know
garcia]:said i wouldn't get married we were raised to want to be married and to
garcia]:want to have kids and everything so i did it because that's how we were
garcia]:raised to think
]:sure hm
garcia]:and not being able to have kids and having the husband that i had that
garcia]:was very supportive in me being tina on her own not tina the mom and
garcia]:everything else i definitely don't think i needed to do that looking
]:yeah
garcia]:back at the time i thought i did and and i don't regret it i
garcia]:mean i definitely feel like it was something that had to be done or that
garcia]:should be done or it was it was definitely a lesson in life and end
garcia]:you know learning how to deal with that i got a lot out of it
garcia]:but i think now the lesson is don't do it again
]:yeah i get you and and like you said i'll say i won't say never
]:i just think that it's the perfect
garcia]:oh
]:storm will have to happen where i find myself with that one person that i'm
]:just like yeah i can be with you every day and o i enjoy just
]:being in your company sometimes
garcia]:hm
]:you know as we get older too i think it's about company about being with
]:somebody that
garcia]:i
]:or
garcia]:agree
]:that that it's i said more of a friendship with her with all the perks
]:so i don't know
garcia]:hm
]:hey we've come to the end of our show
garcia]:hey
]:what do you know
garcia]:yeah
]:it's been pretty it's been fun
garcia]:it went pretty fast yeah after the abortion episode i'm back on it like i
garcia]:just didn't like
]:yeah
garcia]:doing that
]:yeah
garcia]:this
]:the music
garcia]:this
]:well
garcia]:is much better
]:every blue moon you know we're going to end up doing episodes that are a
]:little either controversial or not as happy go lucky matter of fact next week i
]:think is one it might not be very go lucky but i think it's a
]:good subject
garcia]:oh
]:as well
garcia]:i think
]:so
garcia]:it's going to be just fine
]:yeah we're going to have a guest in everything
garcia]:yeah
]:working on these guests you know we know so many people it's like so many
]:people are afraid to come on here and talk
garcia]:oh
]:with us i don't understand it's like getting someone to come on
garcia]:oh
]:here is like pulling tea that's like to the dentist it's like we're really
garcia]:m
]:not that bad get it
garcia]:m
]:but yeah it's it's been a good week i don't think we've got anybody knew
]:as but india is still kicking it there they're going and obviously our friends here
]:in the united states of america they love us we're still trying to get a
]:couple of states if you know anybody in hawaii or louisiana alabama
garcia]:m
]:utah wyoming no main tell them about the show we want them to
garcia]:hm
]:listen and we want you to come back
garcia]:ah
]:on and listen and
garcia]:oh
]:and enjoy the show and come on with us where we're always looking for guests
]:it's always fun anything else you have to say there miss tina
garcia]:you could find this on apple spotify uh i heart radio google amazon
]:amazon
garcia]:anywhere you can find pot as and please
]:we
garcia]:look for us on social media and you know tell us what you think and
garcia]:if you want to be on the show please get in contact with us um
]:via those
garcia]:we
]:twitters or or instagrams or facebooks also if you look in the show notes or
garcia]:yah
]:emails in there you can also email
garcia]:h
]:s as well we'd love to have you on
garcia]:absolutely so please feel free to follow like share and let's get some more listeners
]:exactly and you know this is an opinion
garcia]:oh
]:show so don't get it twisted we're just having a little fun trying to put
]:our opinions out there until next week come way day it's gonna for my lovely
]:cohostina i'm rob it's time to go walk my dog
garcia]:bye
