Episode 97
EP #97-Marriage, is it really worth it anymore?
Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted
The hosts discuss the current state of marriage and its future prospects. They explore the impact of changing societal attitudes, the challenges of divorce, and the importance of love and communication in a successful marriage. They also touch on the financial implications of divorce, the role of men and women in relationships, and the decline of romance in modern relationships. The hosts emphasize the need for shared values and the involvement of children in finding love. They conclude by discussing the challenges of fertility and sexual health and the potential decline in marriage rates among younger generations. The conversation explores various aspects of relationships and marriage. It discusses the impact of age on parenthood, the trend of having children later in life, and the importance of prenuptial agreements. The ease of ending relationships and the need to take time to get to know someone are also highlighted. The significance of small gestures, shared interests, and fighting for the relationship are emphasized. The conversation concludes by emphasizing the importance of cherishing the small things, the difficulty of finding a good partner, and the meaning of marriage.
Explicit
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Transcript
1
::[Robb]: Hey and welcome to another show of Don't
Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host
2
::[Robb]: as always Tina. How you doing Tina?
3
::[Tina m Garcia]: I'm good, Rob, how you doing?
4
::[Robb]: Oh, not too shabby after tons of technical
difficulties this morning.
5
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, we definitely were going
through it today. And
6
::[Robb]: Yeah.
7
::[Tina m Garcia]: come to find out I was one
that didn't plug in my headphones. Yay me.
8
::[Robb]: Oh, it's okay. I think that there's
issues on my side as well. So we're going to
9
::[Robb]: take care of those over the next week
and See if we can't get back to being 100%
10
::[Robb]: and because we had a good long run of
no no issues
11
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yep, we did. For
12
::[Robb]: So
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::[Tina m Garcia]: a long time now.
14
::[Robb]: yeah, months, months and months, actually
months and months and months. So
15
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
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::[Robb]: really for this to happen, it's not
a huge deal. I think that every blue moon,
17
::[Robb]: we should have a small speed bump to
go over without freaking out.
18
::[Tina m Garcia]: It would just be nice if it
wasn't me.
19
::[Robb]: But like I said, there is another issue,
obviously, because you were having some echoing
20
::[Robb]: issues. So I think it's a both side
thing. So I'll work on that before we record
21
::[Robb]: again. So in between all the nonsense
this morning, I kind of brought it up last
22
::[Robb]: week and I've been seeing a lot of things
online about it, about marriage and... Is it
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::[Robb]: something that's worth it now going
forward? Both in youth and obviously someone
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::[Robb]: our age, is it something that is going
to be around for a long period of time? Because
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::[Robb]: with birth rates being very low in this
country and the intent of getting marriage,
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::[Robb]: I think, generally is to raise a family.
27
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
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::[Robb]: Right.
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::[Robb]: And now I think with the bigger thing
of independent women, thinking that they don't
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::[Robb]: need men and that they can just raise
kids on their own, even though they still ask
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::[Robb]: for child support. I think that
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::[Tina m Garcia]: You had to throw that in there,
didn't you?
33
::[Robb]: I did have to throw that in there because
if you were so independent you wouldn't have
34
::[Robb]: to do that shit. Because
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::[Tina m Garcia]: That's,
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::[Robb]: I
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::[Tina m Garcia]: there's
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::[Robb]: didn't.
39
::[Tina m Garcia]: that, there's that.
40
::[Robb]: I didn't get a dime and I raised my
kid on my own.
41
::[Tina m Garcia]: Well, then you can talk shit
if you ask
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::[Robb]: I
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::[Tina m Garcia]: me.
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::[Robb]: can, I can talk a whole bunch of shit
because I didn't
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Uhhh...
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::[Robb]: get a dime. Did my ex-wife help me with
clothes and things like that? Yes, because
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::[Robb]: that's
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::[Tina m Garcia]: She should.
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::[Robb]: what parents are supposed to do.
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Yes.
51
::[Robb]: And I didn't have to, you know, ring
her phone 400 times to get clothes. I
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Thank
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::[Robb]: would
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::[Tina m Garcia]: God.
55
::[Robb]: text her and go, hey, we're going to
school shopping. Make sure you pick them up
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::[Robb]: this, this and this. And she'd go, okay,
I'll have a new pair of shoes for him when
57
::[Robb]: he comes out. It was that simple. There
was no...
58
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's how it should be though
for kids, because kids don't need their parents
59
::[Tina m Garcia]: at war with each other.
60
::[Robb]: No,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: They
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::[Robb]: it's
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::[Tina m Garcia]: just
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::[Robb]: not.
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::[Tina m Garcia]: don't.
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::[Robb]: It's nonsense. They're look if you have
a child and obviously we had a child in marriage,
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::[Robb]: like
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
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::[Robb]: we got married actually to have children.
I wanted a child and she said There's no way
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::[Robb]: we're going to have a kid unless you
marry me So, I mean I kind of went that traditional
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::[Robb]: route and he was planned and there's
a bunch of other things And just because the
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::[Robb]: relationship didn't work out doesn't
mean we don't take care of your children
73
::[Tina m Garcia]: Exactly.
74
::[Robb]: So, so I think that there's something
involved in that with just marriage in general
75
::[Robb]: these days. And we kind of talked about
it off air before, like, is it worth it? If,
76
::[Robb]: if you were in, let's say, under 30,
right? Because if you're, if you're in your
77
::[Robb]: 40s and 50s and 60s, are you, are you
apt to get married now? Eh, probably not. I
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::[Robb]: think there's a lot of people just living
together and going that route and saying, eh,
79
::[Robb]: we probably really don't need to get
married. Now, to me, I see why you would wanna
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::[Robb]: do it because I think that there's still
something to getting married. Just for a lot
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::[Robb]: of different reasons, mostly legality
part of. As you get older, someone being able
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::[Robb]: to take care of you and make decisions
on your life and those kind of things. As you
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::[Robb]: get into
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
85
::[Robb]: your twilight years, mostly if you're
in your late 60s, you know, do you want someone
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::[Robb]: that's going to make the right decision
or make sure they're there for you?
87
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's when you put it that
way, that's not a real reason to get married.
88
::[Tina m Garcia]: Like that's not what the
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::[Robb]: No,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: reason
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::[Robb]: no, no,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: of marriage
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::[Robb]: not a real
94
::[Tina m Garcia]: is.
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::[Robb]: reason, but I think that there's a reason
that if you're going to be in this long relationship,
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::[Robb]: if you're with somebody, you're with
them because you love them, obviously.
97
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, yeah.
98
::[Robb]: But I think that if you want to make
sure you have somebody who can make those decisions,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
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::[Robb]: that you don't have to worry about life.
And I think that's, again, the... thing of
101
::[Robb]: getting married is love. If you're not,
you shouldn't get married unless you're in
102
::[Robb]: love with somebody, because I think
that is kind of an important thing. And mostly
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::[Robb]: from the religious standpoint, the whole
point of marriage is getting married in front
104
::[Robb]: of God, right? Those are
105
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
106
::[Robb]: the things that are important. But from
the standpoint of a younger person now, mostly
107
::[Robb]: with both of us being through a divorce,
is it worth it?
108
::[Tina m Garcia]: I think in its time for me,
it was definitely worth it. And I learned a
109
::[Tina m Garcia]: lot and I did love him and
we did have a family together. We adopted our
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::[Tina m Garcia]: daughter and stuff. So I think
that for that reason, it was definitely worth
111
::[Tina m Garcia]: it. But would he say that now
that the divorce is final and we had to split
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::[Tina m Garcia]: everything in half? I don't
know that he would say that it was worth it.
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::[Tina m Garcia]: I don't know though, because
I don't, I never really felt like he put any
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::[Tina m Garcia]: value into all the things that
I did to keep us going. So he may say, yeah,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: she didn't deserve half by
any means. I don't know. I don't know what
116
::[Tina m Garcia]: he'd say, but I don't know.
I felt like to me it was worth it at the time,
117
::[Tina m Garcia]: but I saw it. He asked me for
a prenup and I said, I'm not going to marry
118
::[Tina m Garcia]: your ass if you force me to
do that. And you know what? He should have
119
::[Tina m Garcia]: stayed on me because now that
it's all said and done. Had he had a prenup,
120
::[Tina m Garcia]: it would have been better for
him. I don't know. So for men, I wonder if
121
::[Tina m Garcia]: it's better to be married.
because
122
::[Robb]: Yeah, because
123
::[Tina m Garcia]: they
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::[Robb]: I think
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::[Tina m Garcia]: really
126
::[Robb]: we... Yeah.
127
::[Tina m Garcia]: lose in the state of California
for sure. But you know, all these laws were
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::[Tina m Garcia]: written because women for a
long time weren't getting any help and they
129
::[Tina m Garcia]: were raising kids and they
were stuck in poverty. So, and that was for
130
::[Tina m Garcia]: generations.
131
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
132
::[Tina m Garcia]: And you know, they had to fix
things. But I think in society, the way we
133
::[Tina m Garcia]: do things, it's all or nothing.
It's either all this way or all that way. And
134
::[Tina m Garcia]: we need to bring it back to
where it's like more of a fair. assessment
135
::[Tina m Garcia]: and,
136
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
137
::[Tina m Garcia]: and it's not such a, it's not
such a loss for any one person in a relationship
138
::[Tina m Garcia]: because we shouldn't, we shouldn't
win from this. Like we, not that we shouldn't
139
::[Tina m Garcia]: win. We shouldn't, um, we shouldn't
benefit from somebody else having to love us
140
::[Tina m Garcia]: as women.
141
::[Robb]: Right.
142
::[Tina m Garcia]: in that regards money wise
if they don't want to be with us anymore. But
143
::[Tina m Garcia]: on the other hand, we normally
stay home and take care of the kids in the
144
::[Tina m Garcia]: house and everything that that
requires our attention. So I don't know. I'm
145
::[Tina m Garcia]: having a hard time with the
answer to this one. I don't want to get married
146
::[Tina m Garcia]: again. I, I'm kind of, um,
I kind of feel like my ex did in the beginning,
147
::[Tina m Garcia]: like it's just a lot to have
to love somebody that myself in that state
148
::[Tina m Garcia]: of mind again.
149
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm. I think for guys it's an up
and down thing. Statistically, it's a bad thing
150
::[Robb]: for guys. 80% of divorces are started
by women
151
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,
152
::[Robb]: and
153
::[Tina m Garcia]: you read that to me.
154
::[Robb]: then 85% or 86% are done by women if
they have a college education. So,
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Mmm, so
156
::[Robb]: so...
157
::[Tina m Garcia]: the smarter they are the faster
they get out of it or the more they get out
158
::[Tina m Garcia]: of it
159
::[Robb]: Yeah, so for me it's kind of a weird
160
::[Tina m Garcia]: Ahem.
161
::[Robb]: thing like And then and then on the
flip side of that men end up paying alimony
162
::[Robb]: end up paying for Super crazy high child
support so
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm
164
::[Robb]: It's kind of a lose-lose Unfortunately,
um because a woman can roll over one day and
165
::[Robb]: just go yeah I'm not in love anymore
and divorce you and you get hammered And obviously
166
::[Robb]: if 80% is started by women, the odds
are not in your favor.
167
::[Tina m Garcia]: Right.
168
::[Robb]: So
169
::[Tina m Garcia]: They
170
::[Robb]: it's
171
::[Tina m Garcia]: definitely aren't.
172
::[Robb]: yeah. So
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::[Tina m Garcia]: But
174
::[Robb]: for
175
::[Tina m Garcia]: I think
176
::[Robb]: me,
177
::[Tina m Garcia]: that...
178
::[Robb]: you
179
::[Tina m Garcia]: Oh, go ahead, go ahead. Keep
180
::[Robb]: know,
181
::[Tina m Garcia]: going.
182
::[Robb]: I just think for me, it's a difficult
thing where because I'm still kind of a hopeless
183
::[Robb]: romantic and think that, man, maybe
that there is somebody out there that you can
184
::[Robb]: bond with and be like an old school
marriage. Like you see some of these people
185
::[Robb]: have been married 65 years. And that
had to be a rough road.
186
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm. I think time though
was very different than it is now They didn't
187
::[Tina m Garcia]: have social media. They had
they didn't have TVs if they're married at
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::[Tina m Garcia]: 65 years
189
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
190
::[Tina m Garcia]: So they had a lot of time where
they spent together Or more working on a family
191
::[Tina m Garcia]: unit and creating something
together There's there was definitely not the
192
::[Tina m Garcia]: distractions that there are
today The distractions are pretty much everywhere
193
::[Tina m Garcia]: if you have a phone in your
hand
194
::[Robb]: Correct. It's very true. And again,
like we've talked about the social media thing,
195
::[Robb]: most of the people in their 30s have
grown up with it.
196
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
197
::[Robb]: So it's literally just plastered in
their hand at all moments.
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
199
::[Robb]: Someone in our age period probably can...
can live without social media.
200
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, for
201
::[Robb]: If you
202
::[Tina m Garcia]: sure.
203
::[Robb]: really had to hammer down and go, look,
I wanna make sure that this is something and
204
::[Robb]: we're gonna get rid of all social media.
I mean, I could live without it. I, you know,
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::[Robb]: if I, with the exception of promoting
this podcast, I could get away with like, all
206
::[Robb]: right, whatever. And... and live very
healthy relationship-wise without it. It's
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::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
208
::[Robb]: not something I need.
209
::[Tina m Garcia]: I like being able to keep in
contact with all my family members that I don't
210
::[Tina m Garcia]: think I'd have much contact
with
211
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
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::[Tina m Garcia]: had we not had social media.
And because my dad is kind of like the main,
213
::[Tina m Garcia]: you know, patriarch of the
family, people get ahold of me through social
214
::[Tina m Garcia]: media to get in contact with
him because I don't like to give out my phone
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::[Tina m Garcia]: number to my family. If my
family has my phone number, that means I like
216
::[Tina m Garcia]: them. But the ones that don't,
I don't want to start now. So for me, social
217
::[Tina m Garcia]: media has been a way that I
could keep in contact with people that I don't
218
::[Tina m Garcia]: want to keep in contact with.
How does that make sense? People
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::[Robb]: I get
220
::[Tina m Garcia]: I don't
221
::[Robb]: what
222
::[Tina m Garcia]: want to,
223
::[Robb]: you're saying.
224
::[Tina m Garcia]: I don't want to have that much
access to me. Let's
225
::[Robb]: Mm
226
::[Tina m Garcia]: put it that way.
227
::[Robb]: hmm. I mean, it's just and it's now
with that. It's so easy to fall in with people.
228
::[Robb]: So from a relationship standpoint, look,
trust is a very, very big thing, right?
229
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
230
::[Robb]: But I've said it a bazillion times.
My thing is, if you're going to cheat, you're
231
::[Robb]: going to cheat regardless, it doesn't
matter. if that's either something you've decided
232
::[Robb]: to do or not based on the relationship
you're in.
233
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
234
::[Robb]: So if you're both working on it and
you're both communicating, at some point you
235
::[Robb]: should have the testicular fortitude
or the balls to say, I'm done. and go, okay,
236
::[Robb]: we need to find a way out of this. And
before it gets to the, I found someone else,
237
::[Robb]: just don't get there. Fix the problem
at home, or walk away from it with dignity
238
::[Robb]: and saying, look, sometimes it just
doesn't work and that's okay.
239
::[Tina m Garcia]: I think the hardest part though
was walking away.
240
::[Robb]: Sure.
241
::[Tina m Garcia]: It was, it was, it was finding
the, what did you say? The testicular fortitude
242
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
243
::[Tina m Garcia]: to walk away. I, um, we talked
about getting divorced before we finally decided
244
::[Tina m Garcia]: to do it. And when I remember
it was an, an argument, because I, who wouldn't
245
::[Tina m Garcia]: have said that otherwise he
said, if you want to get up and leave and I'm
246
::[Tina m Garcia]: like, well, here's the deal.
It's a, we're doing, we're doing this during
247
::[Tina m Garcia]: COVID. I'm going to need some
help. And he's like, no, you want to walk out,
248
::[Tina m Garcia]: walk out. And I was like, Oh,
you're going to be a dick like that. But it
249
::[Tina m Garcia]: forced me to stay. Did we work
on anything? No. Should, should he have maybe
250
::[Tina m Garcia]: like put some effort into that
so that I could stay or would stay or felt
251
::[Tina m Garcia]: good about staying? Yeah, he
absolutely should have. But that's the thing
252
::[Tina m Garcia]: with marriage. I think marriage
is like, you don't know. I was 29 when I met
253
::[Tina m Garcia]: him. I was 34 when I get married,
got married. My 40s kicked my ass. I'm not
254
::[Tina m Garcia]: the same person. So how do
you know if you're gonna even grow with the
255
::[Tina m Garcia]: person you're with when life
changes you so much? So for me, I always felt
256
::[Tina m Garcia]: like 10 years was kinda like
the sweet spot. Like give it a good 10 and
257
::[Tina m Garcia]: then say, okay, we could go
on our merry way and not be together. you know,
258
::[Tina m Garcia]: if we still wanted to be with
each other after a while, get back together.
259
::[Tina m Garcia]: But if we could have split
up at 10 and there was no hard feelings, I
260
::[Tina m Garcia]: think both of us would have
hit the door.
261
::[Robb]: Yeah, I mean, I made it six, but I was
with her for 10. So we were kind of in that
262
::[Robb]: spot. I think that what you'll end up
doing is learning the whole thing of communication.
263
::[Robb]: And I think that the younger folks are
just different. They're much more likely to,
264
::[Robb]: I think, bail out quicker. So I think
that now... the divorce rate with younger folks
265
::[Robb]: will, assuming they even get married.
Cause I think that that's a whole other thing
266
::[Robb]: as well. I think that we're, it's so
divided on... Feminism has killed marriage
267
::[Robb]: to a degree because I think everything's
the patriarchy everything's going against them
268
::[Robb]: blah blah blah At which I don't think
is very true. Is there some things of course
269
::[Robb]: that I would you can't get away from
that but the new killer family where you have
270
::[Robb]: the provider and protector in the man
and And I hate to say the baby maker, but because
271
::[Robb]: that's not exactly what I'm trying to
say, but that part of it where women are just
272
::[Robb]: more nurturing. That's just a fact.
I mean,
273
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
274
::[Robb]: it's been embedded in us for thousands
of years, and it works. And I'm not saying
275
::[Robb]: that like we live in a world where you
almost have to have two incomes.
276
::[Tina m Garcia]: You're
277
::[Robb]: Unfortunately,
278
::[Tina m Garcia]: right, we do, we do, absolutely.
279
::[Robb]: And that's sucky. I mean, I wish that
we could go back to the provider and the man
280
::[Robb]: goes to work and, and mom stays at home
and raises children. I think we'd have better
281
::[Robb]: kids. Cause now we're sending these
kids to school where they're being indoctrinated
282
::[Robb]: by this system. And then however you
want to put that, whatever you think. because
283
::[Robb]: now they're coming home going, well,
my teacher says I don't have to do this. Well,
284
::[Robb]: yeah, that's, I want them to learn math.
I don't care. I'll deal with how to raise my
285
::[Robb]: children. So.
286
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, because they kind of
took religion out of schools. They you can't
287
::[Tina m Garcia]: even see that you can't even
say the.
288
::[Tina m Garcia]: Pledge of Allegiance without
there being an issue because the word God is
289
::[Tina m Garcia]: in it.
290
::[Robb]: Right.
291
::[Tina m Garcia]: And I get it that people in
religion are kind of a sore subject also, but
292
::[Tina m Garcia]: we grew up in a time where
we had fear. We had fear of pissing somebody
293
::[Tina m Garcia]: off, you know, a family member,
a parent, you know, whomever was taking care
294
::[Tina m Garcia]: of us. Plus, we were taught
to respect authority and That's not happening
295
::[Tina m Garcia]: at all now. So there's really
no cause and effect for people that are growing
296
::[Tina m Garcia]: up to even care one way or
another.
297
::[Robb]: So do you think, I mean, obviously we've
talked about the fathers not being in a household.
298
::[Robb]: That's also part of this issue,
299
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
300
::[Robb]: is that we're driving men away from
what we are built to do, both
301
::[Tina m Garcia]: Well,
302
::[Robb]: of us.
303
::[Tina m Garcia]: listen, when you have a woman
saying you're worthless, you're a piece of
304
::[Tina m Garcia]: shit, get out. I didn't need
you anyway. You're just a sperm donor. I get
305
::[Tina m Garcia]: it. I wouldn't stick around
for that bullshit. And I sure as hell wouldn't
306
::[Tina m Garcia]: let somebody say it to me and
not want to punch him in the face. So I, I
307
::[Tina m Garcia]: commend a man that has to hear
that bullshit and, and does the right thing
308
::[Tina m Garcia]: by his children, whatever that
means, stay in a relationship, not staying
309
::[Tina m Garcia]: in it, but, but being there
for their kids. commend a man for that because
310
::[Tina m Garcia]: I don't think women should
go after a man's pride or a man's his, his
311
::[Tina m Garcia]: manly hood, you know, and belittle
a man like that. I don't believe in that. There's
312
::[Tina m Garcia]: there's strength in both sexes
for different reasons. And
313
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
314
::[Tina m Garcia]: women are not supposed to come
at a man like a man. A woman should be using
315
::[Tina m Garcia]: her, her Strengths as a woman
to come at a man and and that is her softness
316
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's her nurturing
317
::[Robb]: her femininity.
318
::[Tina m Garcia]: side and that's how she gets
away with all of the shit I mean, that's always
319
::[Tina m Garcia]: how I got away with it If you
wanted to get your way, you didn't act like
320
::[Tina m Garcia]: a horse's ass you buttered
him up You did you know you did your part to?
321
::[Tina m Garcia]: Make things work. It
322
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
323
::[Tina m Garcia]: wasn't you're just a piece
of shit. I don't respect you now. Give me your
324
::[Tina m Garcia]: cash. That's I've seen people
do it, women that do their hair, and I'm like,
325
::[Tina m Garcia]: how can you be such an asshole?
It's not right.
326
::[Robb]: Yeah, I think that there's, look, with
the exception of abuse, and I'm physical or
327
::[Robb]: mental, those are reasons to leave your
marriage. Totally.
328
::[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.
329
::[Robb]: But to not work on the simple things,
like what to do at home, these are things that
330
::[Robb]: need to be discussed way before you
ever get married, like what kind of household
331
::[Robb]: do you want? How do you want to raise
children? What's your definition of love? Like
332
::[Robb]: what do you want out of love? How, you
know, things of feeling way before you get
333
::[Robb]: into them. I think
334
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
335
::[Robb]: those are the bigger things too. Like
dating today is very bizarre to me. It's a
336
::[Robb]: very short time of finding out who you
are before you can get someone in the sack.
337
::[Robb]: Where I think
338
::[Tina m Garcia]: Really?
339
::[Robb]: that...
340
::[Tina m Garcia]: Because I think that getting
somebody in a sack is actually a pre-rec for
341
::[Tina m Garcia]: whether somebody even wants
to date you or not. I'm finding that. I'm like,
342
::[Tina m Garcia]: yeah, I'm not going to sleep
with you that quick. Like...
343
::[Robb]: But I think that that's the problem.
People are trying to get there way too quick
344
::[Robb]: and not finding out who you are as a
human being.
345
::[Tina m Garcia]: or how you're gonna be as a
couple.
346
::[Robb]: Yeah, those are huge things to me. Those
are long lasting things. You know, sex is gonna
347
::[Robb]: die for
348
::[Tina m Garcia]: Don't
349
::[Robb]: whatever.
350
::[Tina m Garcia]: say that! Fuck, I hate
351
::[Robb]: Well,
352
::[Tina m Garcia]: when people say that.
353
::[Robb]: but it's true.
354
::[Tina m Garcia]: I hope not!
355
::[Robb]: And I don't mean die, but I think that
look, as you get older, things change. I think
356
::[Robb]: a healthy sex life into your 70s is
awesome. If you can do that, more power to
357
::[Robb]: you. And I think that it's important
to have both romance and sex. They're two different
358
::[Robb]: things. One can lead to the other, but
I think romance every day is important. I don't
359
::[Robb]: see couples holding hands. And I mean
young couples. Like I see people always walking
360
::[Robb]: where they're together, but they're
not physically there, like touching each other
361
::[Robb]: or like I'm crazy about putting my hand
on like people's lower backs or putting my
362
::[Robb]: finger in your belt loop, whatever.
But I'm a weird dude. So there's that as well.
363
::[Robb]: So But I think that that's kind of a
dying thing, like being romantic or like opening
364
::[Robb]: doors, those kind of things, those simple
things that make life easy. You should wonder
365
::[Robb]: if you're, I'll give you an example.
I think... Everyone is so self-centered, and
366
::[Robb]: I'll say this along human beings. If
you're up in the morning and you're in a healthy
367
::[Robb]: relationship and you're walking to the
kitchen to get yourself coffee, the first thing
368
::[Robb]: you should do is ask your mate, do you
want a coffee? I'm gonna go get one. Or would
369
::[Robb]: you like anything from the kitchen?
Because I'm going to come back to the bedroom.
370
::[Robb]: I'm going to pour myself a cup of coffee.
These are the small things with the, and I'm
371
::[Robb]: assuming that they're awake. That's
before I get on a tangent of that. Like, no,
372
::[Robb]: you shouldn't wake up your mate if they're
sleeping and go, hey, I'm gonna go get coffee,
373
::[Robb]: you want one? You don't. But if
374
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,
375
::[Robb]: you
376
::[Tina m Garcia]: but
377
::[Robb]: come
378
::[Tina m Garcia]: you
379
::[Robb]: back.
380
::[Tina m Garcia]: should know, you should know
by, by the type of relationship you have with
381
::[Tina m Garcia]: your mate, if they're going
to want it or not also, you know what I mean?
382
::[Robb]: Again, you're right. You should also
remember and learn things. I think that those
383
::[Robb]: are things, like, as my memory gets,
I hate to say worse, but
384
::[Tina m Garcia]: Older? No.
385
::[Robb]: older, for the people that are special
in my life in relationships, thankfully we
386
::[Robb]: have a phone in front of us that you
can keep notes on people.
387
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
388
::[Robb]: So in my contact. of the people that
I would say I would be very interested in dating,
389
::[Robb]: I keep things like sizes, colors, and
so I can remember important dates like when
390
::[Robb]: I met them, these type of things. Because
those are the things that later on, and I hate
391
::[Robb]: to say score points because I don't
mean it that way, but when you're doing something
392
::[Robb]: and you're like, oh, I'm out, I know
she likes this, you can come back around because
393
::[Robb]: those are the important things. I love
394
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's
395
::[Robb]: small
396
::[Tina m Garcia]: that's
397
::[Robb]: things.
398
::[Tina m Garcia]: actually that's the intimate
part of a relationship though.
399
::[Robb]: Yes.
400
::[Tina m Garcia]: When you know what a person
likes or what they drink or you know, just
401
::[Tina m Garcia]: whatever, you know,
402
::[Robb]: Yeah.
403
::[Tina m Garcia]: it's, it's one of those things
where, oh, he knows me
404
::[Robb]: Yeah,
405
::[Tina m Garcia]: or she knows me. Yeah.
406
::[Robb]: yeah, you're on your way home, you just
get tacos, because you know. It's
407
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
408
::[Robb]: like, hey, I picked these up on the
way home. I wanted some tacos, I picked us
409
::[Robb]: up something, here you go. And for us,
I think in our age, the relationships that
410
::[Robb]: we're getting into, generally, our kids
are gonna be gone.
411
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
412
::[Robb]: So I think that the intimate part. So
if you're in an older relationship or a brand
413
::[Robb]: new one before kids, because kids are
a whole other thing, you need to have things
414
::[Robb]: that are strong points of mostly what
you believe in in the world, where you're at,
415
::[Robb]: morally. religiously I think is an important
thing on both sides because those are the things
416
::[Robb]: that are that are going to build your
Foundation going forward. So if you're 25 and
417
::[Robb]: you meet somebody You're probably going
to change Over the years and and how you see
418
::[Robb]: things is how you're gonna build that
relationship at our age You're going into a
419
::[Robb]: relationship where you're probably not
going to change much morally You know, we're
420
::[Robb]: pretty much set in stone. You pretty
much what you see is what you get. So
421
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
422
::[Robb]: you have to be on the same page of what
you want in life, where you see yourself, you
423
::[Robb]: know, going forward. Do you want do
you want marriage? Do you want to have a strong
424
::[Robb]: relationship? Do you want to? if not
being married legally, do you want to wear
425
::[Robb]: rings? Because I think that that can
be something that in our space that it's OK
426
::[Robb]: to do if you're not legally married,
if that's not a road you want to go down. That
427
::[Robb]: there has
428
::[Tina m Garcia]: Right.
429
::[Robb]: to be a commitment to this relationship.
because marriage to me, I would still do it.
430
::[Robb]: I'm a believer that if you can find
someone who, I hate to say is the one, but
431
::[Robb]: there's, I don't know if there's the
one. But there's a damn close person to that.
432
::[Robb]: You know, you shouldn't agree 100% because
100% is not realistic. That's someone going,
433
::[Robb]: yeah,
434
::[Tina m Garcia]: Not
435
::[Robb]: I agree
436
::[Tina m Garcia]: at all.
437
::[Robb]: with you. I agree with you. It's like,
no, I agree with the concept of that, but this,
438
::[Robb]: this, this, this, or whatever. I would
say if you can be 95%
439
::[Robb]: is a pretty damn good
440
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's
441
::[Robb]: relationship.
442
::[Tina m Garcia]: that's even kind of a lot to
though.
443
::[Robb]: Yes,
444
::[Tina m Garcia]: For sure.
445
::[Robb]: I'm trying to be nice. Let's say 90%
because 10% off, but what is the 10%? That's
446
::[Robb]: where you have to find
447
::[Tina m Garcia]: The
448
::[Robb]: out.
449
::[Tina m Garcia]: 10% can't be your beliefs in
God or religion. It can't be in the type of
450
::[Tina m Garcia]: lifestyle you want to leave,
live. It can't be in whether or not you want
451
::[Tina m Garcia]: children. Like it can't be
if the type of if you want to live in a house
452
::[Tina m Garcia]: or a motor home and drive around
the country like there are those things that
453
::[Tina m Garcia]: just can't be negotiated. You
know what I mean? Those are big things that
454
::[Tina m Garcia]: will definitely terror. a couple
apart, but there's so many things that I didn't
455
::[Tina m Garcia]: agree with with my ex and we
still got along, you know, but there's that
456
::[Tina m Garcia]: I think for me, I feel like
if you're going to be married, you got to remember
457
::[Tina m Garcia]: that this is your person that
you need to put time into. You need to respect,
458
::[Tina m Garcia]: you need to have some sort
of admiration. You need to feel feelings towards
459
::[Tina m Garcia]: the person. And if you don't
feel those feelings like in an intense way,
460
::[Tina m Garcia]: you're probably doing the wrong
thing.
461
::[Robb]: Correct.
462
::[Tina m Garcia]: And you don't marry just because
you get somebody knocked up. You don't marry
463
::[Tina m Garcia]: just because you got knocked
up. You don't marry because, you know, you're,
464
::[Tina m Garcia]: you're thinking that nobody's
ever going to love you. If that's the case,
465
::[Tina m Garcia]: fuck work on yourself. Like
really there, you know, there's, there's no
466
::[Tina m Garcia]: reason to be with somebody
because you need something. It's got to be
467
::[Tina m Garcia]: because you want to be a part
of something bigger than
468
::[Robb]: Mm
469
::[Tina m Garcia]: yourself.
470
::[Robb]: hmm. Yeah, there's no settling.
471
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-mm.
472
::[Robb]: I think if you're settling that there's
a problem
473
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yes.
474
::[Robb]: because we don't we don't settle on
small things. Like you don't settle on a car.
475
::[Robb]: You buy the car
476
::[Tina m Garcia]: night.
477
::[Robb]: you want. You don't settle on the home
with the exception of maybe being really young.
478
::[Robb]: And you're like, well, we'll have a
condo first, but we want a house later.
479
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's still not settling.
That's the difference between I'm going to
480
::[Tina m Garcia]: rent for the rest of my life
versus I'm going to buy something. That's a
481
::[Tina m Garcia]: different, you know, there's
steps to that. So
482
::[Robb]: Correct.
483
::[Tina m Garcia]: I wouldn't even.
484
::[Robb]: To me, it's finding, you're kind of
right. It's the one. The only, and I think
485
::[Robb]: that, and I've had children, there is
no one bigger than the other. People go, oh,
486
::[Robb]: well, my kids come first and then my
mate. No, they're the same. If
487
::[Tina m Garcia]: You
488
::[Robb]: you're
489
::[Tina m Garcia]: know,
490
::[Robb]: not
491
::[Tina m Garcia]: my
492
::[Robb]: looking
493
::[Tina m Garcia]: client,
494
::[Robb]: on the same level as that, there's
495
::[Tina m Garcia]: my client
496
::[Robb]: a problem.
497
::[Tina m Garcia]: always told me, your, your
husband comes first. Kids leave you. Your husband
498
::[Tina m Garcia]: stays.
499
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
500
::[Tina m Garcia]: You put him first always. It's
not, oh, if the boat is drowning, who do you
501
::[Tina m Garcia]: take your kid or your husband?
No, you grab your husband. He helps you take
502
::[Tina m Garcia]: care of the kid. Period.
503
::[Robb]: Hmm.
504
::[Tina m Garcia]: It's you and him as a unit
first. And I didn't agree with that for a long
505
::[Tina m Garcia]: time, because I was raised
a little bit differently where my parents would
506
::[Tina m Garcia]: have done whatever they had
to do to keep us safe. But now that I look
507
::[Tina m Garcia]: at things, she's really right.
Like you don't have your kids with you forever.
508
::[Tina m Garcia]: They're not gonna stick with
you. And not always are they gonna do right
509
::[Tina m Garcia]: by you either. But your mate,
the person that chose you, the person that
510
::[Tina m Garcia]: stood up and said, I do, that's
the person who's supposed to. That's the person
511
::[Tina m Garcia]: who normally does.
512
::[Robb]: Correct.
513
::[Tina m Garcia]: And that's, that's got to be
solid.
514
::[Robb]: Well, and as you grow older, and let's
say you were married or were in a relationship,
515
::[Robb]: and now you're out and you have kids,
516
::[Robb]: how much of your kid should be involved
in finding love? Do I want my child to love
517
::[Robb]: or like who I'm with? 100%.
518
::[Tina m Garcia]: Why not?
519
::[Robb]: But that being said, I also have to think of my well-being.
You're right, my child is going to move and live with someone else and get married
520
::[Robb]: and have their own children. I should be happy.
I should be with someone who makes me utterly happy.
521
::[Robb]: And do I hope that... .. we have family
outings and my kid wants to come and be around
522
::[Robb]: my spouse, of course. I hope that that,
I mean, because who doesn't want that? But
523
::[Robb]: I also can't worry about every day,
like does my kid like him? Does my kid like
524
::[Robb]: her? Does this? I can't do that. I love
being with the person and I'm with them 90%,
525
::[Robb]: 95% of the time now that my kids are
older. I have to worry about the longevity
526
::[Robb]: of how I feel. And if this person is
bringing me joy, my kid should understand that
527
::[Robb]: that's important to me. They shouldn't
alienate themselves from my life because they
528
::[Robb]: don't like the person I'm with or they're
upset that, you know, I chose this person over
529
::[Robb]: someone else who was in my life before.
That's
530
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
531
::[Robb]: craziness. In that case, every relationship
going forward is going to be judged on your
532
::[Robb]: mom or dad. So if I was divorced, is
my son always going to go, well, she's not
533
::[Robb]: like mom, so I don't like her? It's
like, well, wait a second.
534
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's
535
::[Robb]: You
536
::[Tina m Garcia]: kind
537
::[Robb]: can't.
538
::[Tina m Garcia]: of the point to divorcing and
moving on.
539
::[Robb]: Yeah, because look, relationships that
you've been in fail for whatever reason. It
540
::[Robb]: wasn't the right person. It wasn't the
right time. Um, I was with them at the time
541
::[Robb]: because they got me from. point A to
point B, but I want to be at C. Like there's
542
::[Robb]: people that have been in my life that
I dated that weren't going to be anything,
543
::[Robb]: but a time period, right? And I dated
a younger girl for a while, for like five or
544
::[Robb]: six months. And for whatever reason,
that was a part of my life. that I needed to
545
::[Robb]: get through to get to something else.
And hopefully that is the person that is for
546
::[Robb]: me. So my kid has seen different people
and understands and I think he knows that if
547
::[Robb]: I pick the right person for me, I'm
going to see them as the right person for me.
548
::[Robb]: And I want him to be involved in that
relationship. And I've been in in in situationships
549
::[Robb]: where someone was like, Oh, your kid
doesn't like me. It's like, no, my kid does
550
::[Robb]: like you because he's told me. But stop
looking too far ahead of that. My kid is going
551
::[Robb]: to stand by me because he understands
what's right for me. Because I've done the
552
::[Robb]: same for him. You know, he's
553
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
554
::[Robb]: brought around girls that. Do I necessarily
think they're a future for him? No, but I don't
555
::[Robb]: say anything to him because he has to
learn and live. That's what we all do. It's
556
::[Robb]: no different than, let's say your kids
leave the house and you have several of them
557
::[Robb]: and one gets married, one has children
with someone but isn't married and one is on
558
::[Robb]: his own. So now you have your three
kids and they're out about. When you get...
559
::[Robb]: to having a large family outside of
that, the marriage matters, right?
560
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
561
::[Robb]: But you're not gonna go to your children
and go, well, I don't like your baby daddy,
562
::[Robb]: you should leave him. And I hope you
stay with your husband no matter what because
563
::[Robb]: I like him. I don't care if you're unhappy
in your marriage, you stay with him because
564
::[Robb]: he's
565
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's
566
::[Robb]: good
567
::[Tina m Garcia]: the
568
::[Robb]: for
569
::[Tina m Garcia]: right
570
::[Robb]: you.
571
::[Tina m Garcia]: thing to do.
572
::[Robb]: It's like, no, you should, you should
back your, your children's decisions just like
573
::[Robb]: they should back yours. It's going
574
::[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.
575
::[Robb]: to happen. And I hope that in marriage,
those are the things that happen. If, if I
576
::[Robb]: decide to marry someone, I, I hope that
my son is my best man in standing next to me
577
::[Robb]: and knowing
578
::[Tina m Garcia]: That
579
::[Robb]: that.
580
::[Tina m Garcia]: would be kind of cool, huh?
581
::[Robb]: knowing that he understands that I'm
in love with this person and that I've made
582
::[Robb]: the conscious decision to have you join
her family as well and that I'm going to have
583
::[Robb]: her family join mine. um whatever that
is um whether it's my parents her parents her
584
::[Robb]: kids my kids whatever that is that's
what marriage should be about and i'm i'm kind
585
::[Robb]: of dragging that these poor kids that
now that don't have that same mentality now
586
::[Robb]: it's just why get married i want to
i want to live the way I want to live and I'll
587
::[Robb]: get married later. And then they're
going to wake up one day and realize that that
588
::[Robb]: time has passed them by.
589
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
590
::[Robb]: We still came from the generation of
being married at 25. Now people are like, I'm
591
::[Robb]: not going to get married until I'm in
my mid thirties, even close to 40, because
592
::[Robb]: I want to live my life and I want to
do my things. This is why the birth rate is
593
::[Robb]: so low in this country.
594
::[Tina m Garcia]: Well, also I think it has something
to do with the fertility issues that everybody
595
::[Tina m Garcia]: is having too, from all the
chemicals in our food.
596
::[Robb]: Yeah, well.
597
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's a big part of it. Everybody
I know seems to be having issues with that.
598
::[Robb]: Well, from what I heard too, because
my friend down the street who's a nurse says
599
::[Robb]: that young men are coming in because
she works in a clinic and young men are having
600
::[Robb]: erectile dysfunction issues.
601
::[Tina m Garcia]: What?
602
::[Robb]: Yes, young men
603
::[Tina m Garcia]: Is that
604
::[Robb]: and that's
605
::[Tina m Garcia]: is that that's gotta be food,
yeah?
606
::[Robb]: That's what she thinks as well. It's
what's being put in this food that is fucking
607
::[Robb]: people up. It's, and I'm not talking
like 40 year old men. I'm talking 30, 28, 27
608
::[Robb]: year old men coming in literally saying
like, it's not always working. So, yeah,
609
::[Tina m Garcia]: Wow.
610
::[Robb]: because we were talking about it, because
obviously men in my age are, it's when the
611
::[Robb]: offset, right? After 40s, men will have
issues. She was saying, yeah, it's young dudes
612
::[Robb]: and it's not just one or two, it's becoming
rampant. That there's lots of issues with that.
613
::[Robb]: And so let's say it's both sides. Now
you have guys who can't get it up. who can't
614
::[Robb]: have children. We're like literally
running away from each other now. And let's
615
::[Robb]: say it does work, and then you're having
the issue of can't having a baby, or you have
616
::[Robb]: a girl who can have children, but the
guy can't do it. And then what does that do
617
::[Robb]: for their sex life? You have women who
think, he's not attracted to me. you know,
618
::[Robb]: or obviously you're not into me because
that's not happening. It's like, and in the
619
::[Robb]: poor guy's head, he's like, no, I am
super turned on by you. I see you as this bright
620
::[Robb]: light and I'm sexually attracted to
you, but I'm having this issue. I couldn't
621
::[Robb]: imagine in that happening in my twenties.
And from what she
622
::[Tina m Garcia]: No,
623
::[Robb]: says,
624
::[Tina m Garcia]: that would
625
::[Robb]: it's
626
::[Tina m Garcia]: be
627
::[Robb]: happening.
628
::[Tina m Garcia]: devastating because even as
a woman you wouldn't know how to deal with
629
::[Tina m Garcia]: that. You would be devastated
if you were
630
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
631
::[Tina m Garcia]: going through that and he's
got to be just mortified. That's
632
::[Robb]: Horrible.
633
::[Tina m Garcia]: that's got to be a horrible
thing.
634
::[Robb]: So, so marriage, so you have all these
things working against you, where I think marriage
635
::[Robb]: is still something that people should
share. I think it's going to be a problem though
636
::[Robb]: going forward. I think the the the 20s
generation, so let's say people in high school
637
::[Robb]: right now will say 17, 17 to 25.
638
::[Tina m Garcia]: disease
639
::[Robb]: There's going.
640
::[Tina m Garcia]: generation?
641
::[Robb]: Yeah. Exactly what we just talked about
is
642
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
643
::[Robb]: going to have a huge marriage problem.
I think you're gonna see people just wanting
644
::[Robb]: to party and It'll be I'm just doing
my own thing And I'm gonna do my own thing
645
::[Robb]: until I decide not to Because women
want to have a career and do all these things
646
::[Robb]: before they get married By the time
they get married who's gonna want I mean, I
647
::[Robb]: don't know. I would not want to try
to start a family at 40 For one, it's not fair
648
::[Robb]: to the child.
649
::[Tina m Garcia]: No.
650
::[Robb]: I mean, even me, I was, we started trying
when I was 30 years old.
651
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
652
::[Robb]: And I did the math. I was like, I don't
wanna show up to his graduation looking like
653
::[Robb]: grandpa.
654
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
655
::[Robb]: So I was like, I'll be 50 something
years old, which was perfect. And for people
656
::[Robb]: who know me that listen to the show,
like I... I think I look close to my age. I
657
::[Robb]: probably, I think I look in my like
mid forties. And it probably, a lot of it has
658
::[Robb]: to do with like, I have a lot of tattoos
and piercings and a bunch of other things.
659
::[Robb]: So that probably brings me down a little
bit, but I couldn't imagine being 40 years
660
::[Robb]: old, having a first child. By the time
they graduate high school, you're in your early
661
::[Robb]: sixties. I mean,
662
::[Tina m Garcia]: That's crazy.
663
::[Robb]: that's crazy to me. And
664
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
665
::[Robb]: I guess it's becoming like the new thing.
Like, again, like, 40 is the new 50, or, you
666
::[Robb]: know, 40 is the new 30, or whatever
the fuck it is. I can't see it going forward.
667
::[Robb]: on a lot of things
668
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
669
::[Robb]: men have so much to lose so do you want
to do it and and like you said prenuptial agreements
670
::[Robb]: i think maybe as we get older would
be easier i guess if i got with somebody who
671
::[Robb]: who had a house and and a you know money
to lose If I believed in the love, I would
672
::[Robb]: easily say, it's your house, you earned
this over the years of your life, I don't wanna
673
::[Robb]: take it from you. And vice versa, whatever
I brought into it. If I had, you know,
674
::[Robb]: objects that I don't wanna lose, or
things that were important to me of value,
675
::[Robb]: money, whatever, you sign a prenup and
you go look. You keep your shit if this doesn't
676
::[Robb]: happen and I'll keep mine. And everyone
walks away with no harm, no foul in your fifties.
677
::[Robb]: You know what I mean? Where
678
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
679
::[Robb]: it's just hard to, it's hard to, um,
pick yourself back up after that kind of damage
680
::[Robb]: later in life. So if you get a divorce
in your fifties and you're like, look, we fell
681
::[Robb]: out of love, it didn't work. whatever
the circumstances are, I wish you well with
682
::[Robb]: no hate and there's no infidelity. There's
no nothing. It's just, it didn't work out.
683
::[Robb]: You go along your way. I think that
684
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yep.
685
::[Robb]: the problem with like a state like California
is since it's even if, if, if the woman cheats,
686
::[Robb]: she can wake up the next day and go,
I want a divorce and she still gets everything.
687
::[Robb]: There's, there's no, there's no issue
whose fault it was. This is a no fault state.
688
::[Robb]: So you're kind of screwed, you know,
where it's, I think that can be, that can derail
689
::[Robb]: another thing for marriage too, is that
it's just too easy for young people to hop
690
::[Robb]: to the next person.
691
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, it is. It's
692
::[Robb]: Bye.
693
::[Tina m Garcia]: too easy for anybody too, actually.
694
::[Robb]: Yeah, I mean these days I think that
is true. Again, we've talked about the social
695
::[Robb]: media and it's just too easy to get
in contact with people that you haven't heard
696
::[Robb]: of and seen in so many years that you
go down that road and I think that those are
697
::[Robb]: the things that have to be talked about
well early
698
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
699
::[Robb]: into the relationship.
700
::[Tina m Garcia]: Well,
701
::[Robb]: Early,
702
::[Tina m Garcia]: and
703
::[Robb]: early.
704
::[Tina m Garcia]: again, take your time getting
to know somebody because, you know, that's
705
::[Tina m Garcia]: the one thing that you should,
that you should use your time for to get to
706
::[Tina m Garcia]: know somebody to like, see
if you even want to date them, see if you even
707
::[Tina m Garcia]: want to have sex with them,
not just like, I'm going to do it and then
708
::[Tina m Garcia]: decide after the fact, like,
come on, put some effort into it. And, and
709
::[Tina m Garcia]: if you do, you'll have a better
relationship. Whether it's just friends or
710
::[Tina m Garcia]: it's more than that. Like you
just need to put some time in and and marriages
711
::[Tina m Garcia]: should not be taken lightly.
They just shouldn't and you really have to
712
::[Tina m Garcia]: look at are you in love with
this person? Are you doing it because you do
713
::[Tina m Garcia]: love them or is something else
going on? Because if something else is going
714
::[Tina m Garcia]: on, that is the wrong thing
to do. It's just the wrong thing to do. It's
715
::[Tina m Garcia]: not going to make you any happier.
It's not going to make your life any better.
716
::[Tina m Garcia]: You're always going to be looking
for what you didn't have, which was that closeness,
717
::[Tina m Garcia]: that intimacy, that love. So
you got to have some faith and time and get
718
::[Tina m Garcia]: to know people, really get
to know them. Don't just, social media is great.
719
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, you can see the pictures.
Oh, how cute. She's taking it from the right
720
::[Tina m Garcia]: angle. He's got his kid with
him, whatever the hell it is, but like learn
721
::[Tina m Garcia]: about the person. Talk to the
person. Be... be close, be affectionate, but
722
::[Tina m Garcia]: take it slow. Take things
723
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
724
::[Tina m Garcia]: slow. Everybody is in such
a hurry to grow up. I was, I totally was. I
725
::[Tina m Garcia]: didn't get married till I was
34, but like I was in a hurry to grow up for
726
::[Tina m Garcia]: sure. And now I look back and
go, what the hell was I thinking? Oh, I would
727
::[Tina m Garcia]: have made such different choices
had I just slowed the heck down.
728
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm,
729
::[Tina m Garcia]: You know,
730
::[Robb]: I agree.
731
::[Tina m Garcia]: it didn't, it, I don't know.
But hindsight's:732
::[Tina m Garcia]: gonna be a good or a bad thing
in your life, you just have to roll with it.
733
::[Tina m Garcia]: And that's all you could do.
I mean, there's no guarantees, absolutely.
734
::[Tina m Garcia]: And anything could change anybody
at any time. But I think that that's a walk
735
::[Tina m Garcia]: that you should be doing with
a person and hopefully they'll let you continue
736
::[Tina m Garcia]: to do it. And if you could
do that, then by all means be married. But
737
::[Tina m Garcia]: if you can't, or if you can't
be... Faithful or if you can't you can't see
738
::[Tina m Garcia]: you spend the rest of your
life with persons probably not a good idea
739
::[Robb]: Correct. I think you said it best was
take it slow and learn who someone is.
740
::[Tina m Garcia]: Don't
741
::[Robb]: That
742
::[Tina m Garcia]: skip
743
::[Robb]: should be
744
::[Tina m Garcia]: the
745
::[Robb]: the most
746
::[Tina m Garcia]: steps,
747
::[Robb]: fun.
748
::[Tina m Garcia]: the steps,
749
::[Robb]: Yeah.
750
::[Tina m Garcia]: the steps of getting to know
somebody, of hearing what their favorite everything
751
::[Tina m Garcia]: is, of seeing how they act
in certain situations. Like, you know, everything
752
::[Tina m Garcia]: down to like, if you get a
flat tire and they're with you, how are they
753
::[Tina m Garcia]: gonna act when you get a flat
tire? You know what I mean? Like, if a person
754
::[Tina m Garcia]: shows up, that's a good person.
If a person's like not helping you out or not,
755
::[Tina m Garcia]: Not trying to get you through
it or be there with you while you're doing
756
::[Tina m Garcia]: it. That's not a good person
to be with because if a flat tires got somebody
757
::[Tina m Garcia]: stumped, what else is going
to get them stumped? Like what else are you
758
::[Tina m Garcia]: going to go without because
they're not capable? You need to know shit
759
::[Tina m Garcia]: like
760
::[Robb]: You need to be able to take someone
to the things that make you happy and see how
761
::[Robb]: they react and then You go to the same
for them If you're the person who likes to
762
::[Robb]: stand on the beach and watch the sun
go down And you're not with someone who likes
763
::[Robb]: to watch the sun go down. There's probably
going to be issues long run These are the the
764
::[Robb]: small things that that you talk to about
and and text about early and when you're having
765
::[Robb]: conversations together where there's
not friends around and you're finding out these
766
::[Robb]: small gestures of what makes someone
tick. Those are the things that are going to
767
::[Robb]: make you a happier couple later on.
It's not the partying with all your friends
768
::[Robb]: together. Those are social events. You
need to be able to find out who someone is
769
::[Robb]: deep down inside and fall for that person.
The person
770
::[Tina m Garcia]: Absolutely.
771
::[Robb]: who's going to be there during the argument
and not walk off and leave you alone.
772
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
773
::[Robb]: The person who's going to fight and
go,
774
::[Robb]: morning and we're not going to run from
each other we're gonna run towards each other
775
::[Robb]: to find out what makes this relationship
work because
776
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
777
::[Robb]: I don't want to be with someone who's
gonna be a runner don't run away don't lean
778
::[Robb]: on someone at work don't go over here
and talk to this person talk to me fix it if
779
::[Robb]: not we'll understand more that we're
falling apart and if we're gonna fix that or
780
::[Robb]: if we're going to decide to end it but
running away or being the lesser person and
781
::[Robb]: just standing up and walking away and
leaving someone behind is the worst part of
782
::[Robb]: anything. Don't do that to me.
783
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
784
::[Robb]: I, look, we're together and it's okay.
You can be mad at me. There's nothing wrong
785
::[Robb]: with that. Sometimes you've got to hurt
someone's feelings to make sure that everyone
786
::[Robb]: understands that the marriage means
something. Um, and, and again, fight for the
787
::[Robb]: right things and fight for the small
things. The small things
788
::[Tina m Garcia]: Mm-hmm.
789
::[Robb]: are what make life worth living. I wrote
something down the other day and I was driving
790
::[Robb]: around and this is what, uh, I said,
the secret to a relationship is to cherish
791
::[Robb]: the small things, not complain about
them.
792
::[Tina m Garcia]: Very true.
793
::[Robb]: And I think that's the biggest thing.
Cherish those small things. They mean something.
794
::[Robb]: Sometimes it's the crack in a smile
or a look in the eye that can change your day.
795
::[Robb]: It's something I think that people are
missing out on. I heard something that was
796
::[Robb]: a... on a podcast that I listened to
and I found it very interesting. It's called
797
::[Robb]: Hoflation. Yes, and I said that like
H-O-E. That today someone has to work four
798
::[Robb]: or five times harder to find someone
twenty times worse than their grandma.
799
::[Tina m Garcia]: Oh shit.
800
::[Robb]: So a guy who... who your grandfather
had to not work very hard to catch someone
801
::[Robb]: as good as your grandmother than someone
does today, which is scary to me because your
802
::[Robb]: women like your grandma or men like
your grandfather don't exist today. They're
803
::[Robb]: not willing to put in that work. We're...
And I hate to keep harping that our generation
804
::[Robb]: is good, but I think we're the last
generation to have that in us. Like we're willing
805
::[Robb]: to work on a relationship. We're willing
to at least You know, if the girl you're with
806
::[Robb]: wants to go to couple therapy, or the
man you're with wants to do it, he's putting
807
::[Robb]: up a flare saying he wants to make it
work. Now people just say, fuck it, and go,
808
::[Robb]: ah, whatever, I'm leaving. And won't
even text you back. You might be in a relationship
809
::[Robb]: for months and just someone just disappears.
They just ghost you. They're gone. Like...
810
::[Robb]: I don't want that shit. I like be straight
up with me. We date, we do this, we do this,
811
::[Robb]: we do this. And at some point if you're
starting to bleed out of that and go, look,
812
::[Robb]: maybe this isn't working, be upfront
with me, just say, it's not working anymore.
813
::[Robb]: And I'm gonna do the same. Like sometimes
the person that you think you should be with
814
::[Robb]: isn't the one and that happens.
815
::[Tina m Garcia]: Right.
816
::[Robb]: And there's nothing wrong with that,
but test the theory. but be upfront with the
817
::[Robb]: people that you're with. If you're in
something that you don't wanna be in, get out
818
::[Robb]: of it, for fuck's sake. Don't wait around
thinking, is this the person I'm gonna marry?
819
::[Robb]: Find the one that you're going to marry.
If that's your end game, they're out there.
820
::[Robb]: And if not, find the person you wanna
be a relationship with. Look at Kurt Russell
821
::[Robb]: and Goldie Hahn. They've
822
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah,
823
::[Robb]: been together
824
::[Tina m Garcia]: never been
825
::[Robb]: like
826
::[Tina m Garcia]: married.
827
::[Robb]: 40 years, they're not married. They've
never got married. And they've been together
828
::[Robb]: that long. It can happen. But I think
you have to be willing to make the step to
829
::[Robb]: fix a relationship to find the person
to get married.
830
::[Tina m Garcia]: I agree.
831
::[Robb]: And that's out there. I hope young people
go back to that. I hope that we go back to
832
::[Robb]: having a bond that means something that's
more than just a legal piece of paper. It should
833
::[Robb]: be. Sure, if the state wants to see
that you're married, that's awesome, but make
834
::[Robb]: the ring mean something. And it doesn't
have to be a 25-karat ring. It needs to be
835
::[Robb]: something that means something. It can
be bands
836
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
837
::[Robb]: and still mean the same thing. ["The
Ring Means
838
::[Tina m Garcia]: We
839
::[Robb]: Something"]
840
::[Tina m Garcia]: need to get back to where things
mean something, not how big something is before
841
::[Tina m Garcia]: it has value. You know, cause
I hear that a lot. My ring when I got married,
842
::[Tina m Garcia]: wasn't, wasn't a big ring.
It wasn't tiny, but it wasn't a big ring and
843
::[Tina m Garcia]: I freaking love that ring.
And then you know, you build on that. Like
844
::[Tina m Garcia]: we got it. I had an engagement
ring and I had other other jewelry, but that
845
::[Tina m Garcia]: ring until it got stolen and
when my house was robbed, that, that meant
846
::[Tina m Garcia]: everything to me. Cause that
meant he said yes for me, to me, with me, you
847
::[Tina m Garcia]: know, I kind of dug that and
it wasn't about the size and I have friends
848
::[Tina m Garcia]: that got married when they
were in their early twenties. They got these
849
::[Tina m Garcia]: little tiny rings. They're
so adorable. And they won't change them and
850
::[Tina m Garcia]: they don't want them bigger
because they feel like that's their lucky charm.
851
::[Tina m Garcia]: And I'm like, I love that.
That is
852
::[Robb]: Yeah.
853
::[Tina m Garcia]: not about what he got you.
It's about
854
::[Robb]: about what
855
::[Tina m Garcia]: why
856
::[Robb]: it means.
857
::[Tina m Garcia]: you wear it. Yeah. That's
858
::[Robb]: Yeah, for sure.
859
::[Tina m Garcia]: kind of cute. I think it's
so special and I admire them for that. I don't
860
::[Tina m Garcia]: look at them and go, wow, he
was cheap. You know, I'm like, I really admire
861
::[Tina m Garcia]: the fact that you've been together
so long. And you had to grow to have what you
862
::[Tina m Garcia]: have. I
863
::[Robb]: Mm-hmm.
864
::[Tina m Garcia]: think that's fantastic. And
865
::[Robb]: Yeah. So,
866
::[Tina m Garcia]: that's what a relationship
should be. It should be growing together, not
867
::[Tina m Garcia]: finding ways to fuck each other
over.
868
::[Robb]: Yeah, I think going forward if I do
ever get married again, I want it to be very
869
::[Robb]: small. Like, very small. Like,
870
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
871
::[Robb]: maybe a handful of friends and my family.
And then if you decide to have a reception,
872
::[Robb]: that's when you have a party.
873
::[Tina m Garcia]: throw a party. Yeah.
874
::[Robb]: But my wedding will be very small, very
intimate, because I want it to be about the
875
::[Robb]: person I'm with that they understand
that it's not a spectacle, it's love.
876
::[Tina m Garcia]: And on that we should call
it quits because
877
::[Robb]: We should,
878
::[Tina m Garcia]: we're
879
::[Robb]: because
880
::[Tina m Garcia]: at about
881
::[Robb]: we're way ahead.
882
::[Tina m Garcia]: 56 minutes,
883
::[Robb]: I
884
::[Tina m Garcia]: we're
885
::[Robb]: know,
886
::[Tina m Garcia]: going
887
::[Robb]: look
888
::[Tina m Garcia]: over.
889
::[Robb]: at that. And yeah, anything else you
wanna say before we head out of here?
890
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah, just check out our socials
on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and make
891
::[Tina m Garcia]: sure you like and follow us
wherever you listen to podcasts.
892
::[Robb]: Yes, share the show, send this to your
893
::[Tina m Garcia]: Share.
894
::[Robb]: friends and say, hey,
895
::[Tina m Garcia]: Yeah.
896
::[Robb]: listen to these two lovely people talk
about lots of subjects.
897
::[Tina m Garcia]: And thank you all for sharing
that have shared and thank you for your feedback.
898
::[Tina m Garcia]: I've been getting some feedback,
which is kind of cool. And keep listening.
899
::[Robb]: keep listening and this opinion show.
So don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every
900
::[Robb]: Wednesday and we'll see you in a week.
Talk to you later, team.
901
::[Tina m Garcia]: Bye.
902
::[Robb]: Bye.
