EP #110 Dating vs Relationships. What are you doing?

Robb:

We live in a crazy place now, I swear. Thanks for

Tina Marie Garcia:

Hehehe

Robb:

checking in to Don't Get This Whistled. This is Rob along with Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina Marie Garcia:

I'm good Rob how you doing? You're a little confused today huh?

Robb:

Oh, I'm super confused, but

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah you and me both.

Robb:

we're about to get into that. But besides that, I'm super hot because it's blazing hot outside. And yeah, just, I had a friend text me about shows because I let it out there to a bunch of people like, hey, what do you think about a show? And she goes, dating or a relationship? And I was like, Sure. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, what's the difference between dating for fun or dating for a relationship? And I was like, oh, and I think that's what she meant. And I kind of reread it. And to me, because maybe I'm just old, like I am dating for a relationship, but maybe modern people and... I shouldn't even say modern. People have different agendas for what they're trying to do, I guess.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, when we were growing up, it seemed like dating was how you figured out if you wanted to be with them exclusively and

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

solely, you know what I mean, solely with them. Like that was the getting to know you stuff. Am I off?

Robb:

I don't think so. I think that's exactly what we all thought growing up. You have to go out a couple of times to see if it's something you feel you want to pursue. And that's how I still handle dating.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, I think that's even with friends. Like, I don't really let people into my inner circle unless they've been in situations with me and I like who they are as people. There's no difference there. I mean, some people, the way they act, there'd be no freaking way in hell I'd wanna do anything with them or have them as friends. That's too much work.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But I think that that's what you're supposed to do to get to know people.

Robb:

Right, I think that that's for sure. Look, we mostly like friends, like you said, when you're in a public setting and maybe you're meeting somebody for the first time, you're kind of standoffish

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

and then you're realizing, do you want to hang out with them again? And I think that's the big thing.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I, ooh, how do I even start this? Like, okay. In dating, like. The end result should not be, this is a person I'm going to spend my life together. That shouldn't be like what you're looking for from the get. Because you don't even know them. You don't know how they are with their family. You don't know if their work ethic is the same as yours. There's so many things that you need to see. But the fun part of dating is getting to know if somebody's like that, if they're a good match for you and enjoying them along that road.

Robb:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that is the whole point, right, of kind of throwing your lure in the water, right? That's what, to me, what dating is. If you're, if you're testing the waters, like you said, you're asking certain questions on a date, even if they're the most subdued, right? Like, You're going to ask something to get an answer out of somebody to lead them to the next question to maybe how are you with family or do you like to be around a lot of people if you're that kind of social butterfly or

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

maybe you're not and you're like okay are they going to be okay with being more you know inside and hanging out amongst just you know you have to balance those things off and she did say like um She told this guy, I really only want to date for fun because I think her child was like at summer camp. So she had a very limited time to date because she's a single mom. So when her kid came back from summer camp, it was time to go back into mom mode.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

So I think maybe this guy. got some mixed messages or saw things differently. Because unless you're talking pretty open, it's very easy to misconstrued things if you don't ask. And

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well,

Robb:

maybe

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

that's

Tina Marie Garcia:

think

Robb:

what happened.

Tina Marie Garcia:

that that's just because people don't communicate effectively. And if you, there's two parts to communicating. You have to communicate to get your point across, but you also have to communicate enough to listen. Listening is key because if you're, if you're only in it to talk, you're never going to get the other person's point of view.

Robb:

Mm-hmm. Exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia:

And that's You know that you definitely if you're in any sort of relationship you have to be both you have to do both so I If I don't know if I heard from somebody hey, I only got this amount of time to date. Let's go out have fun, but You know, it's not going to go very far um You know, maybe now maybe now, you know, we'll just date for a while and if it goes better then things may evolve but you know, I don't know. That's it's kind of a hard... I don't know because people don't do things the way it used to be done so it's kind of...

Robb:

I agree. I think if you go into, if you go into it with the, the view of, look, I'm, I know I'm not going to do anything with this. It's just playing. It's just fun. Let's go have a good time. Whatever that is, it's not going to lead to anything and you're okay with that. Awesome. Because I think that that's all right as well. But be upfront about it, because I think that's the way that people end up getting hurt over something. So it's kind of a weird thing. I think that in today's day and age, at almost any age, you should know what you're looking for. We live in the internet dating world where your profile pretty much tells people what you're looking for. Is it a

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right.

Robb:

long relationship? Is it, I don't know, I haven't filled one out in a while, but I know long-term relationships on there, which is where most people, I think, are leaning, at a certain age, I guess.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't know about that. I think that most people on a dating site... the men, they're wanting to get laid and they don't want any drama. I mean, that seems to be the standard. And I've asked a bunch of friends and they're like, oh yeah, they don't want a date for any exclusivity. They want to date to get laid.

Robb:

Even older guys?

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yes, Rob people have been by our age now they've been in relationships what 20 plus years 15

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

plus years even 10 plus years. How much sex do you really think they're getting?

Robb:

Right, no, I mean, I get that part of it, I guess, but I don't know, I just think differently than most people, I think.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah, cool.

Robb:

I want some kind of... a steadiness in my life. I don't wanna keep bouncing between people, even if I'm getting laid. To me, that's not conducive to a healthy mind. And

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right?

Robb:

maybe that's where I'm at. I want some kind of...

Tina Marie Garcia:

You also haven't been in a relationship in a while.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Like,

Robb:

True.

Tina Marie Garcia:

you know, in talking to people, I hear stuff all the time like, oh, I was in this horrible relationship. We didn't even have sex for six years. I never did anything right for her. The last thing that I wanna do is get stuck in that shit again.

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So, you know, if... you know, if you're not into what I'm about, then I'll find somebody that is. And I guess it goes both ways for men and women.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So I don't think people are having a hard time finding it.

Robb:

No, and again, if you're looking for a good time, I'm sure that there's a easy way to find that.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

Mostly in the online dating world, if you're very upfront about it, I'm sure it's not very hard to find. What's that one app? I forgot what it's called. Tinder, right? Tinder.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Isn't that just for sex?

Robb:

I don't believe so, but I think it got turned into only for sex. I think it morphed its way into that. Although, you know, I think with any of these things, people are looking for both,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

right? You're looking for a relationship and you're looking for, you know, people are very upfront. The women are mostly upfront about it. Like, I'm not looking for a booty call. I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna do that. So I think if you're a man on there and you're looking for that, you're just, you have to read.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah.

Robb:

If you're looking for this picture. and you're going off of that, you better be a reader. Because

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right?

Robb:

you're gonna end up with somebody who, for one, is nothing like you, and secondly, isn't giving it up on the first date.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But really is anybody really like somebody else on an internet dating site?

Robb:

What do you mean?

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't know, I wouldn't think that the people that are on the dating site that you're meeting, for the most part, are really... at a good level Like

Robb:

I

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

mean...

Tina Marie Garcia:

was okay So I was talking to my friend and she was talking to this guy for a couple months come to find out he was in prison I'm like wait what

Robb:

Wow.

Tina Marie Garcia:

how did you and Apparently he had pictures from before he was in so because I had heard girls say watch out for the prison pictures And you could tell when they're from prison, but I guess you know she showed me I'm like he doesn't look like he's from prison like how

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

would you how would you know how would you find out? I don't know. How do you find out? So she, I kind of had to give her, you know, I had to kind of give her, you know, you just had poor judging skills on your part for that one. I don't know what to tell you. But you know, it happens. I don't

Robb:

I think

Tina Marie Garcia:

know how

Robb:

you're

Tina Marie Garcia:

it

Robb:

gonna...

Tina Marie Garcia:

happens, but

Robb:

I think you

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't

Robb:

can

Tina Marie Garcia:

know.

Robb:

run into that pretty much in any, any kind of thing, because you really don't know, even, you don't know what you're in for until you date someone a while, right?

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

You could end up dating someone for five months and then realizing they have a totally separate life, or they're,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, look

Robb:

you

Tina Marie Garcia:

at these

Robb:

know,

Tina Marie Garcia:

women that have been

Robb:

they're...

Tina Marie Garcia:

married for 30 years and their husbands got a whole different family in another state. Like, I get it. It happens.

Robb:

Right, that's what I mean. But I think with the world of dating, you really don't know. Marriage is a whole other thing, right? So if you're married and the person you're with has a totally different life, there's a lot to lose. regardless. If you're living these two totally different lives and you're on the road and you're flying across the country and you're with your other family, that's one thing. But if you're dating somebody, unless you're living together, there's really any open door,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

which is kind of a scary thing because you really don't know what you're in for, or who

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, you

Robb:

they

Tina Marie Garcia:

would hope

Robb:

really

Tina Marie Garcia:

that your

Robb:

are.

Tina Marie Garcia:

instincts would keep you safe and that you'd pick somebody that's kind of on the same level as you. I mean, we're not stupid and we do have instincts that tell us you're where you need to be. You're not where you need to be. And people need to start using those.

Robb:

Right. Look, there should be a buzzer that goes off in a lot of our heads, right? Like something comes across and you go, mm, that seems a little odd. And hopefully you step back and go, okay, I have to find my way out of this. before I'm in way too deep,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

because that's the bigger problem, right? You get into these relationships

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right.

Robb:

and you're like, hey, I'm a year in and they live with you and then what? You're like, and now I'm fucking really screwed, this person's out gallivanting around and I never knew. It's a scary thing, I think, for any age group. You don't want to get involved with somebody, catch feelings, and then the next thing you know, you find out this whole other thing. And then it makes you jaded over the rest of your life. Like, do

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm

Robb:

I even want a date anymore? Do I want to get involved with these people? This, this, that, and the other thing. And then, like you said, you start thinking, okay, are my people skills, are they good?

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

Am I... If I didn't see it in the last two, am I gonna see it in the next one? Or you start even thinking, are people even good? Are there

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

any,

Tina Marie Garcia:

think if

Robb:

is

Tina Marie Garcia:

you

Robb:

there anyone

Tina Marie Garcia:

start

Robb:

out

Tina Marie Garcia:

thinking

Robb:

there?

Tina Marie Garcia:

all those things you might want to try to find a counselor. Because if you're picking is off and you're that out there and you're having those kind of problems, like there's something going on with you that's making you not pick correctly because I don't know, when I go out with whomever, I get an instant vibe, instant.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I know if they're a good person, I know if they're not a good person. That's a start. I mean, I may, you know, good people do shitty things, just like, you know, shitty people do good things.

Robb:

Of course.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But instinctually you should be able to trust yourself and if you're having issues on that level you need to get some counseling. You do. Because you need to be able to trust yourself and you need to be able to have that instinct. Otherwise you're not going to make it in a dating pool. Period.

Robb:

Yeah, I kind of agree with that. I think that, look, I have that instinct and I catch things pretty quick and then I catch it very quickly. If I like somebody and I get a good feeling about it, I'm like, yeah, this person's really good. And I would say nine and a half times out of the 10 people that I've picked, I've done all right. We're there good folks and they don't mean, you know. you know, besides my marriage where, you know, that's a long relationship and, and there's always roller coasters, but on shorter relationships, with the exception of one girl that I can, and she was a lot younger than me and she was kind of bonkers. I've done all right, like good people. And, and you know, we self sabotage a lot of our own relationships. So I did self-sabotage a few of mine. But even so, I still think that the initial meeting and how I felt about them and how I read them was still very much true.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Oh yeah. But

Robb:

The crazy

Tina Marie Garcia:

then you

Robb:

girl

Tina Marie Garcia:

have...

Robb:

I knew too. I knew she was bonkers when I went into it.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I was going to say you knew all of them,

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I'm sure.

Robb:

I

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

did.

Tina Marie Garcia:

have. I have a client that just told me that she went out on a date with a guy that was much younger. She's around our age and she went out with a 30 something guy and they had a great time and he paid for everything and I guess they even made out in the car. Like she's

Robb:

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia:

telling this whole story. I'm like, cool. You had a great time. That's great. So I guess they were supposed to meet up a couple of days later and she was like, okay, I'm ready. And he was like, can it be later? And she told him no, because she had other things to do a couple hours after he was ready.

Robb:

Sure.

Tina Marie Garcia:

And he said that he was at the grocery store and he left his wallet and his debit card at home and he had like a couple hundred dollars worth of groceries in a cart. And he was like, do you think you could like, I guess, what is it, like send over the money, you know,

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

through like

Robb:

Fuuuuuuuck.

Tina Marie Garcia:

cash app or whatever

Robb:

No.

Tina Marie Garcia:

the hell he was using. And she ignored him

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

for like an hour and then she's like, oh, sorry, I was doing this or that. And he's like, oh, that's okay. And then he didn't. talk to her after that.

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But he was out, it sounds to me like he was just out to see what he could get out of her.

Robb:

Yeah, shady.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah, I'm like, why would you ask somebody you've only met once that you need some money? That's

Robb:

Yeah,

Tina Marie Garcia:

crazy.

Robb:

don't try to work me.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right?

Robb:

But that's the other thing, like you don't know what you're in for.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm,

Robb:

Like,

Tina Marie Garcia:

and she

Robb:

and...

Tina Marie Garcia:

said he was so nice and then I'm like you said what the problem was you said it four or five times You didn't like that. He was so young Why did you go out with him if you're like no he's young no he's young no he's young That's your

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

body telling you quit being a dumbass. Don't

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

go out with him It doesn't

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

it doesn't don't worry about the answer or the reason just do it don't

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

or don't do it. You know

Robb:

I think that's a big thing in the dating pool as well. You need to go into your dating, if you're dating for fun, cool. You know it, I'm gonna do this. If you wanna go with some young person, have at it. Be upfront, we're in it for fun, and whatever happens, cool, and you know. But if you're dating on the other side of that, know your limitations. If you're 50, know your, how many years back you're willing to go to understand somebody. You know, we've talked about it on here before. I'm only willing to go back to maybe like, maybe 46.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah.

Robb:

And that's pushing it. And I'm 52. Like, I don't want this really large gap. I think that... you start as much as you have in common, like let's say you have children, and so you have that as something to grasp ahold of. But things that you might have grown up with, even five years apart, are totally different, like musical

Tina Marie Garcia:

Oh yeah.

Robb:

styles. Five years, when we were in high school and someone who's six years... our junior, what they listen in high school is two totally different kinds of music.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Absolutely.

Robb:

And you may not be able to go to concerts together or, and enjoy it. Look, we should all do things with, even though you might not like it, I would go to any concert with if I had a girlfriend and she was into whatever,

Tina Marie Garcia:

If she

Robb:

old

Tina Marie Garcia:

was

Robb:

school.

Tina Marie Garcia:

into NSYNC, you would go to the concert with her.

Robb:

I would go.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But I wouldn't.

Robb:

I would because I think that because I would want her to go to, you know, some

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't know, because I

Robb:

metal

Tina Marie Garcia:

think

Robb:

band

Tina Marie Garcia:

that

Robb:

with me.

Tina Marie Garcia:

if somebody really doesn't like the music they're going to see in a concert, they're not going to have as much fun as you would if you went without them. You know what I mean? You want somebody to meet your level

Robb:

I

Tina Marie Garcia:

of

Robb:

mean,

Tina Marie Garcia:

excitement

Robb:

yes.

Tina Marie Garcia:

for that.

Robb:

But you also want each other to understand each other's likes and dislikes. Like I could, I mean I like music. So for me, I would go because I could go see and sing and go, oh yeah, I remember hearing this on the radio and

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

I would be okay with it. But you know, like you have to understand what that's going to do long term. Like when we're in the car together, what are we gonna listen to? You better make a playlist that has 50 of your songs and 50 of mine and you better hit random. So you're gonna hear, you know, in sync followed by Slayer. And you both have to understand what's coming in that. So I think that when you're dating for a relationship, there's a lot more footholds that you have to really stick to. Because when you're dating for fun, you're dating for like, all right, if this ends tomorrow, eh, fuck it, who cares? There's the next one that I can go on a date with and have fun with.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But isn't dating supposed to be fun? And isn't it supposed to be for fun? Like, I thought the relationships was when things got difficult. But either, the dating shouldn't be like...

Robb:

Yes, well dating should always be fun. I think if you're in a relationship,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Right?

Robb:

you should continue to date. That's

Tina Marie Garcia:

Where's that?

Robb:

I think a huge part of the problem anyway, is we stop dating when the relationship gets serious instead of realizing that the relationship is the good part of the dating.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

So I think there's a lot to that. You're right, the dating should be fun. If I'm going into a relationship now, there's ground rules to, I think, that need to be upfront. Like, anyone I date, I would even tell them, if this gets serious, we have to make sure we date, you know, once or twice a month. Like, a real date. Like, we plan something, we go somewhere, we... Because if you just stay stagnant, you're going, it's just going to kill... either both of you or one of you, to where you're just like, oh, it's another day at home. Oh, you can't do that. There has to be recreation inside of a relationship.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Absolutely. And you should make time for that.

Robb:

So why do you think that doesn't happen?

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mmm,

Robb:

Now...

Tina Marie Garcia:

not enough hours in a day people work too many hours

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

They come home and then it's kids need to go to karate, kids need to go to softball, kids need to go to football, kids need to do, you know, they need

Robb:

homework.

Tina Marie Garcia:

somebody, yeah, somebody to help with homework, do the dishes, grab the groceries, make the dinner. Do, I think that as a society, especially before COVID, we were very, very big on being too busy to enjoy one another.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I think COVID really helped calm that down because it stopped the world

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

from doing anything but being together, which probably wasn't a good thing either, if you think about it. Like, you know, it's a, it was a sad situation to watch, but you know, we all got a good taste of what we weren't taking care of,

Robb:

I

Tina Marie Garcia:

you

Robb:

totally

Tina Marie Garcia:

know?

Robb:

agree with you.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So,

Robb:

Being locked up helped.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah, so having to be home with each other, having to realign your relationships for a lot of people was really good. Well, for me in my situation, it was, you know, the start of the end, or not the start, it was the start of the process to divorce. So I think that I think that couples don't remember who their friend is. And the friend is the one they're sleeping with, the left is underwear on the floor. The friend is the one that leaves you sticky notes all over the place and you're like, I just wish you would leave me alone because I remember everything. Like, I think that as people, we start to get mad at what the other one does and instead of enjoying the fact that they are who they are and that you're supposed to love that, you know?

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

for men from what I've heard for years is if you take sex out of the equation They don't feel loved The way that men love versus the way women love are really different and if you're not spending Every three days loving on him. He's gonna have a problem with it. He's gonna want to walk away He's gonna want to look elsewhere. He's because he works really hard men work really hard to make To make their family work. I see it every day, but they don't get the kudos for it. They're expected to it's demanded of them and it's not even shown that it's a value. And I think that as women we need to quit doing that. Like we need to put men in a place where they are valued and I know that goes again with the women's lib stuff and it goes with all the shit that's going on in society today, but we women are not better or to be more to be treated better or worse than a man is. Like everybody should be treated as if they have value and purpose and they should be loved and I think we got away from that. So in dating I could see where guys are over the bullshit. I really can. Like I can't even, you know what I've discovered through doing this podcast is that I'm kind of a guys dude. Like I see what guys are going through and I'm not digging it either.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I'm not a hater. I grew up with some really good men in my life, and thankfully they've all been just pillars of strength and endurance for me. And they taught me what it is to be a man, but also what it is to love a man. And I think that a lot of us women have just forgotten that. And men are taking a big shit sandwich that they have to eat every day, right and we talked about it last week with the suffering of silence that that's got to stop too but men let women be this fucking dominant as well they took a back seat and said say no fuck you you're supposed to be with me and we're supposed to be doing this way and find a way to make it work and hold their own space we let women get away with too much

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

because they were victimized

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

all men are bad. It doesn't mean that all men did this and it doesn't mean that men should all take a woman's shit from them.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Period.

Robb:

Yeah, I think there's something

Tina Marie Garcia:

Ahem.

Robb:

to, you know, letting a relationship blossom, but without taking abuse on either side. Everything has to be a two-way street, right? If you're getting into these relationships, they should be like-minded and have similar goals and those type of things. And then you tree off of that and say, okay, what's the outer things? Where do you see your life going? Like I said, once you get to a certain age, what's the end game? You know, do you want someone to be there with you at the very end and treat you like the woman you are and see you for your flaws and understand that you still love them even though we all have flaws? And if you're, once you get into this dating world, it's again, the fun part, awesome, go have fun. And I think everyone should, if you're a younger person and you're being safe and conscious and conscious to the person you're there and telling them, like look, we're gonna have some fun, but I don't plan on taking this anywhere other than us dating. And it gives you an out as well.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't think that when you're younger you date for that though. I think when you're younger, or at least in our world when we were younger, you dated for kids and marriage and life and the whole like happily ever after thing.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't look at dating the same as I did when I was in my 20s because I don't have to worry about making those mistakes. I'm not going to have kids with somebody. I don't want to get married again. I don't necessarily need a picket fence to be happy. happy with very fucking little.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So the demands on what I would need from another person as a mate are very different.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

And I think that when you're younger, you should really think of before you act because like you said, in the state of California, half your shit's going to be gone at any given moment. So

Robb:

that's very true.

Tina Marie Garcia:

do you really need to trust the person you're with? Absolutely. Do you really Absolutely. But damn, if you're worrying about all that when you're 20 and you're just trying to date, that doesn't sound like fun to me either.

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So I guess you just have to pick somebody with some sense of value and morals and hope that at any given time they will rise to the occasion. Because 99 times they may, but that one time they may not. You know, it's that people aren't 100% at anything.

Robb:

No, I agree.

Tina Marie Garcia:

mad somebody for being normal, you know, for having flaws and, you know, trust issues and all the other stuff that goes with every other person on this earth. So I just think you have to, you have to be realistic. Like not all relationships last forever. Not all relationships get serious, but you better know who you want to be inside of and who you want inside of you. I think that you should really freaking figure that out before

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

it goes further, because that comes with its own set of bondage, you know, its own set of shackles that you may or may not want to be in.

Robb:

Yeah, I think you're correct when it comes to, you know, the bigger picture too is make sure you're on the same page sex wise and So then there is no, when you, you know, I've heard kind of the same thing that a guy at my work, very, he'll talk about like, oh, you know, I was trying to love up my wife last night and she just, you know, said no. It's like, okay, like I get that. You shouldn't be under, you know, that you have to do anything. But at some point,

Tina Marie Garcia:

But

Robb:

you

Tina Marie Garcia:

you

Robb:

have

Tina Marie Garcia:

should!

Robb:

to decide. My friend who said to me one time, you know, I had sex with my ex-husband even if I wasn't in the mood. Because,

Tina Marie Garcia:

That's how you keep them home.

Robb:

well that's how you have a healthy relationship because,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

you know, the time that maybe she was interested and he wasn't, he's going to reciprocate. And like I said, everything's a two-way street. You have to be able to go down these things where, hey, I need this right now, and you're going to give your mate that because you know it's for the best interest of the relationship. And that's both sides. Like, you have to. If your girlfriend needs you to snuggle and hold her, you better damn well do it. And with no bitching and no...

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah, but also the sex too, like... There's been so many times over the years that I was like, oh my god How am I gonna get the energy to have sex and you know what? As soon as you get in the groove you have the energy

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So expel it like do what you need to do and have fun. You'll get in the moment You know sex is supposed to be For you to rejuvenate yourself for you to be happy for you to be content for you to supposed to energize you It's supposed to make you feel loved like if you're turning your back to that and you're not giving it up freely especially when you're in a relationship, then again, get some freaking counseling or start making changes so that you wanna do it. Because you really should, that really saves a relationship.

Robb:

and what it does to you physically, I think more people need to look that up.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, yeah, it's better for your heart. It's better for your brain health. It creates circulation. It decreases problems with headaches and depression. I mean, I just saw something about it the other day, so I was reading up on it and all the things that it did. It boosts hormone levels,

Robb:

Hmm?

Tina Marie Garcia:

which everybody's having a damn problem with their

Robb:

That's

Tina Marie Garcia:

hormones,

Robb:

correct.

Tina Marie Garcia:

you know? There's so many benefits to it. Not to mention men live when there's more affection

Robb:

Woohoo!

Tina Marie Garcia:

given to them. It's very true. 10 minutes, they say, men in order to have good, and I wanted to say heart health, need to be hugged, touched, rubbed, shown affection at least 10 minutes every day. Like if your husband's got a bad heart, you better get on it. Like if you want him to be around, if you want to say we went 60 years, then put some time into him. you

Robb:

More sex, less heart attacks.

Tina Marie Garcia:

That's

Robb:

Now, I

Tina Marie Garcia:

stupid.

Robb:

mean, look, the bottom line is, like you said, brain health. I was also reading something on it where, for one, our brain is an amazing thing. So inside that relationship, brain health is big. The oxytocin that is released in your brain is a, like. drug like Oxycontin where it's you're getting high. It's, I mean, not just figuratively, legitimately, your body is releasing chemicals. Looking into your partner's eyes, I know that sounds creepy, but I'll tell you right now, your brain is flooded with these chemicals, which

Tina Marie Garcia:

And

Robb:

leads

Tina Marie Garcia:

you know that's...

Robb:

to other stuff.

Tina Marie Garcia:

And that's so necessary. for you to build trust. When you're looking at each other's eyes and you're having a conversation that's attached, that you guys are both doing your part to be there, it builds trust and it builds confidence and it builds sexual energy.

Robb:

That

Tina Marie Garcia:

Like all these

Robb:

it does

Tina Marie Garcia:

things just

Robb:

Yeah

Tina Marie Garcia:

from looking at the person that you wanna throw things at sometimes,

Robb:

Yeah,

Tina Marie Garcia:

you know?

Robb:

exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

Sometimes you want to strangle them, but sometimes that leads to really good kissing up against the wall.

Tina Marie Garcia:

It also leads to really good sex if you

Robb:

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia:

let it go that far. You just gotta let it go that far.

Robb:

And I think that that's part of this whole thing of where you're at dating versus relationship. I know that we, like always, we always get off course because these things lead to other things. But the relationship part of that. It is important when you're coming into to if you're dating for relationship when you get into it It's these things that are going to keep that relationship healthy and I think you're right a lot of people are getting into relationships and then Going the most stagnant thing ever because they think they're always going to be there mostly men. I think men

Tina Marie Garcia:

No, women do it too.

Robb:

You think so I

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah,

Robb:

think

Tina Marie Garcia:

oh god, yes.

Robb:

I think men always think, you know, women won't leave.

Tina Marie Garcia:

I've heard women say, oh he's not gonna leave because he'll lose everything. And I think, why would you be such an evil bitch to even think that? Like stop it.

Robb:

Yeah, I just think that men go, you know, where's she gonna go? She can't get anything

Tina Marie Garcia:

I think

Robb:

better.

Tina Marie Garcia:

men or women say the same shit.

Robb:

And the truth of the matter is, is there is someone better.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

You just have to be willing to take that chance and do it. And a lot of people are doing that now. I think you're, in our age, if you get into a relationship, You're probably more apt to jump out of the airplane way quicker than we did in our 30s because you might be like well We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I think now you're like nah I'm out of here like because we don't have a lot of time left or at least that's how we think Whether it's true or not

Tina Marie Garcia:

I know somebody whose relationship is on the skids and he tells her, leave, leave if you have to, but I'll tell you, nobody will treat you the way I treat you. And I'm like, what? You're cheating on her. What do you mean how

Robb:

Yeah,

Tina Marie Garcia:

you're treating

Robb:

treating

Tina Marie Garcia:

her?

Robb:

her.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Oh, because you go to the store for her and you cook for her, you clean for her and you do all this shit for her. I'm like, I could get a fucking maid.

Robb:

Right, exactly. Exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia:

You know, let's just be honest here. Like, it's not that expensive to replace somebody like that. But somebody that has the morals and the values and wants to be there and wants to love and does it to make a difference in your life, that's priceless.

Robb:

Yeah, it's the be careful what you wish for you might just get it

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

It is very true, and I think it's true on both sides Like you can go out and find that person if you're in a relationship that you think is a dead end And it's not going to go anywhere and You're like, oh, but you know Maybe there's no one better for me because I'm in this position. There is. And and you can tell there is because you've been in look at your past relationships. You've always gone and been okay after it.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

It may take a little bit, but you'll end up okay. Just be willing to do that and The dating part and the relationship part I think are two totally separate things now that we've talked about it You can date to have fun. And if that's your gig more power to you

Tina Marie Garcia:

But

Robb:

be upfront

Tina Marie Garcia:

all dates should be fun. If you're dating it shouldn't be like a it should be fun.

Robb:

Well,

Tina Marie Garcia:

It should be fun

Robb:

I mean fun as not dating to be in a serious relationship. Like your goal is not to marry this person or move in with them or you're like,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Your

Robb:

hey.

Tina Marie Garcia:

goal from the get should never be for that. You should be, if that's what you want, you should be open to it, but that should never be. That's a lot of pressure to put on somebody that's just walking into your life.

Robb:

Correct,

Tina Marie Garcia:

For me it is.

Robb:

but what I'm saying is that those are, you have to be open to one of them when you start dating.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

If you're not open the relationship, then they should know you're not. And it's just a date and you're gonna go and do whatever. And that date could be, you could date for a year and do like serious shit with each other. You could fly across the country and go to Hawaii and have a vacation together. And at the end of that, still not be in a relationship and both of you be fine with that.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Well, that's what dating is for though, to see if you want it to go further or if you're good at where it went, Selena.

Robb:

Right, but usually, like... If trips to Hawaii isn't, that's a relationship thing. You usually do that after you're in something because you're planning something like that together. At least that's how I see it. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just old school and you do date things like go to this place and have dinner and walk here and do things together. Do whatever the plan is that you decided to do. Once you're in a relationship, or once you get to that spot, you're now dating differently. You're dating because you know you can do other things like a trip or...

Tina Marie Garcia:

while you're dating more exclusively.

Robb:

Yeah, you're dating to make this person,

Tina Marie Garcia:

your person.

Robb:

your person, exactly. You're dating them to make sure that they're in your life for an extended period.

Tina Marie Garcia:

right.

Robb:

So, I don't know, to me, I was a little confused, and not confused, but. Maybe I'm just, I date to see if there will ever be a relationship. I don't just date to date. Serial

Tina Marie Garcia:

You gotta

Robb:

dating

Tina Marie Garcia:

understand

Robb:

is not my

Tina Marie Garcia:

though

Robb:

thing.

Tina Marie Garcia:

too, a lot of women and- and I'll put myself in that category too, because I know, you know, we're all there. Women confuse a lot of stuff when it comes to dating, or, you know, they'll read things in it. Well, what do you think he meant by this? Or what do you think? And it always gets spun in a way that's going to best suit the woman in her head, because that's what you do. You know, you, well, is he like that? Or is he like this? Whatever they want to happen in their relationship if they wanted to stay good. They'll make it like oh, yeah He's gonna call you no problem, but if not, oh, you know, yeah, you should let him go It's stupid how women will play that game with themselves instead of being honest instead of talking instead of Instead of just saying, you know, I'm gonna let this play out and see how I feel and then we'll go from there so I Gotta hand it to you guys I couldn't put up with a lot of the shit that goes on with dating the stuff that I'm hearing the stuff that's going on, the way that you're treated. I'm having an issue with a lot of it these days. And I'm being very aware of what not to do when I'm with somebody.

Robb:

Yeah, I mean I've yeah, I like I said, I haven't really dated in quite a while So i'm kind of like on the outside looking in I haven't been in a serious relationship in quite a while So for me it if I would find somebody I would be very um I don't say hesitant but very um Much have to talk But like I would really be very upfront and like I wanna know a lot about you to see where life would be. Because I don't wanna have a million dates to realize okay, maybe not.

Tina Marie Garcia:

No, I don't think you need a million dates, but I like to say, can we go and just have fun and see if we like hanging out? Can we just start with something simple? It doesn't have to be

Robb:

Shit,

Tina Marie Garcia:

a big deal.

Robb:

I heard somebody at a park, these two girls talking, and literally the one girl said out loud, like, oh yeah, if he invites me on a coffee date, I just, I won't even, I won't go. "'cause I can buy my own coffee." And in my head, I felt, and for me, it was very hard. I zipped my mouth closed because the things that were in the back of my head that I was ready to spew out, I was probably gonna get in trouble, but I wanted to just go, are you insane? Like, you shouldn't have to go out and spend $100 on a dinner to realize that, yeah, you don't like somebody. But on the flip side, you can spend $6 on a coffee, sit together for two hours and realize that hey, this might be someone I want to have better dates with. Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia:

So here's a flip for you. I don't drink coffee. I tell people from the get-go like when they say, oh like do you drink coffee? No, I really don't. I drink literally two things, diet soda and water. That's like 98% of what I drink and then you still get invited for coffee. That bothers me. Or but if they'd say, hey I know you don't drink coffee but let's go let's just go hang out. Like let's go to a park, we'll go take a sandwich, go to a park. Thank you for making me not sit through your cup of coffee because I'm going to sit there with water. That's what I'm going to do.

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

But again, that's communicating. And I'm not asking for, you don't need to drop $100 to go figure out if I like you or not. But at the same time, I would hope you heard that I don't drink coffee.

Robb:

Right, I didn't take it that way. I took it as that, you know, why would I go on that kind of date?

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

Like, I agree with you. I think that if you both, if you've talked enough before the date, like I think that you should talk a little bit. There should be some kind of interaction.

Tina Marie Garcia:

There should be a whole lot of talking.

Robb:

Yeah, if I know you don't like coffee, I might, you know, take you out for an ice cream and be. time spent is way more valuable than $100 dinner.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Exactly.

Robb:

And when

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

people

Tina Marie Garcia:

agree with that.

Robb:

realize that more, we'll have better dating experiences in the future. I went out and sat with somebody and had, I think she had fried pickles and I had some chicken tenders. And we had a drink apiece and was one of the better dates that I've been on or better times meeting somebody than I've had going out and dropping tons of money. because the experience and the company was way better than anything else it could have been. So there's something to that. You have to be open to that kind of date. And if you're out in the dating market, you might wanna start thinking more about that than anything else. You know. Every date doesn't have to cost a million dollars. And look, some of them are probably great. And I'm,

Tina Marie Garcia:

And

Robb:

not

Tina Marie Garcia:

if

Robb:

that

Tina Marie Garcia:

you

Robb:

I'm...

Tina Marie Garcia:

want to stand out, don't say coffee either. Come up with something like, come up with something that is different. We don't hear 150

Robb:

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia:

times in a.

Robb:

I agree with that. I think guys aren't very good about planning dates. That,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah,

Robb:

on.

Tina Marie Garcia:

and I get it because women are like, oh, well, he just did this. Oh, well, he just did that. And women need

Robb:

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia:

to stop and be excited that somebody put in some effort once in a while.

Robb:

Yeah, I think most guys are afraid to have a simple date because then you don't stand out at all and they're just like, oh, he, can you believe this guy just wanted to go to the pier and walk around and talk? It's like, yeah,

Tina Marie Garcia:

I love

Robb:

like,

Tina Marie Garcia:

the pier though.

Robb:

no,

Tina Marie Garcia:

I

Robb:

but

Tina Marie Garcia:

do.

Robb:

do you see what I mean though? I think that could

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah.

Robb:

be really knocked down by people who

Tina Marie Garcia:

Listen,

Robb:

are looking

Tina Marie Garcia:

with

Robb:

for something

Tina Marie Garcia:

the haters

Robb:

bigger.

Tina Marie Garcia:

that are coming out of this world right now in women form, nothing is safe with you guys. Nothing.

Robb:

Yeah, look, I'm always down for a small meal and a big conversation.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm. That's true.

Robb:

And I think if you can get away with that, you're going to have a much better date, whether you're dating for... dating, if you're just doing that, or if you're dating for a relationship, the start should be, I should be able to talk to this person for longer than five minutes without wanting to poke my eyeballs out with a stick.

Tina Marie Garcia:

At least ten.

Robb:

Yeah, at least 10. To me, if you can hold a conversation with me for an hour, and it's not just me talking, that's a good start. That's a good start. And I think if

Tina Marie Garcia:

That's

Robb:

more...

Tina Marie Garcia:

not even hard with you because you're a talker anyway.

Robb:

Right, but if it's just my voice, there's a problem. I need the person on the other end to at least bounce something back at me.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah, I get you.

Robb:

And they don't have to be a super talker, at least on the first date. The second date, I hope that you're reciprocating back some things back to me, because I can talk. But to me, that's... much more viable for what I want to do on a second date or a third date. if you're willing to open up a little bit and talk to me about whatever it is, whatever your thing is. And it doesn't have to be serious, but you have to at least be, oh yeah, this. And if I ask you a question, reciprocate the answer back to me in more than four words. Because we live in a texting society and I think so many people answer questions right in front of you like they're fucking typing it to you. It's like, you know. Ha ha ha. It's like no you can laugh be real because sometimes the real people Are way more fun than the people that are just straight, you

Tina Marie Garcia:

Oh

Robb:

know,

Tina Marie Garcia:

hell yeah.

Robb:

I want somebody that That if I say the f word they don't go They'll go fuck. Yeah, I agree. Yeah that okay. We're in now. We're now we're cooking with fire and I think that's an important thing At least to me, uh, look the dating world's hard enough. Let's not make it harder,

Tina Marie Garcia:

Oh,

Robb:

you

Tina Marie Garcia:

it's

Robb:

know

Tina Marie Garcia:

everything's made hard these days.

Robb:

Yeah

Tina Marie Garcia:

I mean, you can't have a friend and have an opinion these days. So

Robb:

So

Tina Marie Garcia:

I don't see it getting any better.

Robb:

to me, my last word is be upfront if you're dating to date, which whatever that means to you, other than maybe having a relationship. Because I agree with you. You should date to have fun, and if it goes down the road to relationship, awesome.

Tina Marie Garcia:

It'll happen

Robb:

It.

Tina Marie Garcia:

all on its own.

Robb:

But if you're dating and you want to date, tell them. Like, I had a great time with you, I don't plan on being in a relationship, but if you'd like to do things together still, awesome, let's do it. Just be upfront. No one gets hurt, no one gets feelings, no one, anything. But if you're dating and you start getting feelings for someone, tell them right away. And so they can cut you off and say, look, I'm only dating to date. Awesome, so you can move on. If you're dating for a relationship, be upfront with that as well. Like, hey, I really like you, I'd like to put this down this way. And then if you get in a relationship, continue to date. Those are my only things I

Tina Marie Garcia:

Great.

Robb:

can tell you because it's hard enough. Let's not make it

Tina Marie Garcia:

It's

Robb:

brain

Tina Marie Garcia:

not

Robb:

surgery.

Tina Marie Garcia:

supposed to be hard though.

Robb:

Correct. No, I agree.

Tina Marie Garcia:

That's like, you're taking one of the funnest things in life and you're complicating the shit out of it and then you're making it to where you don't even wanna do it. How sad is that?

Robb:

Yeah, you're making plain tiddlywinks into brain surgery, and it shouldn't be that. It should.

Tina Marie Garcia:

People show their true colors in a few dates, I've noticed. So just like, just take the ride. Take the ride

Robb:

I think,

Tina Marie Garcia:

and see where you're at. You'll know really well, really

Robb:

really

Tina Marie Garcia:

soon.

Robb:

quick, I agree. I think that if you can talk to somebody for, once you get to a certain amount of time, let's say you've been talking to this person seven months and you've gone on however many dates, you know. You know who they are, you've probably talked some serious shit, you've talked about life and where they're at

Tina Marie Garcia:

And you

Robb:

and.

Tina Marie Garcia:

see the red flags. Everybody talks about red

Robb:

Yeah,

Tina Marie Garcia:

flags. Red flags, what?

Robb:

yeah, I mean, look, to me, red flags are leading me to the beach. So maybe I see red flags differently. But look, you know, you have a pretty good grasp on who they are as a human being.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

You've seen their faults, their shittiness, how they treat you, how you treat them. If you keep coming back for more. You're generally in it because you like what you're doing not that you're

Tina Marie Garcia:

Mm-hmm.

Robb:

stuck in anything And if you've been talking to somebody for years and years and years There's a reason you keep talking to them. Whatever it is you have to Bring that to the surface and be real with yourself but yeah, just be good to people and Have a good time. Life's too

Tina Marie Garcia:

And

Robb:

fucking

Tina Marie Garcia:

don't expect

Robb:

short.

Tina Marie Garcia:

anything you won't do yourself.

Robb:

Oh, agree. I agree.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Just hands down, just be fair. Like, if nothing else, be fair to each other.

Robb:

Yeah, and look if My only thing with going into this is if you're really not into it Go dutch

Tina Marie Garcia:

Get out.

Robb:

and

Tina Marie Garcia:

Yeah.

Robb:

then see what happens If you're if you're sitting there, oh look i've been on dates and again not a ton, but i've had several girls asked to pay half I was very shocked because I had heard in the dating world that doesn't happen and if I If I have decided to go out with somebody, I pay. That's kind of just, hey, I asked you to do this, let's do it. But I think we live in a real, you know, very bizarre world, but I've also heard stories about guys asking to go Dutch and a girl freaks the fuck out. So, you know, it's a world where we live in.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Those are people you may not want to stick around.

Robb:

Yeah, you may wanna lose that

Tina Marie Garcia:

You

Robb:

number.

Tina Marie Garcia:

may not want to date them again.

Robb:

Yeah. I agree. All right, team, anything else for today?

Tina Marie Garcia:

No, I just want to say I've a lot of my friends are going through really tough times right now. I had a couple friends lost their father. I've had a friend lose her mom. losing jobs, different things going on this week. And I just wanted to say that I'm here and be kind to yourself, because life is not easy and we just need to find a way to get through it. And I'm here.

Robb:

I agree with you and I'll ditto that. I have some friends that, you know, you have to read between the lines sometimes with what they say to you, or they're very up front and just say, life is fucking hard. And I agree as well. I'm here for you if you need to talk, and feel free, get ahold of us. And it's an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back. Check out our socials, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or X, what they call it now. And check us out on Apple, Spotify. Those are the good ones. Make sure that you give us some star ratings. Give us a little, some words and say whether, if you like the show or not. because that will help us get into the algorithm. Until next Wednesday, I'm Rob for my coast. As always, Tina, socked you later. Bye.

Tina Marie Garcia:

Bye guys.