EP # 154 Riding the Waves of Depression

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show, Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co -host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina (: 00:06

You sound like you're going through puberty again, Rob. Yeah, that was pretty funny.

Robb (: 00:08

I know, you like that? Man, I wish I could go through puberty again.

Tina (: 00:14

I don't. I don't want to start that roller coaster. Yeah, but other than that, go back. I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

Robb (: 00:17

Yeah, not that young. I'd like to go back though.

Robb (: 00:24

Yeah, you wouldn't want to relive those years? I tell you what though, would you go back and relive them knowing what you know now?

Tina (: 00:28

I already lived them.

Tina (: 00:36

Mmm. Well that would kind of make it too easy.

Robb (: 00:41

It'd be like fishing in a barrel. That's what I mean. I mean, and maybe I don't mean knowing the exact future, but like knowing certain things. Like if you talked more, you'd be more popular and realize that popular people were really not popular. They were just as fucked up as the rest of us.

Tina (: 00:43

Yep.

Tina (: 01:00

I talked to everybody, Rob, and it didn't make me popular or didn't make me... I don't know. I just knew everybody. I didn't really... You know what I mean?

Robb (: 01:07

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, once we took communicators, I knew everybody after that too. Because I mean, we had jocks, cheerleaders, gangsters, we had Al -Qa 'an's people in that class. You know what I mean? Kind of funny looking back on it that there was kind of a menagerie of human beings in those classes.

Tina (: 01:14

Yeah.

Tina (: 01:20

nerds right

Tina (: 01:30

that's the way they set it up they set it up to have a cross section of the kids that were in the school to try to alleviate some of the pressures of growing up basically it wasn't good class

Robb (: 01:42

They missed the boat on keeping that kind of thing in schools. Or in that school in particular, but they should have continued. That would have been a great thing throughout LA Unified. It's such a good thing, it's too bad. So, life is good.

Tina (: 02:04

It's a hot mess right now. Like we're in the middle of construction on my father's place and there's literally nothing but the framework in the kitchen and part of the living room and the entryway. There's like everything is tore up to bits. It's just framework. So that comes with its own fun.

Why am I smelling gas leaking or doing the dishes in a sink that used to just be in the garage, you know, like in a hose, you know, so I'm doing it restaurant style. That's like camping fun right there. Yeah. And there's a stove in the in the garage so that I could cook on it. I mean, I really shouldn't bitch. Everything's like set up, but it's like it's camping it, you know, and trying to find stuff in boxes and.

Robb (: 02:44

man.

camping at your own house. That's different.

Robb (: 02:54

Thanks.

Robb (: 02:59

Yeah.

Tina (: 03:02

and keep the flies from, you know, getting on the food and it's interesting. I mean, I'm not complaining. I kind of enjoy doing stuff differently and I like the fact that a lot of the old crap that's just been sitting around in my parents' house for a hundred years is going to be thrown away. But yeah, it's a bit overwhelming at times. Not going to lie.

Robb (: 03:26

Are you doing an addition? Is that what you're doing?

Tina (: 03:29

No, we are taking out a wall and opening everything up and revamping the whole kitchen from the doorway to, you know, all new appliances. Every everything is going to be done. I have to send you the video. We're basically down to studs and we have holes for ventilation to go from the garage into the kitchen. And, you know, like I could see, I could see like the eaves, not the eaves, but like the, the pitches in the, in the,

Robb (: 03:58

In the attic. yeah.

Tina (: 03:58

in the, you know, from the attic, because I could just look up and see them. So everything has been removed and that's worrisome, you know, because I don't know how to fix that. So it's like I'm trusting, I'm having faith in the people. I totally, I totally do have faith in the people that are doing it. But when I see that, I'm not going to lie, it makes me like, how do we fix this right now? I need to fix this thing. Yeah, because it's it's my mom's, my mom's kitchen, even though my mom was not a cook. I don't know how it became mom's kitchen.

Robb (: 04:20

Yeah, it's nervous. Yeah, for sure. I understand that.

Tina (: 04:29

my dad did most of the cooking as we were growing up and then I took over as we got older. So it's like, why am I worried about it being mom's kitchen? Maybe because she's just not here anymore. I don't know. So I'm talking fast. It must be overwhelming for me.

Robb (: 04:36

Right.

Robb (: 04:44

There was a lot of group therapy that went on in that kitchen.

Tina (: 04:47

Yeah, a lot.

Robb (: 04:48

There was a lot of people at that table at many times when I remember swinging by there, there was always somebody at that kitchen table and mom was always standing around. I get it, I get it.

Tina (: 04:53

Yeah.

Tina (: 04:58

Yeah.

Yeah, there was a lot of group therapy in there. I remember one time my mom had her friends there and one of her friends had just had a baby and she was like, I don't know why my baby's gaining weight. I mean, my mom was like, well, how much cereal are you feeding him? So she like made up a portion that she was supposed to make up for the baby. And my mom sat on the table and they were all talking.

and the cereal started growing and growing and it was literally falling over the edge of the bowl because it expands when moisture hits it, right? And my mom's like, this is why your child is gaining so much weight. You gave him enough for like three men. So we used to have, yeah, so we've always had like really unusual conversations at the table, but I don't know, it was always kind of fun. I didn't realize.

Robb (: 05:33

There was.

yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 05:45

Yeah, you're supposed to give them a little bit.

Tina (: 05:58

At the time I was thinking, I never thought that she was feeding the kid too much. Like it's just maybe the kid's growing, you know? How do you feed a baby too much? And then mom showed me. It was interesting.

Robb (: 06:04

Hmm.

Robb (: 06:09

Well, it's gonna be nice. You'll have a new place for new therapy.

Tina (: 06:14

Yeah, a different generation.

Robb (: 06:16

Yeah. Mm -hmm. It's good. The nieces and nephews will now be in there doing therapy sessions with everybody else.

Tina (: 06:26

I love sitting with them when we're having dinner and just talking to them because I just adore those two. I can't help myself. We have really good conversations though. When I get them to talk. Because this generation is not my generation. My generation you couldn't shut me the hell up. But this generation's like, yeah, no, yeah. But if I make things funny, my nephew will always laugh.

Robb (: 06:40

Right, right.

Mm -mm.

Robb (: 06:50

you

Tina (: 06:54

And my niece will kind of give me a ha ha. So I'm like, okay, she's still in there. I got him. But, yeah.

Robb (: 06:59

Right.

So this week we're gonna talk, I was asking, you know, I always ask friends around me, like, hey, what do you think we should talk about? And I asked my friend down the street and she gave me a bunch of them, but one of them was pretty, I think, substantial these days. It's handling depression. And, you know, look, these days with the economy and rent and family and...

Tina (: 07:22

Mmm.

Robb (: 07:33

building onto your kitchen, there's stress that leads to depression. And we've talked about it a little bit on here, but I never thought I was like, I have depression. I never thought that until probably in the last five years to where I was like, I'm not good right now.

Tina (: 07:57

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 07:57

And I didn't know why. I was like, why am I so emotional or so down or so tired or what's going on? And I've heard that, also that term, like what's wrong? I'm just tired. And I get that. My boss at work said it to me today. She was like, I'm just tired, Rob. I'm just tired right now.

And she's going, I think she has some things going on at home. Her mom lives with her, let's just say that. So there's, thankfully she lives, like they built, I forgot what they call them. It's like a secondary home, like a little, there you go. She built one of those on the property and mom lives in one, but.

Tina (: 08:34

Mmm.

Tina (: 08:41

in the ADU.

Robb (: 08:48

you know, it's still mom. And I could understand that. I don't know if I could have lived with my mom or my dad. So she's going through some stress and I think depression is probably part of that too, because there's lots of things that'll bring you down or keep you somewhere. And my friend down the street was kind of like, hey, like you should do it on, you know, how do you handle that?

because I think we all handle that kind of things differently, whether it's stress that leads to depression or just pure depression. Because my old roommate had clinical depression. Like she could tell me like, it's coming on right now. Like I feel it coming. Which in my head, I was like, you're bonkers. Like you can't, like you see, you know, do you have a weather app for it? Like you see it coming in the distance, you're like, whew. But I guess when you,

Tina (: 09:21

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 09:44

live with that, you do understand when it's coming. And yeah, and I don't like if I am down, I'm just down. Like I, it doesn't like, it's not a slow little gain. It's like, I just don't feel well or I'm not whatever. Like it just hits me.

Tina (: 09:50

yeah, you could feel it.

Robb (: 10:07

I was talking with my friend and one day she's like, blah, blah, blah, you know, how you doing? I was like, I'm not good today. And she was like, like, yeah, I'm just, I don't know what it is. It's just, I'm down. And it wasn't, or like these days, like certain things have hit me. Like I told you, like my mom's death, I think really didn't hit me for a year. Like as much as I, you know, it did hit me. I shouldn't say that.

Tina (: 10:34

You went through the numb stage.

Robb (: 10:36

Yeah, and then over the weekend, I had Saturday free and my son was out of town. I really had nothing to do. So I decided to do some spring cleaning, which is awesome. My closet, I threw out a bunch of stuff. Like I use the five year rule. If I haven't dealt with it in five years, I don't need it. And I did.

Tina (: 10:54

them.

Robb (: 11:00

But I also had two boxes that came from my mother's house, my brother sent me. So I was like, I'm gonna go through these. And there was like tons of picture albums in there that I knew nobody. So I took all the pictures of my mom out and through the rest, because nobody knew who it was. And I went through a bunch of stuff. I found some really cool things. I found a cookbook from the 70s that like, I think they put together at the school that my mom went to or in the town that she was from.

Tina (: 11:20

Mmm.

Tina (: 11:27

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 11:29

which was kind of neat. But I ended up finding a diary from 1989, so the year we graduated. And she actually talked about me going to go visit her that summer in it. Yeah. And it's funny, because during that time period, she didn't write while I was there the whole time.

Tina (: 11:39

the year we graduated.

Tina (: 11:45

I remember you going there.

Tina (: 11:53

Robb (11:55.324)

Which is okay. She talks about it afterwards. But I think when I was there, she was, yeah, she was in a different mode. But I, man, I really wish I didn't read it.

Tina (: 11:59

She was enjoying it, yeah.

Tina (: 12:09

Bye.

Robb (: 12:11

because I learned a lot of things about my mom. I have no business knowing. But here's the funny thing, the very first page is a dedication to me and my brother. So I think she meant for us to read it.

Tina (: 12:25

Really?

Robb (: 12:27

Yeah. And it basically said, you know, you guys have become two really good men, even though I didn't help that. Because like I said, my mom wasn't absent by any stretch, but you know, we lived with my dad. So I think that mom's kind of also, that thing has kind of given me depression loops in certain things, because I'll hear something or I'll, you know, something that

mom would have done or whatever is really kind of hitting me lately. And then we talked about your mom the other day and I think that was also, you know, like a depression loop came back and I was like, yeah, like this and Mother's Day and then the flip side of that, Father's Day came and then my friend down the street also lost her father. So then I think that also kind of hit me on the backside of like, again, going, cause my mom's birthday and Mother's Day are in the same month.

So I feel it coming on and for now I don't know how to handle it with the exception of just trying to get through the day and go and sleep. And that's what I was trying to tell her. She's like, you know, do you wanna talk? I go, I just wanna go sleep. I just wanna see if I can't reset.

And we've been going to the gym four days a week. So like, it's nice to get up in the morning. I get up at 3 15, get to the gym by four. And then I'm in like workout mode. So I'm like not thinking. It's just go hit the gym, do this. You know, we go to the sauna or we go into the tanning bed, whatever it is. As you can tell, Tina, you can see me, I'm red. I actually have color, which is unlike me.

Tina (: 13:56

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 14:04

You also are getting the endorphins to... to... You are.

I do too, I have the pink panda markings from my bathing suit right now.

Robb (: 14:16

Yeah. So, and you're right, like, that's, handling it is a weird thing, and how to do it. And I don't know how, and, you know, the people around me, you know, also are just like, how do you handle it? And I don't know what to do, and I don't even know what to tell my friends.

Tina (: 14:35

You know, I've always had a low level of depression. My dad has. I think my brother has also. So it's definitely something that's genetic. And at different times in my life, I could honestly say I was so low that I had a hard time dragging myself out of it. And I think for me, I had to talk about it.

I had to talk about what was bothering me. I had to talk about it a lot. I had to process it. I had to make it to where it was. It wasn't a story, but it was a reality, you know, because I could I could put situations out, you know, situations have happened to me and I will put them away and then I won't revisit them. I'll literally forget about it. I don't know. I'm really good at detaching and sticking things in a box and not dealing with it. So.

Having said that, I think that you go, like for me, I've gone and gone and gone and gone with putting things away, putting things away that when I do finally hit my low or I do break and need to cry, because crying definitely does come up during those times, it's not even about whatever's going on at the time, it's about a lot of things, because it's all built up, it is pent up, and it's pushed away, and it's not dealt with.

And so I think that that's what most people do because you got to get through the day. I mean, we're we're a society that there are no excuses. Get your ass together. Get get your stuff done. Do what you got to do. But I think that at some point there has to be some work done to deal with all the things that we're going through that we push away. And being busy does help keep the depression away. It does. But at the same time, if you're feeling something

and you're staying busy, you're not dealing with it, it's still bubbling up. So, there's, you know, for me, for me talking about it is a big thing. Also, staying busy so that you don't let it overwhelm you, because I'm an over thinker, I think, I believe. So, I will think things until I'm just ruined inside. And that doesn't really, it doesn't help me or anybody else. So, I think,

Tina (: 17:00

Exercising is another thing they say for depression to try. Journaling is another thing they say to do to get get your feelings handled. Writing letters to people that that are causing you then pain the pain or or not causing you the pain now but that you're having turmoil with and you can't talk to them. They say writing letters is a good thing. I don't know I think that could like blow up in your face but that's just me. I got counseling for 10 years.

That really did help the depression because I was really going through a lot. And you know, the funny thing is, is I quit going to depression right before everything hit the skids. Like the year that I turned 40, I've talked about that a lot. Having gone through the worst, the worst time in my life and the depression level was so high that I couldn't even look at people without crying.

for that you know you have to just climb your you have to climb yourself out you have to find something to live for and and i i would honestly say that even as a kid i wasn't a very happy kid unless somebody was really entertaining me and i was laughing i was kind of a pretty solemn person i stayed pretty quiet and and that's not me either and i don't know i just didn't i just would choose

to have a bad day or to just choose to be moody or not happy. And that is part of the depression. But as I got older and I learned from my ex, like you have to choose to be happy every day. It's a choice just like being miserable is, you know, and if things are really bothering you in your world, you have to find ways to not let that bother you or change it or leave it or, or

whatever you have to do to where that constant like scratching at you is gone.

Tina (: 19:04

That's not an easy thing to do. None of it is easy.

Robb (: 19:07

Yeah, I've seen to where people don't want to get out of bed all day. My old roommate was like that.

Tina (: 19:13

Mm -hmm. I had a day like that just the other day and I didn't get out of bed. Well, I did I went in the pool and then I went back to bed

Robb (: 19:18

Yeah, like.

Robb (: 19:23

But I mean, and I've seen it with multiple people. I've had it where I don't think I've laid in bed all day, but that's also because I don't have a TV in my room. But I have locked myself in the house for literally the whole day, like never left the sanctuary of my house. And.

Tina (: 19:26

Yeah.

Tina (: 19:35

Mmm.

Tina (: 19:47

I did that just the other day.

Robb (: 19:48

and had no problem, but I was down and I was just like, I don't want to do anything. I didn't shower the whole day. I literally like from the night before to all the way to the next morning did not shower. I was just like, I don't care. I'm not going to see anybody. No one gives a shit and I'm doing what I'm going to do. So.

Tina (: 19:55

Mmm.

Robb (: 20:09

I get that part because I think though, you know, sometimes you want to lock yourself in just to not have to deal with the rest of the world. And I, that's what I do. I think I just kind of.

Tina (: 20:18

I think you have to recharge too. Sometimes you just need those days where you're in your safe place and you're not leaving it because you do need to recharge. You do need to find your way back to being happy. And I think that when you're tired, it only amps up your depression. Like when I get too tired, I want to cry. I'll be honest with you. I'll be like, I can't do this. I gotta go to bed. Like I can't.

Robb (: 20:22

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 20:46

And I won't, I'll go to bed because it's, you can't help it otherwise. You know, when you're done, you're done. And, and, totally, totally. And, and I do, and, and I noticed that even in arguments, that if the argument is really heated, I'll shut down. So I've gotten, sorry about that. I've gotten really good at not dealing with things, just shutting down.

Robb (: 20:46

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 20:53

Right. Yeah, you shut down.

Robb (: 21:14

Yeah, I think with me, like the depression thing, I also go with like through like heavy emotional waves. So like I might be down, but I'm like, I don't have any emotion. I'm just like, okay.

Tina (: 21:23

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 21:32

I don't want to be, you know, I'm like, ugh, and I'll just watch TV or fall asleep on the couch and sleep, whatever the thing is. Like, I'll keep fading in and out. Or I'll go through one of those, like, I want to be, I'll watch something emotional on TV that I know is going to upset me. Just to get, yeah, just to get out that cry out, just to...

Tina (: 21:52

Really?

Robb (: 21:58

And I'm a softy when it comes to any kind of romantic thing. I'm a blubbering idiot. Or the underdog ones, like when the underdog wins, I'm a big fan of those type of movies. So I'll watch those and even though I am already down, I'll do it. Which is like listening to emotional music. It's not your...

Tina (: 22:09

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 22:24

Right.

Robb (: 22:26

you're definitely not helping the situation, but man, it's, you know, you're gonna get out maybe the emotional thing or the emotional side you have to. You know, it's hard, because like, I never thought I was, I had depression and it really, the onset was probably about five years ago. Even though after I moved here, I found myself,

Tina (: 22:36

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 22:54

being different, like when I moved here, my sleep changed. I didn't sleep well before I got here. And I don't know why, I can't tell you. I'm also an over -thinker, unfortunately, like you. If I wake up at, let's say, two o 'clock in the morning, and it's not because I have to pee or anything, and one thought enters my mind, I'm in a lot of trouble.

Tina (: 23:06

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 23:20

Mm -hmm. Yep.

Robb (: 23:22

because then it just eats me alive. And I'm like, I wonder if she's okay. I wonder if my dad's doing this. What's going on in life? Like all of a sudden, it's like an overwhelming thing of information hits me and then I can't shut it off. So when I first got here, it was great. I was sleeping like a, just really good.

And it could have been a lot of different things. I think it was just being a new place and and having more freedom to just walk around my underwears, whatever Over probably the last year though. I've been going Reverting back to like if I think of something in the middle of the night it it it's killing me Yeah, not good. So I now I try to like I've done it over probably the last

Tina (: 24:05

Mmm.

Robb (: 24:17

four, five, six months. Like if something hits my noggin, I just lay it, turn over and just go, everything's okay, everything's okay, everything's okay. Like I try to talk myself out of it. Yeah. And it's odd because I wish I would have done that five years ago. I just didn't, because like I would stare at the ceiling and just for hours and hours and hours. So now, like I said, I'm doing my best to

Tina (: 24:28

You have to tuck yourself down.

Tina (: 24:38

Well, you didn't know.

Robb (: 24:46

to talk myself off the ledge because I think it's just the healthy way to do it.

Tina (: 24:54

Yeah, especially if you're if you're spiraling you have to stop the ride you have to say Okay, everything is okay Life could be way worse. My problems will still be there tomorrow. So I could just let me sleep tonight, you know get through Whatever it is. You need to get through I think that that's That's necessary but harder than most you know harder than it sounds like most people have the hardest time trying to get to sleep because they don't let Things go for for even a while

Robb (: 25:24

Or don't shut their mind off.

Tina (: 25:25

I don't know. I always, I always, you know what one thing that really does work for me, and I don't know where I heard it, but I always say that is like, sitting gratitude. Like, what are you, what are you blessed with or what are you happy with? Let's, let's talk about, let's go through all the things that I am blessed with and, and be thankful for those things. And normally that will, that will change my attitude. Now that I've worked hard on

Robb (: 25:39

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 25:54

my personality and not always being miserable because that took years and and a lot of work to get to you know make get to the point where you're just making the decision to be happy over making the decision to be mad or frustrated that took a long time but I find that now that I do now that I do

Tina (: 26:17

Now that I do work not work on it I'm more than more often than not I wake up and I'm happy Took a long time to get that way, but I got that way I worked at it really hard but I noticed that when I am depressed or when I get depressed about something the negative shit just comes right back and I have to fight it in order to get back to a happy place and things really have to overwhelm me to to

have to work that hard now because I have tried really really hard to make the most of my life and be happy.

But it's all a choice.

Robb (: 26:55

I think.

Yeah, I think a lot of that is definitely choice and you can reprogram your mind a little bit to change it. I think that the biggest things are the things that you don't have control over that lead to depression.

Tina (: 27:18

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 27:21

without getting too deep, like relationship issues, or things that are really kind of just poking you all the time that will definitely...

I hate to say eat you alive, but sort of eat you alive to where you're like, okay, things are going good and then something happens out of nowhere and then you're right back to square one. So when I see something like that, it's definitely a harder thing.

Tina (: 27:42

right?

Tina (: 28:08

You know, and there's always going to be things, there's always going to be things that make you sad or make you depressed or that happen that you're not happy with and that are out of your control. But what is in your control is is how you deal with those things. And again, keeping yourself happy as a priority helps you to keep whatever problem you have in some sort of like

Like it keeps it in perspective. You know, it doesn't you don't get as far out. If you like look at it, don't panic over it. Try to fight all that. Look at it and see what it is that's bothering you and try to pick that part out. Because then if you do that, a lot of the other stuff is just it's okay. There's then you could talk to yourself. Well, I didn't like how this happened, but this, this, that, and this was good. And you got to try to look for the good. I've been

Robb (: 28:40

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 29:06

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 29:08

working hard at that, trying to look for the good things and not just pointing out bad things. Because I think as women, we always point out the bad shit, especially with what men do. But I don't hear us as of late being happy with the good things that they do. It's just like it's expected. And so we don't have to say anything. And that's just not true. Like everything needs to be.

You know, if somebody's doing something really good, like, say they are. You know, put some happy into people, like, be grateful, be thankful. But as women, I don't think we do that as much. And I don't know that, I don't know if men's cups have been full in a while with women because of that.

Robb (: 29:58

I mean, I think it's hard on both sides, but I also think that like you were kinda talking about earlier, there's always negative in your life at some level, right? Whether it's little negatives or very large negatives. And it's how you handle that negative. Sometimes you have to just tell yourself, like this doesn't matter anymore.

Tina (: 30:09

always.

Robb (: 30:26

And are you gonna believe it? Probably not, because reprogramming yourself is not easy. It's a difficult thing because of, yeah, and you need a support system around you.

Tina (: 30:34

Mm -hmm.

takes years.

Tina (: 30:44

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 30:44

You need people to keep telling you, it's gonna be okay, you're gonna get through this, that kind of thing. And it's helped me, even during some of the times that I've had, the people that are around me will be like, you're gonna be all right, just put your chin up and try to get through it. And I wish it was easy, I really do, for a lot of people's sakes, because...

You know, I had talked to my friend in Vegas, I don't know, a few months ago, just via text. I'll check in with her and just say, hey, you know, what's going on? And, you know, blah, blah. And I was asking her about her dating life because I, you know, at one point I was, you know, still trying to online date and whatever. And to hear her view of it was...

very similar to mine. She's just like, I tried it a little bit and I don't care anymore. And she's had, I think, probably a little low grade depression her whole life as well with the surrounding of life in general. Things have just kind of pressed on her and then she went through a divorce and then that pressed on her harder and probably threw her into a bigger thing of depression.

Tina (: 31:57

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 32:06

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 32:07

So, like I said, I'm going down the line and looking at people that are in my life, guys I work with. We did a podcast on how to deal with living with your family and things that are going on in the house. I can see it in him and he's changing. This guy, like I'm going through this...

weight loss journey, right? I'm doing my best to get in shape and try to feel better about myself. And I feel bad sort of at work because this guy's heavy and he wants to be do better and he can't get out of this hole. And then I'm coming to work every day and I'm like, dude, let's walk, let's do this. And I'm, you know, I'm dieting and I'm doing all this stuff. And I think that's one of the things that has, you're right, got me out of that, that exercising and having some kind of,

Tina (: 33:02

Adrenaline, yeah.

Robb (: 33:02

goal. Well, the adrenaline, but like, you know, if you, I dig deep when I, you know, when I decide to do something, I decide to do stuff. And, you know, my friend, she likes to tell me that I'm very intense.

And it's true. So like when I decided to do this thing, I go in feet first and I'm, you know, I was trying to drag her to the gym with me, like, let's go, let's do this, let's get in shape. And, and, you know, it took a little bit in the very beginning and she's like, yeah, I want to, I want to. And it's great. Now she's like, you know, top notch. We'll talk, we talk pretty much every night beforehand. She'll be like, okay, I'll see you there four o 'clock, blah, blah.

So I think that that has definitely helped with parts of my depression, that I've set goals, I do my best to do that kind of thing. And I think that's what people can do. Some of this depression is you can't, you have to just ride it through.

Tina (: 34:10

Well, but you can't crumble through it either. You have to like, you have to hold yourself up. You have to still, you should still be trying to do what you're supposed to do daily. Going to work, brushing your teeth, you know, showering. You have to, you have to show up for your own life every day. And if you're not doing that, the depression is just going to sink you further.

Robb (: 34:35

It's gonna eat you up. Yeah, I think that's a good way of looking at it too. You know, it's funny. Well, I don't sleep in my covers very often until it's winter time. I generally just sleep on top of the bed and have a blanket. My friend down the street though, I was asking her about that. I go, do you make your bed every day? She's like, of course I do. And I was like, and I kinda looked into that.

Tina (: 34:36

for sure. You know, make your bed.

Robb (: 35:02

That is one of the biggest things that people tell people as a daily routine. Because it's one of those things where you have to think about it, it's work, you are moving the whole time you're doing it. So I found that to be like a very good goal point, like okay.

You get up. So now I straighten my bed. I make sure it looks pretty every morning. Since I don't have to make it, because I'm not in the covers until winter time. But I found myself like, OK, if I straighten it up, I put the blanket back on it, I fix my pillows, it does give you this, OK, the day is starting off OK. Yeah. And it's, you know, and I.

Tina (: 35:38

Thank you.

Tina (: 35:49

accomplishments.

Robb (: 35:54

I have a routine now in the morning like I make a shake for this. I make sure my lunch is ready. Some kind of little, little, you know, small finish lines to just get me to where I need to do. And if I'm down, I do my best to just go, okay, I got to do this. I got to get going. I just don't know what else to tell other people. And I wish we had some kind, I mean, obviously we're not doctors, but I think counseling, talking to people obviously is a good thing.

Tina (: 36:23

Find something that makes you happy, or gives you some sort of passion. Like if it's an art project, or if you're good at woodworking, or if you're really good at swimming, you want to teach kids to swim, like come up with something that stirs some sort of passion. I have a friend, I kind of envy her, she's, speaking of woodworking, she's turning old furniture that she's finding like all over the place, and she's

she's turning it into beautiful pieces and then reselling them and she's not even working anymore. That's like her full -time job now. And I was like, damn, she's really doing it, you know, but she loves it and it makes her happy and she wasn't happy where she was working. And now she does that. So in finding a hobby, she's been able to find a different way of life and she seems happier than I've seen her in a long time.

Robb (: 37:02

Wow.

Robb (: 37:23

That's good. So she's found something to, I mean, change her view on life, first of all, and then change a way to do things.

Tina (: 37:31

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 37:34

A lot of people also have relationships they've either grown out of, never should have been in to begin with, that are dysfunctional and frustrating. And I think that I think too that people stay in situations that are not right for them. And if you're in one of those situations, it's best to try to drag yourself out of it and start anew rather than

waste more time on a situation that you shouldn't have wasted all that time on to begin with.

that does lead to depression. So does aging. I don't know if you've noticed like the different aches and pains when you get up and stuff like I've noticed that kind of makes me a little depressed. So I don't talk about it. I don't tell people I'm having those problems. I don't have discussions about my aches and pains or my bowel movements. I choose to not talk about those things because that shit depresses me too. So I get up, I shake it off and then I start walking. You know, it's just

Robb (: 38:16

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 38:32

Right.

Robb (: 38:37

Yeah, and that leads to depression.

Tina (: 38:40

Aging sucks and it could be depressing. All my friends are like, my God, I'm getting old. my God, I'm kidding. I'm like, no, we're already there. So nobody's getting anything. We're where we're at. And, you know, take more vitamins, do whatever you have to do so you're not feeling the aches and pains and try to just move past those little ailments because we're always going to have stuff going on. Our bodies are not foolproof. So, but I found that really

Depressed me too.

Robb (: 39:10

For sure, matter of fact, I was telling you before I went swimming over my friend's house. And when I got there, I had gel in my hair. And by the time I got out, I haven't had a haircut in a while. So my hair was like kinda all over the place and it got dry. And look, it's salt and peppery now. And I was like telling her, I go, man, look at my hair, it's like gray. And she's like, so what?

And like, I'm starting to get little crow's feet, like more, like when I smile. She's like, so what? Like, and it's, yeah, and it was kind of good to, for someone to knock me off my horse a little bit and go, just look, it's okay. Like, you don't have to keep worrying and keep worrying and keep worrying. And then she, you know, through the, and don't worry about it, you're a guy, you can get gray and everything will be all right. Like, yeah, I guess there's that.

Tina (: 39:43

It happens.

Tina (: 40:03

Right? There's that. There's that.

Robb (: 40:07

But I get it and and look, I'm I'm big on talking her up like. When when she's down, I talk her up and I'm sure she probably feels the same way about me like OK, dude, I get it, but it is vice versa and I'm doing my best to to take that stuff in these days. Because I think that's another thing we need to do is people is. If someone complements you or.

says they appreciate you or whatever gives you dinner. I'll say just because like you really should like step back for a second and go yeah that's that's a good thing. It's we need to take those little rays of sunshine and go hey you know what things aren't that bad because I don't think a lot of us do.

Tina (: 41:05

And you know, I'm looking, I tend to stay away from the news, but I caught myself watching it. And I was looking at places that are not in the United States. And I was thinking, damn it, we're complaining? Like, how can we complain with what we're seeing? Like, again, I think gratitude, having gratitude, staying in a place of being humble and graciously being thankful.

Robb (: 41:20

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:33

Yeah.

Tina (: 41:33

helps a lot. I know it did me. It took me a long time to get that lesson, but the more I practiced it, the better I got, the calmer I got, the happier I am with life. But that took some doing.

Robb (: 41:46

I mean me as well and I and truly I think trying to find some kind of faith in life and I know coming from me that's quite humorous because of my superior atheist past but I found myself really kind of leaning towards other things and and having some kind of faith is will help you kind of drag yourself out of some depression you know that

Tina (: 41:53

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 41:57

Yeah.

Tina (: 42:10

It absolutely will.

Robb (: 42:12

Sometimes you have to look at yourself as a very small thing in this universe and realize that there's much bigger things around you.

That's what I'm trying to do these days when I start hitting these little lows here and there and really kind of just leaning on the people around me. Like, I'll text you out of nowhere or we'll talk about something on here. My friend down the street. Even I lean on some people at work where there's one guy that we really talk personal stuff.

and that's the guy that tells me everything. So I try to be the therapy session for him to kind of give him a different outlook because I know that sometimes you just need someone who isn't in the circle of friends or family.

Tina (: 43:02

That's true.

Robb (: 43:03

You know, even though I would consider him a friend, you know, we don't hang out outside of work just because I generally don't do that with coworkers. He is one I would do it with, but I just find that you do have to have a support system and sometimes you have to lean on unconventional people that will give you something. Even if it's like.

stupid stuff like, I am going through my car is having this problem. What do you think? Someone will go, hey, you know, have you ever tried this or gone to this place instead? Or because sometimes it's just you need someone else to go. It's going to be OK.

Tina (: 43:38

Mm -hmm.

Tina (: 43:42

Yep, absolutely. And in the scheme of things, nothing stays the same. So remember that depression is just an emotion and it's going to come and it's going to go just like the waves on the beach are. And you just have to ride it out sometimes. But don't let it tumble you.

Robb (: 43:45

and

Robb (: 44:01

I had a meme from a while back and you can put in whatever time period you want to put, but it basically said the things that you're worrying about right now won't mean anything to you in a year. And I kind of like to live that, you know?

Tina (: 44:13

That's true.

Robb (: 44:21

my friend down the street goes, I'm just living day by day. And I kind of started thinking even on the same scale, but it's 24 hours you gotta get through. And hopefully six or seven of that's sleeping. So you know what I mean? Like there is things to worry about and we should, but I don't think that they should anchor you down if you can find.

you know, ways through it, people to talk to, things to do, and make the depression as a low point as you can. You know, if the depression to you is screaming, you have to make it a hum. You know what I mean? Because it's not going to go away. But how can you silence it?

Tina (: 45:10

Yeah, you just, you need to, you need to fight it. And the more you fight it and the more you choose to be happy, the more you'll start to swing that, the pendulum in the opposite direction. And it takes work. It takes a lot of work.

Robb (: 45:21

Mm -hmm.

It takes a lot of work. And I'm glad like these days, I'm doing my best to find my way to, you know, pushing the pendulum the other way. Cause you know, I don't want to feel bad. You know, and again, none of us do not to say that, but I don't and I'm doing my best every day now to

to find positives and go, look, there's good out there and there's ways to find it. And when I'm feeling low, I find the people that I know are gonna pick me up, kick me in the ass or shake me around a little bit and go, you need to get out of this shit and keep your head on.

Tina (: 46:11

And also you talked about losing your mom. The first year of losing a parent seems to be from everybody I've ever talked to the first year's by far the hardest because you have to learn how to do everything on your own. The first birthday, the first, you know, whatever it is that you did the first new day at a new job when you're you're know your mom would say something or free or she would talk to you about it like all the things that she did in the first year. It seems like those

Those are really when you miss her, really miss what she's done, really miss talking to her. You go through that. So you got to, you got to let yourself off the hook for that completely. You will be depressed. That's loss. That's loss. That's heartache. You know, there's, there's that part of things too. But after that, you have to pick yourself up. You can't, you can't let it go and go and go because you'll never move forward. You're wasting your life stuck in a situation that

Robb (: 46:43

Hmm.

Tina (: 47:10

that had to happen. And so it's best to fight that, move around, try to find your footing and be able to deal with that. But it's not easy. Loss is a horribly hard thing to deal with. And like you said, you need to deal with, you'll deal with it from having your friends with you or from being able to talk or from, you know, finding...

finding the good in every day. Like there's so many ways to do it, but not one's going to fix it. It's going to take a multitude of different things in order to swing the pendulum back in the other direction.

Robb (: 47:47

Yeah. And just, you know, I mean, we're at the end here. And I think that that's the biggest thing is, you know, find a way. Find a person, you know, don't don't bury yourself. You know, there's there's people who want to help. There's family that wants to talk. There's friends that want to talk.

Tina (: 47:58

Mm -hmm.

Robb (: 48:10

people are here for each other. And I think that the more we are here for each other, the more of a hum that depression will be, and you won't let it suffocate you.

Tina (: 48:21

There you go.

Robb (: 48:23

All right, check us out on social medias, Instagram, Facebook, X. You can listen to this show pretty much anywhere. You can listen to a podcast. We're on YouTube, we're on YouTube Music, Apple, Spotify, all the big ones. And yeah, you know, we're here every Wednesday. Make sure to share this with all your friends. Send our link off of the social medias. And yeah, it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted.

For Mako's Tina, I'm Rob. We'll see you next week. Bye.

Tina (: 48:58

See ya.