EP # 176 Building trust through honesty in relationships.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of don't get this twisted. I'm Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing Tina? A little warm. Yeah, they said and it's going to be a 16 degree drop tomorrow. No. And then rain Wednesday, Thursday, Balls. I'm not a fan of the cold anymore.

Tina (: 00:06

I'm doing good, Rob, how you doing? Yeah, it's a little warm today, but what is it getting to 75 now or something?

Tina (: 00:17

Are you kidding? Interesting.

balls. Not a fan of the rain.

Robb (: 00:30

I mean, I really never liked it. Now I really don't like it. Well, I I only have Wednesday, Thursday. Either way. Either way, it's going to suck. I mean, there's small chances. It's only 55%. So I mean, and that's for California, who knows? 55 % means like dog shit, but now we'll see.

Tina (: 00:34

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday here is going to be rain.

Tina (: 00:40

Aren't you a lucky dog?

Tina (: 00:54

5 % means it rains for three days and 100 % means you got a sprinkle going on at the moment but yeah, yeah, yeah.

Robb (: 00:59

Yeah, it sprinkles all day. Something crazy like that. Anyway, I thought we'd get this ball rolling. You sent things today, so you get to say what because the last couple shows we've been really not really planning anything. Me too.

Tina (: 01:12

Yeah.

Tina (: 01:17

No, I was thinking about about subjects and things that are going on in my life, which is normally where I pull from and one of the things that that I was discussing with several people and have had had really good conversation is is what it takes to be honest in a relationship and and being honest and what it takes and and

Robb (: 01:36

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 01:41

And what have they been saying? Let's go with the outside before we go on the inside, because I know me and you will probably have tons of things to say about it, but what are the cousins and friends saying?

Tina (: 01:41

Yeah, so just talking through that with my friends and a couple of cousins and going through my own experiences and I thought that would be a good one for today.

Tina (: 01:59

Yeah.

You know, okay, so women nowadays are basically set up with the mindset that men are gonna lie and they're gonna cheat. And I don't think that that's a fair assessment because I know a lot of really good guys that are waiting for somebody that believes in them so that they can be honest and they can have a good relationship. And I saw you raise your hand. I know you're one of them. But again, I know some really cool people. So I think that that's part of it.

Robb (: 02:10

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 02:30

You got to get around people that could be trustworthy to begin with and and that's one of the things that i'm i'm Sharing with my friends i'm like, come on that guy you're talking about. He was not Truthful from the get and you wanted him to be something he couldn't be and that's not gonna ever work but there are men that want to be honest and want to have a relationship where honesty is a big deal and and I find

Robb (: 02:46

Mm-hmm.

You

Tina (: 02:56

Find most the time that I have these relationships with men I'm friends with Men I'm friends with could tell me anything and you could relate to that like there's been times you've told me stuff and I'm like, shit Rob, but I don't judge you I just how's he gonna get out of this one or or you know, what is what is he gonna do? What's he gonna do next? Cuz you know, I'm all about the story. So I let people be honest with me and without judgment

I think that that is the first building block of having a good relationship where all of my all of my friends that I'm talking to that are single I'm talking about single ones are saying you can't trust them. You can't you can't give them the benefit of the doubt, but you can You know, I believe That you could have any type of relationship with any type of person that you want it depends on how you show up and and

Robb (: 03:38

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 03:49

you

Tina (: 03:50

That's where it starts. It's not starting with the guy that can't be honest if he can't be honest What are you saying to him that's making him think you're gonna judge everything that comes out of his mouth? You know that's and and women are guilty of that women are very guilty of that because they think that That men are all liars and they're just not they're forced to lie to live in the situation that they've been put in with Whatever woman they're with

Robb (: 04:16

Correct. That's a good assessment.

Tina (: 04:18

And that's where it starts. Yeah. So that's where my friends and I all started with was what are we doing or what are they doing or what are us as women doing that's making it hard for men to be honest? Because I think they want to be. I really do.

Robb (: 04:19

I think so too. I mean just by talking to my male friends, even the ones that are married, like can't be utterly honest. And it's...

Tina (: 04:45

No.

Robb (: 04:47

kind of sucky like I listen to the married guys at my work because I'm really the only single person there's one other young guy but besides that and he's never been married so he kind of doesn't count you know what I mean like I think that yeah there's there's always something because look I think men are always waiting to hit the tripwire and set the explosive off and

Tina (: 05:01

Yeah.

Tina (: 05:12

Yeah.

Robb (: 05:16

That's a bigger problem. I think here. Here's the thing with me about being honest Being honest can ruin everything Right, but I also think that it's a building block for everything So your partner is going to decide that it's kind of like this whole thing where? Women will go I want I don't want a bad guy and I don't want narcissists and I don't want this and I don't want that

Tina (: 05:32

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:45

And I want him to be emotional. And the first time that guy is emotional, they go, he's weak. He's a pussy. He, you know, look, he cried, blah, blah, blah. It's like, look, you can't have both. Or you have to have both. So if you want an emotional guy, emotionally there for you and understands and is going to do that, you also have to be there for him. So and if you want the.

Tina (: 05:50

Yeah.

Tina (: 06:09

Absolutely.

Robb (: 06:13

don't want the narcissist asshole, pick the next pick the other one. They're out there. But I also think that that women, women's expectations are so fucking high that that men will don't they're never going to reach them.

Tina (: 06:19

Mm-hmm

Tina (: 06:30

They're not... I don't...

Tina (: 06:36

I don't know that they're high. I think that they're just, um...

Tina (: 06:45

I think they're just too...

They're not realistic. Yeah, I think that okay. So for me because I have I have very close male friends and I've been going through it with a couple of them and listening to them and hearing what they're going through and and having real I always tell people I'm going to be real with you. So if you don't want me to be real you need to tell me right now not to because

Robb (: 06:51

Right, they're outlandish.

Tina (: 07:14

I don't know how to be any other way. But if you want me to be superficial and be agree with you, I got you. I could do that too. So in a couple of them, I'm dealing with a friend that's that's really struggling with his marriage. And I always tell him, why don't you tell her the truth? And he says, I can't. She doesn't want to accept that. That's the first problem. When your partner does not want to accept the truth, you're never going to have

Robb (: 07:27

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 07:44

reconciliation of any sort of Problems that you're having because you have to be able to say the truth whatever it is and the person needs to be able to put their guard down and put their ego aside and Say, you know, he's right. I do do that

And no wonder he can't feel like he could trust me or he can't say something to me. No wonder he's sitting with his friend and having a conversation for four hours over a coffee and he won't sit for 10 minutes with me. And I've actually told women that my friends were with and said, look, I'll tell you why he won't sit with you. It's because every fucking thing that comes out of his mouth, you're telling him he's a liar. He's a cheater. He's manipulative. He's a narcissist. Instead of going.

Robb (: 08:11

you

Tina (: 08:30

I understand what he's saying because he is trying to tell the truth. He is trying to say what he needs. You don't want to hear it. I go, I got it. I'm telling you right now. I know what he needs. He needs you to fuck him a couple of times a week. Can we just start with that? Like, let me be honest with you because he can't. If you're not fucking your husband, I don't know what to tell you, but he's not going to be sticking around for you.

Robb (: 08:31

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:49

all right

Tina (: 08:54

And he's not gonna be having warm loving feelings of support for you. And he's not going to be wanting to pick you up because your car broke down. He just doesn't want to. Because you're an asshole. Every time he tries to talk to you. Now that woman, she doesn't really talk to me anymore, obviously, because she didn't want to hear the truth from him and she sure as hell didn't want to hear it from me.

But when I went back to my friend and I told him what I said, he goes, that's exactly what I'm saying. And I said, yeah, I know I heard you like, but I'm not the one with you. You need to get her to understand that. And I think a lot of it, you know, I, and I hate to say this because I don't like to women bash or men bash, but I think women are being really fucked up to men these days and making it so they can't have an opinion. They can't, they can't have a life. They can't be.

Robb (: 09:26

Right.

Tina (: 09:46

respected enough to be to be trusted women are just dropping the ball on them left and right and it makes me sad

Robb (: 09:56

Yeah, I think there's a razor's edge of everything, right? So

I believe women's expectations are absurdly high or unrealistic. To think that you're not going to settle is crazy. Everyone's going to settle. All of us. In some form or another. Now what you settle for is your own thing. I just think, and again, I'm gonna come from the men's side and...

Tina (: 10:07

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 10:13

in one way, shape or form, yeah, for sure.

Robb (: 10:29

I'm sure get bashed for it, but whatever. Men are simple creatures. We want someone who is going to bring us peace and give us love and attention and be with us whenever we need. I think women want that. Look, chaos comes with everything. If you don't think you're going to get a woman with chaos or you're going to get a man with chaos, you're out of your mind as well.

Tina (: 10:46

and not make life totally chaotic.

Robb (: 10:57

Chaos comes with everything. Yes. Oh, for sure. And I think I think a best friend is the base of any good relationship. But like men. Women and again, I'm going to throw out this and it's not everyone. So bell curve, you know, over six feet, over six figures, you know.

Tina (: 10:57

No, but I mean complete chaos. You know what I mean? You just want somebody who who minimizes the bullshit and is there as your friend.

Tina (: 11:11

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:25

drives a nice car, has a great job, you know, all these things that they have to hit. A man doesn't give a shit what you do for a living. They want you to make, I want you to make me feel a certain way. I want to be loved and I want to love you and I want to do that sort of thing. So I think that the telling the truth part is is even harder for a man because at the end of the day

Tina (: 11:33

Mm-mm.

Robb (: 11:51

We walk on eggshells all the time because I think we look at our woman as everything. Most men and again, Belker, most men are willing to do anything for their mate. If you're in love with someone, you're going to do everything. I heard a great thing about about someone goes, you I heard a man tell his girlfriend at the time.

You want unconditional love and and and they were bickering with each other and I heard a great statement many many months later from I think someone on a podcast or something. It was the greatest thing ever. They said if you're in love with the person it's already unconditional and I thought that that was such a great way of putting it. If you're truly in love with somebody

Tina (: 12:40

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 12:47

And I mean willing to do whatever it is for them. It already is unconditional. There is no conditions. Are there things, are there boundaries? Sure. Do I want my girlfriend going out every weekend with her friends, dolled up to the tee and leave me at home? Of course not. No one wants that. Why? Then I might as well not be in a relationship with you. Now, is there sharing time? Huh?

Tina (: 13:06

Mm-mm.

Tina (: 13:11

And who you dressing up for? And who are you dressing up for?

Robb (: 13:15

Yeah, look I understand girls like attention, but let's not kid ourselves there that's but here's my thing I also want you to dress up like that for me when we're out There's something to that. I'm that guy. I want my girl to look great. I Love that shit. I think it's awesome But you also but I also want my woman to be able to you don't have to be nice to other men I'm sick of that thing too like

Tina (: 13:26

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 13:44

he you know, you post a picture and they say something nice about you and you say, haha, you know, thank you. Why don't don't do that shit? That's the worst thing you can feasibly do.

Tina (: 13:54

No. Well, and that's not okay. So when you get into social media, it's not about being nice. People comment all the time. Whatever you could let them comment. You don't have to thank every single person. And if you are, why are you thanking them? What do you want from them? Because clearly you want the relationship to go a little bit more. I don't I don't social media is not my thing. So I've spent a lot of time screwing with it.

Robb (: 14:10

you

Tina (: 14:21

But when guys that I know come up and they DM me and stuff, I just block it. I was like, wait, is this somebody I know? And then, no, it's not. OK, blocked. It's like it's not a real relationship. It's almost like talking to a movie star. A movie star sends you pictures and stuff. You're not going to believe that they want to talk to you. You just blow them off and move on. Same thing with stuff on social media.

Robb (: 14:42

Right. I agree, but I think men are fishing always. My whole thing is this is that you you have to be you don't have to be nice to anybody.

Tina (: 14:51

Yeah, maybe.

Robb (: 14:57

If you're in a and again, maybe I'm just old fashioned. My whole thing is that you should shut down any man that ever talks to you. Period. And vice versa. I should do exactly the same. A girl walks up to me and says, oh, hey, you know, I think you're cute. The first thing you should say is, nope, I'm good. See you later. Not even that. Nope. I'm all right. I'm going to see my girlfriend now. I'm married. I have a girlfriend. Whatever it is, the fuck you need to say.

Tina (: 15:14

Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. Yeah.

Robb (: 15:23

I think there has to be a line in the sand because we live in a digital world now where everyone thinks they can just swipe to the next person. If you're willing to fight for a relationship you have to do it and to me that's not being you know someone will say that's narcissistic or that's this kind of behavior no that's just me going this is the type of relationship I want to be in. I shouldn't have you have less worries about anything if you're girls like that shut shit down and if you're a man do the same.

Tina (: 15:29

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 15:51

If a girl's flirting with you, you need to put that bitch in check. Period. And if it's in front of your lady, even more. No, no, no, but I just think that it's it's like, look, there's just something about it to me. Like, and look, there's something about being cordial. Like girls are just way more nicer, I think.

Tina (: 15:55

Yep. Yep.

Tina (: 16:00

Well, if it's in front of her, at least you know what she's, you know, she's not trying to hide anything.

Robb (: 16:17

Girls are just nice like he was just he was just being nice. He just said something nice to me awesome You still have to shut that down to me. I just think it's a healthier way of doing things like you don't It's just too easy and men will take any Anything back from that as being she was flirting with me. she wants to might we she wanted to talk to me No, put that shit in check Where I think women I think men will just blow women off like whatever

Tina (: 16:17

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:46

Why? I gotta go. I just think, again, we're different people. But I think that that's also like honesty of a relationship. Being honest is very hard because most people don't want to hear the fucking truth. And for good reason.

Tina (: 16:58

That's true But but they also don't want to be judged and I think that that's the bigger part of it We need to get to a place where we could be honest Like I have a friend that I talk to you all the time and I'll tell him I'm gonna be honest with you But don't don't kill the messenger. Like I didn't you know, I'm not making this up I'm just telling you the flip side and if you want an honest answer I'm the person for you and I'll love you enough to tell you but I'll also tell you in a way that doesn't make you feel like a dumbass

Robb (: 17:13

Mm-hmm. For sure.

Tina (: 17:29

And think that that when women actually do tell men the truth, they they make them feel stupid and there's no need for that. You know, guys don't know what girls know and girls don't know what guys know. We've we've established that. But if you're a friend and you want to be a friend, you tell them you tell them the truth and you say it in such a way that they could accept it and they could they could learn from it. They don't have to be dumb for doing it.

Robb (: 17:43

There's a huge difference between being truthful and hurtful. Huge. Right, and I think that, look, I've...

Tina (: 18:02

Right. And I always say there's there's a way to you could say anything, but there's a way to do it.

Robb (: 18:13

I've listened to way too many podcasts or people or read books now and haven't been able to put all these things into a relationship just because I haven't been in one. Being truthful is hard though because like no one wants to hurt their the person they like or love or are married to. But like I have a friend who I work with we talked about his relationship on here before.

He's in pretty much a sexless relationship. His his mate went and got surgery, got new boobs. I'm sure to feel better about herself, whatever it was. And he's he's made. Said things to me where he was like, yeah, got new boobs, really don't get to see him, don't get to test him.

Tina (: 18:48

Hmm.

Robb (: 19:12

don't get to play with them. And we're men. It's that's what we want to do. I mean, yes, I mean, we could we could argue that fact for a while.

Tina (: 19:17

Not only are you, that's his wife. He's supposed to be attracted to her in that way. He's supposed to want to touch her. He's supposed to want to, to feel that attraction. Men need that in order to feel attracted. So why would she push him to the side unless she got him for somebody else?

Tina (: 19:39

Oh no, it's happening. I talk to women all the time. They're always coming in with their boo jobs and even they want me to feel them. I'm like, I don't want to feel your boobs. You know, so why would they not let their husband come on now?

Robb (: 19:41

Yes. Yeah, I mean, exactly. And like, here's the thing. And then I'll give you the other side of like, the coins of being, you know, you can be honest. And maybe there's some issues with self confidence in that. And it wouldn't shock me.

Tina (: 20:06

No. Nobody has confidence problems when they got a new set. I'm sorry.

Robb (: 20:13

I will disagree with you. I will totally disagree with you. Maybe, I still think that, I've seen people with buried insecurities that no matter what, and they were heavy once and now they're thin and look way better to themselves and

Tina (: 20:16

I don't know. From what I see, I don't see that. They may have had insecurities, but once they get them, they're rocking them like they were born with them. Come on.

Robb (: 20:39

I... They had told me with their last boyfriend that he had never seen her naked. Ever. Now, you know, in the dark, yes, but never like naked. And I was talking to her about that because I'm like... I'm big on that. And I understand that you're not...

happy with yourself or whatever. Like I made a joke. I didn't even make a joke. I said something to her. Obviously, it's the person that I like. And I told her one thing after she had told me that I said the first thing if we ever to have sex, I the first thing is we have to get naked in front of each other. And she was like, you're crazy. And I go, nope. I go, you have to break the mold now. I want to shower with you. I that I've I've been in a shower where someone was covering their boobs because they were still

not confident about themselves. And here I am, I'm butt ass naked, you know, I'm hairy. I just think that everyone does. I mean, look, I'm not, I have no confidence. I wouldn't say that I was confident about myself. I'm just, if, once you decide you're going to have intimate relations, you better get used to being naked with each other. And if I'm...

Tina (: 21:43

Guys are good for that though. Guys are good to get naked and just say, fuck it, this is who I am.

Tina (: 22:04

Yeah, for sure.

Robb (: 22:07

If I'm pushing towards that, if I'm telling you like, I wanna take a shower with you, it's because I wanna touch you in the shower. Because I'm not gonna go in there and wash my fucking hair in nuts and get out. That's just not why I'm in there. And I'm being honest, that's the truth. And I think there is something about sharing that time together. Sharing a shower, even though you are doing your things,

There is still something about sharing a shower. You're going to touch each other. You're going to do whatever. Maybe I'm going to wash your back. Whatever it is. There's something to that's intimacy and people are afraid to talk about intimacy. They won't even want to the truth about that. Men don't tell their their women. Look, I just want you to touch me. No man will do that because most women will tear him down for it or say something about it or you just want to fuck. It's like

Tina (: 22:38

Exactly.

Tina (: 22:48

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 23:02

no. I mean, But there's not. Yes, I don't disagree with that, but what I'm saying is it doesn't always have to be that I'm I'm a I'm a big guy that like when I'm out with who I'm with, I like to touch the the smaller back. You know, I'm big with it. I like to hold hands. I'm if you're short.

Tina (: 23:03

Of course. And what is wrong with that? Like what is wrong? They should want to touch you. They should want to fuck you. Of course.

Robb (: 23:30

I'm probably going to put my hand on the back of your neck and bring you towards me whatever it is I'm a touchy feely guy and it's really hard for me to be around somebody that I like and not do that and and I have been with I went somewhere with somebody where I wanted to and I was afraid to because you want to you don't want to pass a line in the sand there's all other things even though we've passed that line in the sand a bunch of other times before that just that we have this very bizarre relationship

Tina (: 23:40

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 23:59

And I was over her house and got intoxicated not too long ago. And I told the truth. And good. And so did she, which because we were both under the influence. And it's funny because she will tell me that she doesn't like to drink in front of me because we end up doing things that we're not supposed to.

And this time we didn't. And I said, see, it's not always about that. I can control myself. I know what I'm doing. And she goes, yeah, but I generally don't. I go, OK, fair enough. Yeah, but yeah, but it is. But my whole thing is the truth. You don't have look, I've she knows how I feel about her. I don't have to be intoxicated. I'll tell her to her face everything that I told her that night. I just happened to just blah, blah, blah. It was like word vomit.

Tina (: 24:28

Mm.

Tina (: 24:38

So then that's on her, that's not your problem, that's her problem.

Tina (: 24:54

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 24:58

But I think that the truth is hard. I mean, I've been very truthful with this person, probably more than anyone else that I've had relations or I hate to say have a crush on, whatever it is, like, you know, like love. She's my best friend, but I have intimate thoughts about her. there's...

Tina (: 24:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 25:25

So for me, I just think that I've got past that whole thing of not being truthful. I didn't do a lot of that in my marriage and I for sure didn't do it in a lot of relationships growing up. I just bit my tongue and sat down and whatever and was complacent. And this girl makes me not want to be like that. She makes me want to go, nope, this is how I feel. This is where I'm at. This is what I want.

Tina (: 25:48

Yeah Well, and and that's the start of something good though because when you want to tell the truth when you want to like say whatever's on your mind That's that's part of a good relationship. That's the start. That's where you want to go with that You don't want to be with somebody that you can't tell the truth Listen, I got I got I got a friend where I could tell him freaking everything like everything and Rightfully so he tells me back

Robb (: 25:53

No

Tina (: 26:18

and The the rules the rules that we've established are me and you are friends So don't be an asshole because i'll call you an asshole if you're being an asshole, you'll be like, nope You're being an ass. You don't get to talk to me like that. Be honest with me, but don't judge me Don't be like that. So we have so we've gone through this life of Of trying to be really honest. It's not always easy I think i'm a little better at it than he is because he's been in relationships where he has had to

Robb (: 26:28

Fair enough.

Robb (: 26:43

Right.

Tina (: 26:47

Be quiet and suck it up and not say a word just to keep the peace where with me I'm like, no motherfucker. If you're talking to me, you tell me the truth like don't and I'll call him on it. You're lying to me. You're just not you're not telling me the full truth. Tell me what's going on and let's talk about this and through our our friendship.

We have we've gotten really freaking honest with each other, you know to where he could say, you know, she just won't fuck me I don't know what to do and and I go well You've done this long enough that you know that it's not gonna work because it hasn't all this time Take a step back and figure out why? You know and do that like so he could he could just tell me like it is but the rules are I don't

Robb (: 27:24

Right.

Tina (: 27:35

I don't slam him in his relationships or whatever he's doing. He doesn't slam me. We're being friends. We are trying to maneuver through life, being as good to each other and to our mates as possible and just being really honest. And we have a really good relationship. As a matter of fact, people have asked, how come you guys have never dated? And I'm like, nope, I only date one person per group.

Robb (: 27:44

you

Tina (: 28:02

Or, know, or like one family member, like I'm not going there with multiple people in the same, in the same, you know, yeah, not household, but the same world. And and you know what? I think it's OK to do that. I think it's OK to say, you know what? If we if I hadn't dated your brother, if I hadn't dated your friend or whatever, then that would be a totally different story. But yeah, no, I can't do that. You know?

Robb (: 28:09

Household. Right. Yeah.

For sure. Like I can tell you if the girl down the street ever said like, hey, I have a friend that would be good for you. I could never, ever, ever, ever, ever do that. Ever. Not even just that. It just wouldn't be fair to the other person.

Tina (: 28:31

Or don't want to do that. I don't want it to get to that place with him.

Tina (: 28:45

No, and why would you want to? You don't want to ruin their friendship trying to start a relationship that's not really going to work out.

Tina (: 28:56

I agreed. I agree.

Robb (: 28:59

Never it just couldn't be it just because of either internal feelings or And then I don't think see this is where telling the truth would be hard. I could I don't think I could tell another person how I feel about her Because it would just be It would just wouldn't work So why do you think why do think it's so hard for people?

Tina (: 29:01

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 29:16

Yeah.

Tina (: 29:21

I get that.

Tina (: 29:29

because they can't be honest.

Robb (: 29:31

No, but why? what is it? Is it the whole thing of like, if I say something wrong, it's going to end? Because I think that's what it is for men.

Tina (: 29:43

I don't know. don't see for me. Anybody that knows me knows that if we can't be honest, then I definitely I definitely it won't work. It will not work. So I think that most men come to the table wanting to be honest with me, but not knowing how and maybe the way that things come around, they could either do it or they can't. But I always try to tell them, hey, be

Robb (: 30:10

you

Tina (: 30:12

Be honest with me. Just talk to me. Tell me the truth Let me digest it because sometimes it takes a minute to hear that i'm doing something wrong or i'm i'm i'm not Being what they need me to be or or they don't like what I did or whatever Give me a minute to digest it, but don't judge me. Tell me how you felt about it And then allow me allow me to make my own Changes and if you do that with me i'll be

more willing to be honest because it's not about it's not a pass or fail sort of thing it's a give me a minute let me check in with myself let me see how i feel let me see how i could change this or even if i want to and and i'm finding that that's that that's way better communication than what i've done in the past or what i even knew to do in the past

Robb (: 31:05

Mm-hmm. Correct. I just think, okay, the man side, I'll give you the man thing. And this is multiple friends that have told me.

Tina (: 31:06

But first of all, you can't judge the person that you want to be honest. If you want them to be honest, you need to put the judgment away. You need to let them be able to say what they need to say to you.

Robb (: 31:28

The thing is this for men is that they think that if they say one thing too honest their woman will just go the other direction and maybe not in marriage but boyfriend and girlfriends if I say the wrong thing or if I tell the truth on this and I'm talking about like You know things that are big in relationships like you want to get married and I think guys will will step back or

Whatever it is and they'll they'll tiptoe around things instead of telling the truth because they'd rather stay in that relationship because it's a good relationship all but this or all but that I agree with that but what I'm saying is is that better to have the person that you like to be around then Worry about fucking it up. I just I don't think I'll be like that now. I'm just past that

Tina (: 32:06

Yeah, but it's never really all but that. they can't be honest, it's way more than that.

Robb (: 32:25

I just think that that both people that are in that relationship. At the end of the day, if it didn't work out, life goes on. And it always has for all of us. And it always will. So be honest, because I think that the more honest you are, the. The more likely you are to build something that really means something.

Tina (: 32:38

right and it will always will.

Tina (: 32:54

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 32:55

And again, I'm just not a hurtful cuss I The shit I've heard people say to other people is beyond me like That that they say they're big they're being they're not even being honest They're just being shitheads like again talking about people's body parts and how they are and It but to be truthful and say like hey, I would prefer you not do this

Tina (: 33:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 33:22

Or and vice versa. Look, I think if someone comes to you and with real feelings and goes, look, this is hurtful to me. Like, I don't like you talking to this person or I don't like you following these girls on Instagram. I'm just crazy. I guess if I'm in love with someone, if they came to me tomorrow and said, you know, you follow these girls on Instagram, I delete.

everything off of it while she watched me. I don't care. It's not a real life. Real life is way more important to me. And that's being truthful. And and vice versa. If I came to her and said, look, this guy is always fucking commenting, like, put him in check. Like, it's bothering me. I would hope that my spouse, if you're married or my girlfriend, would know enough to go this. This is not a real world. These are just a bunch of guys that are Googling at your picture.

Tina (: 34:22

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 34:22

That's it. I'm the one who really likes you for the inside of you. And the outside is easy to like. It just is. The truthful shit is on the inside. The person who has flaws and you can tell them, I love your flaws. I know you have them. That's truthful shit. No one says that anymore either. So many people are so wound up in just being like,

If I tell them that they're fucked up, they're gonna be mad. It's like no I get it You are you're fucked up. We all are but I love that about you. I'm okay with that. I told her one day I Don't want to fix you. I just want to be on the trip with you when you fix yourself There's a difference and that to me that's truthful and she said some shit to me. That's very truthful that Borderline hurt me but was true

Tina (: 35:06

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:19

She wasn't trying to hurt me. She was just like, this is this. It's like, yeah. So, I mean, I have a magnet on my refrigerator and some stickers I had made. And it just says, I say dumb shit because I say dumb shit. And I know it. And it's got me in a lot of trouble with her. so now I...

I have these stickers in my magnet and so I can remember like before you say things sometimes you should think because sometimes I don't. But the truth part is that is that I just it it spurts out. So I think more people need to. Really think about the relationship they're in. And step back and go if the truth is going to hurt them so much that they don't want to be with me.

They shouldn't be with me. Right.

Tina (: 36:18

And if the hurt the truth is going to hurt them so much that they have a problem receiving the truth. They're not really for you either. Like it's got to be somebody that's when you're in a relationship, you're going to be vulnerable. You have to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is what's going to happen when you're in a relationship, because if you do something wrong, the other person is going to call you out on it. You're going to have to be vulnerable. Shit happens. But what you want to look for is somebody to say, hey,

I really don't like that you did that, but that's not going to pick at you and make you wrong every time you do something. It's like, okay, again, I don't like that. Please don't do that. And and then let it go. It's it's nobody. Nobody on this earth is perfect. And I think we're more fucked up today than we've ever been in relationships. So so you have to give the person that you're with a break. You have to love them enough to say, OK, they messed up. I'm not saying cheating on you and doing stuff like that, like

Robb (: 36:54

Mm-hmm

Robb (: 37:07

Absolutely. No.

correct

Tina (: 37:17

That's way past what I'm talking about. But when you're talking and somebody says something to you and you don't like what they said, you need to look at yourself and say, why don't I like it? And most of the time you don't like it because it's true. And then if it's true, you have to deal with you. You have to look at yourself and say, why is that such a bother? I've gotten to the point, I think age does this too, where it's like, yeah, well, I'm not always a perfect person, so fuck it. But...

At the same time, I don't try to hurt people and I don't try to put in into, you know, I don't I don't pick on them for having their opinions. Everybody's got them. And the people that don't judge me get to hear more stories than the people that do.

Robb (: 38:01

I think it's about meeting in the middle, right? I don't...

Tina (: 38:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 38:09

What I, in a perfect world, yes, you guys would never argue and you'd never fight and you would never do any of this. It's just, but it's also not real, right? Well, I'll tell you, because I did it for 11 years in my marriage. We never fought. Never.

Tina (: 38:15

That's boring though.

Yeah, it's boring. It's your, what are you really holding back in order to have this quiet in your world?

Robb (: 38:36

And I think that was a huge problem. That I just sat on things and went, whatever, makes her happy. Even though it might not have made me happy. And, and again, I look, I have no problem saying my divorce is probably a lot of my fault. So which is most people also won't tell the truth about.

Tina (: 38:40

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 38:51

There you go.

Robb (: 39:03

But I'm also, think going into whatever I get into next, there has to be some kind of, know, hey, this is what I'm looking for. This is what I want. Here's our boundaries for each other outside the house. Like, don't do this, don't do that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that because then there's no, no one's getting

Hurt if you know the if you know the rules and I mean that in the nicest way possible If you know the ground rules of each other, I don't want to hurt my mate No, and if I'm in love with her nothing is worth hurting her over There's no piece of ass. It's going to be better than her Correct

Tina (: 39:32

No questioning it.

Tina (: 39:48

Mm-mm.

Tina (: 39:52

No, because the piece of ass isn't offering to be with you when life gets messy. The piece of ass isn't gonna be there when you're sick or when you lose your job or when a parent dies or when your kid's in a car accident. The piece of ass doesn't do that. And so you're already accepting less than what you've got. Because you've got somebody at home that's...

Robb (: 40:21

No. Right, and generally, and I'm going to say this

Tina (: 40:22

that basically said I'll take all of that crap.

Robb (: 40:29

Because I think women are just more I mean both of us I Guarantee you that what you think the piece of ass is gonna give you your mate at home is already freaky enough You're just You either have got bored of it or haven't talked about what you're both into That's the other here. There's another whole fucking 45 minutes of of truthfulness what you're into sexually

What you're willing do you know what I mean like we could do a whole nother pot on that because I think a lot of people don't talk about that and And that's what I think also ruins a relationship not being truthful about that But you can be I mean your mate Should make you want to be a better person? Or them

Tina (: 41:10

then let's do it.

Yeah, for sure.

Tina (: 41:25

Absolutely.

Robb (: 41:26

And for you, you know, I don't I want The person I like makes me right now want to be a better man but also I feel that I feel that she makes me like really Feel that way like I feel like when I'm around her like I just feel like a different person and I hope that she feels the same way

Tina (: 41:37

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 41:54

And I think that if you're both not feeling that way, you need to come to the middle and be truthful about it. I guarantee you nine times out of. No, I agree. what I'm saying is is that, look, and I'm talking time. Time will falter relationships. So you're right. In the first two years, three years, four years.

Tina (: 42:00

Well, then it's also the wrong person because the right person should make you feel like you want to be a better person. Always, always, always, always.

Tina (: 42:14

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 42:20

Things better be really good. That's still the honeymoon stage to me. I'm talking like a 10 year marriage or, you know, I've seen relationships die in six months and they were there for two and a half years, which is fucking absurd to me. I told my friend down there, look, we should date. We should try this. And there's issues with that or, you know, on either side or her side or whatever. I said, I'd rather date you for three months.

Tina (: 42:25

I agree.

Tina (: 42:35

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 42:50

and try this out and when you come to me and say it's just not for me at least I can walk away with my head high. People at and and it was and she did say something funny because we both are very similar in ourselves. She goes neither of us are going to do that because we're both people pleasers and we'll stay in a relationship way too long. And I said look you might be right to a certain degree.

Tina (: 42:57

Now you tried it. But the what ifs are gonna not gonna ever get you where you need to be ever if you're always afraid to try.

Robb (: 43:20

But I think that we're both different now as we get older. If I'm not happy, I don't want to be in a relationship. And like I said, like she is my best friend only because I see her so much. I feel like I can tell her anything. I don't want to lose that either. But I also think it's worth losing if I. I think.

there's more to what we are anyway so it's worth gambling my friendship with her to see if there's a future yeah yeah

Tina (: 43:56

Well, and if you don't gamble it, that's gonna end it also. Because you guys are gonna get tired of doing what you're doing or you're gonna go try to gamble with somebody else. Lost opportunities will always leave you going, what if? Taking the opportunity and fucking it up royally, well, at least I knew. You know what I mean?

Robb (: 44:18

Yeah, I mean I went on a date with a couple dates with somebody. Cute girl, really nice. I told my friend, I told her, said yeah, and she's like yeah, yeah, yeah, and I said it was awesome. I had a good time with her. Like nothing more than that. Just, you know, dinners. But I said at the end of the day she's not you. And that's the hard part. Like.

You know, it was fun and and I think I've already been ghosted. So like it's either a whole that's a whole other thing. So the dating world is so difficult now. That probably comes off. Yeah, I agree. I'm sure that. Probably you're probably true, probably right. But I don't know, I just think that there's so many things and I wish I had an answer of why it's so hard for.

Tina (: 44:53

Well, if you're not ready to be with somebody else.

Yeah, she's going to notice that.

Yeah.

Robb (: 45:11

People in general to just not be truthful it and I know like no one wants to get hurt but at the end of the day being hurt a little bit and knowing the truth is much better than it going on and on and on for a long period of time and and at the end of ten years you realize that you haven't been happy in seven or eight like fuck like

and it's so many years wasted when you thought it could be something. Or you could have fixed it after two years when things started going awry but no one wanted to tell the truth. Yeah, you're slowly going to...

Tina (: 45:57

See that's the thing if you're not honest, you're never gonna get what you want. It's just not gonna happen

Tina (: 46:06

you're burying yourself.

Robb (: 46:07

Yeah, and it's breaking. There's just small chips always coming out of that concrete and sooner or later you can't patch it. And I think the truth will patch things. Or it'll stop the things that aren't real so everybody isn't gonna get hurt 10 years later. Yeah, because it comes with that. just, I don't know, I think that...

Tina (: 46:11

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:26

Yeah, so everybody's on the same page.

Robb (: 46:33

Both sides have their issues and if you're let's say you're starting a relationship I think the truthfulness has to begin from day one You have to set a boundary say what you want date with intention Yeah, or or intentions like I think there is something about like men I think in general

Tina (: 46:44

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:48

Yeah, you definitely don't want to start with making bad choices from the get. You're setting yourself up for failure.

Robb (: 47:02

don't date with intention. I don't think. think modern dating, women again, have these such high expectations. I think dudes now are just dating to bang and then they're dropping it to the next one. Totally. Yeah, it's, so I understand.

Tina (: 47:04

Hmm.

Tina (: 47:16

Yeah, cause they don't want to deal with the bullshit. I'm so with them cause in the dating scene, I don't want to deal with it either.

Robb (: 47:26

I think if you're dating with intention, I think the older you get, I hope you're dating with intention. If you're still 50 out there trying to bang chicks and that's all you're doing, you are gonna have a horrible life. You just are. But if you are dating with intention, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. To me, and if it shocks you at 50 that the guy who goes, hey, I really only wanna date you because I want you to be my wife. If you're shocked at that at 50,

Tina (: 47:32

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 47:38

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 47:55

there's probably bigger problems. But you know what I mean? Like to me that's the craziness of this. If being so truthful is a bad thing, I think that there's much larger problems. Because if you're saying how you feel, and again I don't mean like after date one. I mean after a couple of months.

Tina (: 47:57

And they start with you, not the guy you're dating.

yeah, for sure.

Tina (: 48:13

Absolutely.

Robb (: 48:22

But I do think if someone asks you on the first date if a girl asked me on the first date like hey What are your intentions? I would go my long-term intention as a man me being me is to be married again Yes, if you'd be a good fit for that if if you know the person a long time like I do I told her to her face like I Want you to be my wife. That's my intention. My intention is just that

Tina (: 48:35

And the short terms are to get to know you to see if you would possibly be a good person to fit that role. Yeah.

Robb (: 48:52

I because I I know her along for a long time. So I think that there is something way more there. So. But man, I think now will that's the biggest lie. The biggest lie is, hey, I want to be in a relationship and they get what they want and they jump out. And what do you think the big lie is for women? If I would ask you, what do you think the because that's the biggest lie mental.

Tina (: 49:04

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 49:09

Yep.

Robb (: 49:20

I want a relationship. Yeah, what do you think they tell? What's the biggest lie a woman tells? When it comes to relationships. Right. I'll go with that.

Tina (: 49:21

What's the biggest lie for women?

Tina (: 49:28

That's a good question. You hit me with one. Basically that they're okay just seeing where it goes when they want more. Yeah.

So I think the truth is start telling the truth start knowing what you want start being the person you want the other person in your life to be and Quit judging each other for being honest and start working on the problems because if it's pissing you off that he said something Probably means that something you need to work on

Robb (: 50:04

Yeah, I think the biggest lie women tell is I want a good man. Until they get one.

than they don't know what to do. Yeah, and look, and I don't mean it that way. I just think that, look, I think women generally like bad boys. It's a stigma for a reason. And I think that's why if you look at movies, men like submissive, feminine women. Because it's been in our DNA for...

Tina (: 50:13

Because then it shows all their flaws too.

Robb (: 50:41

hundreds and thousands of years. Just be honest. You save so much time and pain being honest that at the end of the day it's better. Yeah and I think you wreck yourself less. You know if you if you're in it to win it say it.

Tina (: 50:45

Yep, you're right. Please.

Tina (: 50:57

And you you wreck less people. You wreck less people that way.

Mm-hmm. agree.

Robb (: 51:11

And realize that people will love you for who you are regardless if you're just honest. And then you can go on to the person that you're supposed to be with. Amen. And 51 minutes later, we're outta here. Hey, any last words?

Tina (: 51:21

And if they don't, you're with the wrong people.

Tina (: 51:28

Amen.

Tina (: 51:33

Hey!

Be good to yourself and start telling the truth. And if people don't like it, they'll get used to it or you'll find people that do enjoy it.

Robb (: 51:44

Correct. My last word is this. If you tell the truth and the people around you don't like it, it's not your fault. Yeah. So don't be afraid to tell the truth. The people around you will fall in line or fall out. All right. Check us out on all these social media platforms. I'm doing better now and I don't think they're going to

Tina (: 51:51

Yeah, the truth always holds its own. Yep.

Tina (: 52:01

Exactly.

Robb (: 52:09

Terrace off and I'll get in trouble anymore. Also start sharing this share it with everybody. We're on every podcasting platform you can feasibly think of and for some reason last week we were all over Europe. I sent you that picture that one day and it was like. Like France, Italy, UK, Ireland like everywhere last week so somebody sharing so keep doing it and.

Tina (: 52:24

Hey.

Tina (: 52:33

Yeah, it was pretty crazy.

Robb (: 52:37

Well, it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday and check us out. For Tina, I'm Rob. We will see you in a week.

Tina (: 52:47

See ya.