EP # 177 Understanding non-sexual intimacy and its importance for a future.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Wisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina (: 00:06

I'm hanging in there Rob, how you doing?

Robb (: 00:08

you know, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. You know how life is with me.

Tina (: 00:11

Yeah. Yeah, I like that we keep our intros totally vague and, you know, don't go into it.

Robb (: 00:17

Yeah, always, you know, always a roller coaster, but I

Tina (: 00:22

You want to hear something stupid I'm doing?

Robb (: 00:25

Always. You want to hear something stupid I'm always doing?

Tina (: 00:28

I would love to. So, okay, so I've been on TikTok and I saw these little freaking, I don't know if you can see this, they're little baby Jesuses. Not baby Jesuses, they're just tiny Jesuses. Yes, and he wears a banner that says, Jesus loves you. And I don't know why I saw these and I thought they were extremely funny. Like, I just want to put them everywhere and see what people do when they see them. And,

Robb (: 00:37

I see him. A small version of Jesus.

Tina (: 00:54

So I bought like 75 off of TikTok and I've been putting them around my friend's houses and nobody knows it's me, but like, you know, it's kind of funny cause they do know it's me. Cause I'm the only one crazy enough to do something like this, but none of my people are really, are really, religious because of being native. So I just think it's humorous. So I've been putting these little baby Jesuses around and having a good time with them. And now like every time I turn around, I'm like holding baby Jesuses in my.

pocket because I'm putting them in crazy places for my family and friends just so that they they see something after I leave their house or I put one in my friend's cigarette case and she thought it was an extra lighter and she pulled it out and started cracking up like I don't know why these things are making me happy but I'm

Robb (: 01:33

Very cool.

Robb (: 01:43

And you got 75 for $1.15 on TikTok.

Tina (: 01:47

I got 75, I don't even know what I paid for them, but it's been worth every penny.

Robb (: 01:51

Awesome. Next time I'm around there, I'll have to pick up some. They're not baby Jesuses. They're just small versions of Jesus.

Tina (: 01:57

little tiny Jesuses and it says Jesus loves you. just think it's funny because I always say what would Jesus do or or my god I need Jesus because I'm doing something stupid or you know so right so it's kind of fun to have these little dolls I'm like hey little doll that's what I'm doing.

Robb (: 02:02

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 02:07

These days, I spend a lot of time.

Robb (: 02:13

Yeah, was telling my friend down the street, I think in the last five months, I've prayed more than I have my whole life. Just life is crazy. Yeah. You know, but you know, she said something to me that I thought was really good and I'm doing my best to take it exactly the way it is. She said, you know, praying is great, but Jesus isn't a genie.

Tina (: 02:20

Welcome to my world.

Tina (: 02:39

All right.

Robb (: 02:42

said that I understand. So sometimes we get what we want and sometimes we don't or sometimes Jesus has to show us a different way to get that same thing.

Tina (: 02:44

It's very true.

Tina (: 02:53

You know what I know, you know what I know, there's been things in my life that I wanted more than anything and it didn't work out. And I was always told by like people that were older than me, you don't know what you're being spared. And if you live long enough, you'll see what you're being spared. You know, you just give it some time. And I really do take that to heart. And I try to remember that. Not that it makes not getting what I want any easier.

Robb (: 03:09

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 03:19

It just shows me that there's just something different and maybe better coming. So I kind of go with that route.

Robb (: 03:24

Correct.

I also, although I've had someone go, you know, I've prayed and I'm just waiting for Jesus to show me. And I said, maybe they already have and you're just ignoring it.

Tina (: 03:36

Yeah, there's a lot of stories about how I sent you this you didn't want that so I sent you this you didn't want that I sent you this like what more do want to you know?

Robb (: 03:44

And so yeah, sooner or later, you got to take what Jesus has given you, even though you may think it's not the right thing. Or, you know what I mean? Or no, but you might not. You might see it as something that it's not. And you're fighting this thing. And you shouldn't because maybe the whole point is, is that Jesus is sending you something that isn't like the rest. Pick it up. And, and I think that that's how I feel about some things. Like I think, look, I

Tina (: 03:48

Exactly.

But it is the right thing.

Tina (: 04:00

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 04:04

It's right there, just pick it up. Pick it up.

Robb (: 04:14

I shouldn't be in a place and I shouldn't have met this person and I shouldn't have done this. This is God just telling me like, yeah, this is what you should have been doing the whole time and you shouldn't have ignored it. so today I was going through, I believe, Instagram because I fuck off at work all the time. And it's OK.

Tina (: 04:26

Well, maybe. Right?

Tina (: 04:39

don't say that.

They know.

Robb (: 04:43

So I thought this was a very interesting thing. was non-sexual intimacy ideas. I have a buddy at work who's just having lots of problems at home with intimacy. Lots of them. Like, bad. So...

Tina (: 04:51

Mmm.

Robb (: 05:01

This one I saw and I wanted to kind of go down the line and it's only 18 of them and I thought, hey, let's talk about this like real world applications because I think a lot of people don't understand the small intimacies that are non-sexual that mean the world. And I'm going to just tell you from the guy's point of view, we need lots of intimacy. More than people think.

Tina (: 05:22

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 05:28

Catch ya.

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:31

putting your fingers through a guy's hair, rubbing his neck when he's driving, when you're sitting next to each other at a place, putting your hand like on his thigh, it's there's, there's a lot that goes a long way for us. And we're touchy feely. like most guys want to be touching their woman. I, that's just a fact. And if, if you're with a guy who isn't doing that, there's probably a bigger problem.

Tina (: 05:48

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 05:59

Right?

Robb (: 06:01

So I thought these were kind of interesting. We'll go down the line. The first one I'll do, but it's kind of a no brainer because look, this one says hold hands while taking a walk, a simple walk and holding hands. I think holding hands for me is huge. It's a huge thing. I know it can't always be done.

But I think that it's one of those things that's super important, super duper important. Whether you're walking, sitting, you know, whatever. It's just such a great form of showing togetherness.

Tina (: 06:34

Mm-hmm. agree.

Tina (: 06:47

Absolutely.

Robb (: 06:49

And I think that it's probably a lost art with a lot of people Although I see it with my kid and his girl and I'm kind of proud of that that it's They do it all the time. So when he gets out of the car The first thing he does is grab her hand to take her wherever they're I'm a big proponent of it. Like mostly if you're like at a place where there's a lot of people I'm I want to be able to

Tina (: 07:01

Hmm.

Tina (: 07:06

Hmm.

Tina (: 07:12

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:16

Grab your hand, put you behind me and let me barrel through the crowd. You just follow the big guy in front and I'll get us where we need to go. So, yeah.

Tina (: 07:24

Right?

I like that. I like to hold hands in the car. That's one of my favorites. It is.

Robb (: 07:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's important. I think it, again, it shows togetherness even though it's a simple act.

Tina (: 07:42

Well, it's also like if you're in the car and you're holding hands, it's also a very intimate thing because normally how many people are in the car with you? So it's a time that you're with whoever you're with and you could do that and you could, you know, use that time to make them feel good. And it doesn't take any extra time out of your day. It doesn't take any extra thought. You know, just hold my hand. Piece of cake. None. You gotta put your hand somewhere when you're in the car anyway.

Robb (: 08:06

and not a lot of effort. You know? Yeah, I'm a big proponent for me, like I'll hold hands in the car if you know, but I usually put my hand on the inner thigh. I'm that kind of guy. So I'll put my right hand and drive with my left and you know, mostly these days where people are, know, still, I'm not a big proponent of being on my phone at all anymore if I'm with.

Tina (: 08:21

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 08:27

That's good too.

Tina (: 08:34

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:35

person that I like I do my best to put it away but we live in a weird world so all right you want to read number two

Tina (: 08:45

Number two is watching the sunrise or sun set together. Sun, shun shit. Shun shit. I like doing that. had breakfast with my friend the other morning and we went super freaking early just because of schedules and being able to make time and birthdays and stuff. We were just trying to find a time we could do it. And so we did it before work and we saw the sunrise together.

Robb (: 08:51

sunshine.

Tina (: 09:15

And I thought that's kind of a cool thing because I don't ever really get up early to watch a sunrise and sunsets. I'm so busy trying to get home, trying to make dinner, trying to do whatever I'm doing that I often don't get to see them. But it was nice to to catch that the other morning. It's good.

Robb (: 09:34

I really enjoy this. Sunsets, think, are easier, assuming that like it's a weekend, most people sleep in. I, you know, I used to live over by the water or near the beach. So I would go to watch the sunset alone and take my camera and just take pictures. So.

Tina (: 09:45

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 09:59

Absolutely.

Robb (: 10:00

But how many couples were there at the beach was absurd. yeah, tons. And it was was in Ventura. And so there was always, you know, there's a pier there. So like people were on the pier. But I don't think I've seen many sunrises doing it purposely with somebody like I've, you know, when I was with people and you're driving in the car or

Tina (: 10:06

Really? That's cool. Yeah.

Tina (: 10:24

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 10:29

you know, even when with my ex wife, we were going somewhere, but not like a purpose, purposely having a sunrise together. That is on one of my to do lists. Yeah, just.

Tina (: 10:40

I'll getcha. It wasn't that we did it purposely. We did it over eating a bagel. We were sitting out in front of the bagel place and we got to watch that and it was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful.

Robb (: 10:49

Right.

Robb (: 10:53

Yeah, but I think there's something about doing it with someone and being intimate like sharing a sunrise together generally means you spent the night with each other. You know what I mean? So there's something about

Tina (: 11:02

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 11:07

Yes.

Robb (: 11:11

You know, even if you're on the front porch watching it come up with a cup of coffee and enjoying it with each other, there's something, there is a bit of intimacy knowing, hey, we just spent the night together and that meant something and so does this. And maybe you're going to start the day to do something else. So there's, you know, there's something with that. Let's see. Number three, taking a road trip and exploring new places.

Tina (: 11:25

Right.

Tina (: 11:38

I do that all the time.

Robb (: 11:40

I think that's great if you can, even if it's something small, if you're

Tina (: 11:45

Mm-hmm, even if it's with a friend, it doesn't have to be like a romantic partner either It the more intimate you get in all of your relationships the better they are and I find that taking a road trip and going somewhere I haven't been is is always like fun and exciting and and new so I like to do that

Robb (: 12:06

Yeah, I think I'll give you both sides of it. think a road trip with a friend can be mostly if it's like a buddy, like a real like, you know, a friend friend. I think it's just fun because you can talk shit and like I mean, an old friend of mine did a Vegas trip. That was five days of debauchery and drinking the whole time and but the drives there and back were just fun. Like it was just a fun thing.

Tina (: 12:18

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 12:36

I think an intimate trip is, is again, there's something about your packing up to go on an adventure with somebody that you want to spend lots of time with.

Tina (: 12:49

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 12:50

So the trip there, you're talking about what you're going to do. You get there and there's a hotel room and you're enjoying that part and you're opening the windows and looking out. There's, there's a lot to go with that. And of course, if you're in a new city or a new town, you are going to go explore it and go to the downtown and, you know, do silly things like look for trinkets at the local, you know, shop and rob or whatever. So I think that that's, these are.

Tina (: 13:08

True.

Robb (: 13:20

These so far are really good things that these kind of low non touching intimacy turns out to have fun intimacy later on. Mostly a trip, you know. Yeah.

Tina (: 13:31

of course, it should, or you're doing it wrong. Then there's number four, going for a long drive and having deep conversations. We kind of went over that with the road trip and going to new places.

Robb (: 13:42

Yeah, I think that sometimes if this is a good maybe argument solver, where you can't get away and you have to have a deep conversation.

Tina (: 13:54

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 14:00

I had a friend, boyfriend, way back in the day. We were good friends and we would, he was always stressed out. He had lost his mom. He had to come from another state and live here and he didn't know anybody. And we met and from the day we met, we were just inseparable, dating or not. Went on for years, but the only time I could get him to have a conversation with me was when I put him in the car and we went for a drive and had a cigarette.

And we did that every day for a couple of years. And I found that the longer I just sat there with him and talked and joked and listened, we got so close. I mean, super close. Went and visited, still visit the family, you know, years and years and years later, like 35 years later. But yeah, he couldn't get out of the car. And so when I'd ask him a question and I didn't pry,

hard, but I did pray because you know how I am. And it kind of put him back together. And not only did it put him back together, but it let me see a different way of thinking and going through things as well. So I learned so much. And we do have a good relationship because of that.

Robb (: 15:16

I think some of the best conversations I've ever had have been in the front seat of a car.

Tina (: 15:21

Mm-hmm I'd say the ones that I had in the backseat the car were way better than the ones I had in the front seat But still pretty good Yeah

Robb (: 15:29

Yeah, well those because those turned into something way different in the back seat of a car. Although I will tell you that I've had some of those in the front seat of a car. That driver tell you the story. I think I did some on one of the pods of getting caught at a park. I was so good, so good. I'm here. I have to talk to her about that. That was such a. Fun time and.

Tina (: 15:33

That's a different situation.

Tina (: 15:39

Yeah.

Robb (: 15:54

She was so freaked out and I couldn't stop laughing trying to button my pants up. It was an amazing adventure that day. my God.

Tina (: 15:57

You

Tina (: 16:03

I think we all go through having those. know mine was in the front seat of a car on top of recita hill and the cop like knocked on the window and I was like, my God, I'm so embarrassed.

Robb (: 16:13

This was during the daytime at a park not too far from where I live right now. And it was in my 40s. So, man, that was such a good day. So fun. I'm gonna have to talk to her about that. We should revisit the park. It's right up the street.

Tina (: 16:16

You

That's awesome.

Yeah?

Tina (: 16:29

Car fun is fun, that's all I'm going to say.

Tina (: 16:36

There you go.

Robb (: 16:38

here's here's one for you, which I think is awesome for everybody. And this is probably one the most intimate things ever is sharing childhood memories and stories.

Robb (: 16:51

I think that those you can't get any more intimate about talking about your childhood and family and things you either struggled with or things that made you happy and and

You know, I think I've talked about it on here before, but I don't really remember many things before I was eight years old. And that's when my parents got divorced. And I'm sure that there's some kind of mental block that I've done for myself. But the things I do remember, I like to share and I've shared with, I'm sure you at some point and several other people that I've been with or dated my ex-wife and my friend down the street. There's this, those are things that

Tina (: 17:16

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 17:22

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 17:40

that we were so much more innocent and happy and there was no stress. Even when there was stress that we thought there was, there really wasn't. High school was stressful, but fuck, it wasn't stressful.

Tina (: 17:55

Right.

Tina (: 18:00

It was stressful for where we were at the time though.

Robb (: 18:02

Right. No, I agree. I'm not saying the stress level wasn't there, but when you really think about it, it's like, man, wouldn't you love to go back?

Tina (: 18:11

We were worrying about bullshit.

Robb (: 18:14

Yeah, we're, you know, we're worried about relationships that were simple.

Tina (: 18:21

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:22

I don't know. Okay, number six.

Tina (: 18:25

Number six is doing yoga or meditating together. You know what I've found that is super intimate and it's not quite meditating or doing yoga. I found that praying with someone has been very intimate. Like just when things are really hard or whatever and you're like, want to say a quick prayer? You get through this? Yeah, I want to do that. I found that that's made me closer to people that I've prayed with.

Robb (: 18:55

I could totally see that. I could totally see that. I mean, I probably would and could. feel my belief system and how I feel about things, still feel very...

Tina (: 18:57

Yeah.

Robb (: 19:13

I don't want to discarded because I don't want... I mean, because my belief system is totally kind of flip-flopped and like, I don't want people to think like, you know, he's just doing it because of this or he's just doing that because of that. Mostly because, you know, I've talked about my friend down the street really kind of opened me up to certain things. And I was already questioning things because of stuff that I saw or felt or...

Tina (: 19:15

embarrassed, Yeah.

Robb (: 19:43

so like I'm very guarded about like what I say. but I'm much more open about saying what I believe in now and that, you know, I think my belief in God is open me up to like having much more, thought provoking and, and just how I feel about life in general. So, but I could totally see that.

Tina (: 19:50

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 20:03

Mm-hmm and It'll morph and it'll morph and it'll change and it'll become bigger and smaller at different times in your life, too That's what that's what having a faith is. It's you know, it's it's growth It's it's looking at things differently than what you would without it. You're getting there. You're right

Robb (: 20:20

All right, this one right here is an interesting thing and I'll kind of go over something that I just did that's similar to this, but it says build something together like furniture or a model. I didn't quite build anything, but I went over my friend down the street and

Tina (: 20:24

You

Robb (: 20:47

She was having issues with her pool. So we wanted to take the filter apart. And I don't know if you've ever taken one of these filters apart, but holy sheep shit. There's a bunch of individual filters in this thing. So we get it undone and we take all these filters off, we hose it and we couldn't get it back together. So of course we YouTube it and...

Tina (: 20:57

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 21:09

You

Robb (: 21:13

She's starting to get frustrated and she's like, fuck it. I'm just going to call the pool guy and he can come over and do it. And then, you know, me, I'm like, this thing's not beating me. I don't give a shit. We're fixing this. And we ended up getting it done. And it was funny because afterwards I told her, I go, I would been out here with a flashlight in the dark. And she was like, I would have just gave up and called the pool guy. And I'm like, no. So I think there is something.

Tina (: 21:23

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 21:38

There's something intimate about doing that because it shows your will to do things and to be a team and to, you know, stress together and then not stress together. And I found it very opening to her to like seeing who she was. And once we got it together, she was like, you could see like.

Tina (: 22:06

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 22:07

everything disappear. And I was like, that's perfect. And it was funny. Then we ended up like going inside and she made dinner and that kind of thing. But I think there is something about as that is intimate because you're it was one of those things that we talked about in the in the I think it was like eight dates that you should do. And one of those was like do a team building exercise and do things together because it opens up. You know, being intimate.

long term is working together.

Tina (: 22:39

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 22:41

So yeah, I agree with that.

Tina (: 22:43

Yeah. So number eight is going on a camping trip or enjoying nature. I love camping and it does make you closer. There's something about sitting at a campfire, having a drink, talking, relaxing after being on the go all day. I don't know, camping is one of my things. I enjoy it every time I go.

Robb (: 22:45

Number eight.

Robb (: 23:08

I think it's the ultimate intimacy of letting yourself be you because generally you're walking around with shitty hair, know, unshaven dirty feet. And of course, like most girls have no makeup on hair in a bun. You know, you see real people when you're camping and you're right. I like that. There is something about that.

Tina (: 23:17

dirty feet.

Tina (: 23:28

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 23:34

And again, I think enjoying nature, you end up getting sunsets and sunrises and, you know, you get cool air in the evening that makes you want to cuddle up with each other. you know, there there is something about camping. I agree with you. And then the camaraderie of everybody being together at a campsite is you you learn the person you're with, how they are with other people. You know, and generally how they are when they're super loaded.

Tina (: 23:39

You get a lot of things.

Tina (: 23:59

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 24:04

Right? That's how it is when I go with my friends.

Robb (: 24:05

because that you generally get there. I think number nine is really good. And I think we've talked about this on dating shows, but taking a cooking or baking class together. think that that's I agree. Some I just think that it shows you can laugh at each other. You know what I mean? You can you can see

Tina (: 24:20

think that would be fun.

Robb (: 24:33

And again, I think most guys just aren't the greatest cooks, so you can kind of get that haha with you get to watch your mate do something.

Tina (: 24:41

I know, I think watching a man cook is sexy. I seem to want to choose people that cook because of that reason. And when they do, I'm like, hell yeah, this is hot. Because my ex was not a cook. He did not want to entertain that, barely ever, if at all. And so...

Now I'm like, yeah, no, if they don't cook, don't want them. I want to see my my one of my bucket lists. Ideas is I want to wake up on a Sunday morning and have because I smell breakfast and see whoever I'm with in just an apron. I mean, they can wear, you know, slippers or whatever, but nothing else. Like, I'm not going to die until I see that happen. I'm just not doing it.

Robb (: 25:31

Right.

Robb (: 25:38

I got sent a picture by somebody who they were at a photo shoot doing I don't know what it was for but she ended up she had an apron on and nothing underneath it so yeah I mean I think I know she didn't have anything up top because you can see

Tina (: 25:39

Ahem.

Tina (: 25:50

Nice.

Tina (: 25:56

Yeah.

Robb (: 25:56

You could see her nakedness. So I'm not sure if she walked around with no skivvies on, that's generally not her. But I agree. think there is something about that. I just think that sharing that space, I'm not the greatest cook in the world, but I like to be part. I like to. I want to be part of things with people. That's being intimate. Whether I'm graded or not, let me cut the fucking onion. You know what I mean? Like it.

Tina (: 26:18

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Robb (: 26:24

Let me be part. It's hard to sit at a table and watch someone cook. I've done it a lot in the last eight months because she cooks and when I hang out at her house, she's doing that. So it's hard for me because because being a single guy, I do everything. So for me, it's like it's it's been very difficult. So I do my best to like do the dishes or.

Tina (: 26:44

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 26:51

And she even gets mad at me for that. She's just like, you don't have to do that. I know I don't have to do it. I want to do it. I want to be part of that. I want to show you that I'm not a freeloader. It's a being intimate is very, you know, it's hard for some people to take that. I'm very bad at gifts, like very, very bad. And the last few times I've got something from her.

Tina (: 27:00

Right.

Tina (: 27:05

on with ya.

Robb (: 27:21

I appreciate it more and I see it for what it really is instead of going, don't be a dick. And it's not that I don't like it. I'm just very, I just feel like you don't have to do it because I'm a gift giver. I'm a giver. So it's hard.

Tina (: 27:36

Well if you want people to accept it with open arms you need to knock your shit off.

Robb (: 27:40

I agree. I look and I have. It is, but it's hard because I feel like you don't have to and but then.

Tina (: 27:43

It's that easy. It is.

Tina (: 27:51

Yeah, but you need to take that out of it. Nobody has to and we all know that so let it happen.

Robb (: 27:54

Correct. that's how I've started looking at everything that if you're giving me something, you're doing it out of the goodness of your heart. And I, and I should accept that no matter what, you know, and I don't know, I've heard some really bad stories about like, people giving somebody a shirt and they bitched about it, this guy just bitched and moaned and then and

Tina (: 28:01

Right?

Tina (: 28:05

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:20

when they first got it and then ended up wearing it all the time anyway, but you had to fucking be a dick in the beginning. It's like, if you're giving me a shirt, I'm going to wear it. That's awesome. You're giving me something. It's like, and that's how I look at everything now. If you give me something, I'm going to go, thanks. And I know it was with good intention and with good heart.

Tina (: 28:40

Mm-hmm my cousin got me a shirt For Christmas, and then she ended up giving it to me early It has a saying on it that I always say but she ordered it in a 3t I haven't been a 3t since I was probably 15 months old so I thought that was hysterical But I told her I was gonna find I'm looking for plastic a plastic thing that I could Put it on a wall. You know have it spread out so you could see the what it says because it was funny it was

Robb (: 28:56

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 29:09

But we laughed and laughed and I didn't get mad at her for getting me the wrong size. I just thought it was funny.

Robb (: 29:15

Right. All right. Number 10 there, girly.

Tina (: 29:18

Oh, I thought we did 10. 10, going to a farmer's market or a festival. I don't know if that makes things more intimate for anybody. I've done that with everybody. I don't feel more intimate than.

Robb (: 29:20

No.

Robb (: 29:30

I think that I guess here's my thing. Maybe, you know, once you do it a couple of times, maybe it's not as intimate. I think there is something about walking together and shopping together. Mostly if you're looking for again, if you're cooks, if you're going to cook something, I think there is something about maybe going through the farmer's market and picking out things that you're going to eat for the day. I think it's more just, again, I don't think these are

Tina (: 29:43

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 29:54

Hmm.

Tina (: 29:59

Being together, trying new things.

Robb (: 30:01

Yes, and again, I think this is how to be intimate just in general. It's like, think there is something about sharing time together and putting a meal together and doing something. This can be almost anything that's kind of, think, what they're trying to put over is that, but it's non-sexual intimacy. It's spending time together. It's, you know, completing things together. It's that kind of thing. I think this one is a good one.

Tina (: 30:20

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 30:30

planting a garden or caring for house plants together. I don't know about house plants, but I think a garden is something that's it's fun because you're you're actually having to work and yeah and and making something and

Tina (: 30:43

getting in the dirt and creating a little design.

and having to put care into what you're doing.

Robb (: 30:52

And making sure that it's taken care of and like you said, I think getting dirty, there's something about that even though I'm not a huge fan of Yeah, I...

Tina (: 30:56

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 31:03

Yeah, I don't like to get dirt under my nails. So I always wear when I have to do that sort of thing. I always wear gloves.

Robb (: 31:09

Yeah, I would probably be the same way. And if not, I would have a toothbrush handy after to really get it out of there. But I think there is something about and mostly these days, I think planting a garden is just a great idea. Yeah, think we're we're all we'll all be doing it in a couple of years while I have chickens and gardens.

Tina (: 31:14

Yeah, yeah.

Tina (: 31:24

Right?

Tina (: 31:31

Let's see how that goes, huh? Number 12, creating a vision board or setting goals together. I think as a couple, you should set goals for sure. I don't know about vision boards because I never met anybody that was creative enough to want to do that with me, but I like doing stuff like that. Not that I've ever made one, though.

Robb (: 31:33

Yeah. Number 12.

Robb (: 31:53

Yeah, I don't think I've ever done that. But I think, you know, these days with. You know, Pinterest, maybe, you know, that would be more of a shared thing. You have like a shared Pinterest and you could throw things on there and and kind of go, hey, I saw this or I saw that. And I mean, I I don't know about, you know, a vision board unless it's something of like a real vision of something that you're.

Tina (: 32:06

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 32:22

planning on doing. Yeah, and that could be something that there is. think that there's something to that. But I totally agree with setting goals there. There should be even if it's something small. Setting some kind of goal is good. It's like, hey, let's do this and you get it done and you I've been trying with my friend down the street. she's

Tina (: 32:23

Something that is a couple you want to accomplish maybe? Yeah.

Robb (: 32:50

going through some shit and she's stressed and I've been hounding her and hounding her and hounding her about letting me help her with stuff. She needs to her garage out. She needs and she keeps like going, yes, we'll do it here. We'll do it here. We'll do it. And it's never happening. And I'm, I'm like, I'm to the point where I'm just like, look, I'm going to tell you when we're doing this, like, because it, I know it needs to get done and it's stressed, you know, it's stress related, but

Yeah, there is something about setting some goals. Mostly if you're intimate together, I think there's something to like, hey, we're going to clean out all this shit and get it ready for, you know, this because we're starting a new life. You know, if you you're starting a life together, the first thing you should do is set that goal of we're going to clean out everything we don't need and start fresh for us. You know, there's something to that. Here we go.

Tina (: 33:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 33:31

Goodwill or yeah.

Tina (: 33:45

with you.

Robb (: 33:48

This one's like right up my alley. So going on a photography adventure and capturing moments together. I'm a photographer. I would be, I think that you should catch all the moments you can together because we live in a world of phones. I'm a big proponent of still printing things. So I'm probably one person that you're.

not in a modern thing. I don't like digital frames. I want to print shit and put it on the wall. And I'm a big person of taking pictures. If I'm intimate with somebody or with somebody, I'm probably going to make them my muse and I'm going to want to take pictures of them. I finally had a photo shoot with my friend. And after that, I got kind of and she's not very good with that. And she doesn't like her picture taken. And now I want to just plan photo shoots with her. And she's like,

Tina (: 34:21

Right?

Robb (: 34:47

It's like, you know, very difficult. I've bought her a dress that I want her to wear and she's like, I can't wear that anywhere else. I go, don't care. I want you wearing a photo shoot anyway. It wasn't meant for that. It's not meant for out. It's meant for this. So, but I think sharing memories is huge. You should, you should take pictures together and we live in, we live in the age of social media. You should post them together. Pee-wee should know you're together. We live in a world. It's too easy to, for people to

DM you or get it at you or whatever people should know you're taken and people should know your your Memories together. They don't have to be every fucking day. I think that there's a bit much of taking pictures of your food and posting it But I do think that you should you know You should share memories if you're doing things together. Make sure everyone knows And I mean even within the family like make sure your family knows that you're doing well and

Tina (: 35:27

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:46

If you're with someone that you're in love with, should, they should know how you're doing and see mostly if you're not in the same state. mean, I'm unfortunately, you know, all my family is somewhere else. So the only way to share things with them is via photos. So, but I think there is something about like taking selfies somewhere, you know, before the concert you go to or before or while you're there. And it doesn't, it doesn't have to be shared with everybody. It's nice to just.

Tina (: 36:02

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:15

Keep that memory to yourself so you can look back on it and go, and this was such a fun night we had.

Tina (: 36:20

Right?

Robb (: 36:22

I mean there is something to that. I went to a concert not too long ago and I and I we didn't take any pictures when we were there. It was a really fun show. It a Christian concert and it was just a good time and I kind of regret not taking a picture with her just being there. Just say that we were there like and just for me you know what I mean? But I think that's important. Number 14.

Tina (: 36:46

Yeah.

Tina (: 36:50

Writing and exchanging letters or journals. I like to write letters. I have written several letters to several different people, friends and family and lovers. And it seems like the common denominator and all that is that they want to keep them. So I think there's something good about that. If somebody wants to keep something that you hand wrote, like that's that meant something.

Robb (: 37:11

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 37:19

Yeah, I've, I'm sure there's someone that would tell you that I've written her way too many letters and long ones. Good. mean, long, long ones, like five, six, seven page ones. but I'm also one, I think that, posted on your steering wheel is important. I think little reminders and letters to someone.

Tina (: 37:20

So I like that.

Tina (: 37:35

Bye.

Robb (: 37:48

are important. It's, it's jogging the memory of why you're together. You know, I'm with this person because, yeah, she, she put a fucking note on the lunch on the top of my lunch that reminds me that she was thinking about me. That

Tina (: 38:06

Yeah, I used to do that with my daughter a lot. Put little letters or notes in her her lunch. Even my exes, I did that quite often. It not they were no more than a post at note size, you know, just a quick.

Robb (: 38:13

It means something.

But that's, that's all that matters. If you open your lunch pail and there's a Tupperware in there and your mate wrote, Hey, I hope you have a good day, you know, just thinking about you. That goes a long, long, long way. And I know we live in an, where you can text message all day long. There's still something about that. I think that's a lost art. And if you're getting a lunch, if someone is

willing to get up and make you a breakfast or a lunch and write a note, you better appreciate every fucking minute of it. Because that people don't do that for each other anymore. That is gone. We've ruined each other so much that you don't appreciate the cup of coffee. When when my friend makes me a cup of coffee, it means something to me, even though

Tina (: 38:57

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 39:16

It's we're not in it. It's it does mean something and I appreciate every time she does it. And I and I don't know. I'm she probably doesn't know that I think that way, but there is something to that. There's. There's just something to getting something from somebody that they thought about you. She's made me cups of coffee without me even without even asking me, hey, do you want a cup of coffee? Just oh, hey, I made you a cup of coffee. Oh, fuck, that's awesome. Or.

Tina (: 39:36

Right?

Robb (: 39:45

I got invited over one morning. She's like, Hey, we got these. I made this peach cobbler stuff for the for her grandkids. You want to come over and have some we'll make you a cup of coffee as well. I got in the car drove down there had a fucking plate of this shit brought some home and then left. Like I was there for maybe 20 minutes. But it meant something that I got a call to come over and and have some there's there is something to that.

Okay, having a picnic in a scenic spot and enjoying each other's company. this is old school. I think everyone should do this. Every Blue Moon. You know, we I mean, I don't know how to say it. I'm going to probably butcher it, but it's charcuterie. Is that correct? We live in a world of we live in a world of charcuterie trays. I mean, how you you should be able to throw something in a in a basket and

Tina (: 40:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 40:32

Mm-hmm a charcuterie tree

Tina (: 40:38

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 40:45

And it doesn't don't it doesn't have to be this fucking huge thing. Roll out, put it on the sand at the beach, find somewhere in the mountains to sit down, be there for 20 minutes, enjoy the view and enjoy some fucking ham in a cracker. Like whatever it is. You know what mean? I think there's something to. And again, this is just spending time. It's non intimate. That right there will get you laid.

Robb (: 41:16

You know what I mean? I think there's something to that. when you start looking at these simple things that we can do, you, you see the world differently because it's just easy to do these things that are non intimate that will roll you into something else, Tina. I just think that it's, you know, these are

small things that go a long way.

Tina (: 41:47

Yeah, I get you. I can't believe that they have to write all this down for people to know what the hell to do though. That's kind of blew in my mind.

Robb (: 41:49

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:54

I don't think it's for our generation. I think these are for below us, but I think that these are handy reminders to the old school generation that you should still do them.

Tina (: 41:57

right?

Tina (: 42:09

Mm-hmm, agree.

Robb (: 42:11

Number 16.

Tina (: 42:13

cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. I cuddle on the couch with whoever's sitting there anyway. So I like to sit on the couch and be close and I know that when I was married, I used to rub his feet or put lotion on his feet while he was sitting there. Not that either of us watched the whole movie because it kind of knocked both of us out, but it was kind of a nice time to be together.

Robb (: 42:28

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 42:37

I'm a huge fan of this. You don't have to be fucking in each other's arms either. I could not be with somebody where I sit way far away on a couch and they sit on the other side.

Tina (: 42:42

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 42:50

That's what I used to do with my ex too and I think that that was part of the problem at times. Like we weren't close enough.

Robb (: 42:55

I can't. It would drive me bonkers. I don't have to be all up in your shit either. I don't. I need to be sitting next to you if you want to put your feet against me. I'm a big proponent of rubbing feet in lotion. I think it's just there's something to it. And I'm not even the feet guy. Like feet isn't my thing. I just think that it's it's that's what I mean. It's a stress reliever. And I'm more like I'm also like

Tina (: 43:01

Yeah.

Tina (: 43:15

I just think it feels good. don't care thing not thing. I just think it feels good.

Robb (: 43:25

feet and calves so I would probably rub calves too and mostly if you're dating someone who's on their feet all the time you're gonna you're gonna get brownie points and there's just something about sitting next to each other and sharing a movie together in my case I have to be told to shut the fuck up all the time but

Tina (: 43:32

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 43:46

That would bother me. I'd be like, please, just let me watch this.

Robb (: 43:48

Yeah, and she has told me many times and now I'm I think I'm way better the the times that now that I've hung out with her and we've watched a movie I don't talk unless it's a horror movie we have said that if it's a horror movie we're allowed to because they're just so silly and we both like to go Who the fuck would do this run? But you know, but I think it's important. You should sit next to each other as much as you can

Tina (: 44:01

Mmm.

Tina (: 44:12

with you.

Robb (: 44:16

in an intimate space without having to stick your fingers in each other's orifices.

Tina (: 44:22

What's wrong with that?

Robb (: 44:25

we're talking about this is supposed to be non-sexual.

Tina (: 44:28

Yeah, but if you're doing stuff and you get to number 16, you know.

Robb (: 44:32

Don't get me wrong, you're probably going to end up being in the 69 somewhere else. I think that from the standpoint of, I think if you're sitting on the couch together sharing a movie and other people are around you like family or children, you're teaching them simple things about how to have a good relationship. And I think that that's important picking a mate.

Tina (: 44:37

There you go.

Tina (: 44:57

Absolutely.

Robb (: 45:01

I want to pick a mate that the people around us understand what a healthy relationship is. It's important. Let's see. 17. I got to pick up my phone. can't. Going stargazing or watching a meteor shower? I mean, I think that there's something about watching the stars maybe from your sun roof, you know, parked on a mountainside. I think that

Tina (: 45:08

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 45:13

17

Robb (: 45:30

Or, and I think maybe for people who like us who live in the city, finding a very high point and looking over the city. Do know what I mean? Like I.

Tina (: 45:41

Oh yeah. We used to even go every August, there's meteor showers and we used to go up to Devil's Punch Bowl and put out our camping equipment and have lots of different picnic type of stuff to eat and our drinks and our jackets. And if you sit out there so freaking dark, you'll see meteor showers. Like you'll actually see 16, 17, 18, 19 in an hour or two. I enjoy doing that. We did that quite

Robb (: 46:08

See, that's cool.

Tina (: 46:11

quite a bit. did that more than probably most people for sure. But I like, I like meteor showers.

Robb (: 46:16

Yeah, I don't think I ever have. I just think that like I said, where I live, there's high mountains where you could go and look over the entire city, like all of it kind of like in Recita, there's some high points where you can where you can look. Yeah, where you can look over this all of the valley. There's a very similar place here and maybe maybe like in Chatsworth up there by the rocks.

Tina (: 46:27

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:33

Recita Hill.

Tina (: 46:38

Yeah.

Tina (: 46:45

Mm-hmm, there's lots of places.

Robb (: 46:46

You know you you can look mostly where you're at where I'm at. There's not a ton, but there I think that there is some. Alright, last one 18. I think this is.

Tina (: 46:49

Yeah.

Tina (: 46:53

Gotcha.

Creating a scrapbook or memory book together Memory box I need to put on my glasses because this was really hard to read and I had to make it bigger just to see it

Robb (: 46:59

Memory box. I know we're blind.

Robb (: 47:09

I like this idea. I don't know about a scrapbook because I'm not a scrapbooker, but I think, you know, putting pictures or things in it, I could probably, I shouldn't say that, both of these I could do because I think I'm pretty creative. I have a memory box for someone already. So I think that there's something about keeping pictures or

Tina (: 47:22

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 47:28

Nice.

Robb (: 47:37

Just things that you've done together, even though it might not mean my memory box, assuming that I don't ever date this person, they'll be given when I'm not here anymore. My son has. There's he has, you know, instructions to make sure people get something. But I think there's something to that. There's you can put small memories in a box that

Tina (: 47:41

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 47:52

There you go.

Robb (: 48:07

Look, sooner or later, we're not going to be around. And I used to have, I don't know if I have them anymore, but I had a box for our friend that I dated when I was 18 years old. It had letters and things she gave me. And I remember 20 years later when we met up at your house, I had that box and she about shit or drawers that I had all these things from.

Tina (: 48:21

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 48:34

Hmm.

Robb (: 48:38

our past. So when people mean something to you, I think it's much easier to put all these memories in a box so you can remember them. And I'll tell you that I don't, I've never made another one since her until now. So, and that's counting everyone I've dated, my wife, everything. So there is something about that, that you keep these small things or

Tina (: 48:57

Mmm.

Robb (: 49:08

things that they've given you and I I've that I've put in here or things that that I bought and couldn't give them or didn't or just certain things and and it was nice to 20 years later show her that and and you know how things have changed and how we've changed people and all these things but those memories still existed in my head then you know and

Tina (: 49:11

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 49:36

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 49:37

I think that this is important. And even if you're older, put things together. So even when you're both not around that that box exists for other your children to see and your grandchildren to see and to show that like, look, I think that that happened a lot with our parents and their parents, right? These boxes full of note letters like World War Two letters and

pictures that they sent each other and all these things that got handed down and people got to read letters of their grandparents as they courted each other and there is something about that.

Tina (: 50:16

Mm-hmm. Well that was that was texting back then that's how they did it

Robb (: 50:22

Right. But but you can do it now. There it's OK. I don't want to say it's OK. I just think it's it's. Those are memory boxes. Yeah, yeah, that's very true. You know, well, most you know not to be a dick. Not not to be a dick, but a lot of these women are fucking dating people that you know can't spell. You know most things.

Tina (: 50:30

People don't even know how to write anymore, Rob. Like, let's be honest, they can't even do that, so that may be a lost one. But I like to write.

Tina (: 50:48

There's that too.

Robb (: 50:50

You know, and don't get me wrong, like, you know, we could shit on women and men all day long, but I try my best not to anymore. There's there's such good qualities in people that they don't see. And and I'm just as guilty. I'm sure like I don't think I'm. You know, the world's greatest catch, but I think that I'm a pretty decent guy, so. You if you can get with somebody, make these memories.

Make sure that everyone remembers how your love was. Because maybe you've came from a bunch of shitty relationships and now that you're in a good one, it's time to remember these things. So you can hand that down. Like I said before, I want to make sure that whoever I'm with next, the people around them go, fuck, that's what a healthy relationship is supposed to be. You're going to have issues and you're going to have these bad things and

But these non-intimate things that we're talking about is what's going to keep your relationship strong. And it's gonna lead to sex. And who doesn't like that? You know, after last week's show and we were talking about being honest with people, it's hard. think that, and hearing my friend at work, we're going through a very different time period of people

Tina (: 51:52

Mm-hmm, agree.

Tina (: 51:57

One would hope.

Tina (: 52:15

It's not hard you you when it comes to being honest, there's no there's no hard the what's hard is lying What's hard is is not being honest. What's hard is is Sucking it in and not saying something. So to me when somebody says it's hard to be honest. That's that's I don't I don't buy that

Robb (: 52:25

That's true.

Robb (: 52:37

Well, I mean, I think that if you're if you're being honest with each other and you're doing some of the things we talked about today that are important, I think a lot a lot of the base things we talked about today are pretty important to having non sexual intimacy is going to keep your relationship very strong. And I think being honest about your

Sexual needs are very honest as well.

Tina (: 53:10

You should be honest about everything and you should find a way to do it where your partner will hear you. That's where we have a communication gap. If you're talking to your mate and you're doing it in a way that they are not hearing you, you need to find a different way. And if you find a couple of ways and you try it and they're still not doing it, then you have to see, you don't want to hear me. We have a communication problem because I can only tell you so many different ways.

and you're not doing it or you're not you're not meeting me halfway. We're not getting to to the problem. That's where communication is the problem. You have to you have to communicate. You have to be honest. If you can't be honest with the person you're with, who can you be honest with?

Robb (: 53:57

True, very true. All right, guys, well, let's try these non-intimate things out with your mate and your friends. And I just think it's gonna be better for all of us, you know? Any last words?

Tina (: 54:00

I don't know.

Tina (: 54:11

Yes.

Tina (: 54:15

Have fun. Like if you're with somebody, should be with them to have fun and to enjoy your life together. So do it.

Robb (: 54:23

I totally agree. think that most of these non intimate things we talked about today are some of the cornerstones of having a very fun and very healthy relationship. All right. It's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. Check us out. Please keep sharing. We're I'm seeing an uptick everywhere. So if you enjoy the show, please send it to everyone you know and see if we can't get this ball rolling.

Tina (: 54:34

Yes.

Robb (: 54:53

check us out every Wednesday. We're on every podcasting thing you can think of, but Spotify, Apple are the big ones and, around the, a nation on everything else. until next Wednesday, I'm Rob. That's Tina. You guys have a good day later.

Tina (: 55:09

See ya.