EP # 196 The Loneliness Epidemic, how do we keep from spiraling out of control.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How are you doing, Tina? Yay. You're hanging in there. You're hanging in there. No, but you're hanging in there. That's enough to get applause for. Yeah.

Tina (: 00:07

I am hanging in there Rob, but I am being stretched thin

No, I didn't say I was getting thin I said I was being stretched

Tina (: 00:22

It's a lot. It's a lot. At any given time there are three people in our house that have serious, serious illnesses. My dad just started his chemo today and my cousin is with me, has a bunch of health issues and so does a friend of mine and taking care of them and trying to get this house together and getting ready for the 4th July and trying to work myself. Man, I'm like, I am done. Done.

Robb (: 00:51

Sounds like it. Sounds like you're you're in need of the three day weekend.

Tina (: 00:52

Yeah.

Robb (: 00:57

Yeah, I hear you. I am doing my surgery on the 14th, so I'm going to be in a sling and out of work for a little while. That's kind of scary. That's what you said. That's a...

Tina (: 00:58

It may need a something, but it's more than a three day weekend.

Tina (: 01:09

Yeah.

Tina (: 01:16

Yeah. And that's the day of my mother's 14th anniversary of her passing. Yeah, so that normally right before 4th of July till after that, the energy that I have to gear up is a lot. And it's a hard time to do that because I feel like I'm mourning her death up until the date and then...

Robb (: 01:25

Right, well, let's hope that this year is

Tina (: 01:41

After the date is gone, then there's like a release, that energy that builds has been pretty intense. So it's been a lot.

Robb (: 01:54

Not as bad. But like you said, there's a lot going on in your life. So, you know, I just think that these days it's a day at a time. I'm doing my best. I've told you off air before that I'm starting to have dreams about my surgery. So obviously my subconscious is kicking the shit out of me. And here's the weirder thing. There are people in my dreams that

Tina (: 02:13

Yeah.

Robb (: 02:23

I don't talk much to anymore. And then there's people who I haven't talked to in a long time. And I'm talking like years and years and years. But like, there's a bunch of weird shit going on top of my head. Yeah, it's odd. But yeah.

Tina (: 02:35

Hmm.

Tina (: 02:40

I think that's good though. I think it's good that your body or your brain is processing and trying to get everything ready because that's a big deal and I'm sure being single and having a shoulder surgery is kind of scary like how are you going to get around? What are you going to do? And what are you going to need?

Robb (: 02:40

Yeah, yeah. And my kid's only taking one day off. He's only taking the surgery day off. it's going to be the next day I'm on my own and I

don't know a lot of people in town, so I don't really have a lot of people to lean on. So. Yeah, but I mean, just, you know, if there was something, I mean, look, I if I really, really, really, really have to, I can call somebody tomorrow and I'm sure they would help me. Because, you know, it's not like we don't like each other, so we just don't we just don't talk a lot. So I'm sure if I really had to, if I needed to make a call, they would be there for me. So.

Tina (: 03:14

I could go out.

Tina (: 03:31

Right.

Robb (: 03:40

It's just gonna be a learning curve, know, gotta learn how to wipe my butt. I haven't yet, but I'm shopping for one right now. There's a few things I have to shop for. Here's the other thing. I have no shoes that don't have laces. So I'm gonna go to Walmart and buy a cheap ass pair of slides and a cheap pair of slip-ons.

Tina (: 03:45

Did you get a bidet?

Tina (: 03:57

Tina (04:04.966)

You should go to get some sketchers. have those easy on easy off ones that

Robb (: 04:09

yeah, so I just need something kind of just, you know, look, I'm gonna spend time away from home if I can, you know, besides my physical therapy, just so I don't go loony. You know, that's another thing. And I'm gonna try to read as much as I can. I'm gonna work on the show from a writing standpoint. Yeah, well, yeah, my tattoo will be healed here in another week, so I could.

Tina (: 04:16

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 04:28

You could always go get in our pool too.

Tina (: 04:35

Yeah.

Robb (: 04:36

I'm gonna really work on the show and kind of do some writing and kind of see if we can't get ahead Since we're gonna have some months to you know do some things so But yeah, it's it's I'm sure I'm gonna be lonely because my kid works. It'll just be me and my dog so and speaking that was that was a That was a segue into the show, did like that?

Tina (: 05:01

segue into our

Robb (: 05:05

You know, I've been working on that kind of stuff too. We're gonna talk loneliness. And I think as we get older, that happens. For one, people leave the house. So let's say you're single and or you have a spouse who's passed away or you've just got a divorce.

Tina (: 05:19

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:34

you know, things like of that nature, you end up with a lot of alone time. Where I was talking to you sort of off the air about they think that there's a loneliness epidemic with men. And I'll tell you why or what they think is where

Tina (: 05:52

Hmm.

Robb (: 06:00

Men have a very small group of friend group very small generally of men a very small group of men that are friends with each other, so we have very tight group and then if they end up with Girlfriends or wives or whatever it becomes even harder to see them Where women generally have a much larger friend group

Tina (: 06:05

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:30

So their loneliness is much less. And where women, I think, talk to each other more, like even on the daily, even if it's through, you know, messaging app, texting, whatever it is. Where men, I think, you stay within your little friend group, but you don't get to see them physically enough. So we end up being alone more.

Tina (: 06:58

All right.

Robb (: 07:00

Which is a dangerous thing for men because the suicide rate is so high.

Tina (: 07:13

That kind of blows my mind too because the way we were raised and the way that I see men, they're so strong and they don't need anything. And I don't know when that started or why I think like that, but it's kind of odd talking about it because I never put thought into it. And then when I did, was like, holy crap, I totally dropped the ball on that.

Robb (: 07:17

I think it's because we wear the macho mask. We have to give off the...

Tina (: 07:38

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:44

bravado of being okay and in control and this is why I think when when men take their lives it's a shock to a lot of people because we don't show it to anyone and then we just do it there is a video I don't think I sent it to you but I should have it was it was like four home movies

Tina (: 07:57

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:13

of men who killed themselves and it was within like two or three days of them doing it. And it was like, one of them was really bad. It was a guy by himself, like taking a video with like his birthday, just him alone. There was nobody there. Which that one, you know, I understand I've had a lot of birthdays by myself. But like some of the ones where

It was like a father at a table with young children. Like a normal everyday life and like two days later took his own life. Yeah, so I think with men we end up wearing a very large mask and we don't tell our male friends either. We just do it. Not at all.

Tina (: 08:52

Wow.

Tina (: 09:02

Mm-hmm. That's true. You guys don't talk the way women do by by any means

Robb (: 09:11

I think men who have a lot of female friends will let the mask slip more with them. Because I think that we don't, with the right female friends, we don't feel like we're going to be judged. But I think that that's a very small group within those female friends as well.

Tina (: 09:22

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 09:38

where you don't want to lean too hard on some people because they may think you're weak and say something. So it's a very hit or miss thing for men. It's kind of like where I hear like women will talk about men that they're looking for. Like I want this kind of man and I want him emotionally available and I want this and I want him to talk to me and I want him to do a

Tina (: 09:38

I get you.

Robb (: 10:05

But when we do all that stuff, we get the label of being like a beta male and he's weak and he can't do this and he like, okay, so you want me to be a dick? No, no, no, I don't want you to do that either. I want you kind of in between. Well, there isn't, you know, that's a hard line to walk on for a man. So that's why when we're walking that line and we feel like

Tina (: 10:26

Yeah, for sure.

Robb (: 10:33

We are not appreciated. We just disappear and be lonely. It's very difficult and I'm just telling me from my point of view where I'm lucky, you my son's still at home. I've had him since he was six years old, right? When I got a divorce, I took my son. I've never not had him. Right. So he's very much a cornerstone of my existence.

Tina (: 10:52

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:02

My early days of divorce, you I moved out of state, so I was alone a lot because I didn't know a lot of people in Vegas. But my son has always been the rock, right, of what I had to do and what I, you know, I have to do this, make sure he does this. So he was my driving force of everything. Yeah, well, and since he was little, it's not like he could do it on his own. You know what I mean? Where now...

Tina (: 11:08

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 11:23

to make you live.

Tina (: 11:29

Mm-hmm. He gave you a purpose.

Robb (: 11:32

He gave me a purpose and men need purpose period and it's funny because I think some women will Take Men's liking them as an obsession instead of looking at them like a purpose Where so like

Tina (: 11:55

Explain that.

Robb (: 11:59

Wanting to do everything with them or or making them a very high priority in their life Some people will go you're just obsessed with me. You're obsessive and you know, you can't just make it all about me. You're right but If a man knows he's good with himself and I'm okay and I'm I'm happy It's not an obsession it's you're my purpose in life now

Let's say you don't you know, your children are all out of the house. I'm You can't say that with although I think your mate should be always your secondary purpose even above your children Because because without that your children won't have the cornerstone of having people and that doesn't even mean a Married couple if you're get with somebody and they have kids You know, it should be you guys and then your children

Tina (: 12:41

I agree.

Tina (: 12:58

Well, that's just the way it should be though, because there's a man and a woman. They get together, they raise their kids, kids go off. They're still the man and woman, and that's the way they should be and started as being.

Robb (: 13:07

Correct. Right, if you start like that, it will always be like that. So I believe that you become a purpose in life. Your mate should be a purpose, at least to me. I don't find it being obsessive. Look, I...

my ex-wife would go out dancing, do all kinds of shit, but still my purpose was her, right? Make sure that all the things are getting done, blah, blah, blah. And I think that that's what that should be, a purpose. And I think vice versa. You're, as a woman, your man should be your purpose as well. You know, and take that as you will, whatever you think a purpose is.

Tina (: 13:54

it definitely is. It's, it's, as a woman that's your person, that's your strength, that's your protector, that's your nurturer, that's your, your rock. So you have to, I feel like you have to put them in a good place and think of them and do for them as much as, as much as you can, just like I, I would want that in return. That's what makes a good relationship.

Robb (: 13:55

Mm-hmm.

Exactly. And I think that when you have those things, you become less lonely. I've seen people in relationships that live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and are more lonely than the person who is alone in their own house. Yeah, I've seen it with lots of them. Mm-hmm. Well, or...

Tina (: 14:36

That was me. That was me for quite a while. Just because there was no connection.

Robb (: 14:46

even if there was a connection that some point something is pulling you apart or the relationship's been dead for years but you've stayed there because you can't afford to move out. And that's also quite common. A girl I worked with, same. She had to stay in a relationship for many years after it was pretty much dead because neither of them could afford to live their own life. I think

Tina (: 14:50

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 15:16

As we grow older and we're in a generation of at least the 50s, 50 something years old, know, loneliness is going to be there. And since men and women now are having their own issues with wanting to be in relationships, and this is of all ages, loneliness is going to become bigger.

Tina (: 15:35

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 15:41

Oh yeah, because thus people are staying together than ever before too.

Robb (: 15:46

Yeah, and now just not wanting to do it. Where people are giving up on dating because it's a lot. It is. I think that dating's a whole other show. We'll get into that. I just think that it's just very difficult for both.

Tina (: 15:50

Yeah.

Robb (: 16:11

for either side to come to a middle ground of what they're looking for and what you like. It's just very difficult. I've seen so many dating profiles. The first thing that it says is love to travel, love to travel, love to travel. Like that's awesome. I think most people love to travel. But how realistic is that?

I heard something today on my way home from work listening to a podcast that was very interesting way of looking at things about life in general. He said happiness is the how you feel

the best during the dull moments because most of life is dull. And I was like, yeah. And he was more or less talking about relationships. He goes like, everyone can be happy sitting on a beach in Hawaii. That's not difficult.

Tina (: 17:26

But can they though? Because if people aren't happy to begin with, nowhere, no geography is going to make them happy.

Robb (: 17:29

No, that's true, but he's saying that it's easier to be happy. And you might not be happy with the girl you're there with, but you might be happy for yourself sitting on a beach. But his thing was being happy with someone when you're sitting at the breakfast table answering emails. Mundane, dull, regular moments. Because most of our life is that.

And there are moments of loneliness that you can be extremely happy because you don't have this headache or that headache or this or that, whatever that is. I've seen people in relationships that struggle so much because they're not themselves. They play a part.

Tina (: 18:27

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:27

They play the part of whoever they think that person likes. And it's the death of you on the inside. Again, you end up just being lonely because you're playing a character that they really like, but you're not that person. Yeah. And I think that's just a tunnel of loneliness. You can just be, you'd be in the same room with somebody going.

Tina (: 18:45

but it's not really who you are.

Robb (: 18:55

God, it'd be nice if I could talk about this, but I know they don't like it and I've never told them I African tree frogs. So loneliness, I think, is not just being alone, but it's a state of mind. You can be in a room full of people and be very alone. And it's a scary thing, I think, for...

Tina (: 19:03

you

Tina (: 19:12

it absolutely is.

Tina (: 19:16

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 19:22

our generation going forward, but because Gen Xers are so, we're so hard headed, right? We were latch keyed, were, you know, we had to do all the chores around the house before the parents got home and we just, grew up very, very fast. And we, you know, we were able to stay out until all hours of the night. We were just a different breed where,

Tina (: 19:50

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 19:51

I think the younger generation might, they're not lonely because they have a phone in front of them. And they think that that is a hundred percent, but I think that they've grown up with it so much that they feel less lonely on the phone. Now, I don't think mentally that is true.

Tina (: 19:59

I don't know, I still think that being on the phone is nothing like being with someone in person.

Robb (: 20:19

Look, I love texting friends down the street and in San Diego and across the country. Awesome, because you get to still feel like you're in touch with them. But it is nowhere near sitting in the same room with them shooting the shit. It's not even a close comparison. The only thing that I think is somewhat close is FaceTime.

Tina (: 20:29

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 20:35

Not at all.

Tina (: 20:46

Mm-hmm. That does help.

Robb (: 20:48

because at least you can see expression and feel the laughter build or, you know, my friend in North Carolina, that's all we would really do. We'd video chat because we found it easier to just chat instead of texting all the time. But there was nothing like, you know, sitting down in the living room with each other and letting, you know, our

our minds go bonkers and then laughing for no, you know, no reason. I see myself like I, my views on relationships have changed and that they probably shouldn't, but they have. I used to be like this hopeless romantic and I'm becoming very much less interested in relationships where I'm just like, you know, it's a lot of work. The

Tina (: 21:22

All right.

Robb (: 21:48

The ease it is to just drop something has really kind of put a bad taste in my mouth. It's just it's a lot. So I feel like I could probably be alone now. Now, I don't know if that's 100 percent. I'm alone a lot anyway, even in my own house, because my son's a gamer and he spends a lot of time in his room. So I spend a lot of time sitting on the couch.

watching TV with my dog. Thankfully, I got a dog. He's, you know, man's best friend is really kind of a very poignant statement. I used to have dogs. I had several dogs over being married. And I never felt that way with my dog or her dog.

Tina (: 22:22

Right. Yeah.

Tina (: 22:44

Really?

Robb (: 22:47

No, I mean they were great dogs, but I'll you know at that and I'm still a cat person I think cats are the coolest But I had cats and they're different now that I have a dog and he's very Energetic very yes and very very smart very energetic Very On spot with like he loves things to be on time he has a regiment and

Tina (: 23:00

different.

Robb (: 23:16

I try to stick to it and I was telling my son one day he's like, you know if I ever had the dog, you know, you know, I could take care of him and I was like you can't get up in the morning and feed him. You know, my dog gets fed at five in the morning every single day. No matter what. Even if I go out put food in his bowl and walk back and get in bed and go back to sleep. Because yeah, I like to keep him on. He has a schedule and he knows if my door is open.

Tina (: 23:26

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 23:36

He's still getting it.

schedule.

Robb (: 23:44

which is not a lot, if I leave it open, he'll jump up on the bed and he will remind me it is five in the morning. And he'll start whimpering, whatever it is. So I could probably, I've almost thought I'm just gonna become a man and his dog. You my dog's three, so he's young. I got a lot of years left with him. So I could spend tons of time with him.

Tina (: 24:05

Yeah.

Robb (: 24:13

Also in my own head, I'm thinking, since I'm gonna have a lot of time off and a lot of it, I'm thinking of packing up my car and driving across the country just for shits. I have a to go kit that I have microphones and a mixer and a laptop. I can do this show on the road in whatever state I'm in.

Tina (: 24:25

Mmm.

Tina (: 24:29

Interesting.

Tina (: 24:35

You

That's right. That's right. You could.

Robb (: 24:42

out of a hotel room. So I just think that we in general, it's okay to be lonely. I think it's a very natural state, right? I think that you have to very much use kid gloves if you're feeling utterly lonely. You know, reach out.

Tina (: 24:44

Sorry.

Tina (: 25:06

Yeah.

It's exactly. I noticed with my dad, since my mom died, we're coming up on the 14th anniversary and I could feel his depression getting worse and I could see him being just crabby all the time and not very grateful for anything that gets done for him. really, he's just pissed off and part of it is he's, know, mom's gone and he just lost another cousin that he was close to.

Robb (: 25:20

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 25:38

Then he's he's starting chemo and the house isn't done and my mom's not here You know and he's he's he doesn't have his friend is sick. So he's looking at him not being around anymore so he's he's starting to feel his world closing in on him and it's causing a lot of angst inside of him and

Robb (: 25:51

Right. Different fashion.

Tina (: 26:04

It's hard to live with that. I mean, I see it. I know it. I feel it myself. I mean, I lost all those things too in a different capacity, but still, you know, and and and it's hard for me because I work hard to be not depressed. I didn't know if you know this, but I was diagnosed with a low grade of depression years ago. That's never really gone away. And I've probably had it my whole life. And

So I work really hard to keep my head up and I work at it It is a full-time job and I do very well because it's taken me a lot of years to get to this point and I'm handling it but I Realize that dealing with people that aren't Working against it or dragging my ass down to like it's not that hard So even though I've worked it it's still it's still right there so It hasn't been that easy

Robb (: 26:55

Right. I think that there are people that will become depression anchors in your life. Right?

Tina (: 27:05

What do mean by that?

Robb (: 27:06

that as much as you're working at it, they're also being an anchor and dragging you back into it. Where it'll take you into despair and really kind of drag the people into loneliness where you'd rather not be around people, not be around your friends, not hear shit, not watch the news.

Tina (: 27:12

yeah.

Tina (: 27:29

right?

Robb (: 27:34

Literally disappear off the planet And I can see why I really can there there's days where I've taken a day off from work My son has gone to work. I Got up like took my dog to the park came home and didn't do shit And I'm talking I didn't shower. I Didn't I mean nothing?

Tina (: 27:37

Absolutely.

Robb (: 28:03

And just, and I find myself, those are the days where I drag myself into loneliness and I'm like, I'm not good. I'm not happy that I'm alone. But I work my way to just find something to do. Like we all do these. We find a Netflix series to watch that's, know, 12 episodes that are an hour long that you know you'll just disappear into.

Tina (: 28:14

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:31

Or you find music to listen to which or right. Those exactly. I just found a very cool app for my phone or not my phone for my iPad. I forgot what it's called. It's an art thing. It's a paint by numbers. It's called Zen something. Anyway. There's a there's a.

Tina (: 28:31

Mm-hmm.

or a podcast or an art project.

Tina (: 28:47

Really?

Tina (: 28:54

and you just push the number and then you push the paint

Robb (: 28:59

It's a game basically. There's numbers on the side and you click the number and it highlights where they're at on the screen and you have to hit them. Some of them are very big. Some of them are super tiny. So tiny that there's a hint button that'll help you find it. But it's supposed to be this, it's a game. It's probably a game for a lot of different things. It's to keep your mind going, which we all need mostly at this age.

Tina (: 29:16

Wow.

Robb (: 29:28

The funny thing about it is it really kind of keeps you in this zen thing of just keeping yourself going. I really enjoyed it. I did them today. I'll send you a video of like, and then when you're done doing the whole color project, it plays you a video of how you did it. Like it shows you how you did the numbers, because you can skip numbers. You can skip whatever you want.

Tina (: 29:39

That's cool.

Tina (: 29:51

Meaning what?

Robb (: 29:59

So like you can blow up the picture on your phone and like I did this picture of a cat and I did the cat first and then I moved over to there's a bird on I did the bird after that because you can see the numbers on them and I'll send it to you. can see basically how you colored it because you don't have to do it in any way of any order. So for me it's really good because it's a time killer but it also keeps my mind moving.

Tina (: 30:18

particular order.

Tina (: 30:27

Yeah, puzzles are good for that.

Robb (: 30:28

And yeah, and again, it also keeps you from being alone. I just think that you got to be careful about how often you also do that.

Tina (: 30:34

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 30:42

Agreed. You need people. And fortunately, that's why I'm glad people go to work. I I feel bad for the people that are home all the time and they're single and they don't have to go out to do anything because I couldn't imagine being that lonely. I couldn't. gratefully I go to work. Yeah.

Robb (: 31:02

I couldn't either. I couldn't imagine being so lonely I want to die. I've never been there. So I feel that I feel I'm good there now. I will tell you that I've had, you know, I think everyone's had some kind of thought of not wanting to be alive, but it wasn't because I was lonely. That's that's not why.

Tina (: 31:11

can't say I have either.

Tina (: 31:19

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Robb (: 31:25

I do okay by myself. I think that I definitely put things in order where I can go, okay, this is this, this is that. But I also do try to fill that time. I don't just sit and wallow in my own shit. No one. Right.

Tina (: 31:45

Who's gonna pick you up if you do that? Like, who's gonna be there? What is the point?

Robb (: 31:51

But then, but like I said, like all fine things to do. Like one day I was like, I need to spring clean. And I went through, I went through cabinets and cupboards and I took out two, 30 gallon trash bags. Where the shit? And you're like, this has been here for years. you know, so yeah, I don't need it. We, we need to, as people though, I think mostly as we get older.

Tina (: 32:06

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 32:11

I don't need it.

Robb (: 32:19

I agree with you, we have to find time to be around friends, family, other human beings in some capacity. A guy that I used to work, well, I still work with him, but he works at a different branch called today and said something on the phone to me that I found funny. And I don't want to dig too deep into it I don't want to give it away. But he had this idea and he was joking.

Tina (: 32:30

Absolutely.

Robb (: 32:49

And I went, hey, that would be a good app. We should try to develop this app. And he was like, yeah, that's kind of funny. And then I started rolling these things at him. And he goes, are you serious? I go, we should really look into this. Because it was something to quell loneliness. Let's just say that without getting too deep into it. I'll tell you off there. But I think we...

Tina (: 33:09

Mmm.

Robb (: 33:16

Like he said his wife is out of town for a couple days and this is kind of how we rolled into this. And I was like, yeah dude, like I get that. It's another guy at my work, his wife went away for seven days on business. And he has issues with her like every other husband and wife and she drives him bonkers and blah blah blah. Loves his wife to death. To see him for seven days was very difficult because you can tell what it did to him.

Tina (: 33:45

Really?

Robb (: 33:46

Yeah, like you can tell he was just like, hey, he'd come in. It was you last night. I hung out with some friends, went to the bar, had a couple of drinks, went home. Like didn't get hammered and just like, so he's filling space, which is good. I think that that's a plus. know, I told him I shouldn't drink every night. That's that's that's you know. Yeah, that's another thing I think that is very scary about loneliness.

Tina (: 34:05

Right. That's just going to bring you down lower.

Robb (: 34:15

Filling that void with drugs or alcohol is a very, very slippery slope of danger. Right. Thankfully, I don't have that. I don't have an addictive personality, which is good for me.

Tina (: 34:25

I agree, because it would be so easy to for it to become an addiction and then something that you have to be dependent on to be happy. That doesn't sound right at all.

Robb (: 34:44

Although I've been told I'm obsessive. So maybe maybe there's a bit to that. But. I mean, yeah, I. I just like hard. I'm glad I'm not like that, because I've seen other people fall into alcohol like. Horribly bad like coming to work drunk.

Tina (: 34:51

Everybody's gotta be something.

Robb (: 35:11

I had a guy call in, remember? There was a bar, it was a sports bar in Woodland Hills. I forgot what it was called. Anyway, it was a sports bar, big, big sports bar. He called in sick from that bar, which was across the street from our work. He could have walked over. And I was like, he's like, yeah, dude, I'm not gonna make it. I'm across the street, I'm hammered, I can't work today. And I was like, no.

You better make your ass in here. And he came in and we had made a pot of coffee for him. We had a couple of hours where the schedules overlapped and I was like, go in the back, lay down for an hour. And then when you get up and we pumped coffee into him, we all left and he worked the rest of night. But it was like, I, and look, I don't want to, I don't want to crap on people who have alcoholism.

Tina (: 35:49

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 35:57

Damn.

Robb (: 36:08

because it's definitely a hole that you have to figure your way out of. But I'm just very glad that I don't have those kind of tendencies because it'll drive loneliness into something very, very bad. Then you end up in... I fill it with entertainment.

Tina (: 36:16

Absolutely.

Tina (: 36:29

So let me ask you, what do you do to combat your loneliness?

Robb (: 36:38

That's what I do. I can easily get into a series and disappear into that for hours and hours and hours and I'm fine. But, you know, could I do that for weeks on end? I don't know. I'm gonna test that theory. I'm gonna test the theory soon. Yeah, I mean, I could be out of work for four months.

Tina (: 36:58

That would be a little tough.

Right. When you get your surgery.

Tina (: 37:08

Yeah.

Robb (: 37:09

So filling that time may be very, very difficult. I'm. Right. I mean, I can fill it too, but my thing is mostly this time around, you know, I'm going to not, I'm going to not have a right arm. I'm, you know, like.

Tina (: 37:17

I don't know, I don't have a hard time filling time when I'm not at work or school. Never did have a hard time with that. I could feel it.

Robb (: 37:37

filling the time really is going to be difficult because what can I do? I can go and hang out with people. That will be what I need to do. I'm definitely going to probably eat Chi Chi's more. You know what I mean? Like, yes, the rest are one of our favorite restaurants in the San Fernando Valley for people who don't live in California or anywhere near where we live.

Tina (: 37:53

That's the restaurant, not the...

Tina (: 38:05

You know what I always thought I would do if like say you break an arm, you know, your your arm that you use for your dominant arm. What I always thought that I wanted to try a painting class, you know, where they do those beer and wine or paint and wine sort of classes. I wanted to do that solely with my left hand to see if you know, just a just a practice just to get used to doing things more left-handed because one of my

Robb (: 38:13

Yes. Do it with your left hand. Yeah.

Tina (: 38:34

One of my biggest fears is not being able to wipe my ass if my arm is broken or my shoulder needs to be fixed or... That's why I ask you, did you buy the bidet yet? You know? I know.

Robb (: 38:40

I'm going to test that theory. I'm going to test that theory. Well, here's the thing. Even though I get a bidet, let's say I get one and they're the coolest things in the world. If you've never used one, they're amazing. There's nothing better than shooting warm water on your butthole. But that being said, what happens if I'm out and about and got to use the toilet?

Tina (: 38:56

Yeah.

Robb (: 39:00

I wipe and I find a way to do it. look with, I had someone tell me very bluntly, it doesn't matter, you're gonna learn. Like you don't have a choice. If for four months I can't do something, I'm going to learn to do it. He said, you're gonna learn to eat, right? You're gonna learn to eat with, you know, and learn how to.

Tina (: 39:01

Yeah, what happens?

Tina (: 39:15

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 39:29

really do stuff one handed, like you're losing an arm. And I was like, and he goes, you need to go to the gun range with a bunch of loaded magazines so you don't have to load them. You know, I have a bunch of magazines here that I can load. Or I take that back that my son will load. Because I won't, I won't be able to do it. And then go and shoot left handed.

Tina (: 39:35

Mmm.

Tina (: 39:52

Right? I was gonna say, how you gonna do it?

Robb (: 40:00

And just and so and I will have to shoot literally one handed because my right arm will be stuck against me. So it'll be fun. There's a couple of other things that someone had told me that I'm going to, you know. Obviously, excuse me, wipe my butt. Eat, you know. writing, heaven forbid, I got to sign my name on anything.

Tina (: 40:10

It's true.

Tina (: 40:27

I've been doing that for years just because I worry about that too, so.

Robb (: 40:30

Yeah, I, I'm my writing left handed is absolutely atrocious. So thankfully we live in a world where you type a lot of shit now. So I don't have to worry about that. So yeah, it's it's going to be interesting. And like, so I have a mouse for my computer here that is ergonomically correct for my right hand. Can't use it left handed. It's not a regular mouse. So.

Tina (: 40:39

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 40:58

I went on the old Amazon and I bought the cheapest mouse I could feasibly buy. It's like eight dollars. And I'm going to have my son either that or I'll set it up right before my surgery. I'm to have my mouse. It'll be the buttons will be turned the other way so I can do them left handed because I edit the show. So I'm going to learn how to use my computer and then I can only type with one hand. So that's going to be fun. So

Tina (: 41:19

Raheem.

Robb (: 41:28

The week before I'm going to literally start setting up my house to be left handed. Yeah, it's gonna be an interesting thing. But I will be alone. And that also is a tad scary to me. know.

Tina (: 41:34

That's a good idea.

Tina (: 41:47

Well, you need to you need to find things to keep your brain occupied and happy in order for you not to have the loneliest while you're going through it. You know, they say that if you're if you sit in gratitude, you can't be you can't be sad. Like it's if you're constantly saying, you know, thank you for my day. Thank you for this. It helps to alleviate the stress and to calm you down. And it makes it to where you can't be unhappy.

Robb (: 41:57

That's a good idea. That's actually a great idea.

Tina (: 42:16

So I would say definitely try that, try to meditate, try to do things you're not normally used to doing and see if you could open up a new hobby for yourself or something that you could do around other people and it could become something. You're getting four months to reinvent yourself. Shit, let's do it.

Robb (: 42:29

Yeah. Right. Maybe I should take some ayahuasca and see what happens. No, I'm just joking. Just joking. Not alone. You shouldn't do that shit alone. I kind of agree with you, though. I think meditation is going to be a solid thing.

Tina (: 42:43

Yeah, okay. Whatever you want to do.

right.

Robb (: 42:56

My plan is to as much as I can take my dog to the dog park and run the living shit out of him. So then he's tired. So I don't have a lot to do with him at home. And he's really good, but you know, I go really early in the morning. So when I go with him, it's basically just me and him. And I have one of those. I don't know if you've ever seen it, but it's a ball thrower. It's like this. It like you put the ball in it and you throw it and helps you throw it really far.

Tina (: 42:56

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 43:16

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 43:27

It's called Chuck It. I've been doing that at the park left-handed. Getting ready. I can, and surprisingly, I can chuck the shit out of that thing with my left hand. I I felt pretty good about it. You know, it's funny, I was telling my boy, I go, I'm gonna try to find food that I can pick up with my hands.

Tina (: 43:32

There you go.

Tina (: 43:55

That's another thing. Or try to find like different ways of eating, you know, with... where you don't have to pick it up with a fork.

Robb (: 43:56

Well, like, right, where I don't have to cut it, or I don't have to cut it. You know, where I'm gonna try to meal prep as much as I can too, and if he can help me with the meal prep, I can literally eat it with just a fork. So, it's going to be, it's,

Tina (: 44:07

Right?

Tina (: 44:22

I think another thing that helps combat stress is turning on music.

Robb (: 44:30

Yeah, I'm a big music buff, so I could... Right, I agree. I think, thankfully, I go to physical therapy

Tina (: 44:34

But you can't be lonely when you're dancing around enjoying the music and doing stuff that makes you happy or takes you back to memories of good times. so I think music's always good for that. And it does calm down the stress too.

Robb (: 44:55

quite soon, like two weeks later. And from what I understand, that'll be two days a week. So that's actually also very good. So I'll get out, to do that. And then gym, I need to get back to the gym. So I'm only gonna be walking and I'm gonna try to work my left arm lightly, just to kind of, I'm doing it more for repetition than I am.

Tina (: 44:59

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 45:04

There you go.

Robb (: 45:24

anything else like well and and just to get up and go do something like start a routine so I have this routine of doing something all the time it'll keep me from from going bonkers that that's gonna be very difficult unfortunately because I have to get one of those little sleeping wedges

Tina (: 45:25

strange.

Tina (: 45:39

having a routine and sleeping well. You got to make sure that you're sleeping well because that does cause depression.

Tina (: 45:52

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 45:53

Because I can't roll over so I'm gonna have to kind of sit in the same place It that's gonna be the hardest thing that I'll probably go through period So but thankfully I have a really big couch So I think that what I'll probably end up doing is sitting in a certain place and if I can get naps in during the day That's what I'll do, you know But yeah Yeah

Tina (: 46:15

You got to. Because your depression will get worse, which will make you more lonely if you're not sleeping.

Robb (: 46:22

I think what I need to do also is really be in contact with everyone. And like, I'm lucky because with you, I can come out there and you work, you know, you don't work a regular person's schedule. So that makes it very, very easy to say, hey, tomorrow you wanna get lunch and.

Tina (: 46:31

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:44

Yeah, no, I don't.

Robb (: 46:52

or tell me what day you're available for lunch and I can do that. That's gonna be, and then I'm gonna try to hit up local people that like for lunch, say, hey, you wanna meet for lunch for an hour? And just so I can get out and that kind of thing. I won't do it every day. I won't do that every day. Like I said, I'm gonna meal prep.

Tina (: 46:56

Right.

Tina (: 47:07

You just got to be careful because that'll be a lot of money you're spending on going out every day

Tina (: 47:14

Yeah, I would. I would do it every freaking day if I could. Who do you want to see today? Yeah.

Robb (: 47:21

I'm gonna meal prep and that'll be good. But like I said, I'm going to work on things. Like I'm gonna go back to work on this show like I did in the very beginning. And I'm gonna kind of research things and really kind of deep dive and get more interesting topics. you know, we kind of get ahead of ourselves and really give people what they're looking for. Alrighty, any last words on being lonely?

Tina (: 47:50

If you notice that somebody's starting to get depressed or starting to feel like they're lonely, take some time out and visit with them. I think it would help not only them, but you.

Robb (: 48:01

Yeah, I would say if you are the lonely one, reach out to anyone. Anyone that will hear your plight because that one person may just turn you in the other direction.

Tina (: 48:07

Reach out.

Robb (: 48:20

You know, it's a hard life out there. It really is. And it's so difficult with people who are taking their own lives. So let's not go down that road. Correct. And on that, make sure you check us out on all the social medias, Facebook, Instagram, X. I'm on there all the time now. Check us out on

Tina (: 48:35

Exactly. There's no need for that.

Robb (: 48:48

pretty much anywhere you can hear a podcast, but definitely Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon, iTunes music, YouTube, we're everywhere. It's crazy. Still on my heart. We're everywhere. It's funny how many people listen to this show on different things. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina. I'm Rob. We'll see you in a week. Bye.

Tina (: 49:00

Is Dylan I hurt?

Tina (: 49:07

Nice.

Tina (: 49:16

See ya.