EP # 197 From chaos to calm, how to manage life.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina? you know. I'm getting ready. Matter of fact, I think that what we're going to talk about today is perfect for both of our lives right now. And we'll just jump right in because I think that we there's really there's really no way of putting it but this way. I don't know where I got this from.

Tina (: 00:06

I'm hanging in there Rob, how you doing? Getting ready for everything, huh?

Tina (: 00:16

You

Robb (: 00:26

I was probably listening to another podcast and I try to take little snippets of what people say and turn them into our podcasts because I think they're very interesting. This is from chaos to calm, how to manage your life. And these days, mostly for you and me, now this coming week is kind of how I see it, but you've been doing this for quite a while.

Tina (: 00:39

Mmm.

Tina (: 00:53

My life is continuously chaotic. It just goes from one thing to the next.

Robb (: 00:56

That's true, but I mean it you've really it's been like the last what six months with home building and dad and Relationship with dad during this trying period So

Tina (: 01:09

Mm.

Tina (: 01:17

Yeah. And dealing with outside family members that want to kind of kick you when you're down. Been going through it. Yeah.

Robb (: 01:25

Yeah, so, look, we, I heard another guy say something one time that I thought was very interesting. He said, look, no matter what we do, you're always gonna have chaos in your life. Just period. Like, the people that have the best lives in the world have chaos because once you get rid of one chaos, something generally takes its place.

Tina (: 01:38

Absolutely.

Tina (: 01:45

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 01:51

Well, it's just life. There seems to be one thing after another that just rolls out and needs your attention and you just gotta kind of deal with it.

Robb (: 01:52

Correct. And I think that sometimes that can be good things as well. Like, you know, I don't want to just say that it's always, you know, sometimes it's happy to chaos and then happy to chaos and then chaos, chaos, chaos, happy, happy, happy. Like everything is is a very much a roller coaster.

Tina (: 02:04

Absolutely.

Tina (: 02:10

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 02:18

Well, I think also to the way you look at chaos will determine how bad it's going to treat you. You know, if you take it as something that could possibly be good or something that's a challenge, you'll be fine. If you look at it as it's going to wreck your whole life, it's going to feel like that. It's going to wreck your whole life. So it's very much a mindset that you have to get into in order to deal with things.

Robb (: 02:20

It's gonna wreck your whole life. Yeah, right. It's. Right. And I think.

With you and again, I am kind of the outside looking in but you know for a few minutes every week we discuss what is going on in our life. So I've I've heard a lot. And then every blue moon we go eat pasta together or I eat pasta and you eat pizza and and we dump the rest of the shit in our lives in each other's laps, which I think is a very, very good thing to have.

Tina (: 03:04

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 03:15

Yeah.

Tina (: 03:18

Well, we dump it and then we're like, OK, let's go back to back to reality. Yeah.

Robb (: 03:21

Right, well that's what I mean. But it's definitely a good thing to have where you can just kind of pour into someone else's glass sometimes and then we just get the glass and dump the water out. Right. And I think how you manage your chaos is something of where I...

Tina (: 03:31

Yeah.

Yep, and that works too sometimes. You just gotta roll with it.

Robb (: 03:48

These days, I try to look at things like I did in the past. In my 20s, I was very poor. I lived in an apartment by myself because I had a, I just didn't want to go back home. So I suffered for a long period of time and ate mac and cheese and top ramen and.

Tina (: 04:12

ramen

Robb (: 04:13

and drank Kool-Aid from Vons that you could get a dollar a gallon. And I suffered. And I lived in this wild chaos. But I also kind of lived in the, just don't give a shit. Like I'm just going to live day by day. And I got through it. And I'm lucky. And I had people along the way that helped me. Where I think as you get older, you have a...

Tina (: 04:17

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 04:41

give a shit to a certain point and then you have to just kind of go, okay, I got to make sure that I'm, you know, making sure that bills are paid and these things and these things and son is doing okay and this is going over here and you're going to your work every day. And I wish I could go back to my younger days of just not giving a shit. Because it was, it just seemed so nice. Like I was just a different human and

Tina (: 05:04

You and me both.

Robb (: 05:11

And look, I do my best to just go, okay, look, I'll deal with it as it comes. But I also kind of shelf things that I can see. So in the old days, I'd shelf that shit and I'd put it in a box and I'd put it under the table. Like, whatever happens comes. Now I go, okay, I know I have to do this. I put on the shelf where I can see it and I go, okay, I gotta make sure I take care of this. But it's hard. And with your life, you know,

I lived in in chaos when I was married because we also got our house changed several times at different times. We got a staircase put in, which was easier than I thought it was going to be. It still took a while. Big wood banistered. They put carpet along. I mean, all this shit. That was like pretty quick. I think they did it in like four days.

And I got spoiled. was like, four days, these guys know what the fuck they're doing. Like, this is amazing. And then we decided to do our kitchen, our living room, and both bathrooms at the same time. Correct. Everywhere that you could walk in the house, we wanted. Correct.

Tina (: 06:12

Yeah.

Tina (: 06:21

So basically every place that everybody goes in the house Everywhere that wasn't your private quarters

Robb (: 06:33

and we decided to also scrape the shit off the ceiling and put in can lights. Yeah, so. So part of that was we had decided we were going to go on a trip to Cancun. And during that, they could do this work and we were going to be gone for a whole like, I want to say eight days like it was a long trip. My dad came down, opened up the house, hung out, and then when they were done, closed up and went home every day.

Tina (: 06:38

Mmm.

Robb (: 07:03

Well, when we got back, it wasn't finished. And then kind of like yours, it just started rolling and rolling into days and rolling into days. It became a lot. When you do kitchen cabinets and tile and all this shit, and then, you know,

Tina (: 07:08

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:31

It just seems like a lot and they're cutting wood and they're bringing this and they're putting in shims and all this. You come home and you know, there's like half the kitchen's in and you're like, okay, where's the rest of our shit? Like what's taking so long? And then you get a weird thing like, the cabinets are all done, but we're still waiting for the doors. Sounds like, uh-huh.

Tina (: 07:58

Yeah.

Robb (: 07:59

And then of course we had a different guy who would come in and do the granite top. So we had to wait for that to get cut because they had to come back and remeasure once all the cabinets were in and it turned into, I want to say everything was about a month and a few days. And you know, we had free exactly. And but at the time we had a two year old teenagers, you know,

Tina (: 08:09

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 08:18

Well, that's nothing.

Tina (: 08:28

Mmm.

Robb (: 08:29

It was just a lot was going on. So that trip was great. We took everyone to Cancun. We took the baby, everything. We all went. It was great because we all got to get away. But on the flip side of that, when we got back, it wasn't. So I feel for you because 30 days drove me to wanting to murder people. You've been doing it for almost a year, right?

Tina (: 08:31

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 08:38

That sounds like fun.

Tina (: 08:57

a little bit over a year. Yeah, yeah. You know, I really have a lot of patience that I didn't realize I had. But I think that that came with time. I don't think I got it overnight. And I don't think I was born with it. And I think I think I did. I really do. Because like, if you think about it, I'm still friends with my ex. And, and, you know, we don't always see eye to eye. We never did.

Robb (: 08:58

Yeah, I would I would have already murdered somebody. Right, I think you earned it. Yeah.

Tina (: 09:25

I still have dealings with family members that are a pain in the ass. I still have You know my dad's sick and having to take care of him. I still have a job. I'm still trying to date I'm like if I could throw one more ball in the air and start juggling with it I would because that's just who I am, you know, so There's always chaos going on always

Robb (: 09:38

Right, lots. What is your first step though to like...

calming yourself down in that chaos. you have something or is it just spur the moment and you go, okay, I need to relax or I need to take care of this or whatever.

Tina (: 10:07

Gosh, there's so many things that I do. I think first of all, I stand on my faith. say, okay, God's not gonna give me any more than I can handle. But I gotta tell you, he's pushed it to the limit for sure. So I always think, okay, what am I supposed to be learning? What am I supposed to be doing? How do I make everything just okay enough where we could deal with it? Because I gotta tell you, my dad's been really rough on me because, you know, he didn't...

Robb (: 10:19

if

Tina (: 10:36

He had to sit in his bedroom for a year. He couldn't sit in the common area in the living room and he couldn't watch his TV and he couldn't put his feet up and and for an older man who spends a lot of time doing that that's important and he hasn't been able to He's been in his room sitting like a foot and a half away from the TV that he has in his living room in his bedroom and you know sitting with the door closed pissed off for a while, so

Robb (: 10:58

Better?

Tina (: 11:03

trying to just keep him calm was the biggest thing for me, I think, because, you know, I had to keep telling him, you know, things are happening, it's going, I realize you got this diagnosis, I know you want to be in your chair, I know you want to be able to be around people, I know, but you got to work with me, I can't snap my fingers and make everything happen because I think...

The problem is with everybody is they think that I make things happen all the time because I do I'm the one that they come to and they're like I'm unhappy and then I try to fix things But what I realized there's no fig. I can't you know, I can't put a floor in I can't I can't get the ceiling even I can't Shimmup cabinets like there's just stuff. I don't know how to do so Mostly it was just how do I encourage everything to get done?

Robb (: 11:45

Right.

Robb (: 11:58

Right, right.

Tina (: 11:59

how do I do it in an in a nice way and how do I do it where it'll be effective and It's yeah, so I'm it's like almost for me I feel like it's like puzzles that I'm constantly trying to put the pieces in so that everything works well and With the with the construction it's been a lot. There was so many things that needed to be done I think it would have been better if they just demoed the whole house and started fresh but Yeah, so

Robb (: 12:27

You

Tina (: 12:29

But I mean, we're in a good place now. It's been a year and most of everything is in and done or getting done. And, you know, we now know, you know, it's funny, it's like the buildup is the worst part, like getting ready for the construction and making sure everything's ready. And you got to take everything out of the house and you got to pack it away. And then you got to put it in the garage and then you got to be able to live in the garage with it. So, I mean, that was the getting things started was by far the worst, but

Yeah, I cooked a lot of meals on one burner and the on the Barbecue I did dishes out in the sink with the hose. I mean this is good, you know, it's been a long time so just Try and my dad says you always have like a good You know, you're always happy you always try to be happy Well, if I walk out miserable everybody's gonna be miserable because it just takes one person and it's almost like they're they're

Robb (: 13:04

Right. Right.

Tina (: 13:28

They're taking my cue. Like how is this gonna be? Oh, is Tina happy? Okay, then we should be happy. I just led, I led.

Robb (: 13:34

Right.

Tina (: 13:42

by, you know, how I acted basically. I just said, okay, we're gonna have a good day. I'll wash the dishes, you know, anything that was halfway horrible for anybody I just took over. So I kind of absorbed that which did put a lot of stress on me. But again, I was like, okay, God, you got to get me out of this. We got to get through this. So I kind of leaned on that.

Robb (: 14:06

Did you find yourself when you were alone taking the brunt of it?

Tina (: 14:13

I always took the brunt of it. So when I was alone, it was like, oh, freaking hell, how am I going to get through this? How do I make things easier for everybody from the guys that were doing it to my dad to my cousin? We had work being done all through the night, hammering. When the floors got done,

It was me and the contractor there and I was just there to help with everything that I could but you know, he he was there hammering and these pieces of of Vinyl together, you know to create our floors and it went on all night So was just I would tell my cousin I'm so sorry Please just put up with us for right now and and my dad thank God he could sleep through that so he slept through that and you know, we just worked all night, but

Robb (: 15:00

Right.

Tina (: 15:08

Just trying to keep everybody happy and fed and, you know, let them know what was going on and making sure the temperatures were right. It was was crazy. It's been a lot, but I'm grateful that it's getting done. I'm grateful that we have a new kitchen. I can't wait to, you know, we've already had people over and they've all put all their stuff on the middle of the, you know, in the middle of the kitchen on the island and

Robb (: 15:20

Right. Right. That's true. It's very true.

Tina (: 15:37

Damn that was nice, you know, because we didn't have we didn't have any counter space before so yeah, no, we didn't have anything. So now we have this big, huge island and then we got counters all the way around the kitchen and it's fabulous. So it's been worth it. It's been worth it. I'm surprised I haven't had a heart attack.

Robb (: 16:00

So for me, when I am stressing out or something's on my mind, I try to see the finish line, right? Whether it's three miles or two feet, like how am gonna get there? And I'm sure right now you must...

Tina (: 16:09

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:17

Like really see the finish line like it's it's right there You know which I think makes things a tad easier

Tina (: 16:22

Yeah.

Tina (: 16:28

You know what the thing is that that I'm going through is this has been going on for a year and I'm looking around going How is it gonna be when it's all done? Like what am I gonna do with myself? I have this whole life that I've been you know juggling and I'm thinking Well, how is this gonna go? I mean

Robb (: 16:43

Right. It's going to be weird for you to do dishes in a sink. Like in a kitchen. Yeah. It's.

Tina (: 16:52

It's been, but we got a really cool sink. So I've been doing, you know, now that I can, I do, but I'll still go outside and, and, you know, cook. I went outside and cooked my eggs in the garage. We have a stove in the kitchen now, but I was in the garage and my dad goes, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm making food. And he's like, you realize you could come in now. like, I totally forgot. And I walked past it to get there. It is muscle memory.

Robb (: 17:07

Right. Yeah. Right. It's muscle memory. It's muscle memory, though. It's muscle memory. Your brain just goes, this is where we cook. And I'm sure it's going to take you a little bit to mostly

Tina (: 17:24

Yeah.

Robb (: 17:29

Like have you are all your cabinets and stuff and you bring everything in like dishes and all that. Okay.

Tina (: 17:33

No, no, because it was just done the morning of 4th of July they left and all that was done. So I went to bed because I was up until quarter to six that morning and then I went to bed and then I woke up and people were starting to arrive for the 4th of July. So we haven't done that and and I can't bring anything in until I line all the cabinets. So I haven't even started on that.

Robb (: 17:56

The cabinets. I will. I will tell you that's also a. Very cool, but bizarre thing.

Tina (: 18:07

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:08

because now it's a different kind of chaos because you might do them differently than they were before. Right? And then you're gonna go muscle memory to go to where something used to be and then go, shit, where is this? Yeah, like, how do we set this up? So, you know, it's kind of like moving into a new apartment or a new place. Like where, where is everything?

Tina (: 18:15

yeah.

Tina (: 18:22

It's not there anymore.

Tina (: 18:32

It is. Where is everything? And then, you know, and then on top of that, dealing with dad's cancer. My only reference to that to dad having colon cancer was that his mom had colon cancer and she chose to not go through the chemo and radiation. She was she was older. She was 82. She didn't want to be sick. She wanted to just live her life. So she lived two years with cancer and

Robb (: 18:58

Yep.

Tina (: 19:02

That's my reference and it wasn't good. You know, like she really struggled and there was, you know, I could go into details, but it was a, it was a lot for her and we had to take care of her. So I was like the whole time that this has been going on. And I think it's been like, I don't know, three or four months that we've known is, is how am going to handle everything when dad dies? So it was during the chaos of the, of the

Robb (: 19:10

Right.

Tina (: 19:30

construction it's been, you know, you gotta get the trust finished and you have to get, you know, the title of the house and the trust and you have to get on all the bank accounts and you have, you know, so we've worked on that. We're not completely done on that either. It's just, I could only be stretched so thin. And emotionally dealing with that, cause I've lost my mom. I know what it feels like. It's a...

I know what it's like to lose a parent. know what I'm going to have to go through. know the energy I'm going to have to create to get through it. I know I'm going to have to be holding everybody up. That's just who I am. So I mean, thinking about all that was really hard and just trying to like, okay, but teen, got this. You've done this, you know, you know, and then still support everything in life that I already do. So I think

Robb (: 20:06

Right.

Robb (: 20:21

Right.

Tina (: 20:23

That part was probably harder than dealing without having a kitchen. You know, because dad didn't know how he was going to feel. He didn't know what was going to happen there. You know, now he has more of an idea. It's it's, you know, he's upping the levels of chemo that he has to do. So we're we're dealing with that. And he, you know, he's now not waiting because imagine waiting for your house to be done.

Imagine for how are they gonna treat your your your cancer? Imagine, you know, like what is gonna happen to my kids if I'm not here cuz he went through that too, so trying to keep him stable and laughing and You know, I feel sometimes like a circus performer trying to keep him happy but in and still deal with the fact that you know, I Could lose him. You know this I'm doing all this shit for what like?

Robb (: 21:18

Right.

Tina (: 21:23

He may not be here and he tells me he goes to do this for you. Don't do it for me. That doesn't help my you know, my situation in doing it. So it's that I've been dealing I've been leaning on my faith a lot and my friends because I'm normally not a complainer. I normally don't I'm not the one that will sit there and tell you everything that's going on. I'll listen to you. That's more what I like to do. But I've noticed that I've had to

Robb (: 21:30

Correct.

Robb (: 21:51

you

Tina (: 21:53

kinda dump on my friends. I've called a couple of them really crying. I've had serious issues on top of that with other things going on with me personally and keeping myself safe and keeping things going.

Robb (: 22:08

No.

Tina (: 22:10

There's just been a lot of chaos and and still trying to be happy, you know, because I have to work at that. I do suffer from low grade depression. I've had it most of my life. And I don't know if you even knew that or could even tell that I was going through that because I consistently work to keep my brain right. Like I journal and I and I try to share my stories with other people that are going through it. And I

Force myself to get out of bed every day because that's what you have to do, you know when you fight against What you don't want to deal you know you don't want to have and because I've done that I've done pretty well but I I think I take a lot in and I think I compartmentalize a lot and I don't think that that's necessarily good But it's what I have to do to get through it. So I do a lot of that

I don't know, but I do talk to my friends. I do have a really good group of friends. I do believe that hugs work. So when I'm really going through it, I'm like, okay, I just need a hug because I'm having a bad day and hugs work. It does. Human affection and attention and contact does fix, you know, all the crazy. there you go. That's yeah, it does. So

Robb (: 23:21

It raises your dopamine levels. It's a fact. Yeah.

Tina (: 23:36

that and that helps and I'll be like I really need a hug and I think my people know that if I ask for one they know I'm really going through something and most of them don't want to know what I'm going through anyway because I'm the strong one so they don't want to know because I'm holding them up too so you know I don't I don't tell everybody everything I just I just do what I need to do to be happy and if that means going to get a massage if that means eating

Something that I want to eat that I shouldn't eat if that means getting on the bike and riding If that means not talking to somebody because I don't want to answer all the damn questions they got like I Do I run from a lot to I do I don't want to do with it. So yeah

Robb (: 24:13

You

Robb (: 24:19

Right. No, but I think we all do. I mean, I think some things aren't worth standing tall for. I'm gonna throw something your way just because you brought it up and I think it's important. What hugs do for the human body? Just so you know, reduce fear, stress, and pain. Supporting your immune system.

and your cardiovascular health. It relaxes muscles and releases tension, lowers blood pressure, releases oxytocin, which is the cuddle hormone, and strengthens your immune system. So hug a lot. It's good for you.

Tina (: 24:58

Yeah, I have a friend at work that he always, he just, we just hug each other. He always goes, come here baby and give me, you know, give me some attention. And we joke around, we're nuts together. We've known each other for over 20 years. And he hugged me the other day and he said, you just melted. And I said, no, I really needed that. So I was taking it in and he said,

He goes, well, if you need another one, let me know. And before I left, I had gotten some calls that I didn't want to hear about. You my cousin was passing away just just a couple of weeks ago. And he came. I went up to him I said, OK, I'm ready for my next hug. And I hugged him again. And he goes, are you OK? Because you're you're melting. You're just I go, no, I just I needed that to decompress. And you did exactly what I needed you to do. Thank you. And I'll buy you a lunch next week or so.

you know, so I do have people that I can really, you know, lean on in that situation and because everybody kind of leans on me, I feel like I should be doing a little bit of that with them. It's okay to be the recipient of support when you're going through things.

Robb (: 25:56

you

Robb (: 26:19

Correct. And I will tell you, the hug thing is very interesting. I looked up something else. I looked up how many hugs a day are needed. We need four hugs a day just for survival. Which I think is...

Tina (: 26:31

15, I would say.

You

Okay.

Robb (: 26:41

No, a lot of people aren't doing that. I don't get, I don't do four a day for sure. Eight hugs for maintenance and 12 hugs for growth and they need to be held for 20 seconds at a time. No. So just think about that. That there's a lot that should be, and look, know, looking back,

Tina (: 26:43

aren't even getting four.

Tina (: 26:57

How many people in this world get that though really? I know I don't and I hug people, I hug everybody. Yeah.

Robb (: 27:10

know, communicators taught us about hugs in high school. We should have been. Yeah, we should have been using that for a lot longer than we have. So.

Tina (: 27:15

Back in 88, 87. Yeah.

Tina (: 27:21

You know, I went out the other night with somebody that had some really hard things to deal with going on. And at one point we were talking really seriously and we put our hands on each other, like on each other's hands. So we had all of our hands, all four of them were attached while he was talking through some really painful things.

And I gotta tell you, even though it was hard and stuff, I felt like he was supported, I was supported. It was just a really solid like, wow, just human touch. Like I think we get away from being touched and not in a sexual way, but even that is so beneficial. But I'm just talking about being close and showing support. Like after,

Robb (: 28:03

you

Tina (: 28:20

We talked about that. Like, I felt that it was still really hard, but it was okay. It was, okay, I talked about that. We know about it now. It's out on the table. And we both were able to breathe, but that support felt really good. And also we hugged each other because of having that experience and talking that way. And

Although it was a very serious situation and things that we talked about, like I felt I felt like we he he didn't take from my energy. I didn't take from his. was just a lot of support. And I thought to myself, why don't I do that with my friends? I don't hug my friends. I don't hug. I don't. And I'm a hugger. I'm the one that like hugs family and does all that. But I normally let people come to me. I don't just do it. But after that night, I feel like

That is something that I'm working on now. It's hugging more because I think that not only do I need it, but everybody around me does too.

Robb (: 29:27

Correct. And I think that this is probably one of those things that can really take chaos to calm.

Tina (: 29:34

It did. It did. For me, because, you know, I was kind of amped up and then having that conversation would amp anybody up even more and trying to be supportive is not easy for anybody. So we handled it really well. I was kind of impressed that we were able to be supportive of each other and talk about what we did. And I was also really impressed at how much it helped. Just helped.

Robb (: 30:00

you

Robb (: 30:05

I think having some kind of support and it doesn't need to be a ton is probably one of the bigger things that we can do to really calm our brain. I heard someone say something. Can I put it down here?

Tina (: 30:12

Mm-mm.

Robb (: 30:31

He's a motivational guy, speaker guy. And he said two different things that I thought were very poignant about maybe calming yourself down, asking yourself questions. And one of them was, do I feel like I'm helping me? And I think that you should ask yourself that. Like, do I feel like I'm helping me?

Tina (: 30:52

Mmm.

Robb (: 30:58

I think that's a good question as kind of a flat line of where you are in life. And if you're in this major thing of chaos and you can see your way out of it, are you helping you? Are you helping yourself get out of this? And I thought, if people for just a second can say that to yourself, it might help you at least.

Find a road to go down to get out of this chaos that you're in. Or to see the light. I think that's the other thing. I think this will also send you to a direction where, I think faith is the one thing that you've been talking about where you can see the light at end of the tunnel though. It will help you.

Tina (: 31:30

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 31:45

You know for the longest I haven't been able to see the light it hasn't been until recently that I have but You know, okay. So when I was 40 and I've talked about this I lost my mom. I was the one that found her after she passed I had a miscarriage. I had to have a hysterectomy. My daughter ran away. The cat was killed. My house was robbed I went through things that

Robb (: 31:49

Yes.

Tina (: 32:11

And I said that just in a little list like it was no freaking big deal, but it was it was huge it it broke me from the inside out and I literally had to Stop being friends with everybody except for my next-door neighbor who wouldn't walk away from me. She she was like no I'm staying right here I Had to learn who I was after that because I wasn't the same person I was so not okay at the end of that

Robb (: 32:39

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 32:40

that I couldn't hold anybody up. I just went very much. just went into myself and just worried about that and, had to learn to trust again and learn how to, to be okay again. And in doing so, I realized that I am so freaking strong that I could handle anything else. Like no matter what happens to me, I know I got it because

I've had to stand there alone with nobody and pick myself up and nobody knew what I was facing. Nobody knew what I was going through. didn't, I don't, I don't even talk about the miscarriage. I don't talk about the hysterectomy. I don't talk about my daughter running away. I don't talk about these things on a day to day. It's just not something I want to talk about. However,

Robb (: 33:31

Right.

Tina (: 33:33

I realized that all that I endured means that I'm unstoppable. So it's almost like, you know, even if dad, God forbid, would pass, I got this. Even if my brother is sick, we've already been through that. I got him. Like, I'm so aware of my abilities to handle things and to make things okay that I just don't question myself anymore. I mean, I'm still the hot mess in a lot of other ways.

Robb (: 34:00

I think that those are the things that you have to kind lean in your own brain and say, look, I've already gone through this, this, this, this, and this, I'm OK. I've made it. I can keep making it. And I don't even want to.

Tina (: 34:04

But at the end of the day, know that no matter what comes next, I got me. I got this. I'm a survivor.

Tina (: 34:24

Absolutely.

Robb (: 34:28

talk about from the idea of, know, I mean, obviously, like we've talked about the epidemic of people taking their own lives in this country. It's it's mind boggling how many do. So that's not what I'm I'm trying to get at. But just in general, a way to say, look, I've I've gone through this, I've done it before. I'm still here. You know, I still have a car. I saw the roof over my head. I'm still eating.

like those balanced things of life. And then trying to find the best in yourself. Kind of like that statement that I just talked about. The other statement I thought that was kind of a funny one, but also one for yourself to just kind of go, the guy goes, would you buy yourself a beer? You know, if you met you,

Tina (: 34:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:23

Are you going to be the person that goes, hey man, you want a beer or you want to drink or you want this, you know, something to that nature. And I went that that's a great way to start looking as a way of getting out of chaos to calm. Yeah, I would. I'm a good person. I'm this I'm and to me, that's another way of finding yourself out of holes of going everything's going to be fine. Kind of like you just said, I've already done this before. You know, I've lived in

Tina (: 35:27

Yeah.

Tina (: 35:47

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Robb (: 35:53

poverty or not a lot. And I've gone through a divorce and I've gone through moving, you know, from here to here and I've suffered living with other people at certain points in time or, whatever it is. You just have to look at whatever the positives are and try to, you know, get through it. And to me, and again, this is just from a single person standpoint,

You have to know you can do it alone.

Tina (: 36:25

Mm-hmm. You know when one thing that somebody told me and I don't know where I heard it, but I heard it somewhere was you cannot be Depressed or unhappy when you live in gratitude. And so I always say Okay, I got a good life life has been it's been a bitch of a life, but it's been a really good one and I'm a

I'm a really good person. would buy myself a beer if I drank it, you know, I would totally be like, heck yeah. And, and when I meet people now they stick. If you're not a good person, people don't stick. They come and they go and they come and they go and they do whatever it is they do in your life. And, and a lot of them aren't even supposed to stick. But when you're, when you're living in life and people stick and they become like your source of, of

Robb (: 36:54

Yeah.

Robb (: 37:08

Correct. Right.

Tina (: 37:20

Tribe your your happy place your support, you know, you're doing something right, you know because people don't stick to shitty people and and because shitty people won't allow it and People will run from it. You know, nobody wants to sit and shit. So I Think that I think that you just you know, you try to be the best person you could be you you You find your community of people who are just like you not perfect. They could be

Totally screwed up, but still try on the same levels you keep that you work with those people and you your stay grateful I always I always tell my friends when they're going through something tell me three things you're grateful for Like let's start with that because you can't be miserable when you're grateful, you know, you're in and and that is such a an amazing gift that I can't remember who told me but

Robb (: 37:51

you

right.

Tina (: 38:16

I use that all the time. just said that to my friend this morning. I said, tell me three things you're happy about or tell me three things you're grateful for because you're not, you're not listening to me. You know, you need to put things into perspective. And she cried the whole time she came up with those three things. But then afterwards she goes, thank you. I needed that. She was done being miserable.

Robb (: 38:37

Yeah, I mean, and those are the type of things that will take you from this utter chaos to a semblance of calm.

Tina (: 38:46

Yeah. also people like and I'm horrible. I do this all the time. When I see people are struggling, for instance, you know, like I'll see I'll see

My friend he's he's in he cleans like you would not believe and every time I see him with a broom or a mop Or he's on his hands and he's cleaning the shower. I go damn. You're sexy We've never had any anything sexual. We've never even had a kiss There's it's I just got him to start saying I love you at the end of a conversation because we've been friends for like 30 years and he Couldn't do that, you know, cuz he didn't want to like

Ever give me the impression that he wanted me and I and I'm like I'm just gonna keep telling him that I love him because he's my friend like this is These are people that turn family But when he's got a broom in his hand or when he's making me eggs, I call him sexy eggs I I work that shit up like I'm like damn you look sexy doing this damn and I do that to everybody too because I realize that sometimes we just need to be told that we are being seen

Robb (: 39:34

Right.

Robb (: 39:58

Sure.

Tina (: 39:59

That we are being admired, that we are being loved. Like, and, and, and if it's a guy, I will say so much to where they're so embarrassed by, because I do that. And then we're all laughing and they always tell me, would you just shut up? And I just start laughing because that's what I would say if somebody was pulling this shit on me, but it lightened the load. It lightened the mood. He didn't have a hard time cleaning that shower. Cause I was like, damn, put your back into that. You look sexy. I...

Robb (: 40:27

Sheesh.

Tina (: 40:28

You know how I am when I'm not... But doesn't that feel better than it's about time you got that done? Because I also know women that do that shit too. It doesn't... Right? Nobody has a problem doing anything for me because I just pour it on. And it may make them embarrassed, but only for a little bit because people that get embarrassed can't...

Robb (: 40:31

Yes, that's why I just said that, because I know how you are. for sure. It'll drive you to want to do it.

Yeah. Yeah. If you're at all like that around you, it's you'll eat them alive.

Tina (: 40:57

be around me. I'm not the person that they could be embarrassed around. You got to just get with me and let's roll. So

Tina (: 41:09

No, I will get them out of their comfort zone to where they could be just as You know just as whatever they need to be to be around me, you know, I did it to you. I am relentless I want people to be happy and to be You know do dumb things not dumb things but just act silly and and be happy I that's always been me

Robb (: 41:14

Yes. Yeah. without a doubt. Like there's, there's definitely that in you.

to where I think that the way that you do things is always trying to take people out of chaos. Like, I think that's kind of like how I am as well. I'll, even if I'm going through shit, I generally try not to put it on people, which is bad. I'm gonna say that out loud. You should tell people. You should try to talk to people.

Tina (: 41:54

Yeah, you're right.

Robb (: 42:13

But I'm always the one that goes, just pour it on me and we'll see what we can do. I've talked to many friends around me in proximity about their problems or wherever they're at. out of their mouth comes, don't, I hate to do this to you. It's like, look, I would tell you if I didn't want it. No one wants to be in chaos. It's just, it's not an...

Tina (: 42:34

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 42:40

I want to say it's not a natural state even though it is. Human beings are always in in chaos. We're in some form of chaos. We just don't want it to be life-threatening. We want it to be, I burned my finger on the stove. you know, like small things of chaos and and look there is no real answer for this. I think I would say therapy is always a good thing.

therapy with your friends. I told you that one line beforehand, you know the difference between a therapist and your friend is your friend doesn't tell you when your time is up. And I truly, I had to write that statement down because I think when you need somebody, they're always going to be there even if in the back of their mind they're going, my god, it's the same shit. She keeps telling me this over and over.

Tina (: 43:18

Yeah.

Robb (: 43:37

and she doesn't change it and he won't do this and they won't. But you being an ear for somebody can go a long way. So my.

Tina (: 43:48

Mm-hmm And you learn when when you're hearing a other people's story, there's two things that happen you realize your life isn't that bad and You learn you learn how to You know, I think everybody when they hear somebody's having a hard time they try to figure out a way to fix it and If you if you find a way that you could fix it or you could help or whatever the next time you're in trouble you could think well

We did it like this last time. Let's try this and and you learn how to to not accept but you learn how to deal with what you got to deal with and That's a good thing

Robb (: 44:27

Mm-hmm. Without a doubt.

Everyone should be learning from those situations. Now, like a lot of us, we're really good at giving advice but never taking our own. I'm really good at it and that's for another show. Because I'm really, really good at it. I could shit away a lottery ticket just because I say dumb shit.

But on the flip side of that, you know, the way I look at things at least going forward in life is do your best to control the chaos in your life with leaning on whoever you can and seeing the best of where this chaos may take you.

Tina (: 45:19

If you're paying attention, nothing in life is all one way or another. You could learn the good, you could learn the bad. You get handed, Mother Nature will provide, you'll get handed both sides. So you decide how you're going to work it. Are you going to do it in a positive way or are you going to do it in a negative way? Are you going to get up every morning and say, you know what, I...

I don't want to get out of bed, I'm hurting. You can lay in bed all day, nobody's gonna know you're hurting. You could get up, you could walk through it, you could try to be the best person you can, and you know what? They still won't know you're going through it. But you know, and if you're busy and you're doing what you need to do, and you're putting one foot in front of the other, you'll make it through.

Robb (: 45:50

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:14

The choice is always yours. You know, how are you going to do this? Change, change your mindset. Look for the happy. My, I used to have a friend that, that I'd get up super early and go sit outside and it was still dark and I would talk on the phone. And at the end I was, you know, cause there was always real stuff going on that we, that we would talk about or just dealing with, with things in our lives. And I would sit outside.

Robb (: 46:17

Okay.

Robb (: 46:29

Right.

Tina (: 46:43

And at the end, I was watching the sun come up and I would say, do you see the sunrise? And they'd say, yeah. And I said, see, God's an artist. We're going to have a good day today. And you know, that, that saying meant everything to them. And they started to look at the difference in what life was presenting them because they, they got to see the sunrise with me and I just

Not even thinking I said anything at all. It was something that helped them get through that. And you have to look for any bit of good you can. And if you do, the chaos won't get you.

Robb (: 47:14

Right.

Robb (: 47:24

Yep, that's a perfect way to end this because I everything you said is pretty spot on. On that, you can check us out on all the social medias, X, Facebook, Instagram. I was kind of off this last week. Lots going on in my life with my surgery coming. So

Tina (: 47:30

Well, thank you.

Robb (: 47:46

me and Tina are going to try and record a few episodes in advance. So I can get a little rest in because I am right handed and I won't be for a little while. So it's going to be a learning curve. Yeah. And then you can listen to us pretty much anywhere podcasts are done, but it looks like Spotify, Apple.

Tina (: 48:03

He got this.

Robb (: 48:13

are the big ones. So check us out there, share with everyone you can. yeah, it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob. That's Tina. And we'll see you in a week. Bye.

Tina (: 48:27

See ya!