EP # 206 Too little too late, a relationship story.

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co-host, as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina (: 00:07

I'm exhausted, Rob, but I'm hanging in there.

Robb (: 00:09

Well, you hang in there. I can totally understand being exhausted. Life. Life can be very exhausting. I mean, I hate to say that, but golly, if it's not true, you know. and just for the people listening today, I know we're going to be a day late and a dollar short. That was kind of like my problem. I was under the weather yesterday. I just couldn't bring myself to.

Tina (: 00:14

There's just been a lot going on.

Robb (: 00:39

record and do it. So today, even though I went to physical therapy and I got stretched out like a rubber band, I feel like I'm pretty much up to record today. So speaking of a day late and a dollar short, I was talking to a friend of mine, and they're going through a breakup with somebody and I have seen some of the conversations with said people.

Tina (: 00:51

Glad to hear it.

Tina (: 00:59

Hehehe.

Robb (: 01:08

And I think that I looked at it as being a day late, a dollar short, and or, I know, always kind of late to the party. There's a lot of things that we can kind of, you know, say what it is. But basically what I was saying is like always a little, you know, a little late, you know. Men, I think.

are always a little late to the relationship party where let's say there's a breakup let's say there's a breakup or a divorce happening or something very serious because i think that that's probably more of where i'm getting it from that a lot of people try to fix that relationship once it's very very very much over

And I'm mostly seeing it now because I can see how this person has a long relationship, like, and I mean long, like very long, like over 15 years. So and there's a lot of speed bumps in said relationship.

That I would say are very hard to come back from deal breaker type stuff. And even though they stayed in this relationship way too long. They've decided to end it and that was about a year ago. So there's been a year that's passed. But their mate is still trying to make this thing work.

I'm still saying things to the degree of, hey, I know I screwed up, but I want to try to make this work. Similar things to that, like. More just saying. It was me. It was partly you, but it was mostly me. How do we fix this? And.

Robb (: 03:35

You know, it's always a little you know too little too late and I try to Look at it from my point of view, right? I've been divorced. I kind of did the same thing with my ex-wife where Obviously you go into save it mode like gotta save it. gotta save it where You know, you're probably trying to save something that is far gone To the point where

Tina (: 03:56

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 04:04

You know it. But you're fighting because maybe for time, right? You put in a lot of time. In my case, my divorce wasn't going to be lucrative. Like there wasn't much to fight for. So. In our case, it was, you know, it wasn't like one of us was like pissed because we were going to have to shell out a lot of money or, you know, had property, any of that kind of crazy shit.

Tina (: 04:19

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 04:34

where I've seen several and this one kind of included where there's a lot to lose. Like, houses, plural, business, lots of things. So yes, I think part of it might be they don't wanna lose that, even though some of the talk that I've seen is let's do this, you know,

Tina (: 04:42

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:04

Let's do this right and we'll split everything. But then it's followed like right after it with, but maybe we should try to work this out. probably, that's what I kind of see, yes.

Tina (: 05:13

Because holy shit I'm gonna lose a lot of money is what he's saying.

Tina (: 05:19

no no that's totally what's going on men are men are driven by their success and if she's gonna take half of it that pushes his his value way down and and that is an ego situation that he's gonna he's gonna have to fight with

Robb (: 05:38

Right. And I think that in some cases, like here's the thing, let's say the business is worth whatever. Let's say I'm gonna be, I'm just gonna give a number because it's easier this way. Let's say it's worth $50,000.

Really, all he has to do is give her 25, right? Give half and then keep the business going and the business should succeed on its own and rebound. That's the theory. In this case, I've seen where it's like, let's just get rid of the business and, you know, and it's like, people don't rationally think during a divorce sometimes. I think that they say shit.

Tina (: 05:57

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 06:04

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:23

to say it and maybe that's another thing he's trying to get a response out of that. I didn't do that in mind. I don't know about you and your ex. I don't know if things were like crazy things were said or like I didn't have to worry about that. I was like, I want my kid. You can go move on. Like there wasn't a lot to lose because we already shitted away where in this case it's like.

Tina (: 06:48

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:52

I see both sides of it from, and I hate to be that person that said, I've read stuff, but you know, we're friends and things have been said. And she's kind of wondering like the mind of a man. And I'm like, well, I can give you kind of how I see it. but you know, love's a wild thing. You know, love, love makes you say crazy shit and, do crazy stuff. I just think that.

I was more kind of like wanting to bounce it off you of like do you think first of all Do you think both sexes do it because I think that's an important thing of You know if it's too little too late do both fight for it secondly Like we've kind of talked off the air I believe it's a man thing just because We're we're fixers till the end even though we might be trying to fix it for the wrong reasons

And then the last one, and I know this is going to throw in a lot of at you right now, teens, I hang in there. The last one is. Do you think if if something can be fixed, will people really change? OK, so first one, both sexes, what do think?

Tina (: 08:08

That's a lot. I think both sexes do it because I was, I was watching a couple of Tik Tok videos just the other day and the girl was begging her boyfriend, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it and not a lot. And I'm like,

Okay, so both sexes try to get the other back way after it's time is gone. know, it's time is up. So I think maybe more men do it. I don't know. I don't really have a lot of...

Robb (: 08:34

Right. You know how a lot of suckers going back to trying to fix their shit?

Tina (: 08:46

You know that I say to everybody, they all come back.

Robb (: 08:47

Mm-hmm. you

Tina (: 08:50

There hasn't been a man with the exception of my ex and I, I, he doesn't need to come back. He's happy and we're friends. So there's, there's not really much has changed other than where I live. So, and, and the fact that we don't mess around anymore, outside of that, you know, he still has a friend. He still has this person that'll show up no matter what. So, he doesn't have to come back, but every other guy that I've ever been with is come back if not once several times.

because they're treated well and I don't screw with them and once they're done being a jerk and seeing what they have they come back and they're like, teen you were so good to me I fucked up and I'm like yeah you sure did because I don't have those feelings anymore I can't produce what I don't have and so sorry I'm sorry not sorry because you fucked up I want to cuss in today I've been stressed out

Robb (: 09:36

Right. You

Tina (: 09:48

But anyway, Yeah, so I think both sexes do it. And I think if you treat them good, they'll always come back. And the best thing to do is stay away from them and ghost them and just be done with them. And then you're like the one that got away. You're the one that they're always going to pine over because they didn't win. And...

Robb (: 10:09

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 10:15

I kinda like being that person. you know, I'd rather you want me for the rest of my life and me having nothing to do with you. That sounds fantastic to me. So, I don't know, I don't, I, yeah, going back when it's too late, that's a lot of work. So you asked me, could it be fixed?

Robb (: 10:18

Right.

Robb (: 10:34

I

Tina (: 10:36

Sure, anything could be fixed if both people really want one. The one has to forgive and the other one has to do whatever hoops he has to jump through or she has to jump through to get back. It has to do that. However, being the hairdresser that I am and hearing everybody's stories like I do and with intimate details

There are some things that you could absolutely be forgiven for, but people just don't forget. Like cheating. I know somebody that said to me, she cheated on me 27 years ago. I don't know if she's cheated since. I know that she cheated that time and no, can't completely trust her. I'm like, you've been with her 27 years. Doesn't matter. That thought, that doubt is always gonna be there because you proved it.

Robb (: 11:32

think you're 100 % correct on that. People can fix it. I believe that you totally can. But some things you can never go back on, no matter what. There's.

Tina (: 11:36

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 11:47

No, and see that's the problem. As a partner, you have to think about, is this going to be something that I could survive? Is this going to be something that we could get through? And if it isn't, think long and hard before you do it.

because you're gonna get caught because that's just what happens you know it shit happens but everything's gonna come to the surface and once it does you have to deal with it so you know be careful and make sure it's something that you it's consequences that you can live through that's how I see it

Robb (: 12:28

I agree, think, look, physical harm probably can't come back from. I just think that that's a very, very tough pill to swallow on either side. And I think that sexual abuse probably can't come back from. Now,

I agree with you with cheating. think cheating is a it's a very weird tree to climb because it all matters why, who, what the example was, how it happened. There's a lot of, there's a lot of things in there where, but I think even that you're right, you never forget it. And then everything becomes a questionable offense.

Right? You go to the market too long. They're questioning you. And I've seen that with friends of mine, where the person who, and maybe not even just cheating, just don't trust you. Where they would be like, where are at? Why are you still at the market for so long? It's like, I'm fucking shopping. Like, what do you mean? Like, so.

Tina (: 13:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 13:41

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 13:51

So there's a lot of things of that. I think that would happen in a cheating thing. And then people who've had other people in their past cheat on them also has that kind of problem where you're just like, there's absolutely no trust. You can't go out with your friends. You're at the market too long. It's like check, checkity, check, checkity. You just have to fucking check in with FaceTime 24 hours a day. It's like.

Another friend of mine had the greatest things ever. They just said, you feel like you have one of those fucking things on your ankle. And your mate is the one checking it. Like you can't go this far. Can't go this far. It's like, it's like, holy shit. It's no one wants to live like that. So

Tina (: 14:23

young.

Yeah.

Tina (: 14:35

A lot of people do though. A lot of people like I I can't

Robb (: 14:37

A lot of people do. Yeah, I agree.

Tina (: 14:42

I can't stand it. When we set up my dad's car, we had to use an app. So his app is on my phone. So I could always see where he is because of where his car is. My brother has them on Life360 or Find My Phone. I don't know one of those. So he could always see where my dad is. he goes, think it was my niece said, well, you're not on it. We should put you on to tune. I'm like, hell no.

Robb (: 14:56

Right.

Tina (: 15:09

Nobody needs to know where I'm going or what I'm doing like I'm an adult if you need me call me

I don't answer to anybody. shouldn't have to. And I know men. Men that if they're in the wrong place a little too long or if they're, you know, if they're too close to somebody that she thinks is important to him or whatever, she's like, what are you doing at that restaurant? Why are you over there? Were you at the restaurant or were you at the store? Because the GPS said you were at the store. hell no.

Robb (: 15:44

Right.

Tina (: 15:45

I would never put an electronic leash on my ankle like that ever. Ever.

Robb (: 15:50

Yeah, I have kind of a weird relationship with that where it's like this. Me and my son do it right. We have fine fine our phones and I think that there's a reason I did it because for one I did it when he was really young. He has it on him now, but my son's in his 20s. And vice versa. He can check where I'm at. I don't care, because I don't lie to my son. I'm telling him I'm going out on a date. I'm going on date doesn't matter.

And vice versa. I know my kid's not gonna lie to me. He'll just tell me, because he doesn't give a shit. He's very upfront now of what he's doing and with who, and he doesn't care, which is more power to us. With a mate, I mean, look, I would do it just because I would do it. I don't care, because if you don't trust me, you don't trust me anyway. And look, I'm just gonna show you.

Tina (: 16:47

See, would never... You don't trust me? We're not gonna be together, period. Like, I don't want to know where you are every second of the day. I want to be able to trust you. And you don't need to know every second of the day where I'm at either.

Robb (: 16:59

Right. Like I said, I think it's up to the person. I don't think you should be made to do it though. If you want to do it and you want to share your location with somebody, more power to you. I think there's nothing wrong with it. Just I think if you use it as a weapon, your...

Tina (: 17:05

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 17:16

really asking for problems. You know, it's like, if you're gonna make somebody do it, you already don't trust them, you shouldn't be in that relationship anyway. Correct. Like I said, if you're both up for it you don't care, and it's a safety thing and that's what you wanna do, more power to you. And if you wanna turn it on and off, like...

Tina (: 17:26

And nobody should get on it to make a mate feel better. No! Do not do that. That's stupid.

Robb (: 17:44

Hey, I'm going to this bar tonight. I'm going to turn on my locator because I want you to know that I'm here because if something happens, you know where I'm at, whatever, because that's the cool thing about the the Apple one. You can turn it on and off. So if I was going somewhere that I didn't want my son to know, I can turn it off. You know.

Tina (: 18:07

You can just share your location too. You don't need to... I don't know. I'm sorry, but I'm not a fan of somebody needs to know where I am tracking me as if they're expecting me to do something wrong. I don't dig that.

Robb (: 18:09

No, you can, but I mean for me it was...

Robb (: 18:22

Correct. Like I said, if you're using it as a weapon, then it doesn't, you can.

Let's see, I think you were kind of right where once you open that door, you're kind of stuck forever. Because if you turn it off, then everything goes sideways. Exactly. So you're kind of right. Don't open up the door, then you don't have to worry about it.

Tina (: 18:34

Mm-hmm Why'd you turn it off? Yeah, don't do it. Do not do it No, no don't and don't encourage fucked-up behavior

Just don't like if you can't have a real relationship with honesty and trust don't have the relationship like let's Don't don't go don't go trying to make somebody happy because they want to know where you're at 24-7 Does the one you know my mom used to say if you want to find something? Wrong look You'll find it. There's always something you're not gonna agree with or you're not gonna be happy about or you're gonna find a way to be pissed off about don't

Robb (: 18:55

Right, don't get into it.

Robb (: 19:08

You'll find it. Yeah.

Tina (: 19:18

Do it. Don't do it.

Robb (: 19:19

100%. Yeah, I do agree with you there. It's like, you're gonna find it. If you wanna find out something that's bad, it's not hard to do. Matter of it's really easy.

Tina (: 19:26

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 19:30

Yep. My... Yeah. My ex could have left somebody else's panties in his top drawer. And for the whole time I was with him, I never would have found them because I didn't go in his drawer.

Robb (: 19:43

Right, yeah, I agree with that. not, I don't care about that kind of stuff. I told somebody, I'm probably, I actually have probably told several people this, but here's the thing with me, I will trust you until you give me a reason not to. And then once you give me a reason not to, I'll never trust you again. So if I'm upfront about that, then there's.

Tina (: 19:57

until you blow it.

Tina (: 20:02

Yep, me too.

Robb (: 20:08

There's no worried, you know, there's no worry about me being too little too late. It's like, this is it. Mostly now, I think, do you find yourself now at our at our age with the lack of giving a shit? Like just this is how I am. This is how it is. I don't pull punches anymore. I don't not say mean things. I just say shit and

Tina (: 20:27

You

Robb (: 20:36

This is who I am. And if you like me, great. But remember, this is who I am. So there's no surprises. And I think that that you can hurt people's feelings very quickly. But they know and you get used to that kind of thing. Like I'm sarcastic and I say some kind of crazy shit sometimes. And I generally don't mean it to be mean. Like. You know, I'm witty, so I might just.

Tina (: 20:49

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 21:07

Say something. I'll give you an example. A friend of mine, a guy was chasing her and she was, she goes, yeah, it's this one guy and his nickname is after a city. Like legitimately he goes, this is, and I'll use a different name to protect the person. But the person's name, like he would say, I'm Tallahassee.

And I giggled my ass off. I was like, are we using superhero names now? Like, what do mean the guy's name is after a city? He goes, yeah, because he's from there. He just tells everybody to call him that. I go, that's dumb shit. Like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And so I say things all the time. So any time I'm going to talk about this guy, I just say other city's names because I think it's funny and.

And it's here's the other thing, too. It's great because it's a joke that keeps on giving. You know what I mean? Like it can't get old because there's so many cities in this country. So it's it's a gift that keeps on giving. And I'm like, so today she was talking about him and used a different city as well. And I was like, yes, got her. Like now we're both doing it. It's going to be great. So. But that also being said is kind of like.

Tina (: 22:06

Yes, yes.

Robb (: 22:31

the too little too late thing with people who I'll give another example of too little too late, like dating someone where you, you try, you try, you try. And then by the time they want to you're gone. So it's too little too late. Like I've given you all these fucking chances to date me and you never did, and you never did, and you never did. And then

They always come back around, like you said, and the next time they come around, you're going to be like, no, years, you know, chase you for years and now you don't want to. So, you know, like, you know, not to get too deep, but there are people in our lives that that has happened to me and you. So we have like this very weird, like connection when it comes to people from our past and these long, you know,

long things. It's and it's odd to me. It's like, fuck Tina, we're 50 something years old. Why is this kind of shit still happening to us? You know, it's like, right. That's kind of the same. They come back where and again, I thought I'm saying that that's a horrible thing to happen, but it's just like you'd you'd think that at some point

Tina (: 23:39

Well, people don't go away in my world. I don't know what your problem is. They come back.

Robb (: 23:57

They just wouldn't. Over whatever it's like, look, if it's been five years or eight years or 15 years, it's like, look, shit or get off the pot. Like, what are you fucking waiting for? And it's a hard thing because that is to me like too little too late. Like, what are you fucking waiting for? Like we've been doing this and I've been trying and this happened and this happened and now.

Tina (: 24:13

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 24:27

You know, you've never wanted to, and now you do.

So for me, these things that I've been seeing, I just find that it's very...

Robb (: 24:41

Not odd, just it's so wild to watch somebody fight when they didn't fight for 10 years and now they're

Tina (: 24:51

and they did everything they could to push a person away.

Robb (: 24:53

Yeah, and in some cases, horrible shit. And now they're like, you know, invoking all kinds of like things from the past, or we'll talk about like, it was so nice when we did this. It's like, well, yeah, but what about the other shit? What about the horrible shit? and and I don't understand how people don't take responsibility for their shit.

Tina (: 24:56

Yeah. Yeah.

Robb (: 25:23

It's a very, very odd thing to see these people who will press you to make this relationship work. Like, let's make this work. We can do this, we can do that.

Tina (: 25:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 25:40

Yeah, but don't ever forget the saying, hurt people hurt people. So you have to start with that. Like, if they're hurting, if they're broken, like, you know what you're setting yourself up for. So don't keep going back to that.

Robb (: 25:54

Yeah, I just don't. And maybe I don't understand that part either. I don't understand hurt people hurting people like. Maybe it's just like I guess maybe I'm not as hurt as I thought I was in the past, but I my whole thing is fucking let's stop hurting each other. I don't want to hurt anyone. So for me, it's just a very bizarre. Campaign of.

Trying to make yourself look good after you've done so many bad things for so many years and then Like you should just be shiny and new again without taking any responsibility Yeah, and is isn't going to It's it so when I see some of this stuff and again, like I'm seeing it from a different point of view

Tina (: 26:35

No, if there's not accountability, nothing has changed. Nothing. no.

Robb (: 26:49

I've read certain text messages, I've seen certain things, and this is through several different people. I actually had a friend who sent me an argument, an audio argument. Like it was an audio recording of an argument that was so difficult to listen to that because it was just circle after circle and

Tina (: 27:03

Why?

Tina (: 27:12

Mmm.

Robb (: 27:17

And look, I won't say that both of these people weren't at fault, because I think that both of them had their issues. The guy was a total narcissistic piece of shit. So he kept, like, just these full circles and, going back to certain things that happened and then would drop a, you know, you're like this because of this happening in your life, instead of, you know, to, like, bring her right back into an argument.

It was the most bizarre thing to hear because it was a really good friend of mine and for me it was a learning experience of holy fuck you can you can argue over the same shit 400 fucking times and still no one gets it

Tina (: 28:09

No, because if you're not talking, if you're not communicating to listen, you sure as hell aren't going to hear it.

Robb (: 28:19

And almost no logic. No logic. and, and look, don't get me wrong. I think that there are logical arguments and there's emotional arguments, but they have to be both. Like you can't have just one. If, if one person is logically speaking and the other person is emotionally speaking, you're dead in the water.

Tina (: 28:19

If you're just talking, you're just talking. Yeah, no logic. There doesn't have to be.

Tina (: 28:42

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:43

And that also kind of comes back to too little too late where logical arguments from the person who's hurt and the emotional arguments from the person who's trying, it's never going to happen because the person who's logically been hurt is saying the things to them like, you did this, you did this, you've always done this, you haven't changed. And of course, their emotional thing is, I love you.

It's like, well, if you loved me, you wouldn't have done this, this, this, this and this. So I guess for me, looking at. Relationships in general. Because I'd like to have another one, you know, it'd be something I'd like to do. I've I've definitely learned over the 200 episodes that we've done of of just talking about relationships and how. Things are just so. Twisted and hard and.

And then, you come, you come with all this knowledge from listening to people as a hairdresser and it, and it makes me like, it makes me want to like put barbed wire around my heart, but like, I still want to put my toes in the water. So it's like one of those things where like, I think once I want to get into a relationship again, I'm definitely going to guard my heart a lot more than I have in the past.

Like it's not going to just be like. What I'm saying is that, but I think I've learned from that. Like what I'm saying is that like going forward, I'm still gonna, I still wanna let people in. I'm just, I think I might be a little more guarded though about jumping in quickly or, you know, I'm.

Tina (: 30:10

But why would you do that when you go full bore with somebody who's not right for you?

Tina (: 30:30

See, and I think that that's not the next person's fault. They shouldn't have to come through all of that.

Robb (: 30:37

Probably true. But I mean, what I mean, but then again, then I put myself out for heartbreak again. I know. I mean. Then get out quick.

Tina (: 30:39

Yeah.

Tina (: 30:45

Well, that's what happens when you want to find love. You have to go through that. That's just... I know he's flipping me off, you guys. That's hilarious. You have to go through that. Or pick better. Pick better. If you see red flags from the beginning, there's a lot of things, that you do that are your... They're just what you do. And you want... And you want to be... You want things to work out, but you...

Robb (: 31:08

My own mistake. 100%.

Tina (: 31:15

from the beginning you set yourself in a place where you could possibly fail. Not that you're going to every time, because I think if you keep doing it, you're going to find somebody that's going to work with you. But you really put your heart out there and you stretch it like on a long shot.

Robb (: 31:24

Right. Correct. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 31:37

Yeah. And that's, that's, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with putting yourself out there to find love, to be loved, to get loved, to find your mate. There's nothing wrong with it. You just have to know you're going to get hurt. That's just what happens.

Robb (: 31:53

Yeah, I mean, you're right. I do like betting on horses that are not supposed to place. Yeah.

Tina (: 32:00

Yeah, you do and but that's if that's what makes you happy and that's what you're you're attracted to then so be it there doesn't have to you don't have to apologize for who you are and what you what you're What you like or what you think that you need? You don't have to apologize for that You just have to know that you have a greater risk of hurting your heart than somebody that won't do that

Robb (: 32:26

Correct.

Tina (: 32:26

Like, I don't want anybody that's got any type of problems and if they do, I want them to be dealt with on their time. Like, I don't wanna, I'm not trying to... I finally have let go so many things so that I want somebody that's ready for me. Not somebody that needs to be fixed, not somebody that needs help, not, I just don't have it in me anymore.

Robb (: 32:49

Yeah, I get that. mean, I think that it's definitely you are right. I think that there's some. There is a place that you need to have a good starting line. You know where you're not chasing somebody who is not going to be chaseable. So yeah, I do believe that there is something to that. You're right. I think if you're going to get into a relationship, make sure that both people are. Open to said relationship.

Tina (: 33:00

Yeah.

Tina (: 33:07

Yeah.

Tina (: 33:18

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 33:18

Because then you don't have to be too little too late. You don't have to fight for something that's the way you're fighting for shit well after when it's just not there. Yeah.

Tina (: 33:26

No. And it comes down to knowing your worth. You're single, you have nothing but time to give,

you have, you're in a place in your life where you've got everything like handled so you should find somebody that has their shit handled not somebody that's in a chaotic situation and they're you know barely treading water because you're not in that place you don't have to do that you don't have to fight to breathe above water you don't

Robb (: 33:51

Right.

Robb (: 33:59

Correct, that is very true. And I have gone down that road with a few people that definitely I have too much time. So, and I feel that like they, when you have too much time and they don't have enough, they feel like you're suffocating them. Because you have time.

Tina (: 34:05

Yeah.

Tina (: 34:09

Yeah.

Tina (: 34:19

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know that because I always seem to get with men that, okay, just one more thing, just one more thing. And I'm like, no, you don't have any time. don't have, I don't want to do this with you. I've already been there, done that. Like, so I see the flip side of it a lot, but you're in a really good place to have whatever the hell you want. You just have to, you have to open up your dating pool.

Robb (: 34:32

Right. hmm. That makes sense. Definitely makes sense.

Tina (: 34:50

Yeah.

Robb (: 34:52

So at the end of the day, since we're gearing up on the end, the too little too late thing, think is a problem that for men, and I'll just say from our standpoint, and I think that women do do it, but I think you have to be a lot more harsher. Let's say you're in a relationship of, I'll say five years, just to be, give me a nice number. If things are going bad at your,

two, you have to be very, very, very stubborn about breaking up in two years. Like, or be very stubborn about the argument that's going to change the relationship. And then if it doesn't change within a certain amount of time, you have to get out of it instead of waiting because I've seen so many people wait and wait and wait and wait and wait.

The next thing you know, you're in a relationship 10 years and now you're fighting for like, well, I put 10 years into this. Like, maybe I should fight for it. For whatever reason, kids, kids are always a reason that I hear.

Tina (: 35:58

Why would you wait 10 years? Why would you sit in misery for 10 years?

Robb (: 36:07

It's definitely not healthy, but.

Tina (: 36:07

You know what? That is such bullshit and I know several kids whose parents always said that and they grew up saying, man, we don't know what real love is because we never saw it. All we saw was our parents digging at each other and hating on each other and never totally being happy. They still don't know what it's like to see their parents happy. What are they teaching their kids doing that? I don't think that's healthy.

Robb (: 36:34

you know in in the parents head I think that it's let's keep our family together I totally agree I'm not going to argue that fact with you um my friend in Vegas was a is a perfect example I mean 17 years not happy but but was like oh I want to you know kids the kids and this and that like and again I think that at the end of the day everything works out because it has to

I told somebody that the other day and they were like, and I said, look, you're going to be okay because you have to be. You don't have a choice. There is no choice of not being okay. Yeah. And and you're going to make everything work, whether it's, you know, a job, a relationship, a divorce, you know, this person, your kids, everything's going to work out at the end. It might be a bumpy ass road and it's going to suck. But the end game is it's going to be fine.

Tina (: 37:12

you're gonna make it work. That's just how it goes.

Tina (: 37:28

Yeah.

Robb (: 37:32

And and I think that that's the bigger way of looking at life these days is that it is gonna be fine I know I maybe I'm just I Look at myself because like look I had some bad years My bad had several bad years and then I had a good run. I had a really good run You know, I think my time in Camarillo was a really good run

I had eight years with a good roommate and things were good, so I can't really complain. And I think that kind of helped me get past some of those really shitty years that I had. Right out of my divorce, my couple years in Vegas were up and down. Coming back to California really helped. So you can find your way out of it. There's definitely gonna be some growing pains.

And I think from that standpoint for like yourself, like don't be too little too late. Don't wait until you, you know, this happens to be happy or don't wait for this to happen to be sad. Like.

Tina (: 38:43

And if you do wait and it becomes too late, leave the person alone. Like leave them alone and let them move on and know that you have to carry that because you didn't want them when you had a chance. Like if you ever loved them, leave them alone.

Robb (: 39:01

Yeah, and I think it's better for everybody. Like I truly do. I think that everyone's going to end up in a better place for them. And here's the flip side of that. If it is meant to be, it's gonna happen. If there is no.

Tina (: 39:14

It'll be, yeah.

Robb (: 39:17

You know, I do believe that as well now that shit happens for a reason. If you're not meant to be together, you're not. And and whatever that takes you to next is great. If you are meant to be together, no matter how long it is, you will be. That's just the way things happen. And. And I think you've got to take your best shot at that at life. I don't I don't want to be too little too late on a lot of things.

Tina (: 39:28

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 39:36

Yep.

Robb (: 39:46

You know, I've life things as well where, you know, you end up getting to a certain point and you're like, man, I wish I had done that. Man, I wish I had done that. No.

Tina (: 39:47

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 39:56

Yeah, that's not something I want to be sitting on my deathbed doing. I want to be saying, you know, let me tell you another story. Probably not my smartest day, but it makes for a good story. I want to be that person. And that's why I don't say no to too many things, because I really do want to be that. I would rather tell you, well, I learned I shouldn't do that, but it was still fun.

Robb (: 40:05

Right.

Robb (: 40:22

Right. I kind of agree.

Tina (: 40:23

And you know I set my life up for that, I do. That's why my friends are like, I can't get anybody to go, will you go with me? I'm like, hell yeah, I will, let's go. There's a reason for that. You should live, you should be trying new things, you should be, worrying about these freaking people that you're trying to bed up with and have some fun. Live your life. Heal yourself.

Robb (: 40:45

Yeah.

And at the end, when you're ready for a said person, jump in. Do it.

Tina (: 40:53

Yeah, because they should be coming in and they shouldn't have problems and all kinds of bullshit that they have to knock out either. They should be past it.

Robb (: 40:59

Yeah, I think your relationship, if you're going to start a relationship, it should be easy to get into, not hard.

Tina (: 41:06

Yep, if you're already fighting from the gate, you're gonna fight the whole time.

Robb (: 41:09

the whole time exactly. And if you're fighting to get into the relationship for whatever reason, you're probably not gonna last. It needs to be so easy to get into it that you go, all right.

Tina (: 41:23

I think a lot of us go into a relationship trying to prove that we're worthy of being loved. I see that a lot. And over the years, I would say I've even done that. Or you try to show them that you're worth it or whatever the hell it is that you're doing. And now I'm like, I'm just going to tell you who I am. And I don't care if you like me or not at the end of this, but...

Robb (: 41:30

I agree.

Tina (: 41:48

I'm not going to try to impress you, I'm going to be me and the right person is going to find me and be okay with that. And I'm just going to stick with that because I don't have time. I'm getting to the point, and you should be too, where we're getting too old for the bullshit. So the bullshit just needs to leave quickly so we could keep going on with our lives.

Robb (: 41:55

Right.

Robb (: 42:02

That's kind of where I'm at with telling people just who I am or how I am. Like this is me, be ready. And if you don't like it now, you're never going to. Because this is who I am and good luck if, you know. So, and that's why I like.

Tina (: 42:18

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 42:22

Yep.

Robb (: 42:30

I'm a big baby step person now. Like take a couple of baby steps before you jump in too much. it's great, we're having a good time, but let's just make sure a little bit more. cause I think once you do that kind of work, I guess that would be the best way of doing it. You're probably, you're gonna end up with a much better relationship and something that you, know, like everyone's got their ticks and everyone's got their.

Issues and everyone's got their idiosyncrasies If you can live with all, know most of those you're be all right, you know, just Just make sure that you don't go back to something you had before and I think that's kind of what i'm My thing is is I don't want to go backwards anymore So things that I wasn't good with in the past i'm not going to be good with ever again, so as soon as i'm like there I go. Mm-hmm or i'm gonna go. Yeah, I don't like that shit and

Tina (: 43:23

Right.

Robb (: 43:28

So, know, like there's no don't don't wonder about things because I think that's also another thing is the too little too late. You don't like a bunch of these things in the beginning of the relationship, but you don't say anything. And then by the time you say it, they're like, you know, you you're barraging them with a bunch of shit and they're like, well, why don't you tell me this? Well, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. It's like. No.

Tina (: 43:29

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 43:52

There's no more that that kind of too little too late either. This is the way I am. This is what I'm going to say. I'm going to say shit out loud. I'm you know, I'll probably hurt your feelings sometimes. That's just going to happen. Like doesn't mean that I'm not, you know, I don't have feelings for you or I don't love you or I don't do this or I don't do that. But I'm you can't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings. If you're not trying to break them, like it's OK to say, look, I really don't like that you keep leaving this shit on the counter. It's kind of bothering me. And can you help out a little bit?

It's like, okay, that's criticism that should be done. But if you hold onto that for two years and then you come at them one night in the middle of the night, because they left a plate with some cake on it, people are going to lose their shit. Any last words on too little, too late? That's a great, you know what I mean? Yes. I think in the perfect world,

Tina (: 44:27

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 44:37

Yep.

Tina (: 44:43

Don't blow it the first time.

Robb (: 44:52

I think that. Yeah, and work on it like. You gotta put in a little work like you can't just think this shit is going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, totally agree. I'm going to go with you with that one and I don't think that I really have much more to say about that, because. I don't have a lot to stand on, because you know I'm divorced as well.

Tina (: 44:53

Yeah, if you got something good, make it happy.

Tina (: 45:05

You gotta put in a lot of work if you want a successful relationship.

Tina (: 45:15

Hehehe.

Robb (: 45:21

So you can check us out on the social medias. I've been slacking a little just because I haven't felt well for a little while. My arm's better, so that's kind of a good thing. So I actually can kind of use it. I don't know if I told you, but they told me I can't lift anything but a coffee cup. For like another couple of weeks, I was like, so they're like, hey, feel free to walk around with it out of a sling, but don't lift anything. I was like, wow.

Tina (: 45:39

Wow.

Wow.

Tina (: 45:49

Good luck with that.

Robb (: 45:49

have coffee in the cup and the girl goes, yeah, you can have coffee in the cup. I was like, okay, that's good. So yeah, I'm gonna get back to that social media thing starting probably the day this comes out, which will be a Thursday. But I will get back to putting them back on on Wednesday. Sorry, guys, I know that some people were asking me like why it didn't come out. I had to tell them and...

Tina (: 45:54

Yeah

Tina (: 46:04

Thursday.

Robb (: 46:15

And yeah, check us out on all the podcasting places and share. We've had a lot of shares. So share, share, share, share, share and share. We've had some, some new States coming up. I'm not new as never happened, but like ones that like Mississippi, had Massachusetts, we had like a couple of ones that we haven't had a lot in, which is kind of interesting. And there is somebody up North in, in Northern California who listens to a lot of these.

Tina (: 46:21

Good.

Robb (: 46:45

In what's it called? Cupertino. That's where Apple is like there's somebody there that listens to a lot of them. So thank you for listening to those. So, yeah, have a have a good week and it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob. That's Tina. We will see you in a week.

Tina (: 46:56

And if you're spying on us, suck it.

Tina (: 47:15

See ya.