EP # 212 The Cycle of Parenting, getting though the issues.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob, along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina? Life seems to be...

Tina (: 00:07

you know life is tramping all over my backside right now but it's getting better when when everything falls apart it's normally because something really good is gonna come out of it so I'm hoping that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and and I'm holding for that because I believe in that so

Robb (: 00:25

I mean, I sure fucking hope so. I would I would be really happy if that happens because you know, sometimes I think the same as you, where I just think like, fuck, this is kicking my ass. And then you start questioning all kinds

Tina (: 00:36

I'm gonna get something really good out of my life right now as soon as I'm done with all this.

Robb (: 00:55

of stuff and you're like am I really doing the right thing and all kinds of stuff and then sometimes you just got to sit back and kind of go okay don't get ahead of yourself you're you because here's my thing too that I've learned you can talk yourself out of a good thing so I think

Tina (: 01:02

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tina (: 01:15

Mm-hmm you can I Don't think I've ever done that I think I'm smart enough to know better when it comes to that but Yeah, all the rest of the stuff going on is just like a shit show here It's crazy

Robb (: 01:22

you're Yeah, I've done it. I've talked myself out of a good thing. So I'm good. I'm doing my best these days not to do that. Yeah. So our lovely offline chat is always fun. One of these days we're just going to have to record

Tina (: 01:42

I hear you.

Robb (: 01:52

or whatever

Tina (: 01:54

I don't think I could say all that on the air. I know people that listen to this stuff.

Tina (: 02:11

I people I could say it to like you, but not everybody needs to know everything for sure. But if you did, you would probably like us a lot more. Because I do some stupid shit we don't talk about.

Robb (: 02:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I... That's probably true. That is 100 % true. Right? Right. I mean, I think that's always for the best too. You know what I mean? It's like... there's some things are probably better left unsaid. Yeah, yeah.

Tina (: 02:42

so many things.

Robb (: 02:45

I'm sure we could get in trouble pretty quick. Yeah, I know. These days I don't give a shit.

Tina (: 02:48

Who cares? Who do we really need to worry about? You know, who's gonna get mad that hasn't been mad or isn't staying mad? Forget about it.

Robb (: 02:55

I Yeah, I'm to the point now where it's like I've been a bad guy so long I'm just gonna Take it. I'm gonna run with being I'm gonna run with being a heel and just continue to be one cuz really no matter what you do You know, no matter what you do. You're someone's always gonna find something to fucking complain about Yeah, so I'm to the point now I'm just like

Tina (: 03:07

No, you're not.

Tina (: 03:21

That's been me my whole life.

Robb (: 03:25

Whatever. Whatever. You know, most people don't understand or they don't know the whole story or, you know, like, it's, and it's too hard.

Tina (: 03:30

have

Robb (: 03:40

for some people to grasp that. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 03:44

Well, I think that the expectation is everybody's supposed to be perfect and do the right thing or they'll shame you and make you feel bad and everything. And I'm like, yeah, no, I didn't want to do the right thing on this one. And I didn't give a crap about that one. So, huh, sorry, not sorry. You know, I'm at that point where I'm just not really caring.

Robb (: 04:01

Yeah, and I guess I'm I was talking to some guy today in my laundry room that lives in my building and He he looked super young but he was like 44 years old and I told him I said like do we're we're in a place where we have more Years behind us than ahead of us So you just gotta not give a fuck anymore

Tina (: 04:31

Yeah.

Robb (: 04:32

Like I'll be judged no matter what I do so Might as well do it. You know what I mean? And and like I said most people either don't know the story or Won't believe it or refuse to acknowledge it so it is what it is I You know and look weird shit happens to people in people's lives

Tina (: 04:36

Might as well do it. Just do it. Do it. I am a fan of that.

Robb (: 04:59

You know, a year ago I was in a much different place. so you just gotta keep going. Matter of fact, the, the, friend down the street, got married. Yeah. So, but you know what? Like.

Tina (: 05:11

That's craziness.

Yeah, don't get therapy. Get another marriage going under your belt. Yeah.

Robb (: 05:16

I mean, I think she got therapy, but the flip side is this for me though, like now that I look at like the bigger picture, whatever, like good for her. If she's happy, more power to you, because it's hard enough to be happy. It's hard enough. We have enough shit on our plate.

Tina (: 05:39

I don't know that people are really happy, they just fake it hoping they make it.

Robb (: 05:44

I mean, yeah, I think some people do that. That's that's definitely a true statement. So. Mm

Tina (: 05:48

I do it if I can't be happy doing it off. I get I'll try anything I can to find some happy in it just to do it. You know, just to be okay not to do it because if there is no happy in it Lord knows I won't I don't have time for that.

Robb (: 06:03

Right, right, right. I hear you. That's like I said, that's where I'm like to the point now where you just have to kind of go with it. Be happy. Hard enough. And speaking of that, we were talking about what we were going to talk about today. And I was like, I don't know, because there's a lot of shit we could probably really talk about. But you said something that kind of you were like, lot of your friends are having kid problems.

Tina (: 06:20

We got off on a tangent.

Tina (: 06:32

Kid problems, yeah.

Robb (: 06:34

And I was like perfect because we've already, know, ours are older or I mean, my, have two that are like, you know, one's 37. So yeah, so we've already like, we've already been through like a lot of the tougher issues. You know, mine still lives with me, but even he's like thinking of branching out and leaving the state and kind of, you know, starting. So.

Tina (: 06:38

Yeah.

Tina (: 06:45

Yep, we've been through it.

Robb (: 07:01

So, you know, having younger kids or having older kids with problems, it has to be a journey, at least. Thankfully, I'm going to knock on whatever wood I can find in my room. I'm not having any right now with him. And matter of fact, things between us are really good. So I'm like, I'm going to run with that. I'm going to run it out and and hope for the best with everything because we're having a good time.

Tina (: 07:13

It's all a journey.

Tina (: 07:26

Yeah.

Robb (: 07:31

We've been to concerts together. We're just things are good. So Yeah, and I'm and I'm doing my best to keep them good You know until he leaves because I really don't want a bad taste in my mouth You know if he leaves I want every 100 % So that's kind of like where my plan is right now like just keep this. Yeah, keep it going and

Tina (: 07:36

Nice.

Tina (: 07:46

Well, and he doesn't either because then he won't want to come home and you want him to come home. Yeah.

Tina (: 07:55

Good, that's a good idea.

Robb (: 07:59

And I try not to bitch and moan about much to him, which actually and here's the other thing. He's actually been kind of good lately. Like. I can't even complain about shit that he's doing. Yeah, he's doing his thing, so I'm very, very happy he's starting a new job, so lots going on for him. What are your friends saying?

Tina (: 08:08

Right on.

He's doing his thing.

Tina (: 08:20

Good.

Tina (: 08:24

Oh, well, one of my good friends, his daughter found out that her boyfriend was doing stuff behind her back that he shouldn't have been doing on the lines of cheating. I don't know if he actually did, but on the lines. I felt so bad for him because he's a single dad trying to trying to raise his daughter. And he's like, Tina, I don't know what to even say to her. He was I'm so mad. I just want to like.

You know, he wanted to say, I don't want to see this kid. I'm not going to help this kid. I'm not going to have him or my house. Like he wanted to stick up for his daughter, but his daughter's like, I think I'm going to give him another chance because he said blah, blah, blah. And and so my friends trying to to be supportive, but be a dad that wants to kick this kid's ass. And and he's in it. I felt so bad for him. And I remember when when my daughter had a

Robb (: 09:06

Okay.

Tina (: 09:23

boyfriend that I just couldn't stand the little fucker I didn't I couldn't I wasn't going to there was nothing I could do that was gonna make me like him I just didn't

Robb (: 09:34

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 09:35

And and it was it was a huge problem in my relationship with my daughter because she was all team boyfriend and I was the mom and It you know once she knew that there was no way I was gonna like this kid like it was bad It was all bad. So I just told him just to love on her and be you know He's a really good friend and and he's very supportive and he's he's a solid guy, right? So I'm like

Robb (: 09:47

Mm-hmm. you

you Attach.

Tina (: 10:05

Just be that to your daughter. Like, you know, she's probably gonna hate on you for a while because, you know, she's mad, but don't not do that. Just keep doing that and show her that you got her and she's gonna go a thousand ways twisted, but...

Just be solid because well, come on. She's a girl first of all, let's just face it. They're a little dramatic at times Especially first second third boyfriends like those are big You know, they they shape you and your dating Lifestyle, you know because they're the first ones that's who you compare everything to and

Robb (: 10:31

I'm You

Tina (: 10:45

And then being a dad and being the dad that just wants the absolute best for his kids, then he's like, I was going to help him get a job. I was going to get a pass so they could both go to the...

Robb (: 10:57

Right. Yeah.

Tina (: 11:03

the amusement park. Like, and he's all I'm not getting him shit now. And I'm thinking to myself, this is the nicest guy. Like he truly is generous in every way, or form. And now all of a sudden he doesn't want to do it. And I understand because I was that same just a mom that didn't want to deal with that little fucker. You know what I mean? And and and I felt his pain. And I was like, I don't know, just be the best dad you can to her and know she's going to screw up. And then it turned into

Robb (: 11:25

Right.

Tina (: 11:33

Why are girls so dumb and then I still couldn't give him an answer because I'm still a girl that's doing you know not so smart things all the time and I don't know I felt for him and then I I wanted to go just hug my dad and say sorry because I know I put him through shit Yes Yes, I think I told you the story that I called my mom three times in one week because my daughter Was driving me ape shit crazy

Robb (: 11:52

Right now seriously You

Tina (: 12:03

Like I was losing my mind and I remember doing that same thing to my mom and what what made me think about it was that the words that came out of my brain and came out of my mouth were my mother's and it sounded just like her and I was like, I'm talking to myself right now. Shit. I'm talking to myself. Sorry mom. You know, I called her by the third time she goes Tina. This is gonna happen to you so many times in your life that you shouldn't have

Robb (: 12:16

yeah. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 12:33

apologize just don't do that shit again to me and teach your daughter not to do it either and she led me off the hook to that but I called her a few more times because I was I was a really good kid but I was still a girl

Robb (: 12:49

Look, at some point, we all become our parents. Whether it's for a few minutes, whether it's for a few weeks, a year, or forever, or parts of our parents. Right? I'll tell you, I...

Tina (: 12:54

Yeah, for sure.

Tina (: 13:09

Yeah, I think I'm going long term on that one, Rob.

Robb (: 13:15

I think I've even said it on the show before. There was a time me and my boy, was in it was a long time ago. It was probably like seven or eight years ago. We're in the bathroom. I had a dual sink where I lived and we're both brushing our teeth. And I asked him to do some shit or something. He kind of smarted off to me and I said something back to him. I can't even recall what it was. That's how it was just, you know, a throw out. And he goes to me and he goes, I bet

you that's what grandpa said to you and I and this is what I told him though I go yeah but it was followed by getting my ass beat do we want to go down that road

Tina (: 13:47

Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

Tina (: 13:57

Yeah, right. Seriously.

Robb (: 13:58

And he was like, he was like, no. I go, yeah. So how about you just go do that shit and we'll call it a day. And he was like, okay. Yeah. So yes. And, and I had that conversation with my father. I sat down with him when I came back from Vegas, actually, cause I had some time with him and I sat down with him I was like, man, that's so hard. And I'm sorry. I put you through all this stuff.

Tina (: 14:06

And...

Okay.

Robb (: 14:27

And the best thing he ever said to me to comfort me was, you don't think I didn't have this conversation with your grandfather, you? And I was like, and he goes, we all have this conversation. Because it goes, at some point you lean on your parents to, you're saying sorry because you're going through the same shit we did.

Tina (: 14:41

Yeah.

Tina (: 14:50

Yeah, and all those years of them saying wait till you have kids is finally coming true. So their internal dialogue is probably bliss and ours is like, I can't believe we did that.

Robb (: 14:55

Mm-hmm. 100%. And I think the flip side to that too is that, know, they want to console you, because obviously they've already gone through this crazy talk, right? This whole nonsensical shit.

Tina (: 15:18

And they already see the outcome is good too. You know, so it's not like it's going to be the end of days because you're going through that.

Robb (: 15:26

Correct. Right, well, and I think that they, you can look at your parents and they're okay. You know, they survived it you're like, yeah, but it's so hard. And they're like, yeah, it is.

Tina (: 15:33

Yeah.

Tina (: 15:40

It was.

Robb (: 15:40

Yeah. mean, and for me, it's very similar to, you know, me and my dad, I ended up being a single dad, just like he was. So there was a lot of these really weird kind of, you know, I like to call them, I call them Darth Vader moments. Cause there's like, you know, I'm Luke Skywalker and he's Darth Vader. And there's like these things that happen in Star Wars that happened to both of them. And it's, it's because those are the things that happen to all of us. Like.

That's just how the world works. Now, does it make it easier on you? No, that would be total, that would be a lie. But I also think that it's something that you continually learn from.

Tina (: 16:28

I know one of my really good friends, she has four kids and none of them have their driver's license and none of them have moved out of the house and they're they're they're getting to

Robb (: 16:37

Wow. you

Tina (: 16:42

They're like late 20s early 30s and she's like I wish they would just get a job Take care of themselves start driving and move out like am I asking too much? And I'm like, yeah, cuz your kids don't even want to drive like I don't understand kids that don't want to drive I got my license on my 16th birthday week

Robb (: 16:57

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. I mean.

Tina (: 17:05

It may not have been, I want to say it was the same day as my birthday, but I'll say it was within a few days because I needed freedom and I don't understand it. Did you, did we forget to tell the kids that having a license gives them a sense of freedom that they will never understand if they don't have a license? Is that what we did wrong? Because what the hell don't people want to learn how to drive?

Robb (: 17:29

I'll tell you for me, was trying to give him the... At the end of the day, my son was pretty smart only for one reason. He didn't want to get his license until he was 18 because then he didn't have to go through all the bullshit of not being able to drive your friends around and not being able... Because there's so many things that you can't do until you have to have a 25 year old.

Tina (: 17:47

traffic.

Tina (: 17:54

Well, plus you don't have to go through driving school, right? Once you're 18 or do you? Yeah.

Robb (: 17:56

You don't have to I sent him anyway Because I wanted him to have some time, you know behind the wheel He was already doing some driving, you know with me but But yeah, so he you know, he waited for a reason Here's the funny thing he

when he decided I had to, so where I live, they had no appointments at the DMV, so I sent him to Simi Valley to get his driver's license, because it was the quickest route to do it. So a friend of his who already had his driver's license, my friend down the street's son, drove him out there.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. He drove out there, took the driver's test and then his friend drove home because he was like, you know, he had already drove like, you know, two hours to get out there. He's like, I don't want to drive all the way there. So and then he went and got his license. But I get sort of why they don't only from that thing, because, know, when we got our license, there was no restriction except for I think you had to have a 20 year old in the car.

Tina (: 18:56

wow.

Tina (: 19:10

20 something, yeah.

Robb (: 19:11

Yeah, so like that was the only restriction and in most cases, you know, I was driving with my dad or whatever in the beginning. for, but once my son got the idea of having a license and understood it, gone, poof.

Tina (: 19:29

But I think that that's my friends say they don't even have that in them. Like, come on, you're 30 years old and you don't want to drive.

Robb (: 19:38

Well, 30 is a whole other monster. You know, like I said, I think once you get to like, if you don't have your license by 21, you're, you're so yeah. mean, with, yeah, without being a total douchebag and saying that, yeah, you're, yeah. Yeah. I just don't understand why you wouldn't, but.

Tina (: 19:47

You're a loser. You're a loser. I'm kidding, but I'm not. Like, there's a part of me that believes that. Like, come on, get your license.

Robb (: 20:06

But these are the things that were that everyone's having problems with kids. Like, and look, I can, I'll, I'll go with the, understand the moving out thing because we live in California and it's difficult. I don't think my son could, could move out on his own, you know, with the job that he has here. But that being said, here's, here's where I have to play devil's advocate. When I moved out, I couldn't afford.

to live on my own. When I first moved out, when I was 20 years old, I had to have roommates. So that's what we did. Most people got roommates and you all rented an apartment. It's just what we did. So, I mean, I don't want, know, I hate to be that guy and say, you know, I feel for you, but I kind of don't like, cause that's what we did. So, hmm.

Tina (: 20:44

Right.

Tina (: 21:03

I don't know how.

you know, like food for four other adults. And then like if they got a girlfriend or a boyfriend they're being over, that could be six, eight adults. And I get like where she's like, I'm ready to not have to be, you know, quiet when I'm in the bedroom with my husband. And I don't want to worry about the kids throwing parties because I went out of town. They shouldn't be living here anymore. And they should have a job and they should have a girlfriend.

Robb (: 21:27

Sure.

Tina (: 21:36

or a boyfriend or I mean I totally get where she's coming from and I know her kids that are good people but they're they're to me I felt like

Well, and maybe I've always been this way. I wanted life to happen. I wanted to be a part of things. I wanted to see it come in and go in and I didn't want to miss a beat. And I don't understand why why kids are not like that. I could don't understand why a child would not want to be like that. Like what did what did we do to them that made them so odd to us?

Robb (: 22:14

Well, here's the thing. Here's where I'll sort of be nice to them. We were Gen Xers. We always had freedom. Our parents were like, it's light outside. What are you doing in here?

Tina (: 22:22

Don't do it.

We did.

Tina (: 22:30

All right, no, mine was like, did you get your work done and then you could get out of here?

Robb (: 22:34

Right, but once all your shit was done, they were like, why are you here? Shouldn't you be playing with your friends? Leave, go outside, do something. It was just different. So like, and now, you know, with everything being...

in the palm of your hand or in front of you with a screen, you know, there's no reason to leave. Why would you leave? Like all my video game shit's here. My computer's right in front of me. Or even if you do go hang out with friends, you're all hanging out on your phones. Which is really weird to me.

Tina (: 23:12

Yeah.

Well when they're sitting next to each other and you go, okay like, for instance, yeah I go like to a Halloween party and all the kids are in the other room and it's super quiet and I'm walking through to go to the restroom and I'm looking at them and I'm looking around I'm like why aren't they saying anything is it's because of me? And then I see them and they're all on their phones and I know they're texting each other so I went into the bathroom and I started texting.

Robb (: 23:19

They'll send each other shit.

Robb (: 23:35

Mm-hmm a hundred percent But it is odd

Tina (: 23:43

Just to like mess with them. I was texting them. I couldn't resist. I just couldn't. So the ones that I had their numbers, I started texting them too. Yeah.

Robb (: 23:56

It's odd. when you to see, know, look, my son isn't horrible about his phone. He can be a little, but he's not absolutely horrible. But we'll be a place and I've seen we'll be out to eat and there'll be six people at a table. And four of them are on phones. And and not sending shit to each other, just on their phone and.

I do my best to ask him not to do it. I'm like, come on, like, can you sort of help out? Like, be cool with that. Like, I want to spend some time with you. So I think that's also a culture problem.

Like I remember when my son would get in trouble, he would go and I'd ask him for his phone and he'd like would break down like he didn't know what to do. Like, why are you taking my phone away? Yeah.

Tina (: 24:58

I've seen kids lose their shit, like...

Completely break the TV in their room and throw their video games around and pull their hair out I've seen these videos even of stuff like that too, and I'm like you're dumb It's just a phone like now. They can't see what you're doing now They can't track where you're going now you nobody could get a hold of you you you're free like run run forest like you don't understand you don't have your phone anymore like that's the best thing ever

Robb (: 25:14

Yeah. But it's.

Robb (: 25:26

Right.

You have freedom. Yeah, it's it's wild.

Tina (: 25:34

Freedom No, and and I yeah, I I don't I've lost my phone a couple times for extended periods at one time And I liked that time like everybody's like my god, you don't have a phone. Are you gonna be okay? And I'm like Pretty sure As a matter of fact I was better because I wasn't tracked

Robb (: 25:47

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 25:54

Yeah. I'm all right.

Tina (: 26:00

Nobody knew where I was. They couldn't call me with their bullshit. I could be in the moment for the whole time It yeah, and I didn't and I didn't care if I took a picture to post or not I'm thank God we didn't get that social media like itch that I think started about five years after we were born those people and younger have it for sure, but I am

Robb (: 26:08

Right? Right.

Tina (: 26:26

I like to take some pictures or videos like especially when I'm on the trike because if I'm not if I'm not the one driving it I could take pictures of what I've seen and be like dad look at this This is what I experienced on the bike. I love doing that, but I don't take I don't take a lot of pictures. I just

Robb (: 26:42

Right. I also think that that today here's part another bigger problem with with children. We've.

hampered them for so long they they wonder why we're mean or or they want to be our friend instead of us being the parent and I think that's also a

very large problem. Like once you put you and your children on the same level, and I'm talking about, you know, 20 and younger. You know, I think once you're 21, it's like you're an adult and if you live in my house that we're turning on the rent anyway, so you're either going to be here or you're not. So if you don't want to be here, you can bugger off. I'm all right with that. So, but I think 20 and younger, like,

I've seen kids talk to their parents. Like, I mean, my son has done it once or twice and I had to check his ass and I did like good. Like anytime he did it one time when his friends were over and kind of got snotty with me and I literally looked him in the face. I'm not your fucking friend. Don't talk to me like that. Right in front of his friend, too. And he was like, and I go, yeah, I don't give a shit if he's here. I don't care. And that's another time I went.

Tina (: 27:57

You have to.

Robb (: 28:16

yeah, I'm my dad. Cause that's what my dad, my dad would have gave two shits. And even my best friend's mom, I told you when I was over there, she was mom. She'd roll me right in front of my best friend or vice versa. He would get in trouble and she'd look at me and go, why didn't you stop him? You knew better. Fuck.

Tina (: 28:18

Yep.

My mom too.

Robb (: 28:39

Yeah, you're right. I did. She goes, well, then you're just, you know, you're just as much in trouble. So if he's grounded, it's for sure. Don't come here because.

Tina (: 28:41

Yep.

Robb (: 28:49

Neither of you can see each other. It's like, oh yeah, you're right. So, you know, being in, look, I love being friends with my son. I do. It's great being a single dad and having a boy. do, you know, we go to concerts together. It's awesome. But I did, I really did my best to keep that parent child thing, you know. Yeah, because once they think you're friends, then they treat you like a friend and you know how

Tina (: 29:12

You have to.

Robb (: 29:19

Friends can be You know and and kids are already like to manipulate you they'll play both sides they'll find a parent that you know, if if there's the one parent who's mean they'll they're gonna go to the the the nice one if there's the one parent who you know gives money no matter what they're gonna go to them because and they can give two shits about whether they agree with them or not They're gonna go to where the money is cuz they're handing out money

And unfortunately some parents, that's their only, that's the only way they can, you know, attach to their child. They're like, well, I got, mostly if you're divorced. That's, know, there's nothing like better than a Disneyland dad saying it's true. yeah, yeah, exactly.

Tina (: 30:05

Yep.

Tina (: 30:09

I always wanted a Disneyland,

Robb (: 30:15

It's true. mean, and here's the flip side of that too. If you're coming out of a divorced family, I mean, and I'm talking like multiple kids, like maybe not like, because like me and my brother, we're so far apart, we're six years apart, we really didn't have to worry about that kind of thing. But they'll they talk out of the backside of their neck, right? Kids will, they'll talk to one parent and then call and talk shit to the other parent and vice versa.

Tina (: 30:34

Right?

Robb (: 30:45

instead of parents controlling the situation with their children. It's like if mostly divorce and again, I know there's bad divorces. I get it. And I'm lucky. I mean, you're lucky actually. Your divorce wasn't absolutely horrible either. But I did my darndest.

For one, never talk shit about my ex-wife to my son, ever. Because here's the thing, they'll find out on their own. Right? Sooner later. And the flip side is that I always worked with her, with him. Like, you have to be united front. If you have, if you're talking shit to your kid about how bad mom is, then...

Tina (: 31:32

Yes.

Tina (: 31:39

That's a problem.

Robb (: 31:41

They hear that and then they're gonna go, why is he talking shit about mom? You know, that's not cool. And then, you you think it's cool for the moment, but two years down the road, they're gonna go, what a dick. Like dad was a dick or mom was a bitch. And you're just setting yourself up for failure long-term.

So and even if you're married and you're doing it You know what I mean? Like if you're if if something comes up in the household and they're like, well your mom's crazy like, okay Well now you're setting the tone for your child Yeah for the rest of their life And you can't do that because then your kids turn on you

Tina (: 32:20

For mom being crazy, yeah.

Robb (: 32:31

And then and then here's the other thing when the kids start doing bad shit They're going to play on the one who doesn't care. It's like whatever, you know, mom told me no well, fuck your mom. okay. Well There you go. Now you're the problem And and if you think that your kids aren't gonna turn on you You is crazy because as soon

Tina (: 32:40

Yep.

Tina (: 32:52

Absolutely.

Tina (: 32:57

You is crazy.

Robb (: 33:01

is it the well dries up for whatever it is money attention happiness whatever the fuck you're giving them when that wealth dries up they're just gonna head on down to the other side that's it and yeah and it's and don't get me wrong it's human nature

Tina (: 33:12

Yep. And that's what they do.

Robb (: 33:18

Like we all do it and I'm not, but I think kids do it because they're trying to manipulate the situation. And, and it's like, I remember my son coming to me and going like, Oh, can I do this? And I'm talking really young, like five, six. And I was like, what'd your mom say? Then it would get really quiet. Like, like a, like, you know, you could hear a fart in church. Just quiet. he, and he'd be like, uh huh.

Tina (: 33:44

you

Robb (: 33:48

She said no. Yeah, the no. Bye. Like if. And then he would like stomp off angry. It's like, OK, well, don't try to play us. And then I would. And of course I would go just tell her. Like I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I was like, yeah, he tried to play me. OK, cool. And then you're United Front. It's your. Look, you make your children the way they are to a degree.

Tina (: 33:52

Yep.

Tina (: 34:04

Robb (34:17.982)

At some point, know, social lives, school, other kids, that starts changing them because, you know, my son would come to me and go, well, know, so and so's parents aren't like you. I was like, okay, so what? I would do it with a badge of honor, Tina. I didn't give a shit. I'm a single dad.

Tina (: 34:37

No, I'm with you. I was the mom and that was that. And that caused a lot of problems because I was like that. I know that's how I was raised the same way. The same way. Yeah, I have one. know one person whose whose daughter is, you know, manipulating the mom or manipulates the dad so that the mom doesn't find out and.

Robb (: 34:41

That's it. Mm hmm. Yeah. It's like, all right, whatever, like. Of course.

Tina (: 35:04

cars involved now that she's driving and being cool in school and stuff and all this stuff is going on and I'm like.

So are you going to tell the mom or are you going to not? And he's like, no, I'm not going to tell the mom. But I told her we're not playing that game like she needed to come, you correct. And I was like, I hope so, because what she starts on you, she'll learn and then she'll be or starts on her mom and learn. She'll she'll be better at it with you. So get ready.

Robb (: 35:25

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:37

Yeah, you're just setting your kid up to do the same shit to you

Tina (: 35:42

Yeah, so so And it's not okay so Having said all that I You know, a lot of people are telling me that they're having these problems they're just telling me stuff and and you know, they they ask my advice and

Robb (: 35:43

And you think it's go gay? Mm-hmm.

You You

Tina (: 36:01

I don't okay. So I know about as much now as I know knew then when I was raising my own child with what to do and how to do it and and

It's so like for me, I feel like I wish I had real answers for them that would actually make a difference. But I just like we don't I told my one friend, I said, we don't need to judge anybody's kids until they turn 40 on their 40th birthday. We'll get all the girls together and we'll sit down with whatever we're drinking and we're going to scrutinize that child for being 40 because by then we should have a good idea of what type of person that we raised and how

Robb (: 36:31

Right.

Tina (: 36:44

of a kid they were will do it when they're 40 so none of us have have had to do that yet because nobody's kids are 40 but but i had one friend say girl when that kid turns when my kid turns 40 i got you to say and i'm like absolutely say it that's when we're gonna judge at that age because you know i don't know i don't i wasn't a full person at 30 i wasn't i wasn't

Robb (: 37:12

Yeah.

Tina (: 37:13

A full person. When I got married, I didn't... my God. I was so ill-equipped in so many ways. And I had parents that were home with each other and there for each other. And then I got into a marriage and I didn't know how to deal with stuff at all. Like a lot of stuff. I remember I couldn't stand that man about once a month. And it wasn't even on my period time. It wasn't. It was just like once a month he was going to do something. It just made me want to... Ugh, you know?

Robb (: 37:39

Right. you

Tina (: 37:43

And I think now I'm like, gosh, what do I tell them now other than they're good parents and the kids will be okay and don't judge them. Let's just see how they're gonna be. But inside, shouldn't I be telling them something? Your little kid's an asshole. You should do something about that. Or I don't know, what do you do?

Robb (: 38:05

You know, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Because if you look, criticism is great as long as you can take it. And I think most parents can't take it. Right, because in your eyes, your kid's a fucking angel.

Tina (: 38:23

That's true.

Tina (: 38:28

Yes. And that should be the way it is. Like you should have that love for your child on that level. Like that is just the amazing part of being a parent is that you feel that way towards anybody on this earth, but let alone somebody that came from you. That's like, that is good stuff right there.

Robb (: 38:29

The end.

Robb (: 38:33

100.

Robb (: 38:49

Yeah. I mean, look, I didn't my girls didn't come for me, I you know, I they're my kids, they're my girls, I raised them, so.

Tina (: 39:00

Why did I say that, I wonder?

Robb (: 39:02

Yeah, I mean, look, I get it. But again, I think like if you if you have. And I'll say it nicely, if you have the balls to raise someone else's kids. Like I think you're you're great person because it's difficult. It just is. And and I love both my girls, they. You know, my middle girl drove me nuts, but.

Tina (: 39:22

That's for sure.

Robb (: 39:31

You know, I mean, she's a great person. ended up being a great person. you know, and look, and to be fair, my own who is mine drives me bonkers a lot of the time. So, you know, it is what it is. But I think that at the end of the day, I think any kind of criticism is good. You know,

Because we've all lived different lives. if someone asked me like, what do think I should do with this? I'll, I just pound them with it. Okay. This is what I would do. Doesn't mean it's right for you. This is what I would do. And I do my best now to if so, you know, start the conversation with it's your child. So because

All of us aren't going handle it the same. And if I go, look, your kid's an asshole or your kid's stupid. That, mean, is it fair? It's fair from my point of view. So I, you know, I do my best not to say things like that, but I will go, you know, at the end of the day, probably not the best idea for your child. And that's it. Because look, some people.

Tina (: 40:38

right?

Robb (: 40:57

my kids included, put themselves in positions that they shouldn't be in.

Tina (: 41:03

True.

Robb (: 41:04

just like we did. I.

Tina (: 41:07

I was the queen of doing that shit.

Robb (: 41:11

I'm I still wear a crown. I'm really still good at it. You know, if you Yeah, I mean exactly mines on the desk, I mean I'm still the king of doing dumb shit so But you know like you know and look my son has seen some of the dumb shit I've done

Tina (: 41:14

Mine's been polished off. just haven't been anywhere to wear it.

Tina (: 41:35

Yeah.

Robb (: 41:35

You know, like, and kind of erode with me while I was doing some of it. So he gets it. And I think that hopefully he's learned from, you know, my dumb mistakes too. Like, don't do this and don't do that. It's not a good idea. You know?

Tina (: 41:53

Maybe he just looks at it and says, nobody died. I might try that one. I'm even okay with that because I think we need to make mistakes in order to learn. We don't learn from doing things perfectly. So why not?

Robb (: 42:04

for sure. mean, look, I think that you have to have some kind of.

Robb (: 42:14

Yes, look, do it, like do what you're going to do. But like in my case, it's like, dating someone that you probably shouldn't be dating for whatever reason, or getting involved with people that, that long run aren't,

I say this without being horrible. Not just good for you, just that, you know, you they also have to be available, whether that's mentally, you know, physically, whatever. You know, I've been told many times I like to chase people I can't have. And for the longest time, I would argue that fact with people and then

Tina (: 42:41

Good for you?

Robb (: 43:10

It got to the point where I started thinking, yeah, that's probably true. Like, you know, maybe I should, I should think differently about certain things. So with your kids, I think you have to just do the same thing with them. You just have to go to them and go, I wouldn't do it, but this is what you do. And if your friends go, my kids are just doing this. I think the best thing to do is be.

overly straightforward with people and just go, yeah, your kid's probably going to end up in prison or, you know, probably not a good idea to get. See, I, I, I've just been around people who've been in, in certain situations. Look, I have a friend who their son got mixed up in something he shouldn't have and ended up going to jail.

Tina (: 43:46

I see and I just will never say that

Robb (: 44:07

Okay, wrong place, wrong time. Like literally wrong place, wrong time. He happened to be driving a car when someone robbed a liquor store. So, and he ended up getting in trouble for it. Thankfully years later, he, I mean, he did his time. I wrote him letters when he was there. He's a good kid and he's got his shit straight. He got lucky, ended up that felony to a misdemeanor.

Tina (: 44:20

Not good.

Robb (: 44:37

It's off his record. It's expunged. You know, he can still get jobs. He works. He has a really good job now. So he did. He did okay. Like he got his shit together. So. But that being said, I think that part of that is. I told her at the time, like, yeah, this is hopefully hopefully it's a learning lesson because the next time he's probably fucked.

Tina (: 45:02

Yeah.

Robb (: 45:03

And she knew it and she was also very straightforward with it and and she's had problems with her kids for doing you know baby daddy issues divorce like lots of different things have been involved and all in all Everyone's came out of it pretty good so

Tina (: 45:14

stupid shit.

Robb (: 45:28

You know, your kids are going to drive you crazy, period. We drove our parents crazy, our parents drove their parents crazy. This isn't anything new, it's not like, what a shock. It's just not. How you handle it, I think, is a whole other monster. You know, it's difficult. It just is.

Tina (: 45:48

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 45:55

It's so hard for me to watch my friends going through this because there really isn't anything for them to do. They have to let their kids make the mistakes. They have to watch it. They have to they have to support their dumb decisions no matter what. Like because that's their kid. And I'm not saying they have to agree with it. And I'm not saying that they're not going to say something about it, but they have to support the child going through it.

Robb (: 46:02

Mm-hmm. you

Tina (: 46:24

I feel bad. It makes me want to call my dad and say dad. I'm sorry I was such a dumbass, but you know I did this and I'm sorry you had to struggle and and I gotta tell you even as adults adults I've put my dad through it like

Robb (: 46:39

Sure. You

Tina (: 46:40

The stories that I could tell, and I won't, because he asked me to keep my mouth shut and have some shame, you know, they were, he had to show up as a dad to, to what, a 49, a 50 year old, a 51, like, he did that last week and he had to show up for me. So it's like,

Robb (: 47:02

Uh-huh. you

Tina (: 47:03

You know, I feel I feel bad for him and he always says to me you never ask for help and if I ask you if you want something you always tell me no it's very hard to be your dad when you don't allow me to be a dad and and I and I thought to myself I'm like, oh my god, he's right, but I'm like that with everybody. I don't I've always been Miss Independent. I'll do it all on my own and I do but I know he's looking at me like I just want to I want to take care of you and you're not even letting me and boy the shit you're doing is really dumb, you know

So I tell my friends like stuff like that and I was like they'll be okay, but Inside I'm thinking how are they gonna get through this, you know?

Robb (: 47:34

Right. And that's kind of the problem, right? Like, you kind of have to just grin and bear it. You know what I mean?

Tina (: 47:57

Yep. You don't kinda, you definitely gotta do. And sometimes you gotta hold it down with two hands to be able to do it, because it isn't gonna be easy.

Robb (: 48:08

It's never gonna be easy, ever. It's never, ever, ever, ever gonna be easy. I don't care how you wanna slice or dice it, it's just not. And I think that's the other thing, is realizing it.

Tina (: 48:09

Never.

Robb (: 48:23

Right? If you realize it pretty early on in your child's development, that it's just not going to be easy, then I think it's your stress level changes. For me, you know, I ended up being a single dad when he was six years old.

Tina (: 48:43

Yeah.

Robb (: 48:44

So I had to, if I wasn't grown up then, and I was what, 38, something like that. If I wasn't grown up by then, I ended up having to be, and quick, real quick. So I think that if you look at things,

Tina (: 49:00

Yeah, real quick. It happens like that.

Robb (: 49:10

from the perspective of that. Like, it's gonna be hard. And there's gonna be a day where they come and they're gonna say some dumb shit to you, whatever it is. They're gonna say, I got a girl pregnant. I'm pregnant. You know, I got arrested. I got a DUI. You know, pick one. Pick what the shittiest thing you think can happen. It's probably gonna happen and they're gonna come to you. Hopefully not. Hopefully it's, know, I got gonorrhea and I am gonna go get a shot.

Hopefully it's something simple. But if not, yeah, there's things that you have to just think as long as they're not dead or in prison forever, I'm okay. You know what I mean? It's like...

Tina (: 49:42

You

Tina (: 50:01

I get it. Yeah, I guess I would judge my kid harshly if she was in prison for sure at the age of 40. Because like I said, we're not doing it till then. But yeah, I'd have something to say about that then for sure.

Robb (: 50:13

Yeah, and I think that you're hoping, like we all hope for the best. And you should, I think that because as parents, you want to think that what you're doing is leading them down the right path, right? So you're thinking.

But then you look you do have to question You can give them all the information in the world, but it's the horse the water You can lead them and if they don't drink that's on them so yeah, I Haven't seen it a lot with my child, but sometimes he's done something and I went I Fucking told you a million times like why why did you do this?

Tina (: 50:58

Yeah, but just because you told them doesn't mean you should expect them not to do it like Because I always tell me I'm a slow learner and the best way I learn is by messing things up So if you think that you telling me that what you did messed you up is gonna stop me from messing myself up You're crazy because I'm I'm a dumbass like that. I will learn the hard way. It is what it is

Robb (: 51:02

Correct.

Robb (: 51:15

It's not, yeah.

Robb (: 51:20

Sometimes you just need to hit your hand with a hammer more than once Right and and look I get it like I you know, look I've I'm just Yeah, exactly you you know more than most of the dumb shit that I've done And and I know because I sat in a Denny's and you went

Tina (: 51:27

in the fire, that's what I say.

Tina (: 51:34

You're like, I've been watching you for years. I get it. No

Tina (: 51:49

Well wait Rob, I got you beat here

Robb (: 51:49

Really? I remember telling...

Matter of fact, that's what led to this podcast sitting in and you went really you're still you're still chasing her and I went yeah, but And the best part is you you never You just went you just went okay I was like, all right because I think you know long run that I Wasn't like you again just like a child you can get all the information you want but your feelings are still gonna send you a certain direction

Tina (: 52:09

I don't judge you.

Robb (: 52:26

So. Right.

Tina (: 52:28

Life is gonna do that to you every there's certain people though that are that you're Cosmically set up with to be in each other's lives and there's nothing you could do about that So when you told me that I was like, I'm sorry because I've been there and I've done that but if I call you stupid then I got all these fingers pointing back at me and I've I've really done stupid shit So what what do I have to say to you Rob? Like what do I have to say?

Robb (: 52:55

No, I think that you do exactly what any good friend or any parent would do. You give your solid advice and let them go. And what happens is gonna happen. Right, and I've definitely told you some stories of how it happened. And look,

Tina (: 53:11

and then say tell me the story later I want to see how everything turned out.

Robb (: 53:23

As a person, I think you can look back on that and go, didn't die. The. Person in their life didn't shoot me. There's good parts of it, right? And and I think that's the same thing with your kids. It's it's like look, you can tell him and tell him and tell him and as long as nothing horribly bad happens. Then. You're on.

Tina (: 53:47

Even if it does horribly bad happen as long as nobody died because really that's the finale of everything is death as long as nobody died Everything could be turned around everything could be changed everything could be corrected not everything lasts forever Forgiveness is a real thing like you just got to let people make mistakes

Robb (: 53:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 54:09

Yeah, and at the end of the day, think, look, we, you only live once. You know, and like you said, as long as no one died, live. Because most of us don't. Most of us don't.

Tina (: 54:25

Okay.

Tina (: 54:30

No, and some of the worst things that I did turned into the best experiences that when I am on my deathbed and I don't give a shit about who knows what, I'm gonna tell those stories and I'm gonna be like, see, I lived. didn't die, nobody died, nobody was hurt traumatically, life goes on, and I got a good story.

Robb (: 54:40

Right. Well, and and your kids will do the same. Look, we we have a bunch mostly as children.

You know, being a Gen Xer, you how many times I got on a bicycle and rode into a wash? During the summertime? Or just on an adventure doing some dumb shit on a skateboard?

Tina (: 55:08

Yeah, yeah.

Tina (: 55:15

Yep.

Robb (: 55:17

can't tell you how many times because well, how long did I live there in the valley? was 13 and I left when I was, well, having a summer at 18. So for five years and five summers, we did all kinds of dumb shit. So much dumb shit. No, and here's the crazier part of that dumb shit. Like I was also involved in making

Tina (: 55:34

so much that kids now don't get to do.

Robb (: 55:47

making sure my dumb friends didn't get in trouble because I didn't drink. And they did. And I'll tell you many times, and you know who my best friend is, he had a, he had a, he loved getting drunk and hitting on girls who already had boyfriends that just happened to be at the parties that we were at. He was, man, many a times I had to stop and go, he's just drunk, don't kill him.

Tina (: 55:51

Yeah, me neither.

Tina (: 56:05

Awesome.

Right?

Tina (: 56:16

Don't listen to him, don't kill him.

Robb (: 56:17

Yeah, don't kill him. He he doesn't know what he's I You I can't tell you how many times so at the end of the day look live. It's okay I think tell your kids the best you can if someone asks you what you think give them Give them good criticism and try not to be harsh I Mean unless they're doing really dumb shit like gang banging or you know to me like dumb

Tina (: 56:21

you

Robb (: 56:47

stupid dumb shit then you'd have to be super harsh and go yeah you're a fool you need to pack your shit up and get out of the city like you know what mean like and I'm okay with that one but anything else look you can only do your best as a parent that's it and and looking back I mean both my parents now you know once and again I think once you lose a parent you also

Tina (: 57:06

True.

Robb (: 57:17

kind of change a little? Because like, yeah, I mean, or you look at how they raised you differently. Because like, you know, I had no heat towards my mom at all.

Tina (: 57:21

a lot.

Robb (: 57:32

But you know, was raised by my dad during the formidable years and I love my mom to death. But then later on, she said things to me like, I'm glad that that you went to live with your dad because he raised you to be a good man. And it's like, oh, so all of a sudden it was like, if I had any animosity towards my mom, it all went away because she felt like it was the best thing to do. Like, oh, OK, well, cool. And I hope that at some point and I really don't talk to my

Robb (: 58:08

I would if they invited me if her and her husband invited me somewhere I'd just go because I don't I don't have any but I hope that she thinks the same way I hope that later on in life she just goes oh you know maybe he was just better off being raised by a man because he turned out to be a good man and you know that's all you can ask for

And I think the same with you. I think that at the end of the day, you know, I think your daughter will look back and still say like, my mom had a presence in my life that made me a better woman. Might not be now. And unfortunately, you might not ever hear it. No, but I would probably say that she wouldn't admit it out loud because she has to be mad at you.

Tina (: 58:47

Good.

I was gonna say, don't make me hold my breath on that.

Robb (: 59:01

But I bet you she thinks or she's done things in her life with with and and then had to step back and go. That's what my mom did. Because I've done it. I went, shit, that's just like my dad. And and and then go, I didn't want to be like that, but you end up being like that because. That's how you were raised like.

Tina (: 59:14

Yep.

Robb (: 59:23

You hated it as a child, but when you do it, you're like, well, shit, he was doing it because it was right.

Tina (: 59:31

Yeah.

Robb (: 59:31

And those are, let me tell you, those were hard days for me because things that my dad did that I didn't think were very cool then worked because they work. It's like, shit. So at the end, look, kid trouble is kid trouble.

Tina (: 59:45

Right?

Tina (: 59:55

Yeah.

Robb (: 59:56

It's it's just being able to You know See it for what it is and understand that being there for your child Long run, I think is going to help them more than you think Look, I'm critical of my kid. I'm sure he could he if he came on here He would he would probably go all he was mean and whatever and I'm okay with that

Cause I think long run, my son will be a good man. And matter of fact, he is a good man. I've already seen him do certain things that I can go, yeah. You know, you know, he's, gets it. So just, just keep fighting. That's my, my better, you know, my, better, thing to say during this is like your, your kids are rough and it's hard. And, and if you think.

Tina (: 01:00:34

You got it.

Robb (: 01:00:55

that you didn't do a good job or you're not doing a good job. You probably are. Cause look, we all judge ourselves worse than anyone else will ever judge us. A hundred percent. Cause I'm telling you when I was.

Tina (: 01:01:01

Yep.

Tina (: 01:01:09

That's for sure.

Robb (: 01:01:17

When he was seven, eight, I sat in an apartment by myself in Vegas and just went, am I doing the right thing? Because you just don't know, you know, and you wonder, you know, is, you know, am I gonna get through this?

Tina (: 01:01:42

you get through it. You get through all of it.

Robb (: 01:01:44

Yeah, and I think for you that's, and I'm sure you hear it a lot more, because being a hairdresser that everyone likes to dump their trauma on you, it's true, a little trauma dumping. So for me, it's like, and I've told you a bunch of times too, because I was around you when your daughter was younger.

Tina (: 01:01:57

Right? It's true. A little bit.

Robb (: 01:02:15

As much as someone may say, you know, bad things, you're, she's you regardless. And whether she wants to hear it or not, that's just the reality, you know, that she wouldn't be doing what she's doing if it wasn't for you. So, you know, I, love is a very bizarre thing.

Like I said, you know me and my mom didn't have the greatest relationship in the world thankfully As she got older she wanted to trauma dump on me Which I think really really helped me Because she's she got to say things to me that I just didn't know or things how or how she felt and Look, my mom did the best she could

Tina (: 01:02:59

Mmm.

Tina (: 01:03:11

Yeah, we all do. That's the only thing you can do.

Robb (: 01:03:13

And I think your friends, know, all you can do is tell them the same. Like.

Tina (: 01:03:22

You know, I'll leave it at this. My friends as parents, I see the most amazing people in them and it makes me love them more because of the parents that they are even on days where they feel like they're failures.

Robb (: 01:03:39

Yeah. That's it. Totally. I think that's the best way of ending this. You're not a failure. It's that, well, for one, the finish line's very far. Matter of fact, the finish line is after we're dead. Right. I mean, we're gone and hopefully the things that you've taught them will continue.

Tina (: 01:03:54

Right?

Tina (: 01:03:57

Yeah, and then by that time, who cares? We're gone.

Robb (: 01:04:06

on to your grandkids and their kids and their kids and a small piece of you 50 years from now, know, three generations from now.

We'll say, this is how they did it. So, so we'll leave it at that. Just so you know, this show is way late. I know we didn't start it that way, but lots of things going on in life. I'm still battling this weird thing with my chest, so I haven't been feeling the greatest. But that being said, if you're listening to this show right now, you're going to get another one as well.

Tina (: 01:04:29

Sorry guys.

Robb (: 01:04:47

the same week. So we're going to double up. We're going to two for one or or double dip. Yeah. Or ketchup. Ketchup sounds good with some french fries. Yummy. Me too. All right. It's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every week and check us out on all socials and you can listen to this everywhere and share. Keep sharing. This has been the best month ever for this podcast. Ever. Never ever ever. All right.

Tina (: 01:04:51

catch up, we're just gonna catch up. Yeah. I'm hungry, let's go.

Tina (: 01:05:10

ever ever ever.

Robb (: 01:05:17

We'll say until next week or until tomorrow. Yeah, we'll see you then. Bye.

Tina (: 01:05:24

See ya.