EP # 133 The challenges of trust in relationships

Robb (: 00:02

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:09

I'm a little wet today with this freaking weather, but other than that, oh my God, I just totally, Rob was taking a drink, and as soon as I said I'm a little wet today, he almost lost it. Ha ha ha.

Robb (: 00:20

Oh man, that could have been fun.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:24

That was a whole different conversation than what we were planning. Oh my god. This video should have been on YouTube, but it won't be.

Robb (: 00:26

Yeah. I mean, yeah, to be fair, it is raining quite a bit in Southern California. I will tell you this morning was quite scary driving to work. It was.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:40

It's raining like we need an arc right now.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:47

Mmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:50

Yes! Oh my god, it was so scary being on the roads today.

Robb (: 00:55

And you don't have to take the freeway.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:57

No, but I was on the freeway today and it's weird. It was so busy that um at one point The water kicked up so bad. I had to hit the brakes because I couldn't see And there was somebody in front of me that was rather not like super close But close enough to where if they had just hit their brakes a little bit I would have hit them And man, I was like I was on the phone, of course, but I had my headphone in my ear and I was like holy fuck

Robb (: 01:12

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 01:19

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:27

What's wrong? What's wrong? I'm like I just almost died. I didn't. There wasn't nobody stopped. It was just water I couldn't see over but it was really that bad

Robb (: 01:37

I got a really, really bad kickback from a truck, a bad, like a bad one, like this morning. And, you know, I went to work at like six o'clock this morning. So it was, it was black and it looked like fog, but it was rain coming down so hard. It was not early this morning. Thankfully I made it to work on time and I survived the day. And it's almost over. I think today, right? Today is gonna be the end.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:40

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:47

So it was still dark. Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:59

getcha.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:03

Is it? Because I heard it's going to keep going until like Friday.

Robb (: 02:07

I don't believe so, but you know, let's take a gander on that cool thing why we, let's see. Oh yeah, it says 35% chance tomorrow now. So could see a little bit more. Actually today, it would be today when you hear this. So it should be some today.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:29

So I'm seeing the conditions are expected to last until 1 a.m. Wednesday, February 7th.

Robb (: 02:35

Mm-hmm. Yes, correct. So that's good. I hope it ends around then. That would be perfect. So.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:44

Yeah, because they're actually evacuating people in areas like the homeless, because the LA river is like at max capacity and running over and people that are homeless that lay out there in those areas.

Robb (: 02:48

Yeah.

Robb (: 02:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 02:58

There was some encampments over where I work that in the wash or the riverbed, it was, there was like 30 or 40 cars there. And I mean, it's a river, it's a running river. It's very scary, I'm sure. So, we always have something to talk about and...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:14

Yeah, it is.

Robb (: 03:22

generally we come up with it when we sit down to actually record these shows. People might be a little more shocked, but we do throw around a couple of things beforehand and you know things always come up. So you came up with something and I heard a kitty bell.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:28

Hehehe

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:38

Yeah, she's bugging me because I just got home a little bit ago.

Robb (: 03:46

You brought up trust in relationships. And I think that that's a really good subject because these days, I think with being online so much and just bringing baggage into a relationship, it is hard to trust people these days.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:07

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 04:13

just because of modern dating and modern things. We talked about it last week with disposable relationships that I think that due to the fact that phones are in our hands a lot of the time, people get very suspicious very quickly now. Like, what are you doing? Who are you talking to?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:20

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:31

all the time.

Robb (: 04:40

Why are you on the phone so much, blah, blah. So I kind of agree with you that trust is probably going to be the hardest thing in relationships.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:51

Absolutely. I've, I've heard lately, you know, because being single, as a hairdresser, people talk about things differently than they did when I was married, you know, it was like a different, it's a different, I don't know, it's a different talk that we have. And

Robb (: 05:12

A different vibe now.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 05:14

Yeah, it's a totally different vibe. And so we're having these conversations as of late about how it's hard to start over at our age because trust has been so mangled in people's worlds for however many relationships they've had. And I'm hearing this, I'm hearing this a lot from not only men and women, and I've noticed in my own dating.

that women have really fucked over men in the last 10 to 15 years. I didn't realize that the tides had turned and where I remember when we were younger, it was normally the men that cheated in the relationships. It could have been because of our age too, you know, the testosterone's going and everything. So I get it back when we were in our 20s and we were in our 30s that men were known, at least in my...

Robb (: 06:00

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:15

world to be more the cheaters but now it's like the men are coming out saying no it's so women are manipulative women only want you to take care of them and then they're on to the next one or they just screw with a man and men don't think the way women do men my ex used to say my men think very linear they're very black and white it's yes or no

And that's like how they are. Where women are like, you know, do you want something for dinner? Could turn into an argument of you don't love me anymore and why weren't the kids picked up six weeks ago? Like it could, you know, so men feel like they can't win an argument because women will run them around, do this whole thing. And next thing you know, they're like, how did my world just implode in five minutes and all I wanted to know if she wanted to go get some chicken for dinner. Like...

So I didn't realize that this was happening but I hear it from so many people now and And it made me wonder is it because of the disposable relationship thing or have women just had a leash on men because they needed to get even like men are the problem when women aren't when I Gotta tell you

in my opinion from hearing both sides because I have women ate the apple like it was it was them and it's still them not that men aren't

Robb (: 07:47

Well...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 07:53

broken and having to go through their things, but they're just not as...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:00

I think that they're.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:04

because they've always been so bad in women's eyes that they've tried to be better. And then as soon as they try, like the tables were turned.

Robb (: 08:15

Yeah, I agree with you. I think there's a couple of things. It's it's who admits it more probably. Since you were saying some stuff, I looked up something just for shits and giggles. I put in who cheat more men or women statistics.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:26

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:34

So here's some main cheating statistics. The percentage of men and women in 2017 who cheated on their partners, 20% for men and 13% for women as of 2017. There's been an increase in the rate of women infidelity since 1990 by 40%. 16% of married couples admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:45

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:55

Mmm, yeah.

Robb (: 09:04

30% of individuals started cheating on their spouse with someone from their work environment. That's not a shock. According to research, 57% of marriages ended in divorce due to infidelity. That's a lot. That's a little very much. 88% of ladies put more emphasis on emotional affairs over physical affairs. We've talked about that many, many times because I think...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:18

Yeah.

It is alive.

Robb (: 09:33

women end up lacking an emotional relationship with men. The percentage of men and women facing emotional affairs was 45% to 35 for men to women actually. 60% of all emotional affairs have been discovered to start in a work environment. That's not a shock.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:37

Yes.

Robb (: 09:57

and 77% of men confessed to engaging in some form of emotional affair while women accounted for 91%.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:08

Wow. Yeah, see, now that we're older, and I've been able to look at my dating history and my friend's dating history and just, you know, life. I'm at a place now where I'm like, I don't want to play games anymore. I want to find one person that wants to be with me that I want to be with. And we just work on us and being

Not a power couple because I think that's like, then you're in it for like, I don't know, the glory of whatever you could build together, but I do wanna build. And I do want to have that, but I don't, I'm kinda tired of the bullshit. Like, okay, you wanna work with me, I'll work with you, we can work together, and let's not worry about what everybody else is doing. You know, come home and let's try to legitimately fix.

Robb (: 11:02

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:07

the shit that we brought to the table. Because everybody at 52 has shit on the table. You know, we've all been through it. It's not, nobody's had a perfect dating career, for lack of a better word.

Robb (: 11:24

Yeah, I mean at all. I think we've all stumbled at some point or like, well, here's my thing. Like I can admit I've never cheated on anyone I've been with, but now the flip side of that is I was the other person. So I was single, but they weren't, but they were in a very...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:29

The whole time? I mean...

Robb (: 11:53

very rocky relationship on a bunch of different levels. Not that it makes it right, but I think there's a lot of things that go in with cheating. There's obviously problems on either end and somebody isn't meeting in the middle. And I think those are the bigger conversations to have is how do we get there?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 12:07

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 12:16

Cheating feels to me like a direct result of dysfunction. It's not about wanting to get one over on another. It's just life wasn't working to begin with between the couples and both the people, the couple. And that's where the journey starts with the cheating.

I don't think it's like I'm just gonna cheat on, I don't think people go into relationships going, ah, I'll just cheat on her or I'll just cheat on him. There's dysfunction way before that.

Robb (: 12:50

Yeah, I never think it's planned. Yeah. Here's a interesting statistic. Women between the ages of 20 and 29 tend to cheat more than men of the same age.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:02

Really?

Robb (: 13:04

Yeah, but it said 11% of younger women cheated once on their spouse while 10% for men. So it's not a lot, but still more. And men between the ages of 30 and 39 cheat more on their spouse. 14% compared to 11%.

So, you know, obviously if you look at these statistics, it's very easy to start wondering why trust is so prevalent or the lack thereof. I think people are just jaded, right?

because of certain things. We've been in rocky relationships, we've been the other person, we've did it in our youth and had a good spell of not doing it and now you are looking for something way more stable. So if you're not in that, intimate, intimate and stable, those probably walk hand in hand. And it's so easy to get out of now, right?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:58

Intimate.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 14:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 14:09

old high school friends, coworkers, like there's all these people that are right at your phone just waiting for that glass to break. And I think the bigger problem for me is how do you go into these relationships with some kind of peace of mind?

You're either going to go in super damaged and never trust anybody, or you're going to go in wise-eyed, you know, wide-eyed and like, okay, I don't care. I'm going to try this regardless.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 14:47

You know what I think? I think that we all are aware of our limitations as far as being honest and being faithful. And I think we need to be honest about that in our talks when we're with somebody like, you know, how many times have you cheated on somebody in your life or are, you know, did you do it at all? Was it a one time thing? What caused it? I think that that's...

Something that needs to be focused on a little bit like not forever. You need to have a couple of conversations you need to know where the other person stands, but Ultimately, if you don't give people a break and you don't let them you don't let them Work on a relationship with you. You're not gonna know if they're gonna cheat you can't there's no freaking guarantees that Somebody's gonna love you and do right by you every Second of every day, but you should be some looking for somebody that

has some integrity and has some, um, you know, that that's not act in certain ways. Like I would never go out with somebody who, every time he sees a girl, he's talking to me and then no, no. Like he's looking at somebody else. And I know a guy like that. He's hilarious. Like if, if we're talking or walking down the street, he's one of my friends and he sees somebody good looking across the street, his voice goes, no, like when he's talking, I'm like, wait, hello.

Robb (: 16:11

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:12

Hold the conversation while you're checking her out. Like, what would you do to her? Just let's go with that, because is that what's going on in your head? And he'll tell me, oh yeah, I had all kinds of things popping in my head that I would do to her. I like him because he's at least honest and upfront about it. I wouldn't date him because he's a horn dog, but he makes for some really good stories. And I know my limitations with him being a woman, let alone...

You know, I would never date somebody like him, but as a friend, he's cool people because he's honest with me and I get You know, he's not he's not trying to hide his pigism For lack of a better word

Robb (: 16:51

Right. It's funny because I've heard a lot of people talk about certain things too. It's like, let's say you meet somebody and you're really into them as a guy. They generally say, look at the first group of friends that they have. And if most of them are single, don't date her. Because yeah, because most of those single girls are always going to be

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:12

Oh really?

Robb (: 17:16

telling that person, oh, you can do better, blah, blah. And they, they want you to stay single so you can go party with them because they're out and about and they don't want to do it alone. And as soon as that friend gets into a relationship, she disappears. And now the girl who could have been in something good is alone. So it's like these, it's a, and

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:26

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:39

Hmm.

Robb (: 17:42

I was listening to another pod and basically it's quite common, right? The girl who has lots of single friends, they're generally like, hang out with us, blah, don't worry about that. And they, they're poisoning the water, even though they're

may not be doing it purposely, or they are doing it purposely, but it's going to hinder your relationship. So that first group of friends you have to kind of take a look at, because if they're not a few couples and a few, like you really have to be careful. And I would think the flip side of that is it's not a big deal because

dudes who have single friends, they're doing their thing. They don't care. They're like, all right, you're gonna go with your girl. All right, and have fun. And I'm gonna go hang out with the other boys. And that's just from my point of view. I could be totally wrong with that, but I can see it. Maybe not in older women, maybe not, but I could totally see that in the younger generation where they're like, you know, come out with us.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 18:28

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 18:46

Yeah, I am. My friends are split 50-50. I have a couple of groups of married friends, and then I have like the ones that I'll go to lunch with are my single friends, just because they're single and we could get out of doing things and go step away for a little bit. But one of my very best friends is married to another one of my really good friends and

You know, it's funny because my friends don't do that to me. My friends are always just bring them, you know, bring them with you. Have let's have fun. Let's go together. Who cares? But we're also over 50. So I think that changes. I could definitely see that of girls in their 20s. Just as like here's something other something funny that I heard. And we may have talked about it on the podcast is that women will say, oh, your hair looks so great short, but.

They encourage that because they're insecure about themselves and they want to ugly up their friends And I was like my friends never did that I'm like do you want your hair short or long because that's what I'm gonna do To you, you know, here's what you need cut because your hair is dead. But outside of that. I'm like, I don't care if you got long hair short hair curly hair straight hair like That was never a thing for me. But apparently that's a thing too

Robb (: 20:03

It's very big actually and I've heard that on several podcasts because I think that most men Desire like long hair. Yeah So, of course, they're like, well, it's one more girl. They can get out of the dating pool

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:10

like long hair.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:20

Who? I didn't think like that when I was younger. I didn't like the same guys that my friends liked. We went different ways in different situations and that's just the way it was.

Robb (: 20:23

Yeah.

Robb (: 20:31

Here's the funny thing is, the one I was listening to, they were.

the that he had a doctor on and even he said that some of these girls may not be doing it intentionally. It's like a built in it's built into all of us right to try to find yeah because we're trying to find the best mate. So we were your they're your friend and like you would jump on a grenade for him but if the right spouse is in the way you're going to you're going to make sure that the girl that you're

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:42

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:45

Really?

Robb (: 21:05

trying to get your best bud you're gonna down him in front of her like oh this guy is a piece of shit and he you know slept with 20 women you know with us growing up and like you're poisoning the water so she looks at him as you know okay I can understand why you don't you know you don't hang out with him all the time or whatever so there's that but you I heard the long hair thing is very true

Tina Marie Garcia (: 21:30

Yeah, and I, for me, it was like, I'm a hairdresser wanting to make people look their best because that's my brand, that's my print on life, right? So to me, it was like, yeah, if you want your hair short, let's cut it. But are you sure? Do you want, I had one friend, my friend's got some beautiful red hair and it's super long. And she's like, cut my hair off. I want it short, I want it really short. I want it, I want it so short.

Robb (: 21:43

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 22:00

There was a workout lady back in the day who had short blonde bleach blonde hair And a lot of women went for that. She's like I want it that short and I said you want to look like a dude And she's like no, I just want it. I just want it that short. So I said, okay and I cut it She's like why would you do that? I'm like I asked you three times. I'm this is my job. This isn't my life This is my job. And if you want that that's what you're paying for. So i'm going to do it

Robb (: 22:06

Mm-hmm, I remember.

Robb (: 22:21

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 22:27

And and we call that her lesbian stage because I she used to dress super cute with the short hair But I thought she kind of had a Ellen DeGeneres vibe And then I also thought that she looked like a cancer victim because she had gotten so skinny and her hair was gone So we talk about that as like the wrong stage for her in You know style, but she made it work. She did she looked adorable but um

Robb (: 22:37

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 22:43

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 22:55

maybe she was pulling the wrong, you know, she was sending out the wrong messages to people because of how she liked.

Robb (: 23:00

Well, and again, like trust, trust is a weird thing. Like people trust you a lot because you're changing their look. When it comes to relationships, the trust thing is very hard. Mostly, so you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, right? You get into a relationship with somebody and you wanna be very open, right? How far do you go with telling someone about your past? Right? If you come...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:09

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:26

And how far does it, how it, you know what? I wondered that too, because.

Every relationship that I've had has been completely different than the one before it. So if you bring your baggage to it, it's kind of not fair because it's a, you know, you may cheat on this one person because of, of lack of intimacy or whatever, whatever the hell it, I don't know, it was Friday, whatever you want to call it. But the next person brings out different things in you and your personality. So you can't really hold them all accountable.

Robb (: 23:53

Right?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:02

for everything that they did in their life because it should be different. They should treat you differently depending on the type of person that you are.

Robb (: 24:11

Correct, you're hoping they cheated because the person wasn't right for them. And look, not that it makes it right. I don't wanna say like, oh, they cheated so they could get out, just get out. I think that, you know, but I think if you're going to come into a new relationship, talking about your past is important on a lot of different levels because you have to.

the trust of telling someone your insecurities or your issues or what are triggers or whatever it is, there's a trust in that where you're like, okay, I'm gonna tell you all these deep down secrets about me, don't use them against me. And I think it does a lot. And I think that that's where you have to have the secondary communication link,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:54

Mm-hmm, but that's basically what happens.

Robb (: 25:07

You know, there is something about telling somebody, Hey, I'm going to tell you all this shit. Don't hurt me. And if you do, then it's over. And, and, but you have to be very blunt about that part as well. And I think that's what builds trust is look, I want to be with you. I want this to work. I think you're wonderful. Whatever that is.

but as soon as you hurt me over this, I'm leaving. And there's no, oh, I'm gonna, I wanna work it out, I wanna see what happens. You have to be very straightforward in that as well. And I think most people don't talk like that anymore.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:31

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:42

I am I only cheated once and when I was caught because you know you do it till you're an idiot and get caught and have to look stupid or at least I did the look on his face was so damaging to my heart to my soul like I really hurt the man.

Robb (: 26:05

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 26:06

That it didn't matter what the reasons were there. There was no good reason for somebody having to hurt that somebody that I loved having to hurt that bad That it truly I don't want to do that. I don't want to ever have that again I don't want to ever be in that position to do it I know now what the end result could be and how devastating it is to somebody when Not and it wasn't that I wasn't telling them why I was feeling the way I did like I i'm

pretty much a communicator. So if I'm feeling something, I'm going to talk about it. I wish he would have listened more and maybe tried to work with me more and then that wouldn't have been, it wouldn't have, maybe it wouldn't have happened that way, but you're supposed to be where you are now. So you can't look at what ifs, but the next person that you get with after that, you shouldn't be saying, well, you know, I'll just, if I don't like them, I'll cheat again.

You should say, wow, I really need to be responsible for my actions. And if I'm not ready to be with one person, be with all of them, like fuck, whoever you want, do whatever you're going to do. Be single. You don't need to make anybody's, you know, you don't need to commit to anything for anybody. You'll still get laid. People are not stopping that. So, but when you're ready to settle down, be a better person or just.

Robb (: 27:25

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:32

Don't settle down.

Robb (: 27:34

Right. Get into the relationship because you want it. Because I think if you get in, if both people are in the relationship for the right reason, that building trust is easy because you are communicating every day and you're spending quality time with each other, you're giving each other the space that they need, you know, because we all need that. Um, so.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:37

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:58

Yeah.

Robb (: 28:01

A lot of it comes with that. Building trust should be, you know, Legos. You should be able to put a Lego every day and go, okay, I can see it's going well here, it's going here. And every blue moon, you're gonna take a couple Legos back. But if you take the Legos back, you have to be able to go to the person and go, hey, I was uncomfortable with this and not make it a fist fight. Because I think now that's another thing. It's like, if you say, hey, you know, I kinda didn't like the way you talked to this girl.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:13

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:22

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:31

and everyone gets so defensive instead of going, Oh, how did I talk to him? Okay, you I'm sorry, you didn't like that. I'll do my best not to do that. Mostly if it was something that was just very because I'm very outgoing. So like, I'm sure that it could come off flirty even though it's not.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:51

Well, and you've had problems even with people not trusting you and I with doing a podcast and we're not even in the same city doing it. We're like over an hour away and people could be jealous because we're close and do a podcast every week. But I can't even tell you the last time I saw you, it's been a few months, right? A couple months, two, three months. So it's like, why would you be?

Robb (: 29:00

Yeah, we're so far away from yeah, we're very far away from each other. Yeah

Robb (: 29:13

Yeah, yeah, we haven't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 29:17

And we've never even had any communication in it. And I don't know, I can't say never. We talk about a lot of shit, but we don't talk intimately about what we would do or be with each other. That's never been the case. And yet, even in dating, you know, your name comes up the most. Like, you know that guy you do the podcast with, like what's with him? I'm like, get out, that's Rob. That's Rob.

Robb (: 29:26

Yes.

Robb (: 29:33

now.

Robb (: 29:43

Yeah. Well, those are the things. And I hate to say like sisterly love because I think that that's something that's thrown around, you know, when people. Well, I think people throw that around when they're guilty. Like that girl's like a sister to me or that guy's like a brother to me. But, you know, we've known each other very, very long time. And and really kind of went through so many different things. So, you know, I trust.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 29:52

Is it?

Robb (: 30:12

to tell you things that I know won't go past you ever. And that's the kind of trust you have to build with the person that you wanna be with. It's, you have to be able to go look. This is her, this is what I did with her, this is my old relationship.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:16

and they don't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:23

Yeah.

Robb (: 30:31

I'm 50 something years old. The reason I'm with you is because I want to be with you because of this, and this. But it's hard for people to talk like that. It really is. Because here's the other thing that is a very hard thing to ask. If someone goes, so what is it about me you like? And look, you should have answers. There's gotta be something.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:39

Yes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:44

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:00

Absolutely.

Robb (: 31:01

But sometimes the answer is beats the fuck out of me. I just get a certain way around you. And there are some people like that. And I've had friends of mine go, no, there's not. It's like, yeah, there is. Then you've never had that one person that just sparked something. And I don't wanna say that sparks are everything because that's way not true. But I think a spark is a good start.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:08

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:21

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:26

Yeah.

Robb (: 31:29

you have to build upon that kind of thing. And that's trust, you know, building trust is part of each date and each phone call and each text and being able to go, hey, I don't wanna start a fight but this is what bothered me. Because people are afraid to do that because they don't trust their mate to not blow up and.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:48

Mm-hmm

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:54

Well, and being vulnerable isn't a good feeling either. And I think that people, when they get vulnerable, they get very unsteady and they're just kind of nuts at that point. Like I, I have actually been. It was, this was a couple of years back. I was talking to a guy. He hated the idea of doing this podcast because he said that first of all, that

Robb (: 32:01

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:21

my shit was out for everybody to hear. The second thing was you. You do it with a man. You do it with a man that you've known since you were 16 years old. And I said, you, I got to tell you something. He is the last person that you should ever worry about. However, if you want to know who Tina is, and you want somebody to just give it to you straight.

Robb (: 32:23

Mm-hmm. Here? Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:50

That's the person to talk to because he's been my friend for so long. He could tell you what my good points are. He could tell you what my not so good points are, but he's going to, he'll also be honest because we didn't ever have to go down a road that, you know, we're not, we're not exes. We're not, um, we're not, we don't go back to each other because, you know, you're the person in the middle when they're, we're not dating. There's none of that. So if you want to know who I am as a person.

Robb (: 33:17

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:20

not as somebody that is a date, but as a person, I said, talk to him. Like, I'll set it up. You guys could go and get Chee-Chee's pizza together and I'll work on Saturday. And you guys could do that. And he'll tell you. And he goes, yeah, but he'll just say whatever you tell him to say. I'm like, no, I don't tell him what to say.

Robb (: 33:26

Yeah.

Ah man, see youssees.

Robb (: 33:38

Oh man, not only that, like, you know, I mean, you know me, I think that that's, you know, I'm a straight shooter and it gets me in trouble a lot of the time.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:47

Yeah. I said, I don't tell Rob what to say. He doesn't tell me what to say. We decided a long time ago that we like to laugh at each other when the shit comes out of our mouth. So we're just waiting for what comes next. So ask him. I mean, I, you get ahold of him on my social media. You get ahold of him on so many ways. If, if you're that worried about him, do it, but I'm not going to defend my relationship nor will I ever pick you.

Robb (: 33:57

Yeah, exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:15

Over him if you're telling me I can't trust that because trust Is where the problem is it's not with rob or wanting to be Um with him as a friend it's trust Yeah, yes. Yes

Robb (: 34:24

It's a trust issue. It's just a trust issue in general. It could be anyone. And I think that's the other thing. It's kind of like, like you said, talking about this podcast, you're right. It's a very, it makes you very vulnerable because we talk about lots of different things. And being in a relationship would or could be difficult on here where...

You know, look, if I was with somebody and they said, look, I would prefer you not to talk about our relationship. Um, I would do my bestest to go around certain things just because I think that that's what builds a healthy relationship. It was, you know what I mean? Um, because, well, and for one, mostly at our age, we have so many other relationships that we can, that we can bring up.

I mean, it's just an age thing. It's not even like, you know, but it's just a fact that we could bring up as valid points that we wouldn't have to bring out a current relationship. And I wouldn't want to hurt anyone that felt like I was using our relationship as a point there. But...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 35:30

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 35:38

Well, you want to put your relationship in the best light possible. You want to put your mate in the best light possible. I don't I don't go around telling my friends like all the stupid shit or all the dumb things. Like I keep those private because those are mine with him. But but yeah, you should. We do have so much to talk about.

Robb (: 35:44

Always.

Robb (: 36:03

Yeah, but see that like what you just said is I think the perfect example. There's if there's something wrong in your relationship, it should never leave the four walls. You should fix it before it leaves.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:17

And then if you want to talk about it after, like, this is what we went through and this is how we fixed it. Yeah.

Robb (: 36:23

Exactly. That's the most positive way to build trust with anyone. You know, it's kind of like, you should never down your mate in front of everyone. If you're at a gathering, you should never call your mate out for anything.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:27

Yes, yes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:35

No.

Robb (: 36:42

You should remember it and maybe take it home and talk about it there because that those are the only ways you're going to build trust because pointing fingers in front of all your friends is just going to get The other outside people going what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Yeah Yeah, exactly

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:42

No.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:56

And you know, you shouldn't be with him because remember that day he did that. And remember you told me he did that. And women don't forget. And I, I forget a lot of things because I just overlook them, but my friends are like, remember that day? They always do that. And I'm like, damn it. You're right. You know,

Robb (: 37:09

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, and I think that that's just, again, poisoning the well. If your friends don't like your mate, they're going to do their best to make sure everyone knows. And this is why you leave things in the house, because I want to trust my mate to have the faith of coming to me and going, look, things are rocky right now. How do we fix them?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:24

Yeah.

Robb (: 37:40

and nobody's talking to people at work, whatever. Because it's the only thing that is going to continue to build trust. Because as you can tell with these statistics I told you, it's both sexes. This isn't one thing or the other. It's both. And it's funny because I read a stat somewhere.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:47

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:53

Yeah.

Robb (: 38:06

Like infidelity in the lesbian community is massive. Oh, by a lot. I mean, the gay community in general, but they said that the lesbian community was like really, really large. And I guess, I mean, obviously, if women are starting to cheat more, that would not be a shock.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:11

Really?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:31

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 38:32

that things are just statistically, it's going to happen in any kind of community. It just goes to show you that, look, humans in general are looking for stability, but when they feel either sexually deprived, that's why men cheat, or emotionally deprived, that's why women cheat, they're going to find something to fill that gap.

I've even seen articles where they talk to men who've cheated literally just for sex that would tell you I love my wife, I love my children my whole life. I'm just not getting sex at home. So there's a way to fix that. There's just is a way to fix that. It is that easy.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:17

Yeah, fuck them. Like, is that easy? I always say if you if you wear out a man, and you let them leave completely empty his chances of cheating on you are way less than if you're not doing that, like do that. And that's such a big part of a relationship for a man. And that seems to be what women want to withhold the most because they

Robb (: 39:32

out here.

Robb (: 39:43

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:45

They're like, no, he's not this or he's not that. So that's the first thing. Instead of, I say, withhold food, quit cooking for him, still fuck him, do whatever you gotta do. And maybe he'll get the picture and then he won't be cheating while he's doing it.

Robb (: 39:54

Meh, meh, meh. Well, and well, the first thing, talk, communicate. If you're talking to your spouse about sex and it's still not changing, there's a bigger problem. And I've seen it close to my work. I've seen it talking to someone at my work where.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:02

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:11

There is.

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 40:18

It's used as a weapon. It's horrible. You wanna ruin your relationship, use it as a weapon. Yeah. Now the flip side of that, emotionally cheating or emotionally or trying to get an emotional fix that probably ends up to a sexual fix anyway. Men have to communicate. And I know we think that we don't. And...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:21

Yeah, why would you do that to your mate?

Robb (: 40:44

and it's okay to be an emotional block for your woman. To me, that's a masculine trait anyway.

being there, you don't have to fix the problem. Like we've talked a million times. There's listening and there's answering, fixing the problem. It's okay to do both. But sometimes just listening, it doesn't have to be for five hours either. I think there's something in being able to go to a woman and go, hey, we're gonna go do this tonight. How was your day at work? You have 10 minutes to tell me all the bullshit that happened. Because after 10 minutes, we're done. We're having the rest of our night's gonna be good.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:21

Yeah, that's past bullshit. You got 10 minutes to work it out. I love I love that because life does go on And give me the time to say what I need to say and then I don't want to harp on it I don't want to have that conversation again

Robb (: 41:22

and let her... Yeah, but you know why?

Robb (: 41:35

Exactly, and I think that that's because that's how men talk to each other. Give me the fucking cliff note version. Talk to me like a man.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:40

Mm. Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:44

Hehehehe

Robb (: 41:44

Seriously, and I and I just heard this again on a podcast the other day and it and it hit me like really hard You're right. Just go to your chick and go you have a shitty day Tell me like a man would tell me and just fucking hit me with all of it and I go Oh shit, that sucks betty's a fucking bitch. Yep. Yeah, your boss is a cunt rag bitching. Uh-huh. Yep. Fuck him the rest of the night We're gonna have a good night. Let's go have a drink and a pizza Everyone got their shit out

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:03

Yeah

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:09

Yeah.

Robb (: 42:13

and now you're completely empty of all this negative shit. So then you can go, hey, let's eat dinner, have a little wine, make, yeah, put on some music, make a little love, everyone has a good night. So the guy's getting his fix on the sexual front, the woman's getting her emotional front, and then women love sex. Let's not, you know, talk about that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:21

Let's put a positive in there.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:37

Obviously they're cheating enough.

Robb (: 42:39

Yeah, but I mean, it starts emotionally. So if you're hitting the emotional part and you're looking for sex and she's now feeling fulfilled on that front, you're gonna meld and you're gonna be able to find that happy place where neither of you are going anywhere. You're communicating, you're having a good relationship, things are rolling. And that's what we want. And I think that's what builds trust. It's being able to communicate the right way to the right partner.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:41

Ahem.

Robb (: 43:09

and it's there. I've seen, I have friends that have these relationships that make me want to puke. It's so good. And someone told me the other day, and I can't use names, but he went, look, I found the female me and she found the male her. And this is why it works. And

It's my best friend and we sat down and we I was talking about this girl that I like and I was like this and this and this and he goes, look, it's there. Just things haven't fallen into place yet or whatever it is. And I they have met her during their wedding. And his wife was like, I really liked her. And I was like, Yeah, me too.

But it just goes to show you that if you get people in the right circumstances, under the right timing, and everything, it's about at least getting there. I'm telling you, it's wild. I'm around them as a couple. And sometimes, and look, they fight. I've seen them have some Donny Brooks. Add a little alcohol to them. And they've, I mean, I remember one time she went to bed stomping, slamming doors, and me and him sat outside by the fire and just talked.

So it's not 100% positive or perfect, but it's, man, it's a very high percentage and it's built on trust. They know what they can and can't do and what they should and shouldn't do. And I think that's the bigger thing, know what you should and shouldn't do and not be afraid to talk about it. If something's bothering you, like if my girlfriend had some guy that kept, you know,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 44:40

Yeah.

Robb (: 44:58

pushing, I would go, look, we're coming to the head. Tell him to fuck off. And if he doesn't, I'm gonna tell him to fuck off. And once I get there, then things are going sideways. And hopefully everyone does their thing. If my girlfriend was like, look, I would prefer that this girl from your past that you dated in 2011,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:09

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 45:27

stop texting you and I would text her, look, I can't do this, I'm in a happy relationship. Boom. There's some lines that have to be drawn and...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:38

And I wouldn't even do that. I'd be like, okay, I just won't text back. I mean, people get the picture really quick, you know?

Robb (: 45:43

No, no, I know. Exactly. And I don't, but I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with cutting people off that way either. Cause some people don't get it. Some people will continue no matter what you say to them. And you do have to block them and get rid of them. But I think there's still a level of integrity of going.

please end this and make it this way. Because some people need that. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that on either sex. If there's a, your girlfriend's like, I don't like you talking to this. Or if you're like, I don't like this fucking guy at work, make sure that everyone's on the up and up. There's nothing wrong with that. You just can't harp on it every single day. You say it once and that's building the trust bridge. If either of the people break it, it's on them.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:33

To me, it's like, I want to be with the person that I want to be with. And I'm not going to worry about, and never have worried about everybody else and what they're doing. I just go and I do my own thing and that's that. And that's really enough. Like if you're not, if you're doing your thing and you have a fulfilled life and, you know, you shouldn't be worrying about what people, for instance, I was talking to my friend and,

Every time the phone rings, like he goes, oh, that's so and so. And I'm like, I don't care. Like talk to whoever you want. I don't care. You've had a past for a hundred years, not a hundred, but whatever. And as have I, your business runs through your phone, your personal runs through your phone, your family runs through your same phone. It's all the same. I don't wanna take a log of everybody that calls you.

Robb (: 47:15

Yes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:30

and then start to pick that apart. If you wanna be with somebody else, fuck it, do it. I'm not making you, I'm not making you stay here. But if you wanna be with me, like be on your phone, do whatever you gotta do. But when you're with me, be with me. And if you wanna cheat on me, shame on you because I won't give you two chances. You know, I've learned that too. You'll get the one chance.

Robb (: 47:34

Yeah.

Robb (: 47:38

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 47:46

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 47:52

Exactly.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:57

And then at that point, that means you don't want to work at making a better life with me. That means you want to be with somebody else. And that means I don't want to work with you. So please know. And I told him I said, but you were trained. Well, those women had you on a, on a short one, because every time the phone rings, you have to tell me if you want to tell me, cool. But I don't need you to tell me. And I don't need the story behind it to know that you're not doing whatever it is that I'm worried you're doing. Cause I don't worry.

Robb (: 48:04

Exactly. Yeah, it's a one shot.

Robb (: 48:20

Right.

Robb (: 48:24

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, look, the trust thing is just there. I give you the benefit of the doubt right away. Yeah, even if I know your past.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:30

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:34

Yes, until you fuck it up.

And it's not shame on you, Rob. It's shame on them if they fuck it up.

Robb (: 48:41

Correct. Exactly. Or shame on me if I fuck it up.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:44

Yeah, just you know, I you made me look stupid when I hear that amount that is stupid right there Nobody made you look stupid for loving somebody you're supposed to love you're supposed to trust that's not being stupid That's being a loving caring healthy individual what's stupid? Is the person that's doing the cheating when you got somebody loving caring and healthy at home. That's what's stupid

Robb (: 48:54

That's correct.

Robb (: 49:08

Correct. Yeah, and again, if it's not all of those, just get out of it. I'm a true believer in get out of it before the cheating happens. Because then no one gets hurt badly. It's like, look, this isn't working, I have to go. But...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:13

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:20

Yeah.

Robb (: 49:27

My first thing of anything is I trust everyone, regardless of their past, because everything's a fresh start. If you're coming to me for a relationship, the whole point is that you want something different than you've had.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:39

Yes, absolutely.

Robb (: 49:39

And if you're not, you're barking up the wrong tree. And if you know me and you're coming in this relationship, you know that I'm a certain way. So the trust is there. I trust you to be a new person and to try to date me and vice versa. I'm coming out of whatever shithole I was in and this is mine, but you should trust me that I'm coming to you because I want to be with you. Eh.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:56

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 50:05

Yes, I if I pick up the phone and I listen to your day every day, that's pretty much a good sign You know what? I mean, that's like, okay. I want to put time into this person. I want to talk to this person I want it. I want to hear from them cuz that that's the attention that I need to you know, the connecting the talking like you know from I feel like

Robb (: 50:13

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 50:31

Although the pad, the podcast could hinder us because we do talk about things. I'm like, if you really want to know who I am, listen to the podcast. Like it'll tell you.

Robb (: 50:39

Yeah, yeah. If you listen to the 130 episodes, you're going to get a very broad range of who we are as people. And it's pretty, and the early ones, you know, you held back a little for a lot of different reasons. Obviously, you were going through divorce. There were some other things. Right. And I think that...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 50:47

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 50:58

And that's where I was at the time. That's just, I was holding back on everything. I was trying to just keep my life together.

Robb (: 51:04

But I think that if you listen to those two, they'll find something. Going, hmm, that was different. She didn't, because in episode 13, she never said anything, but episode 55, she was, you know, everything fell and the water was rushing through. I think on certain things you are. But that's just because.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 51:20

Am I that different?

Robb (: 51:27

there's a lot of things that go with this podcast. You weren't comfortable with doing it in the beginning, you know what I mean? And like now you just, everything ebbs and flows. And I think that's both of us, even though I was very open.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 51:33

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 51:38

I'm not trying to hide anything. I have no I have no accountability for any to anybody right now So to me, it's like I'm just gonna say what is real

Robb (: 51:42

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Robb (: 51:48

And I think that that's the best thing to do in a relationship is be real with somebody. If you're real from the beginning and tell people who you are from the very beginning, it's much easier during the dating stage to, either leave or go, yeah, you know what? This is probably what I'm looking for.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 51:52

Yeah.

Robb (: 52:10

And that's the most important thing. I think people aren't too big of a rush too. So the trust thing is, you know, trust is a long game. And there's nothing wrong with waiting, you know, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, because all that trust, it stockpiles.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 52:14

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 52:19

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 52:29

then you get to the point where you know, like that's the right guy for me. And he treats me well, he does this, we giggle, you know, whatever it is. To me, those are the small things that make the trusting easier. I want somebody who can say the F word and can giggle with me and make jokes and people watch and like things like that to where, because I'm an odd cat, but I'm very simple.

So those are the things that I think you have to talk to the person that you are with, then trust becomes very easy. So, you know, I hope someone got something out of this that trust is easy when you communicate. That's my word for the day is that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 53:05

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 53:17

And I really do think that you, you cannot hold people accountable to their past, nor can you be a fool in thinking that their past doesn't make them who they are. You have to, you know, everybody's got a past, everybody's done wrong, everybody's made mistakes. You want to find somebody that truly is trying to learn from them, not perfect, just trying to learn. And if you do that and they're willing to work with you and, and they're, they're really giving it, they're all.

Stick with that figure it out. You know it doesn't have to be a It doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing because life isn't all or nothing, but I got to tell you that I'm watching people just destroy other people and That's not the way to be ever at anything like if you ever love somebody try to leave them in the best if you have to leave Try to leave them

with knowing that it's going to be okay and that they were good and that, you know, try to find the positive because we're really wrecking people. We're fucking up their hearts. We're totally leaving them devastated. And you know, that was somebody you once loved. And if you truly do love somebody, don't you want the best for them?

Robb (: 54:25

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 54:35

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 54:38

Exactly. Don't burn the house down on the way out.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 54:41

No, you don't need to I always hear and have said hurt people hurt people You know you I i've been a hurt person, but i'm not trying to hurt anybody I'm just trying to work through it the best way that I can and that's what everybody needs to do because if we're not accountable Then nobody's going to get fixed and everybody's going to be alone and lonely and that's a that's a sad world to live in

Robb (: 54:48

True.

Robb (: 54:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 55:06

Agreed. I'm going to give you a quote for the day. The stress of being perfect is killing you more than your imperfections. So don't let your imperfections kill you. Or don't let being, yeah, don't let trying to be perfect because nothing's perfect. So, you know.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 55:17

Mmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 55:20

Don't let your, don't let your perfections perfect.

Yeah, and that's so boring. I tell everybody, you know how I learned my lessons. I fuck it all up like it's a big shit show and that's how I learned. So if you need to have a shit show, go ahead and do what you need to do and learn something and then make different mistakes. Yeah.

Robb (: 55:33

Yeah.

Robb (: 55:43

and push forward. Pushing forward is the biggest thing. The shitty thing you're in now can push you to the better thing later.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 55:53

Absolutely.

Robb (: 55:55

Alrighty, well, that's it for this week. Make sure to check out our social medias on the Facebook, Instagram, X, and all that fun stuff. You can hear us on YouTube music. You can watch us on YouTube or listen to us on there. Spotify, Apple, Google, all that fun stuff. Or no, no more Google. Amazon. Yeah, Google is now YouTube music, so.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 56:14

No more Google.

Robb (: 56:19

But yeah, and this opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday to listen to us. Until next week, I'm Rob, that's Tina. We'll talk to you later, bye.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 56:28

See ya!