Episode 132
EP #132 Disposable relationships, the downfall of modern couple.
Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted
The conversation explores the topic of disposable relationships and the challenges faced by the younger generation in cultivating meaningful connections. It highlights the importance of shared values, compatibility, and building a solid foundation before engaging in physical intimacy. The hosts discuss the impact of social media on relationships and the need for better interpersonal skills. They emphasize the significance of genuine interaction, flirting, and appreciating individuality in building strong and lasting relationships. The conversation explores the challenges of modern dating and the importance of building strong, lasting relationships. It emphasizes the value of meeting in person and moving away from online dating. The discussion also touches on the disposable nature of relationships and the difficulties faced by women in the dating world. The misunderstandings between genders and the need for human connection are highlighted. The conversation concludes with a call to give relationships a chance and find peace in a committed partnership.
Explicit
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Transcript
Doop doop. And welcome to another show, don't get this twisted. I am Rob along with my cohost as always Tina. How you doing Tina?
Tina Marie Garcia (:I'm ready for vacation, Rob. I'm ready for vacation.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Heheheheheheh
Robb (:I bet you are. It shouldn't be hard to be geared up to go on a vacation. That's for sure. Yeah, I'm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:No. And where I'm going it's going to be sunny blue waters and 85 degrees so life is good.
Robb (:Yeah, it's like I said, I've been to Cancun. So that's somewhere in that same region of the world. And I went in November and it was absolutely beautiful. So I'm thinking it's, you're in that same ballpark of being in the sweet spot. It's pretty cool.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, this is like apparently this is their hot time. So I'm excited.
Robb (:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's you'll have a good time. Like I said, when I went to Kenkun in November, or I'm sorry, July one year, horrible, fucking humid, 1000 degrees. And then I went in November. And that's like November, December, January, I think is like they're like really nice. It was like 78 degrees and sunny every day. It was beautiful.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Oh yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:So I'll be in the Virgin Islands, which is off the Florida coast a ways. So yeah, it'll be interesting. I've never been there. It'll be fantastic. Yes.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Be a good old time, be a good time. Fantastic. So I was, as always, I listened to like a lots of other podcasts and things like that. And I listened to one called Modern Wisdom and there's a lot of relationship stuff on it. And I always kind of like take things here and there and go, oh, like this is kind of where they're at. And it's a younger dude, I think he's in his mid thirties.
He was a party guy and now he's kind of like grown up and even he kind of said it like look you have to you can be a party guy, but you can't live the lifestyle and they were talking about how it It's so easy to like just jump in and out of relationships these days and I was like, yeah like disposable relationships and I think that that's something that's an epidemic or starting to become one
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Because the younger generation, below ours and further, I think because they're in the online dating world more than the regular world, or that's how they meet people, everything's disposable now. It's either you go on a few dates and you never hear back from the other person, you...
Tina Marie Garcia (:yet ghosted.
Robb (:you message them for a little while and then they disappear. And or they're, you're in a relationship for five or six months and they're looking for the next best thing. So it's like, they just also disappear. So I was like, okay, why? What's the reason? And I think I started looking at our generation first where I think we're still...
in the meeting people and looking to settle down, you know, generation. And that means even from when we were young, right? You know, we didn't have online dating. We had meeting people or your friends introducing you to somebody or that kind of thing where you tried to cultivate a relationship, right?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Hmm?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:where I don't think people are in it to cultivate. It's, hey, this was fun, I gotta go. Or, mm, keep going.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, in dating now, it seems like the most important thing is sex. It's not about connection. It's not about intimacy. It's not about getting to know a person. It's will you put out and will you sexually do what I want? So when you start off on that level, you don't have a foundation, you shouldn't be doing that until you know the person's last name, and you're, you're feeling comfortable about them and you want
to explore and do more with them, not just hit it and quit it. So there's no reason to stay where you don't know a person. You know, there's no loyalty at that point.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:that also kind of came up on that podcast where they talk about just what you said, what that it's, it's pushed so quickly that you don't even know the person you're sleeping with. My friend down the street was talking to me the other day and she was like, yeah, I think the next person I date, like, I'm going to wait until I get remarried. And
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, right.
Robb (:Well, and I see where they're coming from. The whole thing is that your whole relationship should not be based on that. Physical, you'll know if you're physically attracted to each other. And I think that there is something about definitely waiting it out. You have to understand who somebody is. And...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:and we don't anymore. And when you rush into something, I think that it just ruins it. You're there's a foundation that you have to build, I think, to sleep with somebody. I mean, I could understand both sides of that. And and look, there's statistically speaking, I'm going to go on a limb and say, there's a lot of people, you know, before our generation that
did wait until marriage. Now, there's, we can throw the pickleball back and forth if you want on, that can also be a bad thing. But I think that there's still physical intimacy without really having sex. Like, you should understand if you, you know, how to kiss somebody, because I think that's important. You know, like, I think a lot more important than people think.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Absolutely.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Oh no, it is. For sure.
Robb (:There is something to that. And I think that there's something about, what kind of relationship are you into? Do you wanna hold hands? Are you physical? Do you mind? Some people don't like being touched. Some people like it. Like you have to find those things out. And then I think you need to find out the mental sex. Like, is this person really someone I can be around 24 seven?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:You know, what are their hot buttons? What are my hot buttons? You know, when we're to, like, you know, like, if I leave my sock on the floor, are they gonna freak out? Or if I leave the toilet seat up? Because that was an argument in my house when I was married, because there was me.
Tina Marie Garcia (:What's a hot button?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Oh, okay.
Tina Marie Garcia (:That's because she fell in.
Robb (:Well, here's the thing though, there was me and two girls, right? My daughters. And their argument was, you know, look, you need to leave this down because of that. And I went, no, you guys need to leave it up because I'm the sole person that needs it up all the time. I go, would you rather me pee all over the seat or would you rather just put it up when we leave? And look, this was a semantic argument. It didn't matter. Both of us did the same thing all the time. And...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:And it's not hard to leave the seat down. I don't wanna argue about that thing, but it was, there's a lot of semantics involved. Or are you the kind of person that will share a kitchen or not share a kitchen? Cause I know there's women who are against that. Like, oh no, I'm fine. I can cook alone. I didn't say you couldn't cook alone. I'm saying that I would like to help you. Even if it's like cutting onions.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Really?
Robb (:or you know whatever i think there's things about sharing things that aren't on the surface and there's way important in real life everyday situations like sex will come but are you going to be able to put a dresser together without murdering each other like those are important things or if you're moving furniture in a room you're like
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:should you both step back and go, hey, I think, you know, let's put this over here and this over here, like have a standard human conversation. Those things are way more important to me than the sex side, which is important. I don't wanna say that that's not, but I think that there are foundational things that need to be really hammered out, you know, so you are with the right person because...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Those are the things of like, can I be in a car with you for five hours driving to another? But you hopefully you find that out and you get out of the situation well before your knee deep in it. Like for me, I think that it would be a very hard thing for me to move in with somebody because I've been.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Oh my god, that would suck if you couldn't.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Even though I lived with a roommate, I was alone. You know what I mean? Like in my head space or what I wanted to do. And where I live now, I've been three years. And again, I'm also, I have a lot of freedom. So I wanna make sure that when I ever make that leap again, it's for real.
Tina Marie Garcia (:I agree. I don't, I'm kind of okay to not live with somebody. I am. I, uh, you know, I had this epiphany the other day that I've never lived in a house that actually felt like mine. I lived in my father's home and then I went to my ex's home. Not even though we went in and found it together and did all that together. You know, he, he in the very beginning said, no, I don't want, I don't want that on the wall or I don't want. And so I just never did anything.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:And so it never really felt like my house. And now coming back to dad's where he says, oh, this will always be your house. But if I don't like something, get the fuck out. I'm like, yeah, this isn't my house either. I'm going to be taking care of that, but it'll be the first time in my whole life that I actually felt like it was even mine, yeah.
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:Yours. Mm-hmm. You know, I owned a place with somebody and then I had a situation where she moved and so I had a place and then that place, we and my ex-wife cultivated together, so I had that. But then I lived with somebody for eight years and I didn't hang a picture on a wall. Not one. Not even in my own room. And I think it was just because in my head, I kept thinking,
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Robb (:I'm not going to be here forever. The first thing I did when I got this apartment is I started hanging pictures. I want, yeah, I wanted to, it was mine.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Really see I don't even do that where I'm at right now at my dad's house Like I'm the one that came in here and paid for it to get painted and everything like I could push it on the walls Cuz I'm the one that always paints this room when people come and go it seems to be the room I'm always painting so I Could but I just it's not my place
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:So do you think people think like that in relationships though? So let's say you're cultivating a relationship, you're in it for a month or two.
Tina Marie Garcia (:I did.
Robb (:And it's hot and heavy. Do you think now that the newer generation is thinking marriage or thinking a future, or do you think that it's still very like, oh, we're just gonna run this through, and if I find someone else or if something, because social media is the problem, right? All these young girls, and it's mostly girls, I think men probably don't get as many direct messages as females.
So being a man, you always have to think, okay, who's messaging her this time? Right? If you're in a relationship and you're in the same room, I'm one to say, don't be on your phone. Your phone in a relationship should be something that is immediate. Like if you have children, if they text you, yes, I understand. But you shouldn't be sitting there on your phone, you know, you should be...
in your space with that person that you're with. And I'm not saying always, I wanna preface it that everything is ebbs and flows, but it should mostly be like, I would rather be on the couch watching TV, sitting next to the person that I'm with, than being on opposite sides of the room on a phone, saying that I'm in a relationship.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:I get that. I get that.
Robb (:And I've seen where it's not like that. I've seen couples literally, one in one chair, one on another whole couch, like on the other side of the room and both on their phones with the TV on. It's like, I would rather be at home alone because at least in my own head, I am doing what I want. And the person who's at my house, which is me, wants to be with me. You know what I mean?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm. No, I get that
Robb (:So do you think this new generation is even thinking future or do you think it's just live for the now? So,
Tina Marie Garcia (:No, I believe they're thinking and what can they get out of every situation? You know, they don't You know, we raised this generation which is sad, but we raise them to be, you know, like cry babies They don't have to work for anything They don't they don't have to need for anything because we'll always take care of them. We'll always do for them We'll always provide for them kids cannot afford to leave their parents' house to
get out of that situation, at least in California. Um, and, and I think that we have babied the shit out of these children to, to the point where we've made it to where they're kind of, I don't want to say retarded, but they're, we've, we've not helped them put it that way. And, and so what's that? Oh yeah.
Robb (:Correct.
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:And you think it's rolling over into these relationships? And you think it's rolling over into their relationships?
Tina Marie Garcia (:What can you do for me? You know what's funny is instant messenger. I don't take people's request if I don't know them. I don't allow them into my world just because that's a private situation. They can know too much about me and I don't like it. So I don't care to have a bazillion followers. I just don't care. So I don't allow them to be, but I get messages like all the time from these young guys that want an older woman. They wanna be taken care of. And I'm like, I'm not your mom.
Robb (:Right.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Sorry, not your mom and I don't want to date a kid.
Robb (:Right.
Yeah, and I think that that's something that's happening a lot more too with our generation is older, I say, and when I say older women, please don't take that wrong. I'm an older man. That younger guys are looking for older women and well, look, if your whole thing is sex, more power to you.
Tina Marie Garcia (:God bless them. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Robb (:Um as an older man who's dated a younger girl, I don't want any of that. They're dumb as They're dumb as bricks And and that's not trying to be mean that's just we're on a totally different level when it comes
Tina Marie Garcia (:You're not ready for the head trips, huh?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, they were raised so different too. So our beliefs, our core beliefs are so beyond different.
Robb (:Exactly, exactly. Yeah, like morally, the moral beliefs or your political beliefs and these types of things. But just when it comes to being on the same page, I wanna be able to go to my mate, like I've told you, like I think 48's my lowest, maybe 47, because I wanna be able to go, hey, you remember this? And they go, of course.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Okay.
Robb (:What's that? It's like, oh, are you kidding me? I don't want to go to someone and go, hey man, we were talking about something at work today about Denzel Washington. And I was like, oh man, you know, he was on St. Elsewhere. And this guy in my work goes, what's that? And I was like, oh yeah, you're 10 years younger than me. You don't know what St. Elsewhere is. Like you were a baby. So, cause I mean, yeah, cause we were young. Like when St. Elsewhere was on, we were like 13 years old.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Wow.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Tell them to Google it.
Yes.
Robb (:So like that kind of being on the same page is important. And I think that's why we have less disposable relationships at our age, right? We meet somebody and we go, I like them.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Right? Where we have similar beliefs. Let's go on dates. You go on these dates together and you go, oh man, I really like, I really enjoy being with this person. I can talk to them. We text often. We're in contact, blah, blah. Let me see if I can cultivate this into something way more serious. And then it flows on.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:with the online dating situation, and I'm only talking as a man, we have way less prospects than you guys do, and that's a fact, right? Oh, statistically, I'll tell you for sure, it's because of algorithms and what they know about how many people, and there's statistics on it. Men swipe right way more and get less back.
Tina Marie Garcia (:You think so.
Robb (:and women swipe left way more but get way more people attracted to them. Yeah it's and it's I mean I wish I had the numbers I'd have to look them up. It's significant like it's like I think for
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, when you see some of the things that these people put on their profile, it's no wonder. I, I was telling somebody that I want to like fix men's profiles for them. Like take a decent picture. Like don't, don't have tattoos on your face. Don't be flipping off the camera. You know what I mean? Like, there's so many stupid things that guys do on a dating site. That's like, of course you're not going to get picked. You dumb ass. Like,
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:Right. Yeah.
Robb (:Well, yeah, and I think that's also in just person. Like if you meet somebody, you know if you click, at least click, and I don't mean like, oh, I wanna date him. But if you click, like, oh yeah, I can have a conversation with this person. I had a good time. Doesn't mean that I have to date them ever again. Because like I said, I've been on one and done's. Not my favorite, but like I've had good conversations with folks, but.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Right.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:at the end went, no, it's probably not for me. Like I said, this new generation though, I think sees everything as disposable. Girl goes out, goes on a date, was like, yeah, it was nice, had dinner, did whatever we did. Yeah, I'm just not gonna talk to them ever again. And I mean...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:that in the nicest way possible because I believe that more women do that because guys we're suckers we get if we like somebody we We dig in most of the time like I want to date this person Um But to be fair, I think both younger generations are always looking for the next best thing
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:It's because if you're a guy and you have a nice girl and things are going well and some hot girl Dms you or sees you or you don't you don't delete your dating profile You're going to be like, oh this girl's interested in me And instead of just going look, I got a good lady at home You know, why am I gonna fuck this up?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Well that should be the same for women too. I think women are doing it as well.
Robb (:Mm hmm. I agree. And I think that it's out of hand. And that's why I think we need to find a way to fix this.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Ahem.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, we got to teach a whole generation to interact. And we don't. So there's that. So there's they don't know how to interact. They don't they're awkward. A lot of kids, or I don't even say kids, I say the younger generations are socially so awkward.
Robb (:Yes.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:You know, they need to put down the video games and start interacting with each other. There needs to be more kids playing spin the bottle in three minutes in heaven, which is something that the kids need to, you know what I mean? It's like all the things that we did as kids that our parents would kind of cringe. I think that we all need that as far as like growing up. It's just part of what growing up is. But you see these kids now, they can't even decide what soda they want to drink.
Robb (:Yes.
Robb (:True.
Tina Marie Garcia (:They literally need somebody telling them to do everything 24 7 and Where did we go wrong with that because they should be able to make their own damn decisions
Robb (:I agree, and I think that, but there's also a limit now to where, you know, we're putting phones in the hands of younger generations where girl, young girls are getting dick pics way too early in life. And on the flip side, young boys are either watching pornography or asking young girls for pictures.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:So, and then we glorified on Instagram to have way too much makeup on and look, I hate to say scantily clad, but because I also don't believe that, look, just because you wear things that are short or tight doesn't make you a whore. That's not even close.
But I think that we live in the world of that. Like how many likes can I get? How many clicks can they click on? You know, OnlyFans is gonna be the death of relationships. The death of them. Yeah, because I think that from, at least from a man's standpoint, here's the thing. It sounds good that you meet this girl who has an OnlyFans page and you fall for her. Is she gonna give up that income for you? No.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Do you think so?
Robb (:Are you going to be able to live with that? That's gotta be a very, very difficult thing. So let's just say on the smaller level of Instagram, you have your girlfriend post pictures, even though they may be with you together. She's getting comments, you're reading them. It's the kiss of death. I mean, it really is. So I think this is just another...
anchor in relationships because now you're worried about who's messaging her. Why is this guy saying you're pretty online? You know and that's also a false world but it lives in people's heads and it's probably vice versa. I'm sure if you had a guy who that is very attractive and he has
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:girls doing the same thing like I it's not a two-way street, but I just or it's a two-way street but I think that girls probably have way more interaction because men are Driven by visual stimulation
Tina Marie Garcia (:Right. And women, like you said, they get more opportunities. So they're not looking for that.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:No, so I'm trying to think of like, what can we do? Like, I think you're right on the first one is start teaching kids differently. I think, I hate to say, you know, really kind of geared down with,
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:sex not being a trade thing. Girls shouldn't have to trade off, you know, doing oral because they don't want to have sex. You should just say no. And, and I don't mean like in a way of just stop bartering it. It shouldn't be a barterable thing. You shouldn't go, Oh, well, if I don't stay, if I don't do this with him, he's going to leave me. Well, then.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, and that's the thing, though, too, is guys don't because that's how they do it. Like, though, you know, and part of it is women's fault because women have pushed away men so much and made it to where, you know, they're afraid to even ask they before they get into the next relationship, they want to know, are you going to give them a head? Are you going to put out like or are you going to be the frigid bitch I just left? You know, I and I get that I get that. But that that's not always the case. And
Robb (:I know.
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Yeah, no, that's true.
Tina Marie Garcia (:And men shouldn't think that every woman is going to be frigid with them either.
Robb (:agreed, but I think men are also afraid in relationships. Men are afraid to approach women now because everything is, you know, he's trying to do this or yeah, maybe I just wanna say, hey, you look pretty today and then walk away. Men are afraid to give compliments because women don't know how to take them anymore.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Absolutely. Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Ask backwards.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:he's trying to do this or I can't believe he said that or it's like wait a second you're pretty I gotta go now I don't want your I and then I think men also start getting to the point where like they get not angry but defensive like bitch I didn't want your number I just wanted to say you're pretty but now you're fucking ugly because well because look you can be the prettiest girl on
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:On the inside and the outside. Yeah.
Robb (:and be a super cunt and I would rather never talk to you ever again. And you could be very average looking and be the best soul and be, and I will talk to you forever. So there's, there's a lot to that because again, mental stimulation, long run is way better than anything else. And.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:I wish that the newer generation saw that. And again, like I said, I don't want to blame certain things because we had pornography when we were young. You did, yeah. No, you had to find a Playboy in your dad's closet or VHS tape that was stuck under 12 different things. You're like, what's this? So don't get me wrong, it's too easy to find.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, but we had to work for it if we were gonna get it like it wasn't on our phone
Tina Marie Garcia (:You had to go get your dad's, yeah, your dad's stuff.
Tina Marie Garcia (:right?
Robb (:And like I said, even Instagram, you wanna see a girl in a bikini, it's not hard. Matter of fact, it's, yeah, yeah. So I'm hoping, like my kid, he's a very good talker, probably because he's been around me and...
Tina Marie Garcia (:No, even if you don't want to see it, it shows up on your feed.
Robb (:Being a single dad, he grew up around a lot of older people. So he just started talking to them. So it wasn't very difficult. So when it comes to talking with parents or talking with girls now, he's very good at it. But the people around him, his friend group from his middle school and high school, you're right, they're very awkward.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, it hurts to watch them, you know, interact. Like it's amazing. And then, you know, I feel like I'm always wanting to put things in front of them that forces their interaction with each other. Like, come get in the pool or hey, let's play a game or, you know, but that's like pulling teeth to get them to even do that. So, but I do it. I mean, I do it because something, somebody's gotta say something and.
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Right.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Since I'm not their mom, maybe they'll listen to me a little bit, but...
Robb (:Like we said earlier, it's like pulling teeth to make them drop their phone. Making them interact is almost gut wrenching. They're still there, but like you said, you can go on your phone now. If you want to interact or see something that's gonna make your hormones jump up and down, it's not hard.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:What happened to hormones though? Cause-
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, but it's so much better when they're in person.
Robb (:Oh, there's look, there's, there's nothing like a good kiss. There's nothing like it. I don't, I don't, I kissed someone a few years back that it, I remember driving home from that situation and just being like on a cloud, like, Oh my goodness. Like this is out of control.
So I think there's something about finding that kind of spark though. Sexual sparks are awesome. Mental sparks are something that you can't buy. You can't find anything else like that. And then when you mesh those two in between, right? Where you're, there's something about it. And look, some people say you shouldn't look at that spark that sparks aren't...
a precursor for a good relationship. I agree, but science will tell you that that's not true. That sometimes a person that isn't the spark in the beginning ends up being the right person. And look, that's probably very true because we can play odds all over the place, right? The...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, they are.
Robb (:The ones in my life that have been sparks, like real sparks, ended up being something that I was truly engaged in. Ones that weren't a spark, that ended up being relationships, were like, yeah, it was a good relationship, but it wasn't what I was looking for. So, we can play that here and there.
I just hope that the generation, even ours, needs to stop with disposable relationships. There's too many good people out there.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah. And you know what? You're missing out on the next thing. Like there's levels when you're with somebody that you go through and stuff. And if you stay with them long enough, you go through all these levels, you have all these experiences, you have all this intimacy, you have time. There's things that are actually really good. And you're missing out because you're not letting it flow. You're not letting it go where it needs to go. You're not...
You got to put some time in I mean if there's if there's some attraction from the get give it a little time
Robb (:Because it gets better. It does.
Tina Marie Garcia (:It does. I just said that today. I told somebody I said, you know, sex when you meet somebody, it's, it's fun. You know, you could have a good time, but sex after you've known somebody and you, you've got that, that interaction and that play going on so much better.
Robb (:Yeah, well, and the bond, there's something about a bond where you can be in a relationship with somebody and look in their eyes and get a lot of a lot out of that. Sexually, mentally, you know, and you can feel what they're thinking and you can't do that with the person that you've just met, but you can do it with somebody you've known for a few years.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yes.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:You don't have that Yeah, you have to have that sort of chemistry connection. I Don't know flirt the flirting people don't even know how to flirt these days. I'm like what?
Robb (:Yeah. No, oh, no. Well, like I said, they're afraid. I think they're afraid. I think men are just afraid to getting turned down for one.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mmm.
I gotta tell you, even when I flirt, like there's a couple of guys I flirt with, like just to try to get them out of their shell a little bit or just see where they're at or just because it's fun sometimes. I don't need a reason. And it shocks people. Like I can't say that. Why wouldn't I say that? And it wasn't even, it was like innocent. Like they-
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:Eh, eh.
Tina Marie Garcia (:I, when I called, they were in the shower and I'm like, Ooh, are you said see that was enough to like, uh, yeah, let me call you back. You know what I mean? I'm like, wait, why?
Robb (:All right. Yeah. Yeah, we're supposed to continue this conversation, not like break it off.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, I never said I wanted to sleep with you. I never said, oh, I'm coming right over and this is how I wanted. It wasn't like that. It was like, I just talked about soap on you, geez.
Robb (:Right.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
We're in a weird spot. The other thing too is what we find attractive in people. Look, a pretty face is a pretty face is a pretty face. We can all argue that until we're blue in the face. The things that we find attractive are, I think, a very interesting thing where I find, and I hate to say things that aren't normal, but that aren't normal.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:I was sent a picture by someone years ago, a very innocent picture. And we're from the eighties and she had a shirt that was like off her shoulder. And it reminded me of like flash dance. And she has a tattoo on her shoulder. And it's one of my most favorite pictures this girl has ever sent me. And the first thing I said, it was like, oh man, your shoulder is so sexy. And at first I think she didn't know how to take it. Like, what?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:and she one of her eyes is also bigger than the other just by a little bit and i find it to be the like sexiest thing ever and she hates it but it just goes to show you that the things that we see in people that they don't or you know whatever
Tina Marie Garcia (:It's the differences like it's what makes you stand out and be you You know, you're not perfection doesn't stick in my head. I gotta tell you that You know who sticks in my head the little girl who was who was the smallest one? In in like my beauty school class. She when she walked in she just turned it on That was sexy to me. Like she'd walk in she'd own the room. She was this little tiny freaking thing
Robb (:Mm hmm. Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:But I would sit back and just watch her act like she acted and even I said that's freaking sexy Like she's just you know what it was. She was confident She had she always said she goes I always wanted to be tall because then I'd be confident I said girl if you had any more confidence walking into this room, we'd have a problem with you But you know, I just I used to think that was my favorite thing about her I wanted to be her friend because she was so like herself, you know It was sexy
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Nah.
Robb (:Right, exactly.
Robb (:And I think that those are the things that make relationships. The things that we find in other people that other people don't compliment them on. Everyone's going to go, you're beautiful. It's like, okay, but what about me is beautiful? This, this, the way your lip rolls up when you smile or
You know the way your nose scrunches when you laugh. Those are the things that make relationships last long. I see Older couples and I mean older couples in their late 70s that you know have been together well Older, I mean, that's the only way like that's my parents age. I look at it like that like People that are my parents age
You'll see them in a restaurant together. That you know they've been together for 40 years, been through fucking everything.
They've seen everything had issues, you know, probably have told each other. They want to murder each other or divorce and they fought through it. And here they are sitting in this restaurant and you see smiles on their face, cause one of them says something to each other and you can't hear the conversation in the back of my mind. I go, that's what I want. I want someone who through thick and thin, you know, loves me for who I am, not for what they can get next.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, I hear you.
Robb (:And I hope that this new generation of people, for one, tries their best to get away from online dating. I know that we don't live in that society anymore, but it's unfortunate. You're missing out on being introduced to somebody.
I'm not a big fan of bars, but I think that that's still a decent place to meet someone under the right circumstances. Sure. Look, they all don't work out. I mean, you can meet someone at a bar and they're fucking horrible for you. But that you could also meet someone, a friend could introduce you to somebody and they can be terrible for you. Like there's always the odds.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Do you think so?
Tina Marie Garcia (:right?
Robb (:but I think it's better than swiping a certain direction and then having to go to this weird, I'd rather meet somebody in person and be weird and then go, yeah, I got to bail out of this. Then talk on, you know, text each other based on a picture that you don't know how old it is and then meet up somewhere and then go, hey, do you want to have a burger or a coffee and see what happens? And then you...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Hehehe
Tina Marie Garcia (:Or find out they don't even speak English. Remember I told you that story?
Robb (:Yeah, exactly. So I think that there's a lot to that to where we're missing out on that, that little thing of human connection. And it's making disposable relationships at the top of the list. Because now I get into this relationship.
The first time she fucks up, I'm like, gotta go. Can't be around you. I've liked you for four years, but now I don't wanna be around you at all. And it's that quick. It's like, no, it shouldn't be that quick. Why are you disappearing so quickly now? Because I think it's too easy to find somebody else.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Or maybe they're in different relationships.
Robb (:Well, I think that's another big... Oh, I agree with you. Mostly younger people. I think younger people have a lot of fishing poles. Like if you've ever been to Redondo Beach or someone that has a pier and they got fucking eight poles in the water, that's probably the truth of dating right now. Everyone's got fucking things bobbing in the water instead of...
Tina Marie Garcia (:I think a lot of people do that.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Robb (:You know, I'd rather have the one And and I want to catch I want to catch the right one not have a bunch of people biting at my line Yeah, and it's I feel bad for women. I really do you guys have it you're in a weird spot To where you're getting so much attention so quickly And I think young
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, not all of them.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well, I think we kind of set ourselves up for that, but we didn't, we set ourselves up to get the attention, but we didn't set ourselves up to get the respect because we don't ask, we don't act like we deserve it. We don't, uh, we don't hold ourselves up to the level that that's what we would be given there. That's how people would, would want to treat us. You know, we kind of shit on men. So like.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:No, I...
Tina Marie Garcia (:We're not going to get the same. We're not going to get what we should be getting, nor are we giving what we should be giving because of all that.
Robb (:Yeah, I think that
And I'll look at both sides. Women, they didn't think that, you probably never thought you'd get that much attention so quickly. So you never trained yourself on how to take all of that in. So now you're being barraged with all these different, the only way I could look at it is like a candy bowl full of different candy. And you can pick and choose which one. And when you don't like it,
you throw in the garbage can. You don't know how to handle it. Men who don't, we don't have that, generally that kind of, so when we latch on too quickly, and I think that's another bad thing, you don't think so?
Tina Marie Garcia (:I don't know, I don't see that though. I see men being just as disconnected as women.
Robb (:Wow. Well, maybe it's our generation though. Cause I think our generation again, are a little easier to try to make something work. At least that's what I think. I've been told I'm a little intense. So that's probably true. At least in my case, that's my Gemini cancer coming out. But, you know, I think I've stepped back as well and looked at how relationships are.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Maybe.
Robb (:built today. Like you can't, you have to build something strong before you ever really think it's going to be something big. You can't jump in. You can jump in feet first of meeting and getting there. But once you're in that vicinity, you got to slow your roll down, you can't, you'll scare people away. And and I think that's the other thing men have done that too much.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:And like you said before, women I think are... We don't know how to handle each other. The sexes don't know how to handle each other anymore. Women are taught, men are evil. They're this, they're that.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-mm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:You don't need them.
Robb (:Yeah, so when the nice guy or a decent gentleman come to you and say, Oh, hey, you know, I find you attractive women back up. You can't back in my dad's day and probably.
maybe part of our growing up, I don't know for sure. I would say yes. You could be in the grocery store parking lot and actually approach somebody. You can't do that anymore. You approach somebody in a parking lot and you might get shot. You know what I mean? I think it's scary. And I wish society would open up a little bit more and find the humanizing part of dating again.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:You
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Or know that people just interacting and joking and flirting and stuff doesn't mean that they're going to take from you or they're going to hurt you or they're going to do or they got they got to get in your pants. Like people just need to quit being so damn serious. Like lighten up, you know, let people say, hey, you look good today. Thanks. Thank you. That's all you need to say. Like it doesn't you saying thank you doesn't mean
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:that you're committing to the next eight years of your life to be abused by somebody, that's not what's going on. And yeah.
Robb (:Correct. Exactly. And I think that's on both sides. Men need to be able to be able to say that and walk away.
Tina Marie Garcia (:And you know truly, when I say stuff like it's just me joking around. I like to catch people off guard. I like to say things that be... But you know what I really like are the ones that go, yeah, you know, say something back, say something, even amp it up. I don't care. At that point, I've said something to you. I deserve whatever comes next, right? So yeah, so just say it. I could take it. I'm not going to be like, oh, he loves me.
Robb (:Correct. Wittiness.
Tina Marie Garcia (:It doesn't roll like that. Not in my world. Like it's just two people talking shit. And that should be okay.
Robb (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:I just think that we as people need to understand that compliments aren't always trying to date you. And they're not trying to get in your pants. They're not trying to rape you. And on the flip side, women need to understand that maybe a guy just wants to say something nice every blue moon and he's not.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:He has no motive behind it. He's just, hey, you're an attractive young lady. I just thought I'd tell you you're pretty and walk away. And.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yep.
Robb (:And men, please do that. I think it's important. We need to start rebuilding the foundation of being able to do that. So then maybe when you do find a girl attractive and you flirt with her and tell her she's pretty and she flashes a smile back to you, you can go, hey, you know, I'm not sure if you're single or not, but if you're ever free.
And then, and if you're a man, if the answer is no, you know I have a boyfriend but thank you, say okay and have a good day. Like you can't argue the fact of being with somebody. That we have to get over that shit too. But be honest with people. Like if you're single and you go, you know, I'm just not seeing anybody right now and I really don't want to. You don't have to lie and say I'm with somebody. That's like the, that's the biggest thing. I have a girlfriend or I have a boyfriend.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Well plus if you'd say that you're with somebody that means let me try harder cuz now I don't have to commit to you Maybe I could get laid, you know Mm-hmm
Robb (:Yeah, that's true too. Some people like that. Look, I've had my issues with liking people who have already been with somebody, let's just say it that way. And the situation I could write a huge story about, but stepping back from that, they have to be.
If you're gonna like somebody and you're gonna want to pursue a future with them, they have to be totally away from whatever, even if they're in the worst relationship in the world. Even if they're in a shitty relationship and they're ready to jump out of it and get away, everyone has to be on the same page before you start that. Because if you don't, the relationship is disposable because there's no commitment from either person.
Tina Marie Garcia (:They have to be available.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:and one person can't be into it and the other person not be available to be in it. So, you know, just we need to open up and stop looking at relationships as being disposable. There's good people out there for everyone and if you think that they might be for you, I think that you should
Tina Marie Garcia (:right?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Give it a shot.
Robb (:You should give it a shot and young folks, um, stop swiping until your heart's content. It's it's, I think that it's so dehumanizing that when you end up meeting, you've already made up your mind or it's so hard to get invested because there's already somebody else on your phone who's swiped on you. You know, you're, you're not going into that date with like.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:man, I hope this guy's a nice guy and maybe we'll see where it's gonna go. It's, hey, let's see what happens. But if it doesn't work, I already have somebody here right now ready to take me out. It's like, you know, that's a, that's a scary thought for I think a guy.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Wow. Why bother?
Robb (:you know, that that's what's going through their head. So I don't know. I just thought we should really kind of touch base on this. We do a lot of relationship shows, Dean, and I think that, and they do well. More people listen to the shows on things like this. And I think it's because we all kind of go, yeah, that's me. Like, I see that in what they're talking about. So.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:Hopefully we can get more people on. I really like to have more people on because when we talk to folks or have a guest on, it's fun to get one more view and another view. And we've talked about it. We're gonna try to set up some shows that...
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yeah, for sure.
Robb (:All four of us are in the same room and kind of see because we've done We've done one or two of those and I think that they're they bounce off really good. So Any last words on disposable relationships?
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Give people a chance like sit out for that second date and see And see what's happening next like truly give you know take some time if you if You go into a relationship to have sex you have missed some really good parts of the relationship that you just skipped over quit skipping
Robb (:Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Robb (:Yep. My word is, if you go on a date and it's nice and you go on a second date and it's better, start thinking how I can spend quality time with this person outside of the bedroom. Because by the time you make it to the bedroom, it's going to be well worth it.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Oh yeah. That buildup should be so freaking intense you can't hold back anymore. And it shouldn't happen until you've got that true like.
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Yeah.
Robb (:Yeah, that true like I can't wait to see her I can't wait to have him here Those are things that should be You know, or I can't wait to see this person There's a lot to that um You know there just is and I think when you see relationships that are I want a relationship that
Tina Marie Garcia (:true.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm.
Robb (:When I leave work, I can't wait to get home to be with that person because it's the yin to my shitty yang at work. And when I get home, I know that they're going to make my evening peaceful compared to life. And if you can find someone that puts you at peace. If you'll both be happy because.
Tina Marie Garcia (:your happy place.
Robb (:that other person that you're going home to that's giving you peace, you're probably doing the same thing to them.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Mm-hmm, absolutely.
Robb (:Alrighty, well, make sure to check us out on our Instagram, our Facebook, our X, our Twitter, YouTube music, YouTube itself, Apple, Spotify, Amazon, all those fun things where you can hear podcasts and share this, please send this people. Go to wherever you listen to this and rate us, leave us a little, hey, I liked your show and we'll be back.
I don't know, next week. And Tina's going on vacation, so you have a good time. And this is a week, you're going on vacation the Saturday before this comes out. So by the time you hear this, she's already on vacation. And, oh, it'll come out, correct, so.
Tina Marie Garcia (:next week.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yay! Thank you.
Tina Marie Garcia (:I'm coming back the day this show airs.
Robb (:Just so you know, by that time, we'll show you ready and geared up for another show. Until then, this is an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. We're so glad you guys are listening. And yeah, that's it for today. You have a good night, and we'll see you later.
Tina Marie Garcia (:Yes.
Tina Marie Garcia (:See ya!
