EP # 136 The hard time of compromise

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Wisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:06

I'm good, Rob, how you doing?

Robb (: 00:08

Peach King after a week of being sick. It's nice to, I don't know. And no one around me got it. No one at work, even my kid who lives in the house but I see every blue moon. He never got it either. So yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:11

Yeah, what's up with you getting COVID again? Stupid COVID. Really?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:23

Yeah. Nice. I'm glad that you don't like to share your germs. Yeah, and I didn't get sick at all.

Robb (: 00:30

Yeah, yeah. Well, and I saw you that Saturday before.

Mm-mm. So who knows? I mean, it could be anything. It could have been a door handle in a restaurant. Who knows? So, but yeah, first two days sucked, but by like Wednesday, I was feeling better. And of course my work was like, stay away. I was like, all right, well. So I took Thursday and Friday off and.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:41

It happens. Yeah. Glad you're doing better though.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 00:56

Nice.

Robb (: 00:59

My nurse friend down the street told me to get out and get fresh air and walk and actually don't sit around and, you know, let the snot gather in my lungs. So Thursday and Friday, I did, did a lot of walking on Thursday. On Thursday, I walked almost five miles actually, um, with the dog and just, you know, gallivanting around my neighborhood or

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:12

Ooh, fun. Right?

with the dog?

Robb (: 01:26

So both days, I think I did four miles and five miles. I don't know, I walked like almost 10 miles in two days. Yeah, and I did pretty good. I wasn't very winded, just a little bit. So feel pretty good, went back to work on Monday and all groovy. And we're recording this actually the night before it comes out, which is unlike us. So.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:26

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:31

Nice.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:36

That's good, especially being congested.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:46

Nice.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 01:52

Yeah, I was in Pismo, so awesome. I hadn't seen that group of friends in a while and, um, it was like, I never. Like skipped a beat with them. They're such good people. I really had a good time. Yeah. And everybody likes to glamp now. So it makes camping so damn easy. It's fun.

Robb (: 01:56

I know, how was that?

Robb (: 02:09

And Pismo's super awesome. Yeah, Pismo's cool.

Robb (: 02:19

glamping that is glamorized camping I'm assuming

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:22

Yeah, that's like camping with big ass rigs, you know, you could live in these stupid things.

Robb (: 02:25

Oh yeah, like RVs and trailers and yeah, not a tent in sight.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 02:34

not a tent in sight. And now they don't even have like trailers. They're all driving. They're uh, yeah, they're all driving those. So like, they've definitely since COVID have upped their game, all of them. So it was cool. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. And just being around good people. It's a good thing.

Robb (: 02:40

Yes, I mean, they're like RVs.

Robb (: 02:53

Hehe

Robb (: 02:58

It is, and sometimes you have to go and hang out with people again, just to, it makes you feel human again. Yeah, I was talking to my friend today and she's like, oh, I thought this year was gonna be better. And I was like, you know, me too, but it really hasn't. My give a shit meter is not very good these days. So I'm trying to get that back. I'm just like, yeah, I just don't care, which is not a good thing.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:02

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:21

You need to go somewhere, do something, get out of your element. Yeah.

Robb (: 03:25

Yeah, probably, probably need to hit the road or something. Hit the road, Jack. So this week I brought up a topic with you because there is a person that I work with who.

man has a very inconvenient thing but convenient at the same time and you're like yeah it's a show about compromise because my friend lives in his wife's mom's house with her pays the full mortgage but really only lives in one room

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:51

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 03:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 04:03

uses the garage for storage but like really doesn't do anything in the house and if he tries to change things like he wanted to put the ashes of his dad downstairs she moved the mom moved him or yeah or he wants to do certain things and she

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:17

What?

Robb (: 04:24

You know, it is her house by law, but they pay the mortgage and they're just he's in a rough spot So he's like, you know He he wants to move out. He wants to get their own place But his wife is now like, you know, I really don't want to leave and what's my mom gonna do? and there's a lot of um

Family issues with it as well. Like there's brothers and sisters involved, but they really don't pay anything So my friend thinks that they have no say in the matter and I think he's kind of right. It's like even though their family they're like well we don't want to do that because they want they're like why don't we just sell the house and like You know help mom put her somewhere else and you know blah and the other kids are like no, we don't want to do that

Tina Marie Garcia (: 04:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 05:14

So I told him, I go, look, you're in a rough spot, right? And I wish I had a answer for him, right? Of how to fix it. But I don't think there is with the exception of either continue to compromise or move out.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 05:35

Well, it doesn't sound like there's compromising. There's any compromising except for on his end. And he's compromised, compromising his comfort and his money and his, his ability to take care of even his own things. That's unfortunate because family could really get in between a couple.

And it sounds like this is what's happening, but sounds like the wife is allowing it to.

Robb (: 06:02

Correct.

Robb (: 06:08

Yes, I think that is a major part of the problem. How can I say this without being horribly bad? They're a Hispanic family, and if you've been around Hispanic families, because, yeah, and my best friend also is Hispanic, their, the family unit is insanely tight. So the...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:13

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:23

No one ever.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:34

Yeah.

Robb (: 06:38

the getting around that is very difficult. And I'll say it in, since it's, I can say it in my culture, the white people culture generally is very like a bird away from nest, right? As soon as you leave the house, it's like, ch-c

Tina Marie Garcia (: 06:52

Mm-hmm.

You're gone.

Robb (: 07:00

You know, you do things and you want to make sure your family's fine, but it is very separate. Like you do have your own life. And when I was married, I, you know, I didn't have to worry about that kind of thing. Um, I, I moved my ex's mother-in-law in, but that was because she needed help and we had room, whatever. Um, but that was a whole other thing because she was.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 07:14

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:28

really good with my girls, my son who had just been born, she cooked and cleaned and like, she made her keep because she also came from that era that like, if I'm going to do this and I'm not gonna pay rent, I'm definitely going to earn the keep and she did. And she didn't stay very long either, she wanted to be on her own. It was just a kind of a pass through. But when you...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 07:41

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 07:54

holdover. Yeah.

Robb (: 07:58

Now here's the flip side of that. I lived in someone's house as a roommate and I do get the feeling that he had, right? Where, you know, you do kind of live in your own secluded room. And I was lucky. My old roommate was great. I had free reign of the house. I could, I watched TV in the living room and I watched it in my room and...

We had a living room that I did photo shoots in. And so like there was a lot of open ground, but I still do have that feeling of like, I still only live in my room.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 08:34

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 08:36

So, and there was compromise in our relationship, my relationship with a roommate, there's compromise in that. But when it's family and it's your wife that you sleep next to every night, it's gotta be very, very intense. I, and you know, for me, I keep telling them like,

look, you just gotta go. Like you have to find a place. To the point where I know he was joking, but he was like, I think I'm just gonna rent an apartment and I'll live in it and she can come over during the week and do things and then she can go back home and be at home. And I was like, look, that's a very slippery slope that you're talking about. And I know that you're probably 98% joking.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:18

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:29

Is he though? Yeah.

Robb (: 09:30

But I don't know, and I really didn't deep dive into that because you start opening up a wound, I might start pouring salt on it and I didn't wanna do that either. But let's say there's 2% seriousness to this. That 2% is growing. And it ends up being like a cancer, right? Where it gets out of control and you're just like, I can't take it anymore.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:42

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:48

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 09:56

Does his wife work and contribute equally as well?

Robb (: 10:00

Correct. Yes. They, they, well, right now it's not as good. She's in the home business. So she sells property and obviously right now that kind of, she's a loan officer.

So it's not, obviously it's not great right now, but it's not horrible, but she's not making what she used to. But before she made more than him. So I don't think that that's the thing. I think it's more of just like it's the family and I don't wanna leave my mom alone because what's she gonna do if we leave? Who's gonna pay the mortgage? Because I guess the other kids won't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:13

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 10:37

Well, I hope the other kids aren't living there then.

Robb (: 10:39

They're not, but here's the thing at the end, if they leave, like the other family members don't talk shit, but they're like, well, what are you gonna do if you leave? Like, what's mom gonna do? And my buddy's like, it's time for you guys to nut up. We've been doing it for five or eight years or whatever it's been. It's your turn. And I guess they're getting heat over that, like.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:00

Absolutely. Mm hmm.

Robb (: 11:09

the other family members are a little upset. And I was like, look, dude, you can't, okay, he's, I think he's turning 49 this year, I think. I said, dude, you're at the back end of your life. Well, you know, where do you want to be at? And, you know.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:28

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:34

We've both been married and we compromised on certain things, right? There's always going to be something you step back from and go, I'm not going to, this isn't my fight. It's not worth it. I'm okay with whatever's going on.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:45

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:50

but not when it starts affecting your self, your inner self, that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 11:56

Well, when you when you have when you're in your home, that's your safe place. That's a place where you could, you know, feel comfortable. That's where you could put your things to keep them safe. That's that's your home base. That's where you should be 100 percent you. And if you're living in one bedroom, like you're a kid belonging to a woman that you're not the kid of, that's got to be a really hard.

situation to be in. I wouldn't like that at all. And nor would I, you know, I would definitely say, look, I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want to do this with your family. And, you know, sorry, mom, but, you know, get a hold of your kids and figure something out because we've done our job.

Robb (: 12:44

Yeah, we want to live now.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 12:46

And as a wife, you know, being like, oh, we can't do this. We can't do that. Your first obligation is to your husband. And then it is to your family. Like you're, you're supposed to take on a husband. You're supposed to have your own family. You're supposed to be your own matriarch to your own family, not, uh, live as your mom's kid in your house and are in her house and pay everything and still get treated like a kid that's that doesn't work for an adult.

especially an adult male, and for her to ask him to compromise without taking his feelings into consideration isn't really compromise at all.

Robb (: 13:25

agree and I tried saying something to that nature like I said I try because obviously I work with him so I you know you want to be very truthful but you also want to walk somewhat lightly I don't want to send him into the you know going home and freaking out

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:33

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 13:40

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 13:45

But for me, it's a little different, right? Because I've been single for so long. And I kind of told him that. I was like, look, I kind of was in your situation in different ways. I had the mother-in-law, but it was in my house. So she wasn't, I didn't have to worry about that side of moving stuff back or any of that. That would drive me bonkers. I would have problems with that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 14:07

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 14:10

Like, he even said that he doesn't, like similar to where when I was a roommate, I didn't hang pictures or anything. They don't do things like that because it's mom's house. And it's bonkers to me. And I feel bad, but I understand compromise. I think any healthy relationship, you're going to compromise because you have different set of ideas sometimes.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 14:37

And the compromising should always start with the couple, not anybody else. Like it, everything has to start with the couple because you're, you're a unit. You're, you're supposed to be each other's person. You know, the backup, the ones that, you know, that you could rely on, not somebody that, that you make an enemy out of, because you don't want to hear what he's saying. And that's a big thing that'll throw, that'll throw a couple into divorce.

It's not a little, you know, no.

Robb (: 15:10

It's not a TIF. I think what you just said is right. You don't wanna make your spouse the enemy. That's probably the big quote of the day. Without compromise, you'll end up enemies.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 15:17

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 15:25

Mm-hmm. Well, yeah, if he's already looking at, I want to rent an apartment and get the hell out, like that says a lot about the situation and she should really take that into consideration. Like, if you ask me.

Robb (: 15:38

It goes to show you, it goes to show you that kind of life is your sanity. He, I think he's slowly losing his sanity where he's just like, I gotta go home and I know this is going to happen. And like he had a water, hot water heater issue. Blew up.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 15:47

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:04

course he had to take care of it. He had to make sure that everything was done, everything. He calls out on Monday, toilets back up the whole place. So he had to make sure the plumber came and he had to take care of it. And he's like, look, it's not even my house. Like, I'm the one that has to make sure it gets done because no one else will do it. And I'm like.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:17

Mm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:30

Yeah.

Robb (: 16:31

And look, I get that side of it of being the, you know, patriarchal side of that of I'm gonna take care of it, but at some point you have to say, we could be doing this in our home. You know, like the one where, you know, we can do whatever we want to it and we can change it and I don't have to worry about if I put something in the garage that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 16:45

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:59

your mom's going to move it to a different spot because she's done that too. Like he's put something in the garage and he came out to get it and it was gone. And then he had to search the whole thing to get it.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:10

So mom went and tell him where she put it.

Robb (: 17:13

I don't know if it was that he just doesn't ask anymore because he doesn't want to fight or she wasn't home The whole point is it don't move it You know, it's

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:22

Right. Or have a conversation like there's is there any dialogue going on?

Robb (: 17:28

I believe there already has been. I think they've lived there like eight or nine years. There's been a lot of dialogue. And he's even said like, you put all your shit in this side of the garage and I'll put it over here and it just doesn't end up staying that way. Because she's just like, this is my house.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:35

Mm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 17:46

this is my house and that's that. Well then he should let her pay her house.

Robb (: 17:52

I agree, but like I said, I think that, I think what ends up needing to happen is that the family needs to help, the real family, other than just one daughter. It's like the rest of the kids have to nut up or we're leaving and mom's gonna lose the house and then that's just the way life is.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 18:11

Well no, there needs to be a coming to Jesus meeting and I'm paying your bills, I'm living in this house, if you want me to stop, move my shit. Otherwise leave my shit alone and I'll continue to pay your bills and you start treating me with some respect and my dad's ashes are going right here. And he needs to put his foot down with his mother-in-law and if his wife doesn't like it

Robb (: 18:22

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 18:38

then there's time to do something, because the compromise is not there. You know, there's not, it doesn't sound like this situation is beneficial for him in any way. It sounds like he's gotta be, he's gotta be the one to lay down and take five in the ass, while everybody's taking advantage of him, and doesn't sound like he's liking that too much.

Robb (: 18:57

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 19:01

No, he's not. That's, and I think that that's putting it lightly. He's, without him saying it, I can see him at the breaking point. And.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:05

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:15

That marriage will not last if she doesn't start listening to him, period.

Robb (: 19:19

And they've been together like 20 something years. Like this is something that obviously it's, it's a good relationship that I can see from the outside looking in with the exception of this.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:22

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 19:33

Not if she doesn't tell her family you need to respect me and my husband for taking care of your shit. It's not... It's out of line.

Robb (: 19:37

Hmm

Right.

Robb (: 19:43

They're, it's a short fuse, I think, right? They've been together so long that I think both of them are like, they don't wanna leave, they don't want out, but they're pushing so hard that one of them is going to break at some point. And I think it's gonna be my friend because he's just unhappy and you can see it in him.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 20:08

And it should be the sooner than the later. Like, don't make it, you know, try to get out of the situation before you hate each other, before you're done with each other, before, you know, things are so bad they're unfixable. But if you're unhappy, it doesn't make sense to be there, it just doesn't, at all. So say something, do something, like whatever you threaten, make sure that's what you're gonna end up doing because nobody will take you seriously if you don't.

And you're just going to have to, you know, hold your ground because it's, you know, I, I come from a Latin family, even though we found out later that me in particular is not Hispanic, but, um, when we used to go out to dinner, there'd be like 17 or 18 people on a Friday night going out to dinner. That was like a small little family gathering. So I get the whole being close. I get the whole.

having generations together and I see the benefits of it. However, there was a pecking order in my family and if you were in my dad's younger brother's house, he was in charge. If you were in my grandfather's house, he was in charge. You know, there was a pecking order. They're in their mother-in-law's house, but I'm paying your bills. If I'm paying your bills, you need to stand down.

Robb (: 21:21

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 21:33

You know, and it doesn't seem like he's unreasonable. He's been doing this for a long time. She could make it easy on him and say, yeah, you're right. I should give you space to do these things and be a good mother-in-law. But if she's not, and the, and the wife isn't forcing the issue, then it should be he and the wife against everybody. And that's, that's a no brainer right there. But if he's compromising and nobody else is, he should, he should do something about that.

Robb (: 22:03

Do you think there is a compromise in this or do you think that the latter is just it's time to move on?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 22:14

There's always, there's always a way to make things work, but all parties involved need to make them work. Like the other children in the family, his wife's siblings, they need to man up. You know, they, that's, he's taking care of somebody that's not his mother, period. And that will build resentments. I don't care how long or how good or how whatever.

is going to build resentments because he didn't come from that woman, period. And, and when he's overstretched with, you know, he's, he's beyond what he wants to do. That's, that's a bad situation. And if she doesn't correct it, she should be out on her ass.

Robb (: 23:03

You know, there's, in his life right now too, he has his stepson just had a baby, and I mean like days ago. No, no, they live out of state. They live across the country. And his daughter, there's some stepkids involved in this, she lives...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 23:15

and they're living there too.

Robb (: 23:31

North in Idaho and they have like a one year old, almost one year old. They're a military family, they're probably going to move also across the country near the brother. And I told him, I said, look, your future here is probably not forever, right? You're wanna be around your grandkids.

Mostly his wife, his wife is like, you know, grandma fanatical right now, loves being, you know, wants to be around the babies and the whole nine, which is awesome. I think that that's also a very important thing. If you can be around your grandkids, you do it. So he was joking with me, but not, he's like, I have a two year plan now, man. I got to, I'm going to learn new stuff at work and wait for a couple of branches to open on the East coast and probably move.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:08

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 24:23

I was like, dude, that's a brilliant idea. You'd be closer to your grandkids, you'd be closer to two of your kids, and you'll also be free of the situation you're in. You'll have no choice but to rent a house or get an apartment or buy a house on, you know, wherever you decide to be. I said it's almost, you know, building itself.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 24:47

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 24:53

But I said, you know, you also haven't lived alone with your wife in a long time. This is something you need to do before you decide to move across the country. Because it'll be like living a new life for you. You know, coming home to an empty house where there's going to be a lot of dead time where you might not be used to that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:02

Right?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:07

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:12

Absolutely.

Robb (: 25:22

Cause you know, cause he even says, he goes, you know, sometimes I'll go home and I'll watch TV and my wife will go downstairs and talk to mom for a little while and this and that, and then she'll end up coming up, you know, and obviously they do spend time in the room, you know, a lot in the room. But I said, you know, when you have a, let's say you rent a home, you know,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:22

Yeah.

Robb (: 25:42

and you have an extra bedroom for an office and you have a garage and you have a backyard and it's a different life where you'll be able to build a different relationship with your wife of many, many years where you might be able to strengthen your relationship so much that when you leave to go start a new chapter, you're geared up. I think you have to relearn that

Tina Marie Garcia (: 25:51

Absolutely.

Robb (: 26:11

they're in a situation where it's not like being husband and wife. So I'm kind of, you know, not pushing him because I wouldn't push anybody, but I definitely give him my take. Like you have to try to get out of the situation, but it's a no win. And of course, like he goes, he'll push his wife every blue moon and then she'll...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 26:16

Mm-hmm

Tina Marie Garcia (: 26:29

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 26:37

get sort of like, yeah, you know, that's a really good idea. And then it just fizzles out because mom, fizzles out because mom, you know, mom will say something or she knows mom can't take care of herself. And like, I'm not trying to be disingenuous and say that, you know, just kick your mom to the curb. I would never say that. But you have to understand that your life is to be lived as well.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:07

Yep.

Robb (: 27:10

I just hope that they can find a compromise beforehand, because compromising is hard in any relationship for any reason, right? I think you have to compromise for your children, right? As they get older, there has to be a compromise between parent and child, right? Like, look, I've done my duty. Well, and the compromises that I've raised you, it's time for you to...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 27:32

Always.

Robb (: 27:40

being adult and not lean on me for everything. Because I think that this newer generation, the ones that we created, unfortunately, they're just, they hold onto everything. Kids who, I read something or heard something on a podcast the other day, and it wasn't.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:00

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:07

for females, so I can't tell you the age for females, and I think it's way less, because they like to move out quick. The average age of a man who moves out of the house now is 29 years old. Who in the blue hell would want to stay that long? You're socially inept, right? You have no skills of taking care of yourself.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:19

Wow.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:34

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:35

and the next step in your life is a relationship and marriage where mom's been wiping your ass for 30 years. I, it blew me away and I'm sure for girls it's way less because you guys like to move out when you're 16 or 17 years old and think you're women.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:42

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 28:57

I don't know, I think we should look that up. Because I think the stats on that are really high too.

Robb (: 29:03

Here, I'm going to why we're discussing.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 29:12

I don't...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 29:15

It's amazing how because of the way we're set up, our economy's set up, that people cannot move out, that kids cannot move out and leave. They're really struggling with that. But on the other hand, it's like, how do they raise their family? How do they get with somebody? How do they, you know, like, there's so many things that because they're staying at home, they're not doing. And that's kind of odd.

Robb (: 29:41

Yeah, I totally agree. Okay, this is...

Let's see, college education, I don't care about any of this stuff, I just wanted the details. A survey from the BLS indicates that the average age to move out of the parental home is 27 years old, although 80% of millennials at this age are not living with their parents. That's kind of odd. So,

I guess the average age that would go along both is 27 years old.

Robb (: 30:28

Could you, I mean, I never asked. How old were you when you left the Roost?

Tina Marie Garcia (: 30:35

I left one time for about nine months and that was when I was about 24 and then I came back and then I stayed until I was 29 and then moved in with my ex. But I worked two and three jobs, went to school, I was gone and doing my own thing for the whole time. I mean I always, I started babysitting at 11 years old. I always had shit to do on the weekends.

Robb (: 30:41

Okay.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:03

was in school, I was, you know, doing something. But I also had a sick mom and sick grandparents that I was assisting in. So had I not had that, I probably would have gotten out a lot sooner, but literally I was taking care of sick people.

Robb (: 31:12

Right.

Robb (: 31:21

Right, you're an outlier though. So let's, what about the people around you? Like my oldest daughter left at 17 years old. And my oldest daughter, or I'm sorry, my oldest daughter left at 17 and my middle girl, she left at 18 after we got divorced. So, but I think she probably would have hung out longer, but I don't see her going that long.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:31

Yeah.

Robb (: 31:51

And my kid my son is 21 and he's still here. I left at 20 and I was in an apartment with two friends during my 21st birthday So it wasn't it was like I was probably in an apartment for two and a half months before my 21st birthday It's But you know, you know my dad also was

Tina Marie Garcia (: 31:55

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:03

Yeah.

Robb (: 32:20

not a hard ass, but definitely had his own views, and so did I. So I think that today, they're just holding on longer. So there is no compromise of, well, they think they don't have to compromise, I think, this generation. And they do just enough to stay to where they don't get kicked out.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:37

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 32:42

Yeah, no. I did and still will, you know, do things that most people would say I shouldn't do for my dad, but because of his age, like making a bed is next to impossible for him. So I go in there and take off all the sheets and everything and make everything back up. It's not a big deal to me. Just help out where you got to. But I've always been like that because I've always had sick people that have needed attention. So, um...

Yeah, I just stayed and took care of everybody. And now I don't want to do shit to be honest with you for anyone. Like I'm so completely done with that.

Robb (: 33:17

What about the people, what about your age group though growing up, what do you remember your friends leaving? Was it before 24? Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:27

Mmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 33:31

Oh yeah, it was like early 20s. Most of my friends, a couple of them, a couple of them waited longer, but they were building their, you know, their education and building their business and doing that. So they, they like me stayed, stayed longer, but for the majority, they were in their early 20s. Yeah.

Robb (: 33:51

Yeah, me too. Most of my male friends were all in their, were all in their early 20s. So I would say for a man of my generation, probably 22, 23, latest. And again, all the females that I knew growing up, all left early, all of them.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:05

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:12

Yeah. I didn't have, um, I didn't, I had, I argued with my mom quite a bit, but it was never anything where I got to get away from this bitch. You know, I, it wasn't like that. It was, she drove me crazy. Don't get me wrong. And there were days where I was like, Oh my gosh, somebody's going to take it. I don't know if it's going to be me or it's going to be her, but somebody's cruising. But, um, we got along, you know, my, I don't know, we just always had other people we had to take care of. So we just did it.

Robb (: 34:32

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:41

So I didn't even realize that I was taking too long to move out because there was so much going on that I took care of.

Robb (: 34:54

But you guys probably compromised a lot.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 34:56

all the time, every day. And when I was losing my shit, my mom would say, okay, Tina can't be bothered right now. Tina can't do anymore, she's hit her limit. She, you know, she gave me that space, thankfully.

Robb (: 35:06

Right.

Robb (: 35:11

For me, you know, I was hard-headed, dad was hard-headed, so there wasn't a lot of compromise. I learned to compromise early in my marriage because I was still, you know, I was a younger man, but I was still boneheaded and I lived with roommates for a long time and they're all men and we just goofed off and did dumb shit.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 35:25

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:38

So I think when you start getting into a relationship, your compromising is obviously very easy on some and very harsh on others, right? You have to, you pick your fights. And I think that the fight for my friend is now. It's time to pick the fight because it's probably going to help your sanity long run. It's like me and my kid. I pick my...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 35:51

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:08

my fights with him because I know he you know

Robb (: 36:14

I know that he's an emotional kid, but he also is very stern in his belief system. And sometimes I have to put that in check because he has that, I don't understand why. Or you know, that's stupid. I shouldn't have to do that. And I'm like, that's not reality. I'm going to give you a little kick in the ass and tell you that life doesn't give a shit what you think.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:42

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 36:43

It runs you over. And I probably had to learn that a little later as well, but I'm trying to get him on the path of that. And the compromise of life is sometimes you have to do shit you don't want to. Most times. And when you do that, you'll get the good stuff, right? And...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 36:57

Often times. Most the time.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:08

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 37:11

I'm hoping that my friend finds compromise on a way out of his situation because I can I can see and I've worked there um going on three years in this place and I've seen him change I've seen where sometimes he's the most upbeat person and then sometimes it's like someone has just swept his legs out from under him.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 37:40

Hmm.

Robb (: 37:41

and it's generally talking about that situation where it's just like, dude, this is happening and I don't know what to do and I'm in my damn room all the time and I'm like, okay, and I try to step back and be the single guy and go, you need to fucking leave. But.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:00

Hmm.

Robb (: 38:02

I also try to step back and go, okay, what would I have done in my situation with my ex? What would I do if I was in a current situation with somebody? Love is a hell of a drug, man. And it'll make you do things that most people wouldn't, like compromise.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:20

It is.

Robb (: 38:27

Some people have, I'd never do that shit. And then you see them in a relationship and they do that exact same shit they said they'd never do. So I think it's a very important thing to pick your fights, compromise almost always, but stand your ground when it's a mental health thing and it's driving you to a point where

Tina Marie Garcia (: 38:35

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 38:55

you're thinking outside the box just to survive. And I think saying, I just get an apartment by myself and she can be with me 90% of the time, but she can go home and visit. But then I told him, yeah, but the money thing is still a situation, right? Mom can't take care of the house. What's gonna happen? And he's like, I don't know. And I said,

Well, they won't sell it to you because the kids won't sell it to them because they offered, we'll just buy the house. And the kids are like, no, well, we don't wanna do that because it's moms, but they're, right, but I think mom also wants to make sure that the kids have.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:25

Well, whose house is it though? Well then they don't have shit to say about that period.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:35

Well then mom should start paying the fucking note on the house.

Robb (: 39:39

No, I, I agree. But you know, there's, I'm assuming just from what he has said, they can't. Let's just put it that way. I don't know financial situations or whatever. I think that.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 39:55

So here's the deal. You can't pay your house. You're gonna have to get rid of it because I'm not putting money into it anymore. I don't like the way I've been treated. I don't like that this has gone on for so long and we don't get any other help. And I'm not benefiting from it. I'm paying your mortgage that's going to be somebody else's cash out when you pass. What's the word I'm looking for there? Inheritance. And

Robb (: 40:23

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:24

That's some bullshit right there. Why would you pay for somebody else to have an inheritance? Does he have kids?

Robb (: 40:32

Yes. Well, not that live there. They're all older. Sure.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:34

But he has kids. Okay, so whatever he's putting into a house should be for his own kids to inherit, not for his in-laws. Yeah.

Robb (: 40:48

his wife's siblings. Yeah, because in theory, heaven forbid mom passes away. Now, if they want, they're gonna have to fight to sell the house, and they're all going to get a fair share because we live in California. So all that money that they put into that house for eight years now turns into...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 40:57

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:09

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 41:16

a fourth.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:17

someone else's inheritance. Yeah, that's a hard one.

Robb (: 41:19

Yeah. And that's a big pill to swallow. You know what I mean? And, and like, not only is it trying to swallow it, it's while someone stepping on it trying to kick it down your throat.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:33

Yeah, and while you're at it, don't put your shit in my garage. That's, that's not right.

Robb (: 41:37

Yeah, yeah and no water for the pill as well choke it down

Tina Marie Garcia (: 41:42

Yeah, it's like taking five in the ass with no lube. Ha ha

Robb (: 41:47

So, I don't know, I think that looking at this situation, and I was trying to say, like, how can we put this over to the people who listen to our show? And compromise is just a heavy topic, right? Because we as couples, we as people, you know, there's a line in the sand that we all...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:11

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 42:14

think we should take and we also think that our significant others should take.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 42:20

Well, and see, there's the situation. Again, it goes down to the core should always be the husband and the wife. And they should work on what's going to make them happy before they make their family happy. Now, obviously, if there's younger kids, that's a different situation, but that's their choice. That's their kids, their younger kids. But in this situation, he...

He just needs to say, I can't do this, I won't do this. And somebody else needs to step up. If nobody else needs to step up, mom needs to understand she's gonna have to sell that house, period. Sell it. And if you sell it to the people who are paying for it, even better, because then maybe one day, if somebody else needs a place to live, it'll be there for them. But...

Robb (: 43:14

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 43:15

Yeah, the mom needs to get it through her thick skull that she didn't do what she needed to do to be able to have an inheritance for those children of hers. That her adults are not doing shit to help her right now. Anyway, she should remember that too.

Robb (: 43:22

Right.

Robb (: 43:28

Yeah, I think, you know, if his plan is to leave the state at some point, maybe there's an out plan anyway. And maybe, maybe that's what he should start looking towards, you know, being closer to your kids and your grandkids. And that, if you, if you see that as the end game, it doesn't matter what's going to happen after you leave. Because then you have to look at the last eight years as just rent. And that's the way life works. Um,

Tina Marie Garcia (: 43:36

Mm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 43:54

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 43:58

And then, of course, obviously, if and when anything bad would happen, his wife would get a quarter of the house, whether they sell it or she passes away, whatever it is.

I just think that you have to look at the reality of compromise in any relationship and at some point you're right, you're spouse and you have to step back and go, okay, the compromising is over. We cannot compromise anymore because it's tearing our relationship apart.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 44:30

And this is the compromise. Sell us the house and allow us to do what we're gonna need to do to the house to keep this house going, or we're gonna move out and you're gonna have to figure out your own way. There's really, I mean, logically, those are your choices. And logically, you're stepping on toes by thinking that anything else is acceptable.

Robb (: 44:51

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:00

That's not fair and it'll end up ruining her daughter's marriage if she doesn't back off

Robb (: 45:07

Yeah, and I think it's gonna end up pushing the family so far apart whether they're in the same house or not. Like there's gonna be so much resentment from husband to wife, and then wife is going to show that in how she is around the house. It's a no-win situation. I just think that I was trying to get a point across to everybody that

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:20

Yeah.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:29

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 45:36

You know, look, you have to compromise to get your relationship in a certain place, but at some point, there has to be a line in the sand for everything, whether it's mother-in-law, father-in-law, kids, whoever, friends. There's always a line in the sand, and I think that you have to...

Tina Marie Garcia (: 45:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 46:02

be big enough to understand, yes, there's repercussions to that line, but your mental health will probably be better off because of it. So.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:11

Mm-hmm Absolutely and remember You should never put somebody that you love in such a shitty situation That they feel trapped and they feel like they're not being heard and they're feeling unloved like come on let's get back to basics where we just start being good to the person that we chose to live with and And then everything else will have its place, but it won't be right next to you

Robb (: 46:40

Right.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 46:40

Whoever you choose is... that's your teammate. That's the person that you give everything to that gives everything to you. And it sounds like he's really giving it to her. So, come on. You know, there's... there's no place in that relationship for him to feel the way that he does. There's just not a place in that.

Robb (: 46:52

Yeah.

Robb (: 47:07

Agree. I think it's time to step back, get a plan and make it happen. And I think that's what with everybody. It's going to get nothing but worse actually. And then you're going to resent the people around you. You're going to resent yourself. The mirror is going to be an ugly thing because every time you're like, why are we doing this? Why am I still here? Why is this nonsense still happening? And

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:15

Because if you don't, it's not going to get any better.

Mm-hmm.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:31

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 47:36

if unfortunately the people around you also need to learn right like no

Tina Marie Garcia (: 47:43

Yeah, you don't get your cake and eat it too. This isn't this isn't mom's world. Come on.

Robb (: 47:49

Yeah. Well, and it's a two-way street. I think everything's a two-way street. Like, look, you wanna help the people around you, but not to where they're taking advantage of you. That's narcissistic behavior. It's not a good thing.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:01

Never. And especially when they're the only ones signing up to help.

Robb (: 48:08

Correct, agree. All right, last words.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 48:13

Run no No, come on just People need to quit being so damn selfish and start looking at things logically and then moving forward from that instead of their fear or Their judgment or their what they should or could Be doing like it's just what is right. Can we just go back to what is right for everybody involved like? That would be nice. I'd like to see that in this world

Robb (: 48:14

Ha ha.

Robb (: 48:40

Totally agree, I think that it's the biggest thing right now and I think in everyone's relationships is the most simplest compromise based on the simplest things. People make mountains out of molehills when if you let it get that far, it's just going to destroy you. So.

All right, hey, check us out on social medias, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram. You can hear us on Apple and Spotify and Amazon and YouTube music. You can see us, you can listen to us on YouTube if you're out and about. And yeah, it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. It's just these two people doing crazy shit, saying crazy things.

Come check us out every Wednesday. And until next week, I'm Rob, that's Tina. You guys have a good night. See ya later.

Tina Marie Garcia (: 49:39

See ya.