EP # 187 The power of love languages,revisited.

Robb (: 00:00

And welcome to another show, Don't Get This Fist, and I'm Rob along with my co-host, always, Tina. Tina, how are you doing? That's an understatement. Life is a-moving. Yes, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Yeah, you know, who knows? Who knows? that's good. Yeah.

Tina (: 00:06

I am hanging in there Rob, life is moving.

Yeah, it is a moving.

Right?

We're seeing a lot of activity in our kitchen living room remodel and that's like super cool. Yeah, and dad's been gone. That's been super cool. Although it seems like he's been miserable, but he'll be back in a couple days and then we'll be on a roll for his surgery.

Robb (: 00:28

That's very good. Nice. All right. I'm I got OK'd for mine. Yeah, I don't have a date yet. I have to do some some labs. I need to get like a EKG and a chest X-ray and some blood work done and then they'll probably be next month. Yeah. Good times, good times and then you know.

Tina (: 00:42

Did you?

Tina (: 00:50

Okay, nice.

Tina (: 00:56

Yeah.

Robb (: 00:57

There's lot of other good things happening. you know, yeah, we'll bring that up as things go. You know, I don't want to jinx anything. You know, I was talking to someone the other night about the love languages. And you know that we haven't done a show on the love languages for a long time, like a really long time. I believe I'm going to look it up, but I believe that was our third show.

Tina (: 00:59

Lots of stuff.

Tina (: 01:05

There you go.

Tina (: 01:20

Right?

Robb (: 01:28

Which. Yeah, it's a long time ago, Dane. It was a long time ago. Here, let me just tell you. So we did that show September 29th of 2021. So a while ago. Yeah, so I was talking to somebody about it because, you know, like I, I think that it's a definite marker of who you are.

Tina (: 01:28

So in like four years.

Tina (: 01:45

So almost four years, three and a half years.

Robb (: 01:56

just by going through them. Even if you didn't take the test and you just kind of wing it on the definitions, I think it's pretty easy for a lot of people to go, yeah, that's me. Me and you took the test way back when and I have taken it recently, not like you, but it's the same. I know who I am and I really kind of know. Well, I'll go over them real quick just for the...

Fans listening at home. First one is words of affirmation saying supportive things to your partner. There's quality time spending focused time together. Physical touch showing care through intimate contact acts of service doing helpful things for your partner and receiving gifts giving thoughtful gifts to express love. You know, I was talking to this person and they were very

Tina (: 02:47

you

Robb (: 02:56

open about theirs, which was really good because we kind of went down the line and she was like asking me certain things and like, what's this or what's that? My will go near number one in my number one. My number one is quality time. Is that not your thing? And. So. Probably now, here's the thing, and my little kind of turn

Tina (: 03:09

My number one is acts of service, which kind of surprised me.

Tina (: 03:15

I'm not used to people doing anything for me, but I guess that's what I need. Who knows?

Robb (: 03:26

I think a lot of these, have to think of how you are in a relationship or because like for me, building a relationship quality time is perfect for me. I think acts of service. And I told this person is a woman thing. So, so, cause I, this is what I asked her. go, look, if I was in a relationship with you and I went on Sundays and took your car, got it washed and filled up the gas tank, would you be happy?

Tina (: 03:42

Hmm.

Robb (: 03:55

and they were like they go you would be she's like i'd be ecstatic i go right and she goes she goes well what would an an act of service be for you and the first thing she kind of smiled at me like and i went no sex isn't an act of service because once you use sex as an act of service it's transactional so i do more i get laid more how about we just get laid all the time and then i you do other things for me and she's like well what would be an act of service for you

Tina (: 03:55

You'd get laid in my world.

Tina (: 04:00

right.

Robb (: 04:24

And I go planning maybe what you know, I like to eat while I'm going to do all the stuff for you. It's because I think once you start using sex as a transactional piece of like monetary value, it ruins what sex is. And I and this girl, like literally her jaw almost to the ground. She was like, oh, I said, yeah, don't ever do that. Not with sex, because that's a that's a bad start to something. Which I thought was kind of interesting because she kind of thought about her relationships.

Tina (: 04:40

Of course.

Robb (: 04:55

Like, you're right. Like, if you do use that, it's gonna she was like, Yeah, I dated some guy who literally use sex as a transactional thing. That's a bad bad sign.

Tina (: 05:05

Good no, but I I in learning about myself in the last few years since I've been Divorced I've learned that I I can do everything myself. I can I'm I'm single I have to but it would be nice if somebody like made breakfast on a Sunday morning or like you said took my car and got it washed and and Gassed up What what do you need now if you did that sort of thing?

Robb (: 05:17

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Tina (: 05:34

And it's not about or like just did the dishes with me. It's you know, little things. It doesn't need to be much. But yeah, it goes a long way for sure.

Robb (: 05:43

And I thought like, and mostly with, if you put it in the aspect of being a couple already, you're right, like doing the dishes or like, know, starting the project earlier than you were gonna do it. Or, because you know, if you have plans and you have things you're thinking,

Tina (: 05:56

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 06:06

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 06:10

Yeah, or even just being involved in the project. Because like, I like that sort of thing. So like if you were going to do something in the yard, like, I want to do this and that, I'd be like, cool, I want to be involved in that part because you can build as a couple. So not only is it an act of service, it's quality time. You're kind of, you're hitting two things with one rock. I've tried that with other people that...

Tina (: 06:14

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 06:30

Exactly.

Robb (: 06:38

that have, it's very difficult with some people who don't want to go that route. Like I was trying to help somebody with their garage one time and I asked over and over and over and it never got done. So I got to the point where I was like, well, I guess I'm not gonna ask anymore because it's not that important. So for me, that's like the double whammy. If I can help you, it's great because I like doing that sort of thing as a friend and or mate.

Tina (: 06:53

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:08

I like to do it because I know it's going to become quality time. It's kind of a good thing. My second one is physical touch, which kind of makes sense because I think you're getting through the acts of service, like we just said, you're getting going to get quality time. And I think quality time turns into lots of other things. You know, it can turn into intimacy. It can turn into very good conversations.

Tina (: 07:13

Exactly.

Tina (: 07:18

And my second one is quality time.

Tina (: 07:27

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 07:38

So quality time has like very a big wider range, I think. Physical touch to me, because I was talking to this person as well about that, like to me, it doesn't it's not just sexual. Physical touch is like being out because I asked this person about public displays of affection. And they were like, look, she's like, you can like

Tina (: 07:55

No.

Robb (: 08:08

just don't get out of control. Don't try to dry hump me. And I was like, no, no, I think that there is a limit to PDAs. But if you have your hand in the smaller back, or if they're short, you have your hands on their, yeah, the nape of their neck. No, when you're short, yes, because if I'm tall, or I might put my hands on your shoulders and like.

Tina (: 08:26

On the back of their neck. No. I'm kidding.

Bye.

Robb (: 08:35

or put both my hands on your waist. And they even said like, look, you can even like spank my bottom if we're like jokingly around or I'm walking through a door. that is, just don't get crazy. Like you shouldn't be like rubbing my butt in line. Like I get that. There is a limit to it. At least for me, there is a limit. Like I don't want too much going on, but, correct.

Tina (: 08:58

Well, if it's done inconspicuously and it's not blatant, then you could do whatever the hell you want to. Yeah.

Robb (: 09:04

Correct. I do agree with that. And then like the other physical touch can be sitting on the couch watching a movie and I have my hand on your thigh or rubbing your feet or whatever it is. It doesn't have to be necessarily me getting touched. It's just physical touch.

Tina (: 09:23

I know that when I'm in a relationship there's hand holding in the car or there's like during a movie there's hand holding or in bed as long as our feet are touching or just but I've noticed that I'm really really good at being you know touching at being where I'm supposed to be doing what I'm supposed to do holding on to the person I'm supposed to hold on to that.

That to me has always been easy and my hands never stop. So if somebody's laying here and I could play with their hair, I'm going to do that, you know, whether I'm with them or not, just, well, being a hairdresser, makes sense. But I find that the physical physical touch is really easy for me. And so it's definitely something that I need to.

Robb (: 10:00

Right, right.

I'm the one that like when I drive in the car and they're next to me, I'll have my hand on their thigh. That's that's just and I've done it since I was got a car. That's just what I've done. So it's just one of those things where I feel comfortable where it's not

Tina (: 10:20

Yeah, totally.

Tina (: 10:26

Me too, me too, yeah.

Robb (: 10:33

Again, it's not overly sexual. I'm not like groping her or it's just having knowing that I have a hold of them. And I and look, I've been in a car before where we were driving and I had to like slam on the brakes. And I remember putting my arm across this girl and she was like, you know, you didn't have to do that. I go, I understand that it's a reaction. Everything. It's just what I've done. I go, I've had kids in the front seat. I've had, you know, multiple partners in the front seat.

Tina (: 10:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:00

I know it's not going to do anything. The fuck a seatbelt is going to stop you. It had nothing to do with that. It's just inherent trait of I have to try to stop her from getting hurt. So it's kind of interesting. So to me, think physical touch is very, very wide range of things. Again, it could be dancing in the kitchen. It can be putting my arms around you or you putting your arms around me. If I'm doing the dishes, it's

Tina (: 11:09

Mm-hmm.

as it should be.

Tina (: 11:21

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:28

Those things to me go a long, long way. A very long way. So let's go, let's go number three. For me, no, number three, you had the first two. So you had access, service, and quality time. I quality time and physical touch. My third one is words of affirmation.

Tina (: 11:33

Absolutely.

Tina (: 11:42

Number four.

Tina (: 11:55

mind to or it's tied with physical touch.

Robb (: 12:00

I think, and I'm gonna go on just how a man thinks and how people around me talk. I work with predominantly, actually I work with all men now, my old boss left. So it's 100 % dudes at my work.

Everyone in the front where I sit are married. So there's there's that as well. I believe that words of affirmation are missing in today's world. Mostly for men. And again, I'm going to use the bell curve because there are always going to be outliers of women who don't say shit to you at all. And then there's going to be women who say it all the time. That's just the way it is. The bell curve in the middle.

Tina (: 12:48

Yeah.

Robb (: 12:50

I think it's not said enough to men. And probably women as well. I'm trying to be fair, but I just, my male friends, their significant others don't tell them they're appreciated enough. Yeah. And, cause we've talked about it at my work, not a serious conversation, but obviously going down that road of like, cause you know, me being the single guy, I'm...

Tina (: 13:05

Really?

Robb (: 13:17

say things like that, like, I think this is what's missing. And obviously with the pod, I talk about that we talk about things all the time. So for me, I was like, you know, do you hear this kind of stuff? And they're like, not enough. Like, maybe if I do something nice, they give me words of affirmation, but it's not like they're getting them for nothing. Like just out of nowhere, coming up and being like, you know, I appreciate having you my life.

Tina (: 13:42

Hmm.

Robb (: 13:47

And look, they've both been with their partners quite a long time, one of them 25 years, one of them 12. So, and I'm not trying to say that that is a reason not to, but I understand that like regular life and children and work and all these things, but there is something as a man to hear that. I'll tell you.

Tina (: 14:06

No.

Well, yeah, I've noticed I've noticed in dating that that men don't get told enough that they're doing all right or that they did something that was really pleasant or that they were loved or whatever it is that they're they're missing or they're not hearing and the funny thing for me is is I'm not that way like we were we were joking the other day because I have I have a friend in El Paso

Robb (: 14:26

Right. Sure.

Tina (: 14:35

that had a new girlfriend and she was young and I was like, shit, she's not gonna like me because none of his girlfriends like me. Cause they all think we've had a past together and we do have a past but not of dating or of any sexual nature but that's always what people think about me. But I say stupid shit all the time like he was mopping one time when his girlfriend came over and me and my best friend were sitting there watching him mop telling him how sexy he looked and we're like.

Robb (: 14:52

boy.

Tina (: 15:03

Yeah, put your back into it. Damn you you look so sexy doing that. Keep it up. Keep it up I do shit like that, which is way over the top It's way inappropriate but it's who I am and they just go shut up and they laugh and they have her before they know it they're done because We had fun do you know with just hanging out while they did it? So

My my friend's girlfriend came over and she was in her 20s and I was like, this is not gonna end right because none of the women in in those guys's lives in El Paso like me until I've I've been put through it, you know, they got to make sure i'm gonna stick around or whatever But the truth is i've been around them for like close to 40 years. So I don't know why they think i'm doing anything weird. But anyway so This girl came over And I was like she's not gonna like me and my friend's like she's gonna like us watch

Robb (: 15:42

Right.

Robb (: 15:50

Right. Wow.

Tina (: 15:58

So she goes, come here, sit down. So she sat down in the middle of us on a couch while he was doing his mopping. And we did that right in front of her. We're all check him out. Look at your sexy man. Woo. Check out his asses. He's doing the weed. We made friends with her instantly. She was like this. These girls aren't trying to get away with anything. They're just being stupid and having a good time. And they, and I said, and look at how fast he got that shit done. And we had a good time. So then she started doing it. I actually taught her.

Robb (: 16:18

Right. Kali. What the fuck? I'm sure he played it too. Jesus.

Tina (: 16:28

I taught her how to do stuff like that. you know, it was so much fun because there was no jealousy. And he was like, he had three girls gawking at him and what's not to love? You know, he was embarrassed all to hell, but you know, his ego was a little bit, you know, stroked.

Robb (: 16:44

At the end of the day, he was getting words of affirmation. That's what I mean. Like he might've, you know, it might've been blushing or whatever, but, and I'm sure he was like, Tina's a dick, but yeah. even that, he was still getting a word of affirmation through humor.

Tina (: 16:50

from all of us.

Tina (: 16:59

Yeah, she- that's exactly what he'd said.

Tina (: 17:06

Mm-hmm. And the funny thing is is because I've been so open and honest with with these friends of mine in El Paso like I could tell them I love them and they don't think she's trying to get with me or I could be there when they're in the hospital and it's can you please help me because There's nothing I won't say or do they they already are very aware of it and they know that you know They can trust me and I kind of I like

Robb (: 17:19

Right.

Tina (: 17:34

I like that that the men in that family because of the words of affirmation constantly and me being stupid with them has created a really strong bond. And I didn't realize I think men need that more than women do because women will, you know, tell each other, hey, that's you look fantastic or look at your nails or hey, you're you're I love what you're wearing or your jackets amazing, whatever. Guys don't do that. So

Robb (: 17:42

Yeah. Right, they get it. Exactly.

Robb (: 17:59

Nope.

Tina (: 18:01

All of my, with all of my friends, my guy friends, I say stupid shit too, unless they get so embarrassed that I, it's just not gonna be fun. Cause some guys just can't hear that. And I'm so embarrassing that I know that I have to hold back sometimes.

Robb (: 18:19

I mean, look, I think you're 100 % correct. Women, I think, get a lot of words of affirmation. Thrown out them from everyone. You know, from dudes at a club to their best friends at the same club. Because you're right. Because you, you know, women all go into the same bathroom and look in the same mirror and say all kinds of fun stuff.

Tina (: 18:25

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 18:36

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:43

Dudes don't say that. Guys, when they show up to go out and hang out with each other, they don't go, dude, you look good. I mean, and if they do, it's rare. It's rare. With the exception of maybe if you're like all in suits. I will say that. There was a bunch of us all in suits one time and all of us were like, damn, we look good. But it's rare, like it's very rare.

Tina (: 19:02

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 19:08

you

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 19:13

Look and I think simple things from everyone and and I'll say that because You know me and you have a very odd relationship to some people, but I've known you so long That if you say something it's true 100 % true So much is it like you've said things I went oof man like Yeah Not fucked up. Just it hurt because it was true

Tina (: 19:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 19:37

That's fucked up T, sorry.

Tina (: 19:42

Mmm.

Robb (: 19:42

And sometimes it the truth does hurt and you have to hear it from people. And fortunately for me, I've heard it since I was 16. No, it's look, there's things you've told me in the past that like I brushed off and then years later went, yeah, I was I should have thought that one out. It's true. But like I'll give you an example for a guy.

Tina (: 19:52

I'm sorry.

Robb (: 20:10

Even if you have decent self-esteem, to have someone tell you to your face, I find you very handsome, goes a long fucking way. A long way. And I think the same for women. Mostly if you're in a situation where maybe you're both not dressed up and you go to somebody or they have, you know,

Tina (: 20:21

Absolutely.

Tina (: 20:35

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 20:39

not a lot of makeup on you're like, yeah, you look really good today. Those things go a long way. And so it's it can be about looks. It can be about I'm so glad to have you in my life. And that could be friends. Like there's something about that, too, to just hear from somebody like having you here means something to me. And and that is true, you know, for a lot of people. And, know, I look at you, you're one of my longest friends.

Tina (: 20:59

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 21:08

if you want to break it down from years, even though the times where we were both married and we really didn't talk very often, when we did, they were these long drawn out conversations of...

Tina (: 21:10

Absolutely.

Tina (: 21:19

And it normally went with a visit and then like maybe and food and a sleepover and like

Robb (: 21:23

and food. man. One of these days, I'll tell the story of being over your house when it was me being the only male and all of your drunk friends. Man, you... It was it was the one time that I'm sure I was red in the face. And and look, I...

Tina (: 21:39

You should tell that story.

Robb (: 21:50

can go with the best of them when it comes to talking dirty shit. Women, and not only that, women are on a whole nother fucking level of dirty. I mean, I can't tell you who it was, but I remember all of us being in a room and one of your friends going, take your dick out so we can see it. And I went, I was like,

Tina (: 21:55

Yeah, but my friends are the best at talking dirty shit.

Tina (: 22:03

by far.

Tina (: 22:16

Hahaha!

Robb (: 22:20

Like, you at your mind? Yeah, I forgot who it was. But I mean, even for me, and I was like, nah, we're good. But so. But again, like those are things. Both sides, I think, and if someone's in your life that obviously means the world to you, try to tell them as often as possible. It doesn't always have to be you're the most beautiful or it could be, you know what? Thanks for fucking.

Tina (: 22:20

Somebody said that?

Robb (: 22:50

sleeping next to me last night, it meant a lot because we're all going through weird mental shit in our head. Even if we're together. You know, so I think for me that. It was not as high on my list many years ago, but I think it's much higher on my list now because it does it. It'll a simple word can warm you up inside. And it'll make it'll change your day. And I don't think that.

Tina (: 22:53

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 23:19

There's enough of that going around from a friendship point of view too. You know, we have friends that I'm sure going through a lot that will never ever tell us. And to just... 100 %!

Tina (: 23:29

No, but they should. I mean, if you think if you think about it, our friends, people that we know and everybody knows us, we don't try to be anything different than what we are in a daily. Like I'm I am this person all day every day. I don't know what to tell you if you don't like it, but I'm authentic. You are too. Our friends know that if they need us, all they need to do is pick up a phone. Our friends know that if they're having a hard time, they need to reach out.

Robb (: 23:42

Correct. Correct. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Tina (: 23:58

Our friends also know that we make time. We're both single. We both got nothing but time. There's no fucking purpose for them to, you know, there's nothing they could say that would justify, I didn't call you because I didn't want to something. No. Yeah, because we're not those people. We're not the ones that are like, oh yeah, I'm so busy. Thanks for not calling me. Yeah, whatever.

Robb (: 24:07

Yeah, to bother you, whatever, you're right. Yeah, I'll pick up the phone at midnight. So, yeah, yeah, me too. So, and there is something to that. I think, tell your friends, tell your mates.

Tina (: 24:24

Mm-hmm. me too, and have.

Robb (: 24:35

what they mean to you because I think it's much larger than you think and and I'm just telling you from a man's point of view it goes a long way. You give words of affirmation you will get acts of service without a doubt if you feel wanted

Tina (: 24:46

Mm-hmm.

Yes. yeah. yeah. That same. Yep. That same guy that did the that did the mopping the very next day when I got up in the morning, he's all, hey, I went and got some fresh tamales and I'm making eggs. Do you would you like some eggs? And I was like, what? Eggs to sexy eggs. I'd love some sexy eggs. And then I made a big deal about like

Robb (: 25:02

Yeah. Yeah. I'm telling you, it goes a long way. I had a friend give me food.

Tina (: 25:17

You guys, come here and sit here and watch Angel make some sexy eggs. You know, like, I made it a big deal. And you know what? To this day, every time I'm there, he will make me breakfast.

Robb (: 25:31

Right? Like, like, yeah, I made this last night and I thought about you. So I brought it for you. That it goes a long fucking way. So the next time she needed something, I was there with bells on because I needed her to know that I appreciated that. Like it meant something. And even though. my thing is this too, because like, and this one that she always likes to the excuse like, well, I made it already. It's like.

Tina (: 25:32

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 25:39

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. And that just makes you have a tight-knit community and everybody needs that.

Robb (: 26:00

No, but you still thought about me to put it in a bowl and bring it. So that shows something else. It wasn't that you just made it. You said, I made it. And you know what? Rob would probably like some of this. That means something. So number four. No, that was number four, right? Yes. Correct. I know.

Tina (: 26:04

brought it over.

Tina (: 26:13

Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Tina (: 26:25

I don't know. We've been blowing through all of these. have no idea. We're all over the place.

Robb (: 26:30

So, no, I think I believe so we did I did physical touch equality time words of affirmation actually for me is number four. So mine would be acts of service as number four. So we're at number four. Again, for me very small. I'm just probably because I am I like to do the acts of service more than anything. Generally for me, people whose love language is acts of service.

Tina (: 26:33

physical touch.

Tina (: 26:43

Okay.

Robb (: 26:58

is easy to me. I find it the most easiest because I already like doing that. So if that's your... Yeah, well, for me, it's low because I don't need that, but I like doing it. So if someone's is that, I was chasing somebody for a while whose that was theirs. And I joked with her. I was like, you're easy. That's it.

Tina (: 27:04

Mm-hmm seeing I'm not used to people doing shit for me and that's my first one. That's probably my biggest deficit in these

Tina (: 27:16

Yeah.

Robb (: 27:28

That's all I gotta do. And then I go, you have the worst one, because mine's quality time and physical touch. So if you're not into that, it's gonna be a long road. Because I need those things. So for me, acts of service, and then what would your number four be? What was yours? Okay, so I'm surprised that's low for you.

Tina (: 27:37

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 27:46

My number four was physical touch.

Tina (: 27:54

Yeah, I don't know.

Robb (: 27:57

And again, it could be just how you answered certain questions during that test. Yeah, you're right. They're the percentages are very tight. Well, and I think that just shows you're more balanced. You know, it's it's really kind of ticking a lot of small boxes for you instead of like, I like this and the rest are very low. It's like you're like, no, I.

Tina (: 28:00

You know, if you think about it, my first four though are neck and neck. So there's... Yeah, I- you need to love all of me, not just, you know, in one way. I'm one of those people. Yeah, it totally does.

Tina (: 28:23

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:26

I kind of like it all. Yeah, which, which is good. Which is kind of good, though, because I think that that's more just a balanced approach. I would say if a man was was courting you, he has to do a lot of things. But, you know, it's okay to just do them sparingly here and there, because you're going to probably put more pennies in the inside the jar, you know. Yeah, that's a good thing.

Tina (: 28:28

yeah, I'm all over the place with all of them, yeah.

Tina (: 28:46

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 28:51

and I'm not very needy.

Robb (: 28:55

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we had to re-record it. We had to re-record it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Tina (: 28:55

Like even I remember just recently breaking down and like crying on the phone with you. And then I'm like, okay, let's do the podcast. And I just turned everything off and I went back to being Tina who's got control. I just needed a minute to cry. And, and then we got on the podcast and did it. And unfortunately, nobody gets to hear that podcast because there was some other technical difficulties going on. We had to rerecord it. So nobody heard me like on an off day, but

I don't think I was that different. think my energy may have been lower and that was it. Yeah.

Robb (: 29:27

Yeah, but but you turned it right back on. I just think you're right. You just needed to flush out that. That bit of emotion and and go with it. Right?

Tina (: 29:37

Well plus I also know people don't know how to deal with my floodgates like apparently they're pretty They're pretty heavy and it freaks people out because I don't let people into that part of my character very often so I have to close it off because I just spin people and they don't know what to do for me, so

Robb (: 29:56

Mm hmm. I can see that. mean, again, I've known you so long. I mean, if if if they could have ever heard the conversation in the Denny's. You know what I mean, like a fly on the wall. That was a very good. The birthplace of this podcast was literally at a Denny's talking about your divorce.

Tina (: 30:10

You

Tina (: 30:13

that's funny.

Tina (: 30:19

Yeah.

Robb (: 30:21

and my intense feelings for somebody else. Yeah. yeah. Yes. I drove home that day going, what the fuck? I never knew. But look, there's a lot of things. Look, personal relationships. We all hide something. Because even when I started talking to you about my divorce, you were like,

Tina (: 30:27

And I had to have shocked the hell out of you with the stuff I told you.

Tina (: 30:45

Yeah.

Robb (: 30:49

Okay, I kind of thought that and then I went well I did this you're like, okay I didn't know that it's going to happen. It's definitely gonna happen. But I think in my case I was way more shocked I because I didn't see it coming. I Didn't see it coming. I didn't see your divorce coming So so for me it was that Fuck

Tina (: 30:56

Yeah.

Tina (: 31:00

I tend to do that to people you what?

Tina (: 31:07

Yeah, nobody did. You know, nobody even got told outside of you and my brother and my dad. Nobody even got told for nine months.

Yeah, I didn't even it was during COVID. There was nobody to talk to. There was, you know, I was I was embarrassed and ashamed and I was like, how is this going to go down? And everybody expects me to stay married because that's all anybody knows is that we had a good relationship. You know, so it was it was really hard to even talk about. I remember telling you going, fuck, I shouldn't have said that. Fuck, I shouldn't have said this. Fuck, I shouldn't have said that because.

Robb (: 31:18

Wow. Yeah, that's right. Right. Right.

Tina (: 31:47

There is so much. So much.

Robb (: 31:50

I just think that, you know, those are when you tell stories like that, and this kind of goes with these love languages, you're looking for words of affirmation, like everything's gonna be okay. And you're looking for acts of service. Can I do anything for you? Like these are these are more than just like inner things. These are also things we give.

Tina (: 32:03

Yeah. Yeah, I was.

Robb (: 32:16

It's kind of like the last one. We both of us have gifts or receiving gifts on the bottom one. I'm a gift giver to the point where I've been told to stop giving me things by someone. Yeah, this person's very, I think, well.

Tina (: 32:22

Yeah.

Tina (: 32:29

See and I've never really been given much like that so I don't even I don't even look at it as something that I would need

Robb (: 32:42

the one that I was giving things to and it was small stuff. wasn't like, I'm one of those people that if I saw something that was very cool, like let's say you're a grandma and you have grandkids and I see these things all the time on fucking TikTok or Instagram or whatever it is. And it's like, you know, a puzzle pieces that have like grandma on it. It has other pieces with the grandkids names on it.

I like to get things like that because it's like those are those are things that later on in life when we're all dead and gone, we'll be in a box and your grandkids will pull it out and go, look at this. Grandma had this for me or it'll be on their wall and the kids as they grow older will see that and it's still. And so like for me, I'm that kind of thing. go, because if I see something that reminds me or something that I know, like, they would they might like this. I get it. Even though it might be.

Tina (: 33:26

Yeah.

Robb (: 33:41

know, package of gummy bears and a little stuffed animal just for shits because I was like, yeah, this person told me that they have a sweet tooth and they love these kind of gummy bears so I'll pick them up and here you go. And I think that, and it's not like I'm trying to win points, it's just that hits me and I go with it. But the flip side is I really don't like getting gifts. Well,

Tina (: 33:47

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 33:57

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 34:05

Yep.

Robb (: 34:09

I shouldn't say that. Everyone loves getting gifts. I'm just, I don't know how to take it. And I don't have to, yeah, I don't know how to act. And I will tell you, over the last year, my friend had given me certain things and I did my best to kind of sit back for a second and go, it means something. They did this out of the goodness of their own heart. And I really embraced that over the last year because

Tina (: 34:14

You don't know how to act.

Robb (: 34:39

It did mean something matter of fact, I got one of the best gifts ever. got a beard brush. Greatest thing ever. And it's and you know, to some people they'd go, you know, it was a $30 brush with some soap for your beard, but it means something. I now that I've grown a beard, it means something even more because I use it every day. So like it's those type of things or or just silly stuff like to me, that means the world. So.

Tina (: 34:44

Hmm.

Tina (: 34:59

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 35:07

I'm doing my best to receive gifts better. I'm just not very good at it still and I'm doing my best to not to. And I think that you have to be careful about giving gifts too much because people think you're love bombing them. And it's like, no, I'm not. This is just who I am. It's an inherently bad thing in me. So maybe I should stop giving gifts.

Tina (: 35:11

That's good.

Tina (: 35:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 35:33

It's not bad people just need to quit throwing out that everything that's being done good is or right is is bad.

Robb (: 35:41

Yeah, or transactional. think there's people have grown up in relationships or and or family that everything is a transactional thing. If I do this, I'm going to get this. And if I do this, they're going to do this for me or and it's like, no, I don't I don't care. I could give you thousands of dollars and not give two shits. Not about that. I don't care. I don't want it back. I don't want you telling anybody. I don't want any of that.

Tina (: 35:54

Yes.

Robb (: 36:07

I just want to help you or I want to give you this cup that I had made for you with your name on it. I had some cups made for somebody a long time ago, years ago, because my old roommate, that's what she does. She makes custom cups. So it was easy for me. I went to my roommate, I said, I bought you a bunch of cups. This is the design. I did it on Photoshop myself and I sent it to her and she made the cups for me.

Tina (: 36:15

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 36:36

nice.

Robb (: 36:36

Yeah, so to me it was like, and I love personal gifts. To me that's personal. When you get something like that, at least to me, it's thoughtful and it's, I was thinking about you when I put the design in and I made the design myself. So to me that meant something and I like that kind of stuff. But I think a gift too, I was talking to this other person about this.

Tina (: 36:42

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 36:56

Yes.

Robb (: 37:06

Sometimes a gift is something that is a lot of these things together. One of the best gifts I can ever get is if I get in my car and there's a Post-It note with a word of affirmation on it. That, again, it will start your day in a very good direction. Yeah, that's perfect. Because there's something to

Tina (: 37:23

I used to remember putting notes in the lunches. Making the lunches, putting the note in it.

Robb (: 37:35

It's an extra little reminder of, I'm still thinking about you when all this is... Look, I've heard stories that a friend of mine would get up early in the morning and make her boyfriend lunch and make him coffee and sometimes make him breakfast. And he would never really...

give the words of affirmation back of it meant a lot. To the point where she now says the next person she's with, she probably won't do that anymore. And to me, that's horrible. You've now broke a good person of something that is a good thing. And just because some dumb shit didn't appreciate it, that's a horrible thing. So.

Tina (: 38:16

Mm.

Tina (: 38:30

I remember when my ex, when I was doing all that for him, making his lunches and making dinners, I was doing like just everything for him. And I remember one time in an argument, so I don't know why I had to hold this against him for years, was nobody asked you to.

Robb (: 38:31

Yeah, that's bullshit too. Everything. Yeah.

Tina (: 38:52

Then that that like I quit doing his his laundry. I quit. know what I mean? I was like, I don't need to You too. You could take that to the dry cleaner now and well, you can get lunch at work You know, was it was worse. I I probably made it worse than what he was trying to To say to me, but I was using it as like I don't do all this stuff to be ignored is what I was telling him which

Robb (: 39:06

Yeah. Right. Right, I think that that's kind of what happened with her. Yeah.

Tina (: 39:20

Maybe I shouldn't have done that because it did make it transactional. But at the same time, like, fuck, if you see somebody putting in effort, like, lend a hand, put in some effort, you know?

Robb (: 39:31

I think that's kind of what happened with this girl too. I think he kind of dropped that, well, you don't have to do that. And she was like, you're right. And I'm not going to anymore. Instead of just coming up behind her, giving her a hug, kissing her on the neck and saying, I appreciate you for doing this. Because...

Tina (: 39:34

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep, and then that'll be the end of that.

Tina (: 39:49

Yeah.

Robb (: 39:52

Those things roll into all these. Yeah, I did this for you before you go to work. Yeah. Yeah. And again, it seems like it's transactional, but it's really not. These are giving acts of service and get, you know, like I said, a word of affirmation will get you words of, it will get you acts of service.

Tina (: 39:52

Or better yet, take our car, put some gas in it, and bring it back and say, just so you know, yeah, you got gas and everything you need. Thank you.

Tina (: 40:08

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 40:21

that'll probably turn into quality time with physical touch. And at the end, there's a gift. Ha ha. So you know what I mean? Like without using these things as monetary things, look, these all roll into each other. I watched this show called Shorzy, it's on Hulu, it's about hockey. And this guy, this character was

Tina (: 40:26

Yes.

Tina (: 40:30

right?

Robb (: 40:50

really trying to date this character over and over and he'd go to her house and they'd talk and all these different things. Well, he sent someone else out in front of her house in the back of a truck, this kid, and he goes, hey, this is, you he had him state something in a note and he goes, hey, I read the five love languages. He goes, just so you know, he goes, the five love languages are what everybody should know.

If they're smart. These are all things that we should all be doing. It's it shouldn't take someone telling you to give the five love languages. These are things every dumb motherfucker should be doing anyway. And and I think if you look at them like that, like you should know who your mate is. I told this person. Not too long ago this. I can't love you.

Tina (: 41:24

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 41:33

agreed.

Robb (: 41:48

how I want to be loved. I have to love you like you want to be loved. Because that's the only way that it's going to work. And you have to understand who you're getting involved with or who your mate is. And again, this can go down the lines of communication. There's so many things that walk hand in hand with this. But those are the things. These five things I think are a

Tina (: 41:58

Exactly.

Robb (: 42:17

a very important cornerstone to who we are as human beings. And I think that you need to understand your mate and love them the way they need to be loved because then they'll love you the way you want to be. Yeah, and if it's all talked through communication, and I think a lot of these things go in the courting stage. I think if you're trying to date someone right now,

Tina (: 42:30

Mm-hmm. Agreed. If it's all in balance.

Robb (: 42:45

communication and telling and being real is the biggest thing. I like talking to five love languages because I think you get a very based idea of who they are. And if you want to get out of it quickly, you can, you know, jump out of the airplane, but it's not on fire. Or you can kind of dig your heels in and go, okay, I understand who this is. And this, this, this and this are

Tina (: 42:49

Yeah.

Tina (: 43:00

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 43:14

ringing some bells, now I want to get to know this person better. And at least I have a base of who they are. So I'm kind of glad we revisited this since we haven't done it since show number three. And this is going to be. Since I'm on the computer and I can tell you right now. What is this? This is show one hundred and eighty seven.

Tina (: 43:18

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 43:44

Wow. Yeah, and my love languages have changed, so it's kind of cool that we revisited it.

Robb (: 43:44

So. Yeah, I mean, mine have changed. Gifts was always low. But my words of affirmation and acts of service flip flopped. I just think that I I've realized with people telling me things that words of affirmation go a long way and your confidence level will jump exponentially. And when your confidence level jumps, you act accordingly.

Tina (: 43:59

All

Robb (: 44:16

I think at least for me. Yeah, that's the whole thing. The whole point is be a better person for them and that they make you want to be a better person. Yes. Yeah, I agree.

Tina (: 44:17

You want to be a better person for the person you're with,

Tina (: 44:26

Well isn't it funny how people in relationships don't really reach out for people that make them better people?

Look at all the relationships you see the relationships you're seeing they're not together because they make each other better people nine times out of ten and And you look at these people and they just look so damn miserable and and there was somebody who's not their enemy They're not enemies. So why are they so miserable?

Robb (: 44:52

No. Well, that could be a lot of things. They pick the wrong ones. Yeah. I mean, or they just pick the wrong one from the beginning. I think a lot of people just don't get out of relationships early enough. They hold on.

Tina (: 44:58

They quit trying. They quit doing these things to make their lives better.

Tina (: 45:10

I think people should get out of a relationship that doesn't make them a better person. Because now we have all these assholes running around unhappy, unfulfilled, always got something negative to say, and life is not supposed to be that miserable.

Robb (: 45:25

Yeah, well, and like I said, I think that there has to be a jump out point much quicker now. Mostly at our age. You need to get out of shit quick. If you're not feeling it, you know, five dates in, six dates in,

Tina (: 45:30

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 45:38

Run.

Robb (: 45:41

You know, but you know, you also don't have to shit on somebody to say you're, you know, I would rather hear, you know, we went on some dates and you're a good guy. You're just not for me. Awesome. Cool. You know, I think now that's just easier for me. Don't draw things out years and then go, yeah, you're really not the one for me. It's like, well, wait a second. I was for years.

Tina (: 46:03

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 46:08

Yep.

Robb (: 46:11

Now what? Like, no, that's not cool. Get out while you can. And use the five love languages. I think that you'll definitely, that'll work out for you. So any last words for our revisit?

Tina (: 46:15

Exactly.

Tina (: 46:22

I'm with you on that.

Tina (: 46:28

you're in a relationship work on doing something that will make your mate feel more confident and more reassured and happier with you because they're getting a little bit of their needs met and hopefully that'll turn around and be given right back to you

Robb (: 46:47

Yep. Mine would be communicate through the five love languages. You can check us out pretty much.

Tina (: 46:52

There you go.

Robb (: 46:57

Anywhere you can hear podcasts and I've seen some of our analytics people use the weirdest shit some of these like off-brand podcasting things. So thank you very much Share it, please. It's really helping us and You can check us out on all the social medias. I'm trying to post as much as I can So if you follow us on Facebook Instagram X Threads, I think I've made of threads if I haven't I'm going to

Tina (: 47:03

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 47:25

I post pretty much the day the show comes out and try to do it often. So just at least do that and subscribe to the show. So if you're listening on Apple or Spotify, there's a little button that says follow or subscribe, whatever it says, click that. So it just automatically downloads it. And you know, it's an opinion show, so don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina and I'm Rob. We'll see in a week. Later.

Tina (: 47:41

There you go.

Tina (: 47:49

See ya.