EP # 179 How other people's relationships affect us.

Robb (: 00:01

And welcome to another show. Don't get this visit. I am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. Hey, Tina. you know, always getting in trouble. It's now it's kind of follows me everywhere. So, you know, I text you. sorry about last week, peoples. We had some technical difficulties that I had to.

Tina (: 00:06

I'm good, Rob, how you doing?

Tina (: 00:11

That's nothing wrong with that

Tina (: 00:18

you

Tina (: 00:27

It was my fault.

Robb (: 00:28

I mean, it wasn't your fault. I ran out to Tina's house yesterday and went through her setup and we found that we had some bad cables. That's why I wasn't hearing or she wasn't hearing me. So anyway, got everything fixed, as you can tell. She can hear me. I can hear her. Sounds like everything is groovy now, least for the time being. You know, we've been doing this a while, so we can't complain when old, old equipment doesn't work. You know, time to...

Tina (: 00:48

Yes.

Robb (: 00:57

That's why we'll be upgrading I'm sure as we go. I know forever should work forever forever and ever and ever. That's that's very true. It's a good point. You know once we get you a normal setup where you're at a desk and you're You know, you don't have to move anything. It'll be much easier for you it'll be there'll be less moving parts that we have to worry about and Yeah sooner or later

Tina (: 00:58

Yes we can, that shit should work every time. Forever. We only use it once a week, I mean really.

Tina (: 01:21

I cannot wait just so you know it's gonna be a while but sooner or later. Yeah.

Robb (: 01:26

Sooner or later. So I text you during the day because I got some some crazy news. Actually, I just saw it on Facebook and it kind of kind of hit me sideways. About a month ago, I went to my friend down the street's house because she was kind of having a bad day because her ex-husband was getting married and she wasn't feeling very good about it and

You know, just that she felt like, you he's doing okay. And I've gone through all these things and I'm kind of a loser. And, and I was like, you're not, but okay. So we went and we had a couple of drinks and we flushed things out and said all kinds of things, fun things to each other and talked about. You know, relationships, the past, our marriages, everything, just kind of everything. And like, I did feel for her. Like I get it. Like we're, I mean, I'm in my fifties. She's going to be soon.

And it is kind of hard when you see people around you that if you're looking for a stable relationship, when you see them and they're doing okay and you're not, I can see where you're kind of going through that. So I went on Facebook the other day and I see someone that I was dating and I put dating in quotes. We were seeing each other.

for about six or seven months and great girl, cuts my hair still. She's a sweetheart, but she got engaged. And I'm happy for her, I do see now how you can kind of look at your life and go, hmm, you know, I've been single, I will say, guess, not married for about 16 years and I've really not been in a serious relationship.

people that I've either been with or had relations with or whatever. have two that are engaged and one that is already married and I'm still, you know, chasing a ghost. So I get it like and I kind of text you and you're like, well, what's the big deal? And I was like, okay, well, this is going to be kind of perfect because you see it totally different than I do. I do kind of see it as

Tina (: 03:48

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 03:50

I hate to say a loser, but fuck. Like, you know, like I understand that all these people are like, what's wrong with me? I think that's the bigger thing that I saw. Like, well, what is wrong with me? Why am I stuck here? So I'll first ask you, like, have you have you been in that situation ever before? Even when you were married? And and I'm not saying that. Wow.

Tina (: 04:12

I went to one of my ex's weddings as a single person that had to take a friend with me to the wedding just for moral support. Not a guy friend because I wasn't dating anybody, a girlfriend.

Robb (: 04:19

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 04:32

You know, I didn't feel like the loser. thought, well, this isn't going to last. You know what I mean? Because when you know the person internally, when you know everything about them, you know, you know their shortcomings, obviously. The shortcomings seem to linger the most in my mind. Like, OK, well, there's this, this, that, and this. Good luck with him. So I am.

Robb (: 04:52

Right.

Tina (: 04:58

I think at first it felt weird because I still had feelings that I hadn't, I hadn't processed, you know, I didn't fix, but then, but then I was thinking, why would I care? Cause it didn't work with us because of this, this, that, and this. And I'm like, well, I dodged a bullet.

Robb (: 05:17

Right.

Tina (: 05:17

I took it that way went and partied at his at his wedding had the best time with friends and family and Came home and was like well, let's move on and it was kind of nice because there was no what-ifs left You know, he married somebody else. So it was like done. That's a that's a wrap on that one I don't have to look back or have him showing up or you know go through any of that so I was

I don't know at first second I maybe took it as like wow I can't believe he's not marrying me but not I'm a loser because I totally didn't lose actually he got married a couple times and divorced a couple of times so I dodged that bullet right? so I don't know

Robb (: 05:54

All right. What I think is like, mean, and again, I think it's not that there's feelings there, at least not with me.

Definitely not with my friend. I mean they had been divorced a very long time. I think it was more the The social implications of where you're at in life. It's more of a For me, it was more just like another like a kick in the nuts like wow like I just think that like yeah, like what's wrong with me that I can't find a relationship and and

Tina (: 06:30

It's where, cause you don't, you don't wanna be where you are right now.

Robb (: 06:42

I want to say that on like a very small level. Like I don't like sitting around going like what the fuck's wrong with me because I don't think I think I'm an all right guy. I just think that in general I think that's what I was thinking. And I want to think that let me lots of people kind of think that way because as you're we're getting older I think it's more of look I'm 50 something years old. I'm not in a stable relationship. Dating is horrible. Like

what is wrong with us when other people around us are doing fine and they're all in the same age bracket? Do you see what I mean? Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 07:21

But they're not doing fine. If we go, if we're really talking and I really talk to people being the hairdresser that I am, nobody's fine in a relationship. Everybody's dealing with something. There's no fine in it. Nobody's, I can honestly say that even my best, my best examples of what real love is.

Robb (: 07:37

you

Tina (: 07:46

It's not fine. It's a train wreck. It's hard. It's a lot of work. It's it's constantly having to To Settle and deal with things and people and family and you know, just the whole situation It's not fine. It's a struggle whether you're single or you're married

I just find that being single means that I don't have to deal with everybody else's crap because being married and being a mom if My my reality was if they weren't happy I couldn't be Well now I don't have to worry about that. My my happiness is contingent only on myself

Robb (: 08:29

Yeah, I mean look I agree with that either way I think if you're not happy with your

than you can't be happy with anyone anyway. To me, guess more I'm looking at like the bigger picture of like, maybe I just, how is everyone else getting there when I can't? And I look at past relationships that are failures and lots of things. Look, I was married and I did my run and I think over the last 16 years, I think, what is 16?

Yeah, 16 years. Got a count on my fingers with my boy's age. I've really never found myself in a stable relationship. And look, I've had my own problems with chasing people I shouldn't. Right. Or, or dating people to date them like dating young girls that I had no, you know, I shouldn't have done either. I was just feeling avoid at the time.

But I think it's that part of the like, wow, you know, like we've had we have friends that we've just talked about that are doing well. Let's just say doing well. No one has a perfect relationship. And then we also have friends that we know that don't have good relationships, but have been in them forever and are hanging on just to hang on right that are either going outside the relationship to fill a void or or

Tina (: 09:56

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 10:02

you know, have people at work. There's there's tons of different things that we can go down the line of that. I think that I more took it for myself of just like, wow, I'm still I still can't manage to get in a relationship that works is healthy is is something that I that I want that you know.

I think that was a bigger thing with me. That's why I kind of send it to you that day because I was like, wow, like this person is engaged. To someone who I've met the guy. Great guy. Super cool, dude. They they interact well with each other. This girl that I dated wasn't going to be for me either way, because she's not very.

Like she's not big on holding hands. She's not like she's she's just a she's a worker bee. She has kids and you know, she's always doing something. So it wouldn't work for me because I need affection and I that's kind of you know, something that I enjoy. But either way, I just think that it's I just saw it more for me is like, oh wow. And I kind of pressed I kind of started thinking about my friend on the street where

Tina (: 11:07

That wouldn't have worked for you though. Uh-uh. Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 11:23

you know, here we are, we're talking about things and I'm like, look, everything's fine. Like, you know, you're you've chosen not to be married and and that is true because I'm sure that I mean, and I know for a fact that she's been asked and and things like that. So she's decided not to do that. But I do understand the how it can it can mess with your mind because I'm telling you, it mess with me. mean, the whole day at work, I was just like, wow, like

Where where am I going? I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to you know, maybe I maybe I am going to be that single guy forever and you know, it is what it is and I get it. But. That's why I text you as I hey, what about this and you were like meh and I kind of thought it was funny because I know how you are and you are very like. Yeah, it is what it is and and I think that's good. But I think long run it's I can see how.

other people take it. Mostly because a lot of people from our past and social media you you see way more in people's lives that are going on than we probably should. You know? And and I do my best now and I'm gonna try to wean myself away from everything. It's it is such a detriment. Even like and you can go down the line like Facebook is

Tina (: 12:33

Absolutely. Yeah, for sure.

Robb (: 12:51

Facebook and it is what it is. It's nice to keep up with with relatives that are probably on there more than anything. Instagram is its own thing with just pictures of people telling you lies through pictures because most of that stuff's not real. And then like TikTok's its own monster I think. Man the more time I spend on there I realize it's it's just a bunch of bad people giving bad advice

or

Tina (: 13:21

You know what I think? I think social media made everybody super insecure. okay, so, you know, they post all their stuff and you know everything that's going on like their life is happy. But what I've learned is they're not happy if they're posting on their lives. Like for example, me. Last night I went to a concert.

I didn't post that I went to a concert. had a great time with six other people. You won't see me posting a lot of shit on there. Or the weekend before, I was in Pismo all weekend. We took a train ride. We got stopped for a couple hours because somebody hit or ran over by the train on the track we needed to go on. So we had to stay an...

It was like three and a half hours. I think we were late. you didn't see me posting on that. Plus when I came back, we were thinking about my, my best friend and I were thinking about taking the train back. Well, when we were thinking about that, we were having breakfast and everything and a tree fell across all of the train tracks right by where we were camping with our friends. So you won't see that. You didn't see that on Facebook. You didn't see that on instant message.

Robb (: 14:10

Wow.

Right. That's the show.

Tina (: 14:37

I don't even know you asked me to forward how to put like what our episode is I don't know how to do that because I don't I don't need everybody to know that I'm having a good life I need to be having the good life so I feel sorry for the people that post everything because to me in some way there's an insecure thing going on and I wish they would

Robb (: 14:42

Right.

Tina (: 15:02

work on that instead of posting how great their life is because I don't need my friends to be perfect. need them to be happy and they're not happy if they're posting and they're this is on you know special events for your family yeah like getting engaged sure put that on or if you're you know but I don't want to see your food I don't want to see like show me something that you did show me something you're proud of that's why most of the time I post stuff about my baskets or

Robb (: 15:17

Yeah, I agree. Right, right.

Tina (: 15:30

My best friend and I hanging around we took a good picture. figure one day we're be sold This is gonna be a great picture. So might as well make sure I could find it, you know, it's on social media I'll be able to find it but I I don't believe that people who are posting on social media are happy because Again, I get special treatment into everybody's lives because I do their hair and I'll ask them Are you really happy and in the majority of people I've only had a couple say yes

Like when you ask somebody if they're truly happy, they're not. Everybody's working on something, there's a struggle, life is tough. Nobody's where they really want to be.

Robb (: 16:01

Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. And look, social media is, like I said, it's good for some things and bad for others. It's a, you know, and it sucks because I think that now we're kind of stuck on it. So where you're going to continue to just find out this information that either, you know, you don't want to know or you shouldn't. And

Tina (: 16:29

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 16:31

And again, people from our past will come up. It's just a fact of life. If you follow them. I mean, I found myself that it's a double edged sword. You follow people and you find out things that you don't wanna know. So that's just another downfall or a kick. I think, it's funny, I...

Tina (: 16:55

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 17:00

don't know anything about my ex-wife's life and Truly my friend down the street Really doesn't know much about her ex-husband's life, which is awesome with the exception of you know through your kids and and I think that those kind of things leak through I don't hear a lot because my son is older and really I Mean sadly doesn't just doesn't see his mom enough to know you know, it's very

Tina (: 17:12

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 17:21

He doesn't care anyway.

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 17:27

hit and miss. You know, I can probably tell you he hasn't seen his mom in since probably well when we went to lunch out here which was months ago. So I don't know I just thought it you know I would bring that kind of thing up because I find it to be a very difficult thing and I'm and I'm sure other people go through it. It's not just you know me and

My friend that we had it, you know, a drinking night talking about how where we're at in life. And I think that maybe that's the bigger thing. Where you're at in life. That it's. Other people's so, you know. Set on social media is happiness is does kind of drive you to think about where you're at. And. And look, you know, you.

Tina (: 18:19

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 18:26

You can't, you can't try to keep up with the Joneses for sure. And look, you can only do what you can do in your own life. And I get that. I just thought that it can't be easy for lots of people to see X's or people that you

I've had good relationships with and it didn't work out for whatever reason You know you see them doing well and it is kind of a downer and it's it may for me It just makes me realize like okay. I have a very small amount of time on this planet left What is it that I want and how am I going to get there? Whatever that is whether it's in a relationship and happy or stay single for the rest of my life You know, it is and I think

The more that I see this kind of thing, I think that makes me push harder for whatever it is I'm looking for or want to do. Just because.

Tina (: 19:34

You I was taught that if you wanted somebody to love you, you needed to love yourself. And through loving yourself, I found that I do what makes me happy, like the baskets. I don't know why that makes me happy, but it does. So I do it. I...

I'm planning different things to do with my baskets. I'm planning different ways to do my baskets. I'm planning on teaching how to do them. What I do is I make sure that I have a full life so that I'm not sitting there worrying about, my life good enough? So the baskets have become a big thing. My friends are a big thing. Family is a big thing. The construction going on. I have so much going on.

in my life I don't have time to be lonely I don't have time to worry about what's wrong with me because the truth of the matter is nothing's wrong with me I could tell you I'm an acquired taste I could tell you not everybody loves loves Tina like they I'm either loved or hated there's no in between so for me it's like do I have time to worry about that shit I don't I don't because I gotta work I gotta take care of my father

Robb (: 20:23

You

Robb (: 20:44

right.

Tina (: 20:48

I have so many interests that I'm doing. got my bike that's sitting there that I'm so freaking busy. I haven't had time to get on because when I have time, the weather's scrappy. So I put things in my life that just make me happy. And I'm not worrying about being lonely. And if I find somebody that wants to accent my life in a positive manner, I'm all about it. But if I have to change who I am or if I have to

Not do the things that make me happy that person's not gonna be for me and So I'm not I just don't care. I I know I'm lovable. I know I'm worthy. I know I'm a good partner and If there's not anybody that could keep up with that then I'm on my own for now And that's just where I'm at. I I don't know. I kind of got this I don't give a shit attitude these days. I don't know where it came from

Robb (: 21:24

Right.

Tina (: 21:46

Or maybe I always had it and I just am really putting it out there right now. I don't know, because I've always been kind of like this. I don't think I've changed much in that regard.

I don't know. think if you just if you're passionate about things and you're doing them and everybody's seeing how passionate you are You'll find your person. That's what attracts

Robb (: 22:12

Yeah, no, no, I agree with you there. Again, I think it's more.

Tina (: 22:12

people.

Robb (: 22:19

Like what I was talking about from the beginning is more personal thing I guess in general is is I can see why people go into these. I don't want to say depression. Or I mean envy it is envy and that's probably the better way of putting it when I and this is going back with other people when I have seen people that I.

either like or have liked or had something with and then I'm not the one who ends up with them there is envy of that because you are for one you want to be happy and you want to be in a relationship but when you see that your patterns or whatever it is that you are

You know, look, I am I'm kind of like you. I'm a quiet taste. I'm intense to a to a degree, and I'm aloof to a degree. I've. I hate to say I like the chase, but. There is something to that as well. You. You as a person, I guess just has to have your own personal, you know.

talk with yourself. When I was at work and I saw that, again, it didn't like hurt me. I wasn't like sad because I there is no feelings for the person that that this is happening to, right? I was kind of like, cool, I'm glad because she's a good person. And if she found somebody that she can be around all the time and and is happy with that more power to her. I think for me it was more just the

Tina (: 23:58

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 24:12

Like, why can't I get there? More than anything. you know, not that I took my friend's pain or what she was going through before with any kind of like, it's just that. Because I didn't. When we were together, I did feel for her and I did. But I didn't.

It really didn't hit me until then because like I said, I had someone a friend of mine get married in October that's with a great person great guy like Good for her. They're happy lots of smiles. I've known her for a long time. I've known her since I was Damn Tina like young like when we knew each other I've known her since matter of fact, I think I knew I knew her

Before I've known you I knew her and like when I was in grade school when I was in like junior high school because her her brother was a friend of mine and a friend of a bunch of ours so like I've known her forever and like super happy for and we messed around at one point and You know, it is what it is. It's you know, we had fun but when she got when I first saw that she got engaged I was like, shit like

Tina (: 25:13

that's a long time

Robb (: 25:39

Okay, like, cool. And then got married. Then this one hit and then I started really kind of seeing what my friend was going through. Like you do. And like I said, not a loser, because I don't think she's a loser either. I just think that you start looking at the relationships you've been in and questioning why you can't close that.

or can't find the person that is for you or you keep picking the wrong person because whatever. And I've picked a few wrong ones and I think just because of where I was at, know, mostly right after my marriage, I was chasing a lot of the wrong people just because I was looking to have some kind of companionship.

Tina (: 26:33

but you weren't ready to be more.

Robb (: 26:33

I know I wasn't I was feeling a loneliness void right after my right after my I mean fuck I wasn't even I mean she didn't live with me anymore so I guess I was I wasn't legally divorced yet but I was definitely looking to build something because I was you know in a place so like I've had

Tina (: 26:40

Mm-hmm. I remember.

Robb (: 27:01

I've gotten to things that I shouldn't have many times. mean, but I just found myself looking more in the mirror like my friend didn't go like I'm am I a loser? Why can't I get with somebody? Why can't I why doesn't someone like me for who I am or whatever these things are and again, they're internal. These are all internal feelings that that

No one else out there can tell you otherwise, right? But I can see where as you definitely as we get older and look some people are better off alone, whatever that means. But then I have my friend in San Diego who I've known forever and is pretty much my one of my best friends on the planet is with this woman and look, she's a sweetheart and I know they have their issues too. That been there.

I've been there when they've had issues right in front of me. And it's, again, nobody's perfect, but they're a really good example of people who should have never been together due to distance and time and how they are, who they are, lots of different things and made it work because they tried, right? They decided to...

Tina (: 28:00

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 28:24

They were gonna at least give the give it a the Scouts try and it worked and look they're great together and they're both partiers They have no kids They had dogs and they're all gone. So they're in a totally different place and and it worked and even seeing that and I was the best man in his wedding and I I won't lie that that even that night because I took someone with me to that and

And the whole time I was there, I was thinking kind of the same thing. Like my buddies with with this really great girl. I'm here with somebody that I really like. But I can't, you know, I'm not going to be with her and that's not going to work and all these different things. So this this isn't just a. I think it's more of it's a rebounding thing every time like I see somebody and go, you know, man, man, why isn't it me?

And I don't want to be the woe is me guy. I don't, because I don't think that, you know, I'm definitely not on here trying to say that, oh, you know, feel bad for me because I'm my own worst enemy in a lot of these things. So, you know, I even told. Yeah, you know, I told somebody I was talking to an old friend and I did kind of say something to her because, know, this and this is a long time ago and like 17, I was 18 years old and she was 17.

Tina (: 29:32

Hmm. Aren't we all?

Robb (: 29:49

But I did say something to her not too long ago that like, you know, maybe I should have chased you when you left and or when you when you came back because she went to the military when she came back, you know, I saw her and I didn't I mean, I did try to keep in touch with her and then I found later on that she purposely get kind of because, you know, look, our feelings, our feelings are weird, right?

And 20 years later, we saw each other and a whole other thing of feelings came out and you end up, you know, doing things with people that you probably shouldn't have. But. You know, I told her that and I think that like it was good to get it off my chest because I don't think I ever told her I should have. The whole time, even when we saw each other, I probably should have chased her because I. When I was 18 with her, I.

told her that you maybe you know you're gonna go to the military but maybe you should just we're better off and go and start your life and whatever it was because even then I was like you know self-sabotaging correct without a doubt

Tina (: 31:03

You that that you guys should have you guys were you guys were good together you should have? Done something to try to make it work because you guys were good, but I think that you know age and and it wasn't it Just wasn't the right time

Robb (: 31:18

without a doubt. I mean, and look, I just I found out through too many books and podcasts and tons of videos that I watch. YouTube will be the is a great thing. But boy, talk about going down a wormhole. Self-sabotaging. I'm I have been the most self-sabotaging person ever. Where you you get with somebody who's good.

and you tell yourself that you're not good enough for them. I've done that a bazillion times.

Tina (: 31:56

I was gonna say something but I didn't have I didn't have the heart to say it on here but I'm just gonna say it now. you overthink the shit out of things for one and two you pick people that need to be fixed and and they're so broken that there's no way they're ever gonna pick you and you help to make them better and then they find somebody else.

Robb (: 32:07

Without a

Tina (: 32:21

Instead of just going for somebody and believing in yourself and believing that you you are coming to the table with the same That they have that the person that the person has and that you work together to make more you you seem to pick somebody that needs to be fixed and Man, what a train wreck

Robb (: 32:21

Yeah, mean, look, I did the same thing with the girl in Vegas. She was in the same position and look.

have self-sabotaged lots of different things. My marriage has self-sabotaged lots of different relationships and I'm an over-thinker without a doubt. Yeah, mean, yeah, there was things I probably did self-sabotage but not on a huge level. And look, I think a lot of us pick broken people because mostly men because we're fixers and I think...

Tina (: 32:59

I don't think you self-sabotaged your marriage. You did the best you could and you didn't know any better and you learned from it.

Tina (: 33:13

Yeah.

Robb (: 33:19

I think now though, person I like, I don't think is broken. She has her issues. But I even told her like, I can't fix you. You have to fix you. I just want to be there. I mean, we all are. We're all broken. We're 50 something years old. We've been through tons of relationships. We've been divorced. We've done this. We've...

Tina (: 33:35

That right there says she's broken though.

Robb (: 33:48

Look we all have some kind of crack in our frame but but to say that like I I Think that at least now the person that I am speaking right now I know that I can't I can't be the one to heal anyone and they can't be the one to heal me regardless No, you want to be there for them that that's the whole point

Tina (: 34:11

and you don't want to.

Tina (: 34:16

You want to watch them fix themselves.

Robb (: 34:18

Correct. I want to hold your hand while you're fixing yourself. That's okay. but I also don't think that you should, people who say that you have to be healed to be in a relationship is total bullshit. You don't have

Tina (: 34:34

Nobody's healed. You just got to be in a good place to receive Whatever it is the person brings to you You have to be able to receive and you have to be able to give and if you could do that You could fix whatever you want to on your own in a relationship but if you want to just knock a person down because you you can't You they can't be what you need them to be. That's not fair

Robb (: 34:49

Mm hmm. Correct. I totally agree. mean, and look, I I we know someone who's in a marriage who for a lot of years hasn't been happy.

At one point, I know, talk to you about her boyfriend. That wasn't her husband that she was had a pretty constant relationship with. So and look, filling voids is a weird thing. And again, I not that I would I'm saying that it's OK, because I don't think that it is.

Tina (: 35:32

Yeah.

Robb (: 35:44

But look, as a person, when we see the people around us that are, and again, I'm gonna say happy in quotations, because we all know that there's issues that come with that. There just is. It's just difficult, I think, as a human, as a regular person, seeing the people around us getting...

Being in a place that you want to be, maybe that's the better place of putting it. And that could be anything. You see someone who is doing well financially and you're not, you see them and you're like, fuck, like, why can't I get there or whatever it is? I think that was the bigger thing that I was trying to push on you that day that, yeah, I mean, it sucks because I do want to be like, I would be married again. I'd snatch somebody up right now and marry him if I could.

Tina (: 36:36

And then what, though?

Robb (: 36:39

Well, not I'm not saying that that's going to make me happy that that what I'm saying is is that I I want to maybe I just want to be in a relationship again. Maybe I need to just work harder on that. But even that.

Tina (: 36:51

Maybe you should just work harder on you and it being happy with you. I do feel that I am attracted to people who radiate That they're just in a good place that they're just happy that they're just They're passionate that they're they have things going for them Excuse me. I'm not attracted to people that I Definitely not attracted to people that want to fix me. I found that out really soon

Robb (: 36:55

All right.

Tina (: 37:20

I'm like, no, I'm not broken. We don't have this problem and you could go fix something else. for me, I always seem to be attracted to the ones that are just go getters that are just living their life and doing their dreams and, having fun and, they're still good people. Now, whether or not we match as a relationship,

That's another story, but I'm still, that's what I'm attracted to.

Robb (: 37:51

Right. I'm I mean.

What I'm attracted to could be a whole plethora of things. look at I. I think that I'm attracted to. I just like good people. I like to be. I like to be around people who make me happy and make me smile and make me giggle and are kind of the same as I am, but not exactly. You know, I like people who curse and.

say crazy shit out of nowhere. I like dark humor. But look, we all we all have something that we're looking for. I just think that seeing the people around us getting getting into relationships or getting something that that you are really kind of craving. And again, I don't even know a relationship I could get into relationships to work.

I'm not even, I think that's my other thing too. Like people around me that I'll talk about stuff with and they'll go, well man, you know, that's awesome. I think, yeah, it'd be awesome to try, but I'm not even sure that it'll work. You know, I'm scared as well. I'm super scared about getting in a relationship again, because, you know, I haven't been in one in such a long time that you've been...

And I don't want to say freedom, you have your own stuff that you bending and molding into somebody new is going to be very difficult regardless. You know what I mean? Like it just is. But to but to. But to not try, I think it isn't up my alley, but I hate to say that I am envious of the people around me that are.

Robb (: 39:49

that are making it work or or doing well or now getting that I just want my whole thing was I thought that my friend was not going through something that was an ordinary but and like I said I was there for her but did I really understand it on the level of her now but I kind of got hit the other day where I was like maybe I am like it did

Not hurt, but just definitely make me think like where am I? What am I doing in life? Where where do I want to be? I think that was the bigger the bigger thing and and as a relationship gonna make my life better. fuck who knows might make it worse.

Tina (: 40:31

No, it makes it harder. You know that every relationship's harder because now there's two people in it that are broken or that are going through their things that are having problems at work or financial issues or the kids are being hellish. You know what I mean? It's like, come on, you're not going to be better just because you're in a relationship.

Robb (: 40:46

Right. No, not not unless you're both working on it. If you're both working on it, it's amazing. I think that I've been in good relationships that and I've been in really hellaciously bad ones.

that were just, man, just not good. But I just, I just thought it was kind of an interesting thing to see how I didn't think that it was gonna bug me to the point of like, wow, man. And again, not jealous because of feelings. There's no feelings there at all. That's not at all why.

Tina (: 41:05

Mm-hmm.

Robb (: 41:33

It was more just the, wow, like maybe I am like, maybe it's me. Maybe that's what I thought. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the one who's a weirdo and there's, I need to step back and think about those type of things. I don't know. I think that when I text you though, I was more of, man, like, and it's,

I mean, it might not get worse because more people are to start dying off, but I think that it is kind of an interesting thing to see the people around us getting getting into relationships or getting into whatever it is they're doing. And you'll you feel stagnant where you're like, like, maybe I'm not meant for this or. I don't know, I think that was my biggest thing of coming out of that day. was just maybe I'm.

Maybe we're just in a different place and I'm I mean not broken, but definitely Definitely Yeah, I definitely I don't want to be here I would like to try a relationship again and see if I've learned my lesson from my marriage because I believe I have and I think that I'll be in a better place and a better mate and I Fucking hate this dating scene fucking horrible. So bad. It's

Tina (: 42:37

Just know where you want to be.

Tina (: 42:58

You know first of all you need to embrace the whole dating thing because that's where you're at so you might as well get on board of enjoying it and and Finding that dark sense of humor and just going along with what happens next if it's good. It's good if it's not Laugh at it. You know that's It's just what you got to do

Robb (: 43:00

It's so bad. Yeah, but man this the one and dons are just it's it's taxing on your on your brain.

Tina (: 43:23

Please it's not bad life could be so much worse so much worse If you don't like her, and you don't want to do it just say okay. Why you know what I'm good I got to go and just walk away. You don't need to like

Robb (: 43:27

I mean could it be worse sure Yeah, but but people don't even do that anymore they just fucking don't call you they just don't they don't even tell you they're not interested they just

Tina (: 43:46

Tell them hey if we go out let's make a pact if we like each other let's let each other know so we we're on the same page if we don't Let's tell each other to no hard feelings, but that way I'm you know I'm not trying to get you to call me or or bugging you like we don't need to do that. We're adults. Let's just be right But you know what I heard a long time ago when I had my very first

Robb (: 43:57

Yeah. Right, right. Just right. Now get you.

Tina (: 44:14

bad breakup that just left me like hurt. was just hurt, hurt and I wasn't ready to let go and and somebody told me you don't know what you're being spared. You don't know what you're being spared. So don't question what isn't just go with what is just do what you know whatever is in front of you just go with that. Now I could tell you from history

Robb (: 44:18

Mm-hmm.

Tina (: 44:43

The person that I cried about that I was being spared of cheated on every freaking person he's ever been with and he's been married three times and he has kids with a couple of people and you know what he's still not in a good place with his relationship

Robb (: 44:54

Right. Right. Right. No, it's a good point.

Tina (: 45:04

And I think all the time, okay, I, you know, I could have married this guy. What was I spared? I was spared being what? Number one of four or like, you know, I, I could be raising a baby on my own or an adult now because it was that long ago.

Robb (: 45:22

Right.

Tina (: 45:23

You know I could have had I could have had him you know cheating on me with my friends That would have sucked balls. I you know what I mean cuz he's done all these things. What was I spared? I was spared a lot of heartache Not that I didn't go through my heartache. I I have had to process all of that but

I was spared a lot who wants to be this would have been divorce number how many for me? You know what I mean? What would what what path would that have taken me down? so whenever somebody Says you know I I I don't know what to do or I'm thinking I'm like just concentrate on what's going on today and don't worry about that because I guarantee you if I read a stat that said we that we meet up with

Robb (: 45:53

Right, exactly.

Tina (: 46:15

serial killers in our life 16 times over our life so if I could meet a Serial killer 16 times or across their path or whatever I'll meet somebody that that actually wants to love me and and put into me what I want to put into them because I Mean how many serial killers have I gone past this time already? You know what? I mean, I think I think stupid shit, but but

Robb (: 46:31

Right. Right. I get you. Right. Yeah. You know.

Tina (: 46:41

Gosh, there's so many people out there that you run into. And if you're just being happy and you're not paying attention, you just trip right into them.

Robb (: 46:53

They talk about the three people you meet that you fall in love with the first ones, the first your first love, the second one's the one that hurts you. And the third one's the one that you never saw coming. So. All righty, we're going to wrap it up here because we both want to eat. Yeah, make sure you check us out on our social media's share the show where it's picking up. You can get us on Apple, Spotify, the big ones. Any last words there?

Tina (: 47:04

There you go.

Tina (: 47:23

Be happy with what is going on in your life right now. And if you're not happy, work on that. And everything else will fall into place.

Robb (: 47:32

All righty, well, it's the Pinnin Show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday for Tina and Rob. See you next week. Bye.

Tina (: 47:40

See ya.